Chapter 14

Diesel

"For God's sake, kid, if you're crashing here for free, the least you can do is not use the blender so early in the morning," Kai grunted as he joined me in the kitchen. With his longish blond hair sticking out in all directions, thick scruff, and eyes half closed, he looked like he could still use a couple more hours of sleep. He returned home later than I did last night after working in his restaurant, which explained why he looked like shit.

"It's almost noon," I said, pouring him a glass from the tahini-blueberry shake I'd just made. One of the perks of crashing at his apartment was that his chef fridge was always stocked with cool items.

"Still way too fucking early," he yawned, taking the glass from me.

Waking up only twenty minutes earlier and being the furthest thing from a morning person, I was in no place to judge him.

After taking a sip, Kai's brows narrowed, and his mouth twisted up. "That's disgusting, and you know it."

"Fuck off." I took a big gulp from my glass as he went to his expensive coffee machine and made himself a shot of espresso.

"That's better," he groaned after sipping from the aromatic brew.

I'd known Kai since I moved in with his best friend slash lover, Chief. But unlike my relationship with Chief, which was mainly built on respect, with Kai, it was different. I actually liked the man. He was one of those rare authentic people who never hid their fuckups. And trust me when I say he had a lot of them. Rather, it was him being a teenage dad, divorced before the age of twenty, or his lifelong battle with alcohol and drug addiction. He wasn't ashamed of any of it, and he had no reason to be. Now in his thirties, he had his own restaurant, was on cool terms with his ex-wife, and had rebuilt his relationship with his kid. Some would say his story was inspirational, but even if it was, he never sold it that way.

While fixing himself another coffee, Kai brushed his blond hair back, reminding me of Llorón. Although Kai's hair was shorter and straighter.

"Did you let Ash know you spent the night?" he asked.

Once in a while, I needed to get away from Chief and the other guys. At first, I used to wander around the city at night, but that worried Chief. Kai, who could never stand seeing his dear Ashy upset, told me I could crash at his place whenever I needed. He even got me a spare key and made some room for me so I could keep a few clothes here. Last night was one of those times I took him up on his offer.

"Yeah, I texted him." I put my empty glass in the sink and washed it.

"Is everything cool?" He sounded concerned about my reasons for staying here. Usually, those reasons weren't good, so his worry made sense. Yet, tonight I came because of the pouring rain and that his place wasn't too far from the club.

"Yeah." Drying my hands, I turned to look at him. "Great, actually." Still high from my kiss with Llorón, life felt pretty fucking sweet. Saying last night was hot would be an understatement, mainly because it was so much more than that. Last night was a game changer. The connection and comfort I felt with Llorón and the invisible string that pulled me to him every time he came to the club left me in awe. He was simply different from anyone I'd ever met before, so unpredictable and unique. Who would have thought that a snobby brat like him would bother himself to wake up early and buy me vegan pastries? How fucking sweet was that? Just remembering that moment he handed me the box with a hint of embarrassment brought a huge smile to my face, a smile Kai noticed and wasn't about to let go.

"What's up with that?" He grinned like a jackass.

Rolling my eyes, I went to sit on the barstool beside him. "Nothing." My smile grew bigger because now I thought about how adorable Llorón was when he tried to play it cool about waking up early and standing in line to buy sweets just for me.

"Nah, you can't fool me. Our Diesel finally met someone?"

I could shrug him off, but what was the point?

"You could say that I have." Sure, Llorón was a client, but not really. I never treated clients the way I treated him, and what we had going on for the past month was something I'd never experienced with anyone else before. I wasn't talking about the sexual aspect, which blew my mind away, but the emotional one. Even with Andrei, when we were on good terms, I never shared as easily and as naturally as I did with Llorón. But it wasn't only that we talked with each other. We understood one another. The way he looked at me told me he knew exactly what was going on inside my head. Moreover, he knew what questions to ask and what answers to give.

He was brilliantly intoxicating.

Patting my shoulder, Kai gave me a warm smile. "That's awesome, Diesel. What's she like?"

I snorted for obvious reasons.

"What's wrong?" He looked confused.

I rubbed my jaw as images of Llorón's perfect cock filled my mind, turning my dick a bit stiffer. "Nothing, just trying to find a way to answer your question. Let's just say he has a rather intriguing persona." Intriguing? How about mind-blowing.

"What?" I grunted after noticing the idiotic grin on Kai's face.

He shook his head, the annoying smirk still glued to his lips. "You're something special. You know that, right?"

"As if I give a shit."

Stretching his arms behind his head, he let out a deep sigh. "All I'm saying is that I wish I were as cool as you when I found out I liked guys, too. It would have saved me a few trips to rehab."

Liked guys, too?It wasn't that I ever liked women to begin with. I slept with them, that part was true, but did I like them? Was I drawn to them? Not really. I always assumed that eventually, when the right woman would come, I'd finally feel something. As it turned out, it was the right man. Before Llorón, I'd held zero interest in men, hence my rule, but then he showed up and proved me wrong. It may have shocked me the first time we were together, but that shock had worn off and been replaced by want, and I had no doubt that I wanted him. So why should I restrain myself? That was the thing… I shouldn't.

Realizing I'd left Kai hanging, I pulled a packet of cigs out of my pocket and shoved a smoke between my lips.

"One guy." I pointed at him while lighting my cig. "Uno."Standing up, I was ready to go out to the balcony to smoke when I stopped and looked at him. "And to make it clear, I didn't come out or some shit, so don't make a big deal out of it."

"Does it look like I would?" he asked while taking some vegetables out of the fridge. "Have you told Andrei?"

Suddenly, my good mood soured. "What's there to tell?"

Noticing the bitterness in my tone, Kai gave me a sympathetic look I didn't appreciate.

"I know you two aren't in the best place right now."

Yeah, because Andrei was slowly becoming one of those pretentious assholes we used to hate.

"Listen, the main reason I found myself in all those rehab centers was that instead of turning to people I cared about and who cared about me, I pushed them away."

He'd got the picture all wrong. The one doing the pushing wasn't me but Andrei. Slowly, the guy I used to call my brother began looking at me like everybody else did, with eyes full of pity that saw no future. He saw me as a beast that constantly needed to be tamed. It reminded me of the night at Pacific Green, where Andrei was positive I had killed Shay-Lee. It was the moment I realized that my best friend didn't know me at all. I had violence in me, no way around that, but I wasn't a murderer. Sure, I threatened assholes like that Shay-Lee all the time, but I wouldn't cross that line. I thought Andrei knew that, too, but I was wrong.

Thinking of that brought me back to the so-called help he and Chief always tried to force on me, which was fucking insulting. The thing was, they never realized how much I resented them for being pretentious enough to believe they could save me. I didn't need saving, not by them, anyway.

"Don't worry about it." I tucked the smoke between my lips as I walked out onto the porch. "I'm good." And I was, but the last thing I cared about was Andrei. I much preferred to keep my mind busy with Llorón.

Since I was working in the club later today, I had to leave Kai's place and go home so I could get ready.

Kai gave me shit for taking out his Ducati in the rain again because it was too dangerous, but I did what I wanted. Fuck it. Even though it was raining, the weather wasn't nearly as shitty as it had been. It poured so hard yesterday that the flowers I bought for Carmen had almost got ruined on the drive to the cemetery.

The thought of my sister and how she should have been alive to celebrate another year physically pained me like it always did. Every year, the date of her birthday brought anger and grief. Only this time, I replaced those emotions with something else, and thanks to Llorón, I managed to go through the day without feeling like I wanted to burn the whole fucking world to the ground. He didn't even know how much he helped me yesterday, but he did. He shifted my mind away from the dark place it was usually in and into the heaven of his proximity.

As I reached our driveway, I noticed Miles's Maserati parked beside our old truck. And here I thought I could keep up with my good mood for the day.

After parking Kai's bike under the shed, I ran to the door. As soon as I walked in, I heard laughter from the living room. I would have skipped straight to my room if it weren't for Pooh coming to greet me, his docked tail wagging behind him. Getting down to pet him, I noticed more gray hair on his brown coat. He was getting older.

Although I was attacked by a dog as a kid, I didn't fear the animal. Most people would have, but not me. An animal could never traumatize me, but a man? That was a different case… The scar covering my lower back wasn't a reminder of the fear of a helpless dog but of the cruelty of man.

"Hey, Diesel!" Jessie said as he came running down the stairs, holding his phone. "You came just in time."

"In time for what?" I regretted asking a minute later when he dragged me to the living room, where Miles, Andrei, and Levi were sitting, and told me about their lunch plans.

"So, do you want to come?" Jessie asked, even though I'd already refused when Andrei offered me to join them. They all planned to go to this new hot wings place, which also offered a vegan option, and bet on who could handle the most heat. Apparently, the restaurant held some sort of a spicy challenge.

"No, but have fun wasting your time." I pulled out a smoke and was about to turn around and go when I heard that idiotic Miles speak.

"Told you he'd pass," he muttered to Andrei under his breath, and fuck, if that didn't piss me off.

"And why's that?" I asked, giving them both a questioning eyebrow.

"Nothing, man. We just figured you wouldn't want to join the bet." Andrei shrugged. "We know you don't like playing games."

"Probably because he can't handle losing," Miles added while rolling his eyes.

The guy seriously had a death wish, speaking about me like I was some sort of a brainless Neanderthal with anger issues. Sure, occasionally, I struggled to contain my composure, but I was far from being an idiot he could just mock.

"Is that so." The muscle in my jaw tensed before I gave Miles a big fake smile that matched his own. "You think I'll lose a bet to you?" I didn't even try to hide my disdain for the smug bastard. He was a piece of shit, and I made sure he knew it.