Chapter Forty-Four

"

C ollin, what are you doing here?"

"I'm your fucking fiancé." He slams open the gate, anger evident in his features as his glare flits to the man standing next to me.

"You were, you were my fiancé."

Tobias's eyes roll down his form as I move to intercept Collin, who's stalking toward us, his eyes narrowing in pure accusation.

"So, it's you, then?" he says, his posture possessive, threatening in a way I've never seen.

I can see the amusement in Tobias's eyes as he sizes Collin up.

"Collin, stop," I intercept as he approaches and place a hand on his chest. "What are you doing here?"

He lifts his chin toward Tobias. "What is he doing here?"

"We were just talking."

Collin charges past me and squares off with Tobias as a surge of apprehension rolls through me. I do my best to get in between them as a sick smile crosses Tobias's face. "Heard a lot about you."

"Ironically, I hadn't heard a word about you until recently," Collin retorts, his accent riddled with condescension.

Tobias's smile grows, and he gives Collin a slow wink. "I'm a best-kept secret."

"Collin," I interject, "please go inside. I'll meet you there."

Collin turns to me. "You think I'm scared of this, this"—he snorts—"thug in a suit?"

Tobias's laugh is maniacal. "I can see why you like him. He's funny."

"This stops now!" I move to wedge myself between them and know the effort is futile.

"I was just leaving," Tobias says, stepping away, his gaze darting to me and zeroing in on the ring resting on my finger. "It's your turn, Cecelia."

My turn, my turn to keep up my end of the bargain. He wants to leave it like this?

Hell no.

"We aren't done talking," I snap before turning to Collin. "Please wait for me inside."

"No need, she's all yours," Tobias says, twisting the knife in.

Collin rips his gaze from me, barking after Tobias who is barely a step past him. "Make sure you recite that to yourself on the way home. Or better yet, write it down," Collin snaps. "That is, if you can spell."

"Tobias, no," I groan in anguish just as Collin yelps when Tobias pins him to the snow-covered lounger. He lifts a clenched fist to his line of vision before playfully popping Collin on the nose with his knuckles. Bright-red blood starts trickling out of his nose as I rip at Tobias's shoulders. In one cruel move, Tobias has completely emasculated Collin.

Tobias shrugs me off easily as he leans down just an inch away from Collin's gushing nose. "How does it feel to know that when you were fucking your future wife, she was thinking of me?"

Collin's eyes bulge and water as he looks at me over Tobias's shoulder, utter devastation etching his face.

Enraged, I pound on Tobias back. "Damn you, let him go!"

"I've got that thug dick she craves," he sneers, sliding his crotch along Collin's stomach as I rip at his shoulders as he leans in. "Can you make her come with just a finger and a whisper in her ear? I mastered that." Tobias glances over at me, his eyes lit before turning back to Collin, hauling him off the lounger and righting him to stand before straightening his jacket. "If you needed some tips, all you had to do was ask."

Tobias's eyes go dim, all traces of humor gone. He brushes Collin's shoulders as Collin glares at him, nose gushing. "Don't insult me again, pretty boy, or playtime will be over." Tobias releases him and turns to me. "Take him home, and while you're at it, stay there ."

"You're such a horrible bastard."

"I never claimed to be a good man," he says, taking long strides toward the gate. "Not once. That's part of the story you made up in your head." He smashes out of the gate, and I call after him.

"I'm not leaving!"

"Yes, you are."

As if out of thin air, a car pulls up and Tobias slips in the passenger side. They tear off out of the driveway through the dense and heavily falling snow, disappearing out of sight.

I turn back to Collin, who glares at me from where he stands, holding his bloodied nose with his hand.

Fuck.

I bite my lip to fight a smile as I slide another tampon into Collin's nose. He's the polar opposite of Tobias with light, feather-soft blond hair, deep-blue eyes, a runner's build, lean and muscular, but absolutely no match for the blunt force he just thrust himself up against.

And I love him all the more for it. He'd charmed his way into my life with his British quirks and devoted friendship before he smuggled his way into my heart. And I do love him for his patience, for his caring, for his understanding, for the man he is, and the friend he's been.

And, in return, I've been selfish.

He looks up to me utterly baffled, his English accent muffled by the tampons clogging his nose. "This is not funny."

"I know it's not. I'm sorry you're hurt, but I told you not to mess with him."

"Who in the hell is he?"

"More than a thug in a suit, but man"—I can't help my smile—"am I glad you said it."

"This is the man you still claim to love?"

I slowly nod, knowing the truth is hurting him.

"Why?"

"I wish I knew. I would stop it in a heartbeat and walk down the aisle to you if I could. But I don't deserve you. And I never did."

"He didn't fight for you, not at all. He told you to leave."

He killed for me, made deals with his enemy for me. Protected me at the cost of losing his brother, all the while denying himself his own happiness.

"He's sacrificed more than any man should for me."

"How so?"

"It's a long story and not mine to tell." I scoop up the blood-splattered paper towels and feel Collin's eyes on me as I clean up the table.

"How is it not yours to tell?"

"Because I came into it long after it started."

"We were the best of friends before we dated," he reminds me, incredulous. "And you never told me any of this. Just that your father died, and you weren't close. How have you lived this whole other existence here without my knowledge? How do you have this whole past that you've never even hinted to? I thought I knew you, Cecelia."

Guilt, so much guilt mars me as I gaze down at him. Another victim of my sordid tale. "It was a year. Just one year, but it changed everything for me.

"Sometimes, a lot of the time, I wish it had never happened, but regardless, it made me who I am." I kneel before him. "I'm so sorry. I am. I never meant for you to know about him. Or any of this, but this is who I truly am. And the woman you met is me as well. I'm just built from more than I let on, and I'm tired of hiding the other parts of myself."

"Because you were promiscuous?"

"That's not everything, that's not..." I sigh, "I should have never admitted that to you."

"I'll be hard-pressed to forget it now."

"And I'm so sorry. So sorry for that. But I did it so you would never have to face him, to avoid this situation, because I am the bad guy. Feel free to paint me any way you want to our friends. I'll deserve it. Trust me. I've condemned myself enough trying to live with it. But in doing so, I've denied myself the freedom to want what I want."

"And it's him?"

"Yes. But Collin, what you and I had was special. It was built on the right things: friendship, trust, mutual respect. It was healthy, and I'm so grateful every day for what we had together—for you. I didn't take your proposal lightly, and I should have thrived in our relationship, but I didn't. I was hiding behind it."

"And you're here to, what, to win him back?"

"I don't want to hurt you any more than I have," I say, gripping his hand. "I don't want to keep telling you things that you'll hate me for."

"And if he refuses you?"

"He is, and he will continue to, and I'll have to live with it, but I won't ever put anyone else in your position again. Hurting you was my rock bottom and the end of my denial."

"And he's a good man?"

"He's a very complicated man, that's for sure. But he also happens to be a man I can't stop wanting no matter how complicated he is."

"So, you're really ending this for a man you may never have?"

I stand and run my hand through his hair before cupping his jaw. "I hope you'll believe our breakup is for more than me. I broke our engagement because you deserve a woman who can forget her past and be solely yours, and I truly want you to be happy."

"And what about your happiness?"

"I don't know, Collin. I guess..." I repeat Tobias's words. "I don't get a happy ending. I just get an ending."

Collin slips on his jacket, destroyed after hours of sorting our lives out, after more tears and arguing and one last attempt by him to take me home. And as I follow him out to his car, I acknowledge that my life back home is truly over. After a painful negotiation, he's moving me out of our home and putting my things in storage. Once I leave Triple Falls, I'm moving forward, not going back. There'll be nothing to go back to. The life, the lie I lived for years, is over. He pulls away with my ring in his pocket, and I stand staring after him for long minutes, mourning the loss of him, stuck in the truth.