18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

INIKA

W ell, getting up this morning had been a mistake.

I'd known it was going to be. I'd put it off as long as possible, hiding in my nest with my laptop to get some work done and refusing to acknowledge the outside world.

It had already gone pear-shaped with Papa's visit yesterday, but it wasn't until later that night, when I'd wandered over to Blake's worksite, that things had started feeling really bleak.

He'd never mentioned that the job was done. When I checked the calendar that Graeme kept in the kitchen, I noted that the scaffolders were coming back today to pack down, so clearly he'd known that this was the final day he'd be here.

Embarrassingly, I'd read something into it. My idiot brain had thought that he wasn't making a big deal about the fact that the job was done because he still wanted to see me in some capacity.

And why had I thought that? He'd never given me any reason to.

I'd let myself get carried away when I'd invited Blake to my nest yesterday. That had been a stupid decision.

I didn't regret it, but it had been a stupid decision.

The bedding, still saturated with our combined scent, seemed to beckon me in, and I stripped out of my clothes as fast as possible so I could burrow against the fabric with my bare skin.

Was I going to cry?

I didn't want to. Intellectually, I found the idea of crying over men to be an unappealing prospect. But emotionally, maybe a good sob would make me feel more at peace.

In the end, the tears didn't come. I was tired, and hollow, and uncomfortable though I was struggling to pinpoint exactly why. Saying goodbye to Blake had made everything feel wrong, and I welcomed the sweet reprieve that sleep provided, just for the break from my thoughts.

By the time I woke up, it was clear that heartbreak wasn't my only affliction. Maybe it was because of how attached I'd got to Blake, or that I'd coated my nest in his scent as though he was my alpha, but something had kicked my heat off early.

Shit.

I didn't have time for this. I wasn't ready.

Dragging myself out of my nest, I pulled on the same co-ord set I'd been wearing early and forced myself to leave my rooms. I needed a big, protein-heavy meal now to sustain me for the next five days or I was going to be miserable.

"Inika," Maia gasped as I came into the kitchen, taking a step towards me before seeming to think better of it and giving me space. Or perhaps I'd snarled at her. I wasn't feeling entirely in control of my responses. "Are you okay? Should I call someone?"

"I need to eat," I mumbled, stumbling towards the fridge.

"Here, I made a huge pot of bolognese. I'll get you a bowl. Sit, sit. Graeme has clocked off for the day, shall I call him back?"

I shook my head. Graeme was the last person I wanted to see.

"Let the office know," I instructed before thanking her for the giant bowl of spaghetti she slid in front of me. "I'm going to be unavailable from tomorrow."

She nodded, already pulling out her phone. "And what about that agency? Should I call them?"

I shoved a forkful of pasta into my mouth to put off answering. I'd never chosen a candidate. They'd suggested another round of interviews and I'd put it off, having struggled so much with it the first time.

"No," I replied eventually. "I'll get through without them."

Maia chewed on her lower lip, phone still raised in front of her. "Have you ever before?"

"Not since my first heat." I grimaced at the memory. As much as I didn't want to admit what a delicate little flower I was, I had a very low tolerance for discomfort. "I'll survive."

Maia drummed her nails on the back of her phone case. "Is this because of the plasterer?"

I looked up sharply, and Maia shot me an apologetic look. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry. It's just that, well, Graeme kept complaining about him and it was obvious—though only to me apparently—that you were, you know, sleeping with the guy. No judgement," she added hastily. "Get it, girl."

"He's not my alpha," I said, though I wasn't sure whose benefit I was saying it for. Perhaps I was just reminding myself. "Just call work. I'll handle the rest."

I breathed through a sudden cramp, pushing the half-eaten bowl of pasta away. The loose cotton top and shorts that I was wearing felt too heavy considering how hot my skin was, but I couldn't realistically strip off any more layers.

"Take my phone," I said, pulling it out of my pocket and shoving it towards Maia. "Don't give it back to me until my heat passes, no matter how much I beg."

She nodded, immediately hiding the device from view. It was a miracle I hadn't sent a desperate message to Blake already, and my self-control was only going to get weaker from here.

A burning tear tracked over my overheated face, and everything was so uncomfortable that I wanted to claw my own skin off my body for relief.

This time, I couldn't quite suppress my pained whine. I didn't want a service alpha. I wanted my alpha.

Why didn't he want me? How was I meant to survive this without him?

A valiant little voice in the back of my head tried to remind me that I did this all the time. Not alone, granted, but I could and would survive a heat by myself. That I'd survived without an alpha to call my own all of these years, and I'd keep managing it until I found the alpha who was truly meant to be mine.

But that voice was fighting an uphill battle. All I wanted right now was Blake.