Chapter 47

Kate

Monday

I spend the entire day alone in a hotel.

It’s sort of where I live right now. My home at the moment.

There’s no choice other than this.

Nobody knows I’m here. Nobody will know I’m here.

Mary Beth is back on the west coast.

She told me to my face that I fucked up my life and she’ll never talk to me again.

She cried but I didn’t.

Fuck her.

Tuesday

My money is running out and I have to leave the hotel.

I’ve been bouncing from hotel to hotel for a while now.

Waiting to see what happens to Corbin with his trial.

Chad keeps calling me too. He wants to talk to me. He wants to see me just one more time.

Everything in my life is on hold while I wait and see what happens.

This isn’t some big, televised event or anything either.

Nobody in the world cares about Corbin or me or our affair or whatever else.

But for me, this is my world. This is my entire world.

At some point in the afternoon, Corbin’s lawyer lives up to his promise and sends me a text.

Corbin has been found guilty on some charges, but not all.

Wednesday

I finally agree to meet up with Chad.

I really don’t care what he has to say to me. He can call me names or he can beg me to get back with him. Nothing is going to work.

Maybe he’ll get a sense of closure or something and just move on.

We meet outside some fancy coffeeshop.

He’s in really nice clothes.

I’m in jeans and a hoodie.

He looks tired and confused.

Fuck.

That’s the last thing I wanted to see from him.

He offers to buy me a coffee and I decline.

He then tells me the house is up for sale and there are two offers.

I realize then he wants to give me half of what the house sells for. I’m not sure what I’m actually entitled to or not. I mean, if I was a ruthless evil cunt I could probably get a lawyer and go after him even though I was the one who had an affair.

I don’t want anything from Chad.

He served his purpose in my life.

I tell him the truth.

The actual truth.

Chad, you need to hear this from me and know this is the absolute truth.

I loved you but never in the way you loved me. You may feel like I used you, and maybe I did, but we both served a purpose to one another. The problem was that the purpose grew and went in a direction I did not see coming. You were kind, gentle, and caring. You wanted to provide and just wanted someone to come home to. I was able to play that part but you never played the part I needed. You never heard my requests when it came to my deepest desires. Even if you meant nothing bad by it, you made fun of me for what I desired and that fucked with my heart and head. You never gave me the time of day to explain what it was I wanted and why. You just saw it as something kinky and dirty. Something gross. Then again, maybe that was our fate after all. You were never going to be my husband. I was never going to be your wife.

There’s not a second that goes by that I’m not insanely in love with Corbin.

I’m sorry I hurt you. That’s my biggest regret of it all.

Pain?

Pain is okay.

But hurt… hurt is not okay.

By then I’m starting to cry so I stand up and walk away.

Chad calls my name and I know if I look back he’ll want to have that romantic moment from a movie where we run at each other and kiss. He’ll then hear me out and next thing I know he’ll be showing me web sites for sex toys and swings and chains and ties and all kinds of stuff.

And while that would be a sweet gesture… it would just prove he still doesn’t get it. And he never will. And that’s okay.

It’s time to move on.

Thursday

I go look at three apartments and then go back to the hotel room and order a bottle of wine, a pizza, and I cry so hard I throw up in the shower.

Then I drink more wine.

Friday

I get another text.

Corbin’s been sentenced to ten years in prison. Again.

Another ten fucking years.

His lawyer texts me all caps that there are stipulations for him to get out in five years.

His lawyers says there is hope.

So, what, I now live my life based on hope?

Fuck hope, I want to be tied to a bed and fucked mercifully by Corbin.

Saturday

I can’t stand being alone anymore.

I don’t want to be near anyone either.

I end going to a bar and sitting alone.

The chatter of others gives me a sense of peace and belonging.

I use a bar napkin to sketch some ideas for a bakery logo.

Corbin’s lawyer showed up to the hotel with a huge bag full of cash for me.

I didn’t ask questions and I’m pretty sure even if I did, Corbin’s lawyer wouldn’t have had answers.

I have the chance now to start a bakery and start a life for me.

For myself.

An opportunity that just seems so—

“I know you probably want to be alone for the night,” a voice says from next to me, “but I cannot let the night go by without at least talking to you.”

I turn my head and lock eyes with bright, blue eyes.

A subtle smirk. Flirty smile.

“Tell me to walk away and I’m gone,” he says. “If not, I’m going to park myself right here for the rest of the night. Get to know you. Buy you a drink or two. I’ll have to make sure you get home safely too. That okay with you?”

Without thinking, I kick the barstool next to me.

His name is Steven. He owns a construction business.

We drink, laugh, and at the end of the night he slips me his number and a kiss on the cheek.

The gentleman he is, he makes sure I get back to my hotel.

He doesn’t try to work his way into the room or into my panties either.

I end up collapsing to my bed and sleeping with my clothes on in a weird position and angle.

The best night of sleep I’ve had in a while.

Sunday

I sit up in my bed and stare at my phone.

I have Steven’s number programmed in with a text message ready to send.

I know how this is going to go.

What one text does.

He’ll respond fast and want to see me again.

I’ll agree to see him.

He’ll plan some kind of date to impress me.

I’ll act impressed the entire time.

It’ll be a nice give and take of time, attention, maybe some feelings.

Things will get sexual because that’s just human nature.

I have needs. So does he.

There’s always a chance he’ll understand me or hear me out.

For all I know, I could be hog-tied and ass fucked all before midnight tonight.

Then again, chances are, since I attract these good guy types, we’ll end up kissing a little and if I decide to let him fuck me, I’ll have to guide him along the entire time.

That’s okay though.

What else am I going do?

I’ve got ten years to wait for Corbin to come back to me…

… or five years if he can behave himself in prison.