5. “Everywhere”

5

"EVERYWHERE"

FLEETWOOD MAC

A s I set my phone down next to me, I noticed right away the boys had wasted no time getting to work in the yard. Mature enough to realize I was on the phone and to wait on the loud gas-powered equipment, they were running back and forth across the yard, picking up the disaster I'd left behind during my fruitless efforts.

"Hi, Aunt Paige. We're here to help. We've gotten almost everything cleaned up, and we're ready to get to work," Matt said as they abandoned their yard waste bags and strode toward the porch in four big (for me) steps. They did not get their impossibly long legs from me, but many of their other physical characteristics had clearly hitched a ride with my penchant for pranks.

"We didn't want to bother you while you were on the phone," Alex said, finishing his brother's thought.

I stood and descended the paint-chipped steps to the walkway so I could hug my godsons. "Saw the aftermath of your Christmas in July. I've taught you well, young grasshoppers. I'm so proud." I gave them each a wholehearted squeeze around the waist and stood back to survey the current state of the yard.

"Well, I can't tell you how grateful I am to have your help, no matter how it came to be that you're here. I'm drowning in weeds, and the lawn is a sight. It's embarrassing, really. But not embarrassing enough to figure out where to begin. I'm so appreciative of you guys being here."

Alex, the quieter, more sensitive of the two, started unfolding a yard waste bag that had been laying near his feet. "It's no problem at all, Aunt Paige. We'd help you even if we weren't in trouble. Just say the word, and we'll be here. Now show us what you need done today, and we'll get it handled."

These boys.

I couldn't believe they were already adults, headed off to college at the end of the summer. Kari claimed they weren't mature enough to be too far away for months at a time, but as her closest friend for over four decades, I knew it was more that Kari wasn't ready. Until yesterday, perhaps.

I was willing to bet at that very moment, she was mentally packing their bags. That's the beauty of raising adolescents. All the shit they put us through makes it so much easier to step aside and let them spread their wings.

"I was going to have your mom over later for wine and cheese, but I'm going run and see if I can catch her two o'clock class. I am trusting you both to behave while handling dangerous equipment with rotating blades and spinning strings, but if you need me just text me or call the studio. I'm only a phone call away. If there's blood, call 911." I gave them each a bit of side-eye, peering down (up) my nose at them to drive the point home. Not able to maintain any level of seriousness with them for longer than a few seconds, I gave them my most reassuring smile and set my next statement on a tee. "This shouldn't take you too long. "

" That's what she said! " they screamed in unison.

I shook my head in mock disgust, but my heart was filled with pride. "I walked right into that one, didn't I? I left twenty dollars for each of you on the counter. Don't tell your mom."

I gave them a hug and stood on tippy toes to deliver each a loud, obnoxious peck on the cheek, then turned and headed toward the sidewalk. As I looked over my shoulder right before walking out of view, I was just in time to see Alex give Matt a shove into one of the bushes in front of my porch railing.

A memory raced forward. A scene from a time not too long ago of my own kids pushing each other in a wheelbarrow around the front yard while I weeded and tended to the garden that had always filled me with such joy. Those days seemed to drag on forever. Until they didn't.

What I wouldn't give for one more day of fighting teenagers and Dorito-dust handprints on the walls.

As luck would have it, I arrived just in time for Kari's next yoga class. The room was pretty full, but after grabbing a mat from the shelves in the back, I found the perfect spot in the last row where I wouldn't be a spectacle to anyone except the people on either side of me. Kari stopped next to my mat as I started my stretches and raised her perfectly shaped eyebrows, a smile turning up one corner of her mouth.

"I didn't know you were coming to class."

"Well, here I am. I had nothing really going on, so I figured I'd come and namasté a little bit with you and then go out for that glass of wine after."

Kari looked at her Apple watch. "I'm so glad you did. It's nice to have your smiling face here when everybody else is sweating and grumbling." She turned and took a step toward the front of the room so she could begin class. She stopped when I began to speak again.

"While you're torturing all of us, you can wonder what my Uncle Mike had to say when he called an hour ago. Prepare to have your mind blown."

In one fluid motion, Kari put her hands on her hips, bent at the waist, and twirled around 180 degrees to face me again. I'd managed to stop her in her tracks. Mission accomplished.

"Oooohhhhh… Do tell," she breathed, inches from my face.

"I'll wait. It's more fun that way."

My dear, dear friend had never been a fan of not knowing all the information, and as an armchair psychologist, I was willing to bet it had a lot to do with how many times she'd had to be the new student in class while growing up a military brat. She opened her mouth to say something, then snapped it shut as she realized where we were (and why). "Who's ready to sweat?" she yelled as she looked at me with vengeance in her eyes, then stood, turned back around, and continued the way she'd been headed.

I was in so much trouble.

Class went by quicker than I expected, and my weak, rubbery muscles felt pretty good, so I decided to stay for the last session of the day. Kari was too busy chatting with the students coming and going to bother trying to get any information out of me in between sessions, but an hour and fifteen minutes later, we were headed down the street to the local wine and cheese establishment.

Walking into ‘Better with Age' with Kari felt like coming home. I could safely assume that was their intention when designing it. Various seating areas were furnished with locally crafted wood tables and an eclectic mix of chairs upholstered in wildly varied, yet somehow still coordinating fabrics. Walls paneled with rough-hewn boards—none of which matched—mixed with fixtures of polished gold and handblown glass created the oxymoronic feeling of sitting in a swanky barn. After choosing our table and agreeing on our typical hummus toppings and merlot, we sat back facing one another in our favorite burgundy velvet chairs.

Kari got right to the point. "So… time's up. Tell me what the heck your uncle said. You're killing me, Smalls."

"Well," I began, "I got the shock of a lifetime. It's almost like the universe is listening to all of you tell me over and over again that I need to shake up my life, and it seems that it went and took that job on all by itself."

Kari leaned forward. "What on earth is it?"

As if on cue for dramatic effect, our usual waitress appeared with our usual bottle. "Your hummus will be right up, ladies. Extra olives, right?"

"Yes, please," I replied, and as she made her way to the table next to ours, I picked up the bottle of merlot and poured us each a glass, savoring the last few moments before the weight of what came next dropped onto the table between us.

I inhaled slowly and held it for a moment. Counted to ten. "Uncle Mike is moving in with Chris."

"That's great news. Why all the drama about that?"

"He doesn't want to sell his house and isn't thrilled about renting it out. He's asked me to come down there and stay for an extended visit to keep an eye on things."

Kari's mouth hung open, then snapped shut before delivering a rapid-fire series of questions. "Are you actually considering this? How long would you be gone? Does Roxy even like sand? " Her volume rose with each question until the last one was delivered in a near shout, drawing the attention of everyone seated around us.

She looked around and waved an apology to the dumbfounded couple seated in the mustard-yellow leather armchairs a few feet away, then turned her attention back to me. "Sorry. Sorry. I just?— "

"Girl, I know." I rose from my chair and squeezed in next to her. I put my hand on her leg and gently patted it. My friend was struggling with the same thoughts I was. Other than my honeymoon and family vacations (mine, not hers, obviously), neither of us had been more than a few miles apart since we were ten years old. The idea of one of us being hundreds of miles away for any length of time without the other was inconceivable.

"Well—well—what does that mean?" she stammered.

"Well," I parroted, "it means I need to make a decision. I can either choose to let my uncle sell or rent out his house—which he really doesn't seem to want to do—or I can go down to Florida for a little bit to house-sit for him while he decides what he's going to do with it long term."

"What do you think you'll do?"

I sighed dramatically. "I'm really not sure. I haven't had time to process any of it. So at this point, I just keep playing the conversation over and over in my head, trying to figure out what in the world is happening today."

"I know whatever you decide, it'll end up being the right decision for you. You've always been great at figuring out what was best for you and your family, and this won't be any different."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. I know this isn't an easy conversation, but at the end of the day, I know you're in my corner and you'll support me no matter what—and I really appreciate that. It's not forever. Maybe a few months and I'll be right back where I belong."

"You know I would do anything for you. You're my closest friend, and no matter where you are in the world, that will never change. And with today's technology, you and I can talk all the time. We can FaceTime, we can talk on the phone, we can text." She sniffed, belying the brave front she was suddenly putting on .

"I know, but I would still miss you all. I mean, how can I not see my godsons at least three times a week? How can I not walk down the street and take a yoga class with you and then drink merlot in these very chairs until we have to practically crawl home?" Emotion began to cloud my vision and squeeze my throat.

"Paige, honey, the good news is, your godsons are leaving for school soon, and if it does turn out that you are going to be in Florida for a little while, it becomes a vacation destination for me."

I tilted my head and shot her a look of disbelief. The word ‘vacation' wasn't even part of her vocabulary. ‘Staycation' was more her speed. "And if you're there and nothing is really keeping me here in Madison once the boys leave for college, who knows what will happen. Maybe I'll come keep you company while Nick is out of town for work."

"I won't hold my breath, but yes, please."

I hugged her around her shoulders before I moved back to my chair, and the rest of our time went by without another mention of Florida. We talked a little bit about the boys, how they were doing in the yard before I left, the classes they had registered to take that fall, where Nick was traveling next for work, and some drama he had with some of his co-workers. All surface stuff. Both of us completely avoided the initial topic.

We walked out of Better with Age lost in our own thoughts. Kari was headed in the opposite direction to pick up a few things from the local grocery store while I was headed toward home. We hugged and said, ‘See you later,' but instead of our usual light-hearted banter, there was a heaviness around us. We both knew it was possible there was another "See you later" coming. One that would last longer than twelve hours.

What would life be like without my best friend two doors down? How would it feel to wake up every morning in a bed that isn't mine? How would uprooting the life I'd spend decades building here in Madison affect me, emotionally? It's easy to point a finger at Kari's inability to travel away from our town, and not so easy to admit my own reluctance to start over, to face my own fears of failure head-on.

Who would I be if I stepped outside of the walls I'd built to shield myself from any more change?