44. “Sweet Dreams”

THE EURYTHMICS

" D ad?!"

I ran up the walkway, but skidded to a stop as the back passenger door opened and revealed another passenger. "Jason! Oh my God! I can't believe this!"

"Believe it, sis," said a familiar voice from the other side of the car. I saw a quick flash of blonde, and from around the front of the SUV came the fireball of my oldest friend.

"Kari!" I cried, running forward, unsure of who to hug first. While I stood there shaking with shock and indecision, the sound of the fourth door opening signaled the continuation of the clown car of surprises. "We wouldn't miss this for the world, honey," said my mom's voice before I could see her, my daughter on her heels. "Mom! Anna!"

The decision of whom to hug first was made by my family as they all crashed in on me from all sides. " Group hug! " yelled my dad, and I heard my friends' footsteps thundering toward me. From the center of the growing circle, I heard another car pull in, then the voice of the man who'd set all this in motion. "Make room for Uncle Mike and Chris," he called, and moments later, the group hug grew tighter around me .

I was a mess. I needed a Kleenex. "Ok, you guys, I've got every manner of liquid running down my face right now. None of you are safe!" The threat of tears and snots and mascara did the trick, and the group hug quickly dissipated, revealing all the layers of my life—old and new. Uncle Mike, always at the ready with a polka-dotted handkerchief, slipped one into my hand with the discretion of a federal judge.

"Thank you," I choked out. "Every single one of you. There are no words I can offer you that would adequately express my gratitude. All I can think to say right now is thank you. To my family at home that saw me drowning and gave me the gentle push I needed, and to the family that was waiting on the other side to catch me." I searched for Kari's face in the crowd. "Someone very very wise once said, ‘There is a beautiful adventure waiting for you on the other side of everything you've ever known'.

"At the time, I questioned this person's wisdom, fool that I am. I questioned it for the full twenty-four hours between the uttering of those words and the homemade drive thru that would propel me down the path toward this so-called adventure."

Kari chuckled, prompting a rash of laughter to spread through the loose circle around me.

I stepped through the family still gathered around me and across the lawn to the walkway. When I reached the front door, I turned and faced them all.

"But here I stand, on the other side of everything I'd ever known, and I've survived. I've thrived. I've grown—and flown—and landed in a life I never could have imagined for myself. Not in my wildest dreams."

"I've given the name of my home, and the home of this next phase of my life, a lot of thought. Life was passing me by, and I let it pass, preferring to remain entombed in the safety of the life I knew. I was asleep…"

I looked at each of them. My family, some by birth and some by choice, and I felt the lightness of their love lift me once more.

"But one by one, you sat with me and coaxed me awake. You believed in me when I felt like everything I did well was over and gone. You saw a spark of something in me, and you all tended to it until the flame grew big enough that I could no longer sleep through it… and then you stepped back and gave me space to grow.

"And so, without further ado and before I cry all the mascara off my face, I am so thrilled to be able to share the name of my new home and our writing retreat,"

I pulled the cloth from the twelve by fifteen sandblasted plaque I'd hung and covered earlier.

"Sweet Dreams."

In an instant, they were around me again, their voices mixing. I have no idea what anyone was saying, but the sentiment shone through nonetheless.

"Let's get this party started!" I cried, and with one resounding "Whoop!" We all crashed through the doorway. We partied into the night, cut a ribbon, and ate the cheese, and all the while, my friends and neighbors continued to stream through the door.

Laci was one of the first, followed by Raina (who hung out with us until dawn) then Betty. Peggy from the library walked in with Caleb. They both congratulated me, then made a beeline for my parents who were standing just off to my left all night. I heard Caleb introduce them to Peggy and I couldn't fight a smile. That was a good match from what I could tell. Estelle, then Frank Rizzo walked in shortly before the actual cutting of the red ribbon. At some point my favorite home security entrepreneur, Adam, must have snuck in, because I found him chatting with Jenna while she, for the third time, refilled a tiered tray with more variations of cookies, brownies, and muffins than I had ever seen in one place.

When Ben Alcott walked in, I did a horrifyingly obvious double take. He was wearing crisp, tan linen chinos and a baby blue linen button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He caught me red handed when my head spun back around in his direction and he did a little shuffle step, his brown boat shoes sliding across the floor like they were coated in butter. We briefly made eye contact before Grace stepped between us to tell me that Roxy was swimming in the pool and Elyse was nearby but declaring innocence.

The interruption came at the perfect time.

Who needs butterflies? Who wants heartache? Not me.

But it had been years since I'd felt that quivery electric current low in my belly, and as I knelt by the side of the pool to coax Roxy out onto the patio, I let myself enjoy it. Afterall, I was only human, and I was done setting limitations and expectations for myself. I'd already come this far in exploring the next phase of my life, who's to say what it had in store for me, and who was I to close myself off to it?

At ten o'clock, I succumbed to the escalating protests of my feet and flopped down in a chair at the kitchen table. It was just a lucky coincidence that it was the site of so much sugar. Jenna was floating around, straightening a hopeless pile of God knows what. "Do you think it's true for everybody?" she asked, keeping her eyes on the mess in front of her.

"Do I think what is true for everybody?"

"Do you think everyone has a beautiful adventure waiting on the other side of everything they've ever known?" She stopped her nervous cleaning and stood with her hands clasped in front of her, her eyes filled with hope.

I took in a slow, even breath through my nose. I wanted to get my reply just right .

"Jenna, I have come to believe the bounty that awaits us in the next season of our life is what we plant in this season."

Jenna unclasped her hands and brought them to her face. I thought for a moment she was overcome by sadness. Or fear. Or anything but radiating joy greeted me when she lowered her hands.

"I can't wait to see what's around the corner for me!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

"Just keep taking the next right step, Jenna. One step at a time until you get there."

"How will I know when I'm there?"

"I'll be here to let you know."