20. “Dreams”

20

"DREAMS"

FLEETWOOD MAC

H ot and steamy July turned to a hotter and steamier August. Three weeks passed by in a flash of nightly check-ins from Kari, sometimes afternoon check-ins from me after the boys left for college, FaceTiming with the kids, speakerphone chats with my parents, dinners with Uncle Mike and Chris, copywriting, walking Roxy, trips to the beach, ladies league, and cooking for myself, which was an activity I hadn't realized I missed. I still tended to cook too much food, as transitioning from cooking for a family to cooking for one had proven more challenging than one would think. But, the way I saw it, I was saving a ton of money on lunches, so it all came out in the wash.

Late in the morning, on the day I was to host the book club meeting, I was in my office getting a few work projects done before the cleaning crew arrived. Even though I had been keeping up with general cleaning by doing a little bit every day, with a dozen-plus people expected to come through, I wanted to have a few extra hands to make sure the house was dressed to impress. Just as I posted my last project for the day, Grace called .

"Hey, Grace. Perfect timing; I was just finishing up work for the day. What's up?"

"Hi, Paige. Elyse, Jenna, Sarah, Cat, and I thought we would come by a little before the meeting to help you greet people as they arrive. You don't know many of them yet, so maybe that would help relieve some of the stress. Everyone showing up all at once could be a little overwhelming."

"Oh, that would be wonderful. What time are you thinking you'll be here?"

"Probably about five-thirty."

"Okay, that sounds great. I'll see you then."

After we hung up, I set my phone down on the counter, then ran my hands across the cool, smooth white marble. That was how everything had felt since I arrived. Smooth. Comforting. In stark contrast to the emotional fortress I'd built around myself in Madison, this house had become a launching pad—and a safe place to land. I wondered how it would feel to have eleven (or more) other people in the house. I still hadn't met half of them, which meant that would happen as they were all descending on me while I was in my cushiony landing spot.

I headed into the powder room to throw some water on my face, and when I finished drying off and saw my pink-cheeked reflection in the mirror above the sink, I gave myself a mental pep talk.

If you don't know who you are anymore, just be the version of yourself your kids adored when they thought you hung the moon; the one you hope to see every time you look in the mirror. Become the person you were in that little girl's hopes and dreams. Be brave.

I had surprised myself so much in the last few weeks; perhaps I had a few more surprises left in me.

A few hours later, Roxy's cold, wet nose reminded me we hadn't taken our twice-sometimes-thrice-daily walk. Feeling compelled to enjoy the beautiful weather and sunshine, I slipped a lead over her head and off we went. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the possibility that was blooming in me. Staying. The more I felt that long-forgotten sense of belonging and the more people I met, the more I couldn't picture myself living in Madison anymore. I wasn't ready to make a concrete decision, but in my head and heart, I felt like Clearwater, Dunedin, or some other nearby town would end up being my home.

With that thought, my heart gave an extra squeeze. I was so used to Kari stopping over all the time, having a glass of wine after yoga, and having dinners together with her family. Now, I had to settle for a phone call with someone I was used to seeing on a daily basis.

I missed my friend.

I scrolled to her last update on her house and the boys and read through it, smiling. When I scrolled back up and clicked the ‘Call' icon, the phone rang three times before she picked up, heaving. "Is everything okay?" she panted into the phone. I could picture her in my kitchen, folded in half, holding her side.

"Take a breath, girl. You sound like you just raced an Arizona Cardinals tight end for the last water bottle at the end of a preseason home game. Yeah, everything's fine. I was just walking with Roxy and thinking about how much I miss you. Tell me what's going on around the house." She took a shaky breath in, then let it out in a rush.

"Well, the contractors are making progress, but you know how that goes. Two steps forward, four steps back. Four steps forward, one step back. We're trying to be patient throughout this process, but it's difficult. We're so grateful to be able to stay in your house instead of a hotel, but it's just not home, you know? Everything just feels a little different."

I could relate. I was still feeling a teensy bit off-kilter myself.

"I understand that feeling, Kari. Believe me, I do."

"I know. It's so nice to just hear your voice. I miss talking to you. I miss being able to just stop by on my way to the studio. Knowing you were mere steps away made life so much easier…" She trailed off for a moment, and a sniff gave away the reason for her momentary silence. "I just… I miss my friend."

"I miss you too, Kar Bear. When are you coming to visit?"

"I was going to try to keep it a secret for a little while longer?—"

"Squeeeeeee! Tell me. Tell me." I shrieked over her.

"—but I'm just not capable of keeping secrets from you, especially one like this. How would you like to have a house guest in two weeks?"

"Are you serious?" I screamed. Roxy stopped in her tracks, alarmed by the tone of my voice. I was suddenly aware of my surroundings. A quick look around reassured me that there were no witnesses to my meltdown. Other than Roxy, of course.

"Aunt Kari's coming for a visit, Rox. What do you think about that?"

She yipped her approval, turned, and kept walking, leading us along the path toward Honeymoon Island.

"When do you get here?" I was able to exercise more restraint that time.

"The boys have been at school for almost three weeks and I'm ready for an adventure. I'm going to wrap up a few things around here, and Nick has agreed to closely monitor the contractors and subcontractors and ensure the project stays on track. But it looks as if I am arriving two Saturdays from this weekend."

I counted on my fingers. " In seventeen days? " I screamed again. Decorum was out the window .

"Yep."

"Gah. I can barely contain my excitement. Okay, well, I'll pick you up from Tampa airport, and we'll come back here so you can unpack, and we can do anything you want and if you want to go to dinner we can or we can stay in and?—"

"Paige, breathe, honey."

"—I can cook for you. How long are you staying?" I took a deep breath in, having expelled every free oxygen molecule during my outburst.

"I'm going to stay for a week. I took time off from the studio, and I'm really looking forward to seeing you. I think it will ease some of my loneliness. Your house is papered in post-it notes and lists, and I need a break from it all."

"Well, I'll be here to ease your troubles and soothe your heart, and you being here will certainly ease mine. I love it here, Kari. I really do. But it will sure be nice to have a piece of home in this house, and I can just see us sitting out by the water with a bottle of wine and four kinds of cheese."

"Ooh, cheese. Say no more."

"I'm proud of you. This is a big step, leaving home for a week."

"I know. Nick was shocked. I'm a lot shocked. But I really miss you and need a change of scenery."

"I think that's the first time I've ever heard you say that, Kari."

"I think it's the first time I've ever said it, but it's the truth. Any chance you have a yoga studio nearby?"

"Oh, there are quite a few. I'll ask around and see which one is the best, and you and I can go together. It'll be a great gas-perience after all that cheese."

We both laughed at the same time, Kari's staccato HA assaulting my eardrums in that old familiar way.

We talked for a few more minutes about her visit, I gave her a short list of items I needed her to bring down with her, and by the time we hung up, I was sporting a smile as big as my heart.

"Let's head home, Roxy."

Home. Hm. There it was again.

Promptly at five-thirty, there was a knock at the back door. I could hear people talking from the kitchen as I wiped down the counters one last time before everybody arrived. Five women stood outside with an array of Corningware dishes, crock pots, and Tupperware containers, each with a bright yellow book under her arm and a huge smile on her face. Elyse was leading the pack, and I could hear her excited voice through the door. "Just wait until you see this foyer."

With an excited Roxy spinning at my heels, I swung the door open. "Welcome to book club, ladies."

Elyse led Grace, Jenna, Sarah, and Cat through the back door, past me, and into the foyer. Each of them slowly turned in a circle to look around. Cat was the first to speak, and every thought tumbled out at once. "Look at this wallpaper. Is this wallpaper?" She closed her eyes and ran her hand soft as a wind-swept feather over the wall. Then, in a whisper, "I think this is actually paint. It's glorious."

I laughed, remembering how I felt the first time I had walked through that door. "It is indeed paint. This is a custom-painted mural that my uncle had commissioned years ago."

"It is gorgeous. Look at these floors. How on Earth do you maintain all this wood?" Grace marveled.

The twelve-year-old in me giggled, which set off Cat and Elyse. Sarah and Grace looked straight-faced at one another and rolled their eyes, but they couldn't hide their affection.

"Sorry, sometimes I can't help myself. But as for the floors , I've yet to find out. I've been Swiffering them every day to pick up Roxy's tumbleweeds."

This prompted a quick snort from Elyse.

Jenna looked down the hall at the postcard-worthy scene on the other side of the front door. "Is that the bay?"

"Beautiful, isn't it? Let's get all this stuff out of your hands, and we can go on a tour if you'd like."

Sarah was still spinning a slow circle, taking it all in. "Yes, please," she said in a voice that had disappeared and left behind an exhale.

The ladies walked further into the foyer, and I led them into the kitchen, where we set up the food they had brought.

"OK, are we ready? How many more are we expecting? Should I leave a note on the door?"

"I can run down and let people in," offered Elyse. "I had the pleasure of seeing your house a few weeks ago, so I can be the official doorwoman."

"I appreciate that. All right, ladies, let's go through the first floor. Clearly, this is the kitchen, and if we go back out into the hallway and walk toward the front door, you can see the yard and, as you've already seen, the bay. To our left is the sitting room with an attached sunroom, and to our right is the dining room which opens into the front of the kitchen." I led them into the sunroom, arguably my favorite room in the house, and gave them a moment to soak it in.

"This is gorgeous," said Grace.

Jenna nodded her head in agreement.

"Are you ready to head upstairs?" Without waiting for a response, I turned back around, headed back up the hallway toward the foyer, and up the staircase to the first landing.

"How many floors does this house have?" asked Jenna.

"Well, there's the first floor we were just on," I replied as we made the turn at the landing and headed up the next set of steps to the second floor, "This floor has two full bedrooms, and the third floor has four. My uncle had each one converted to en-suites about ten years ago. He was hoping to turn this into a bed and breakfast, then realized it was way more work than he wanted to commit to."

I led them into the bedroom across the hall from mine, and the ladies wasted no time gasping and touching everything.

Grace ran her hand over the emerald brocade duvet that covered the white-washed four-poster bed. "Which room do you sleep in? How did you even choose?"

"I'm on this level. Here, let me show you my room. I'm not sure if the bed is made, so no judgment."

The ladies filed into my room one by one.

"Is that a balcony? What is your view from here?" asked Sarah.

"Yep. It looks out onto the parking lot of the businesses one block over. But, I actually don't mind. There's a birthing center over there and sometimes I'll sit out there with a cup of coffee and watch people coming and going. I love when I'm out here at the perfect time to see a couple leaving with a brand new baby. That always makes me so happy. I love being able to witness the joy of a new life together just beginning."

"Oh, that would be wonderful. I love babies," said Jenna almost breathlessly.

"Me too," said Elyse. "I wonder if they're looking for any baby rockers once they get home."

"Sounds like you've got yourself a new business idea, Elyse." Cat laughed and punched her shoulder playfully. "Rockin' with Elyse."

A thoughtful look crossed Elyse's face. "That's actually got a nice ring to it."

"It's so wonderful that each of these rooms has their own bathroom," said Sarah.

"Yeah, no kidding, except I'm the one that has to clean all of them. Well, I'm actually dusting most of them. I don't have a whole lot of overnight guests at this point."

"Who knows? That could change," said Elyse with a conspiratorial wink at Grace.

I decided to let the wink go as I'd likely find out the reason behind it soon enough with this crew. They tended to say exactly what was on (most of) their minds. There was very little beating around the proverbial bush. "Let's go see the rooms on the third floor."

Elyse took over the tour at that point and led the rest of the women up to the third floor and through each of those suites, then continued up the steep, narrow staircase to the fourth floor. As Elyse opened the door at the top, the light that came in from the skylight and both bedroom windows on each side of the apartment splashed over us. She stepped through the door and moved aside so we could all file in.

Grace stepped into the center of the room and spun in place. "This is beautiful. Is there a bathroom up here too?"

"There sure is. Right through that door." Elyse pointed to the door to the right of the one we'd just walked through, and gushed, "There's a bedroom over here and a bedroom directly across from it, and we're standing in the living room."

To my left, I heard Jenna sigh. "I would love to live here."

"You know," said Grace, "I could see myself sitting in one of these rooms writing my next book. Wouldn't that be wonderful to have a place where you could just go and be creative? You should really think about opening this house up to some kind of writer's retreat."

And there it is.

I stopped rearranging already perfectly placed pillows on the couch and stood straight up. She had my attention, and I turned toward her as she continued.

"You could do it on the weekends and have the house to yourself during the week. "

"Hm," I said. "I hadn't really considered anything like that, but you really think that would work? This isn't even my house, so I'm not sure about the legalities of it all."

"Oh, absolutely. There are so many writers in this town and the surrounding areas. You'd have women beating down your door to stay here. And I happen to know a few people on the zoning board… but what do you think your uncle would say?"

With that thought and follow-up question bouncing through my head, the doorbell rang, and we all headed back downstairs to let in the rest of the book club members.

The meeting progressed as expected, and I thoroughly enjoyed the company of everyone who attended that night. At the end of the meeting, as everyone was sitting around in the sunroom chatting, Grace piped up, "Hey ladies, what would you think about the possibility of having a writer's retreat here? Someone could come for the weekend, work on their book, and go home at the end of the weekend refreshed and ready to take on the week."

I could see some of the women around me nodding their heads. One by one, they voiced their opinions and ideas.

"I would love that."

"Oh my gosh, that sounds amazing. There is nothing more inspiring than other women walking the same path."

"I've always wanted to write a book."

"Me too. Oh, maybe you could have morning sessions available for people to learn more about writing in general. There are so many people who want to write a book but have no idea where to start."

Is this something I could see myself doing? I mean, I like people and all, and I would definitely love to have another source of income, but is this something that would actually be feasible? I can barely keep a grocery list.

My new friends, probably sensing my rising panic, jumped in .

"We could help you," said Elyse.

Jenna nodded. "I'd love to help."

Sarah raised her right hand. "I'm in."

"Yep, absolutely," agreed Cat.

"Well, there you have it," said Grace.

"I don't know how long I'm going to be staying here. I don't even own this house, so I can't imagine it would even be approved."

"Just consider it," Grace urged. "Talk to your uncle. If he says it's ok, and you think it's something you could do, you'd have plenty of help."

It was definitely something to think about, and I didn't know where I would even start, but in the famous words of Mary Poppins, it's always best to start at the beginning. And it's even better with friends.