18. “The Heart of Life”

18

"THE HEART OF LIFE"

JOHN MAYER

T he next day, after completing some work projects, I decided I would try to make some progress on my novel. After I took Roxy for a walk, of course. And made lunch. And threw in a load of laundry. And ran the dishwasher. And anything else I could do to avoid sitting in front of my computer.

Two hours later, I finally gave up procrastinating, reluctantly made my way to my office, and opened up the document that contained chapter one of my latest unfinished manuscript. I had no idea where I wanted to go with my story. I was hoping that by sitting there, some inspiration would strike, but after an hour of typing and deleting… nothing.

I walked around the house for a bit. Walked down to the kitchen to get myself a snack. Took Roxy for another walk. Came back.

As I walked by the pool upon my (most recent) return, I theorized that inspiration would certainly find me in the water. I quickly changed into my suit and once back outside, dove in and took some easy-ish strokes back and forth several times across the pool. Ok, fine, three. It was three. Exhausted after an embarrassingly small amount of physical exertion, I trudged, heavy-legged up the stairs at the shallow end and flopped down in one of the huge teal cushions on the lounge chairs. Inspiration had missed its chance for a water landing. Water-adjacent would have to do.

What do I want to happen in my book? What do I want this story to be about?

I had made no progress in the last six months, and I was banking on the hope that being in Florida would clear my head, but so far, chapter two had still evaded me. I went inside and grabbed my Kindle, thinking maybe some reading would help, and started downloading the newest book from one of my favorite thriller authors. When Kari made her nightly call two hours later, I was a quarter of the way through the book, but had made no progress on my own.

Another day gone with not a thing to show for it but a slight sunburn and a lot of avoidance. Nothing new there but the sunburn.

By Saturday, I was mostly settled in and had somewhat of a routine down. I had met Grace, Cat, and Elyse at the golf course for one of the early tee times, and had come straight home after. I was thinking about heading out for a walk when I heard a knock at the back door. Roxy gave a half-hearted bark, but she never was much of a guard dog.

I opened the door to find Elyse standing there, still dressed in her super adorable, totally on-trend zebra striped golf dress and a pair of silver Olukai flip-flops. An enormous sable German Shepherd sat at her feet. She stood when she saw Roxy, and they wasted no time at all sniffing each other from head to… butt. It was clear they liked what they smelled, be cause within thirty seconds, they were off and running in circles through the yard.

"Well, that was easy." Then, a simultaneous clap and woo! erupted from Elyse who was bouncing on her toes. "I have walked past this house a hundred times and always wondered what it looked like on the inside. I just love that it's pink, and these copper downspouts and gutters are stunning. Do you just love it here?" Elyse gushed.

I stepped aside to let her in. "I've always loved this house. I'm still in shock that I'm here, but I am starting to get more comfortable with the idea. Do you want a tour?"

"Do I?" Her voice was one click short of a shriek.

We entered the foyer, and when her jaw dropped, I knew what she was seeing. "This place is gorgeous."

"Wait until you see upstairs."

We called the dogs in through the mud room, and while they slopped water all over the rubber mat on the floor, I took her on a quick tour through each of the six bedrooms on the second and third floors and then up to the two-bedroom suite in what used to be the attic.

"This place is awesome." she said, spinning in a circle with her arms held out to her sides like that scene from The Sound of Music. "Can I vacation here?"

I chuckled, understanding the sentiment entirely. "You're welcome anytime. I imagine I'm going to get lonely in a house this big."

We returned to the first floor and settled across from each other at the kitchen island.

"Coffee? Tea? Sparkling water? Pick your poison," I offered.

"Coffee, please. The early tee times slay me. I am not a morning person. So, tell me a little bit more about yourself," she said as I busied myself with the Nespresso machine.

After turning on Spotify and pairing my phone to the outside speakers, I filled her in on the higher-level details of my life beyond what I'd already shared on Tuesday: My parents, Kari, the twins. We took our mugs out to the back patio, and settled in to watch the dogs run around the yard from the loungers next to the pool.

My eyes drifted to her arm that held her mug. "Can I ask about your tattoos? I've never had the courage to get one myself, but I love hearing the stories behind everyone else's."

"Of course!" She set her coffee down on the table between us and stretched out her right arm. As she pointed them out—a tree with four tiny stars above it, a calla lily, a golf flag, a baby bunny, a fireman's axe, a snail, a fish, a microphone, a camera, a chef's hat, and a globe and anchor—she told me the story behind each or the person they represented.

As she finished and sat back, her face took on a dreamy slackness as her eyes settled on the water flowing over from the built-in hot tub. "If I had a house like this, I would never leave. It's so quiet and peaceful out here, and the sound of the waterfall flowing into the pool. Oh, it's like heaven. Have you tried writing out here? I'm inspired just sitting in this chair."

"Well, so far, I have made zero headway on the one book I'm trying to write. I'm not really sure what I need to do at this point, but I know something is going to happen. I feel different here. I wasn't doing much more than floating through life in Madison, but something about this place is changing me already. I feel a little less ‘unsettled' if that makes sense."

"It makes perfect sense." She took a careful sip of her still-steaming coffee and stared at the water. I waited, sensing she had more to say. "I've known my husband, Drew, for almost thirty years, and we've been married for seven. We are still honeymoon-level in love with each other, and he's by far the best friend I've ever had. That's a whole story in itself, but I'll save it for another day. Anyway, it's always been my dream to own a bookstore. I work at Back in the Day Books in downtown Dunedin, and Drew and I have been saving for the day the current owners decide to retire. But in the meantime, I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting. You can only feel fulfilled by so many trips to the airport, you know?"

I understood what she meant but decided to assume her question was rhetorical. She yanked the ponytail holder out of her hair, letting the unruly waves tumble to her shoulders. Running her fingers through it to smooth the flyaways, she sighed. "I rock babies in the hospital nursery twice a week, and during my downtime at the store, I've made it through a ton of research for an idea I had for a historical fiction novel. I golf two to three times per week. I visit my parents in Boca once a month, and Drew and I travel and golf several times a year…" She trailed off, leaned back against the cushion, and closed her eyes.

I waited and sipped my cooling espresso.

When she spoke again, her voice was strangled by emotion. Sensing her distress and being opportunistic to the core, Roxy wandered over from her spot in front of my lounger and sprawled across the stamped concrete between us, offering her soft blonde waves for therapeutic petting. Elyse reached down with her left hand and stroked the fluffy ear closest to her, and I found myself mirroring her action when Eden settled next to me. "When you look at my life from the outside, it seems perfect. Hell, it looks perfect to me . But there are times when I feel like I'm always waiting for something. I'm not a patient person by nature, so this makes me feel unsettled. Instead of feeling grateful for all the ways I've been blessed, and all I have to look forward to, when I get in a mood, I focus on what hasn't happened for me at all." Her one flip-flopped foot dangled from the side of her lounger closest to me, bouncing as she spoke. Stilled. Bounced again. Her legs were so long, her toes nearly touched the ground next to her.

After a few moments with only the crooning of John Mayer in the background, her hand stilled on Roxy's head. She smoothed her golf skirt over her tanned, toned thighs and turned to look at me, her dark brown eyes wide and clear. She shook her head, almost imperceptibly. "Good grief. Here I go getting all emotional on you right out of the gate. I'm so sorry." She shifted her body to face me, kicked off her flip-flops, drew her legs up, and criss crossed them in front of her. "I came here to get to know you better, and here I sit blubbering about my own silly problems. Please continue. What do you see when you imagine your future?"

I set my empty coffee cup down next to hers on the table. "Please don't apologize. I'm enjoying your company and getting to know you. This is good for me. Honest. I basically isolated myself once my kids had both left for college. I only interacted with my parents, coworkers, and friend, Kari, whom I've known so long I might as well call her my sister. Her twin boys have been influenced by my sense of humor and love of practical jokes, which I suspect is a lot for her to handle. She's all peace and love and namasté to the rest of the world, but the people closest to her know she's as serious as a heart attack. Having three of us who were down to clown at all times has been more than she can handle most days. She's threatened on numerous occasions to drop us all at the fire station.

"My parents were concerned about my stasis, and they managed to get her on the ‘save Paige' bandwagon. I was never more lost than I was at the moment I started over the Causeway, but I can honestly say I haven't felt this good in months. Years. Not to be all Debbie Downer, but the emptiness that opened up in my life when my daughter left for college was swallowing me whole. I was existing, but barely. It must have been difficult to watch as it unfolded." I shifted and put my feet down on the ground next to Eden, stretching my arms up above my head.

"But since I've been here, I feel lighter. I can sit next to this pool, see the dance of the sun's reflection, and feel its warmth again, if that makes sense."

Elyse's head nodded. She reached over to scratch Roxy's back as she rose and left her station to commence her lizard hunting duties, her emotional support duties fulfilled. "It makes perfect sense to me. But I can tell from what I've learned about you so far that you're a good person, and I know you'll find your way here." She looked across the yard to the garage where Roxy was teaching Eden the finer points of lizard hunting, then continued. "I'm going to be fifty in two years, and I don't have a single thing to point at and say, ‘this is how I bettered the world. This is my contribution to humanity.' But I feel it out there somewhere. Waiting for me."

"And I hope I'm here when it happens," I said, reaching across the space between us to put a hand on her forearm. "I'm glad you came over today."

Elyse's eyes smiled as she turned her arm over to gasp the underside of mine and squeezed. "I am, too. To both. I don't usually spill my guts so soon after I meet someone. It must be the water."

"I think it's something in Roxy's fur because it happens all the time when people are petting her. I've told my entire life story at the vet's office."

We both cracked up at that, injecting some much-needed levity into the moment. I stood up to stretch my legs, and Elyse did the same before we moved to sit on the side of the pool to swish our feet back and forth in the cool water. We talked a little longer, swapping stories and highlights, conversation flowing as easily as the water slipping over the cobalt wall into the rippling pool. The time slid by as it always does on Saturdays. Roxy strolled over to check in, snuffled our necks, and tried to climb into my lap. As I put my arm around her belly to stop her from tumbling into the pool, Elyse laughed and stood, her joints making familiar snap, crackle, and pops of protest. " On that note, I'd better get Eden and head home. Drew's tee time was about two hours after ours, so he'll probably be getting back soon. We are headed to Home Depot today. I can't seem to go more than a month in between home improvement projects."

I stood, stretched my back, and silently cursed younger ‘ I can do whatever I want' Paige.

Youth isn't just wasted on the young. We are foolishly trusted with it.

"I really am so glad you stopped by today. I enjoyed talking to you; it felt natural. Please don't be a stranger, and next time, bring your bathing suit."

"Oh, I'll be sure to do that," she said, slipping on her flip-flops. "I can't wait for Cat to see this place. She's always so busy with the café, but we do our best to drag her out as often as we can. I'll have to bust her out of there one day and we can have a pool day."

"I'd love that." I walked over to the driveway with her. "I'll see you Tuesday then?"

"You absolutely will. Thank you for the coffee and for listening to me whine."

I laughed and assured her it was no trouble and extended an open invitation for her to return for more of either. After she left, I gathered up our coffee cups and headed inside to slip into the new bathing suit that had arrived the day before. The pool had been calling my name since I'd gotten home.

Home. Hmmm. Interesting.