11. “Weird Goodbyes”

11

"WEIRD GOODBYES"

THE NATIONAL

T hree days (and many tears) later, I had packed everything I thought I might need for several weeks and was standing on my driveway with Roxy, Kari, Matt, Alex, and my parents.

"Please be safe," my mom said in her standard-issue worried tone.

"If you run into any trouble, give us a call. Is your AAA membership up to date?"

"Yes, Dad. Thank you. I called and checked on it yesterday."

Kari looked at me, emotion clouding the dark ring around her army-green irises. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you being two doors down. We've lived within blocks of each other for almost half a century, and now you're going to be hundreds of miles away. I know it's what's best for you, so I'm trying to not be selfish and think only of my own needs. It's just going to be so hard."

I put my arms around her. I wished I could make both of us happy at the same time, but even though I could feel my heart clawing its way through my sternum to escape this fresh wave of loss, I knew I was making the right decision for me .

"We're going to miss you a lot, Aunt Paige. And who's going to protect us from our mom when our pranks go off the rails?" asked Matt.

"There won't be any more pranks," Kari said through her teeth.

"You boys are going to be leaving for college before you know it. Any pranks you have will be someone else's problem at that point, so you better be careful. Not everyone is going to be as patient with you as your mom and dad."

"I know," they said in unison.

"I knooow," I sing-songed back.

Kids always know, don't they? Until they don't.

My dad walked over to my Jeep and peered through the front passenger window. "Do you have snacks packed?"

"You know I do! Two kinds of cheese, three kinds of flavored water, four kinds of chips, six chocolate bars, three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?—"

"—and a partridge in a pear tree!" my dad cut in.

"Feels like it," I laughed. "I have bowls to give Roxy water. I have her leash. I have updated her tag on her collar, and I think we're ready to go, as hard as that is to say."

"I'm excited for you. Today could be the first day of the rest of your life, Tiger." My dad was back to his post next to my mom, rubbing his hand up and down her back.

She was standing statue-still at his side, uncharacteristically silent. I gave her a hug first because I could sympathize with how she was probably feeling. I'd been through it three times, if you counted when my ex-husband left. "I'll see you guys before you know it. And you can come and visit me anytime. There's nothing holding any of you back from a beach vacation in Florida!"

"You've got that right!" My dad bumped my mom with his hip and wiggled his eyebrows up and down at her. "We have a cruise coming up here soon, but we will be down shortly after that."

Alex knelt and put his arms around Roxy. "Are we invited, too? We'll be good, right, Matt?"

"Yes. We promise to keep our shit together."

"Language!" chided Kari.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, you can come down whenever you want. Please do. I'm not going to know anyone down there other than my uncle and Chris, so I'm going to need some visitors."

"You can count on us," said my mom. "Like your dad said, we will be down there after our cruise. We leave as soon as his summer session at the university is over. Once we get down to Florida, we can help you meet some people."

I could picture my mom bossing perfect strangers into a super awkward friendship with me.

"That sounds great, Mom. Let me get settled, and then you can begin your campaign."

My Dad chuckled quietly behind his hand, but not quiet enough to escape notice. My mother shot him a look that could melt titanium, but her gaze softened as she looked back at me.

"We are so excited for you, honey. Truly."

"Thanks, Mom." I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed. She relaxed in my embrace, which I took as my cue. "Ok, guys, I'd better hit the road before Roxy has to stop and go potty in an hour.

My dad stepped forward and wrapped me in his familiar embrace. "Are you going to stop anywhere along the way?"

"Yeah, I think I'll stop at Mammoth Cave and maybe again somewhere in Georgia, but I'm not sure. I'm going to get as far as I can when I leave Kentucky tomorrow. I am just hoping to make it to Paducah tonight before it's too late. I don't love driving in unfamiliar places in the dark."

"Please keep us updated on your progress, and we will be thinking of you. Turn your location on so we can keep track of where you are." My mom's voice broke and her eyes started to well up with tears. I hated doing this to them, but for the first time in a really long time, I felt completely in control of my own life, despite all the lingering questions hanging over my future steps.

"Will do," I assured them.

I gave each one of them a hug, ruffling Matt and Alex's hair as I let them go.

What a difference a week can make.

One Saturday, I woke up with nothing but more of the same ahead of me. By the next Saturday, I had a whole new adventure laid out before me, and it was starting at that very moment.