18. Esme

18

ESME

C licking on my computer screen, I'm struggling to focus. Probably because it's 5:30 in the morning and the sun is only starting to appear in the sky. I sit on the sofa in the living room and a smile pulls on my mouth.

There is something about waking to find Keats lying next to me. Even when sleeping, he appears serious, or rather, I haven't seen any smiles slip through when he's dreaming. It's doable though, as I'm lucky that his arm tends to venture my way to keep me cuddled against him.

Sometimes I used to wake early because the focus was there, but lately, it's because my house next door is in a crisis. It's one giant mess with the insurance companies and ordering things for the contractor. It's a different ball game when you have to build after a fire. It's a lot of waiting time. Even when Keats walked through the house with the inspector, his sharklike legal mentality didn't get me far.

But it's okay. As much as my house is my home, I'm enjoying the temporary stay at my neighbor's. In fact, in a warped way, I feel lucky. It might have only been two weeks, but every day something inside of me blooms open.

This man has me twisted.

In a knot.

One that I don't want to be undone.

I'm lost in this living dream, which is why I don't hear Keats walk down the stairs, already in his work clothes.

"You're up before me. Now who needs the workaholic talk?" He walks behind the couch and leans down to kiss my lips. Morning kisses are his softer side.

"Mmm, good morning to you too," I greet him.

Keats continues his journey to the kitchen, and I close my laptop to follow. In the kitchen he turns on his coffee machine while he yawns and stretches.

"You shouldn't work on the couch like that. It will kill your wrists."

I choke a laugh. "I'm going to yoga in a little bit. Besides, you work at your coffee table when you are bored with your dining table, even though you have an office in this little mansion of yours. Someone is hypocritical." Coyly, I smile. "Your concern is more that my wrist action and hands would be out of service."

His tongue swipes across his front teeth. "Not even six a.m. and your very dirty mind is out in full force."

Pattering to his waiting arms, he kisses the top of my head. "Look at us starting our day with a tiff," I joke.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now time to grab my bran flakes and milk," he says, not exactly enthused, but I've forced him to add breakfast to his morning routine. I know he gets stuff at the office, although it's off season, so the breakfast options are smaller than during regular game season since not many people are there. Sometimes I feel like this desire to take care of him is a built-in instinct of mine. Doesn't matter. What is important is that I want to do these things for him.

"Breakfast of champions for my hardworking thirty-three year old man," I tease, and I wrap my arms around his middle with no intention of leaving because breakfast can wait a few minutes.

I notice the way he inhales the scent of my shampoo, "white rice lily" it's called.

Maybe we are overly cute together. Is it because we're new? I don't question it anymore. We go at our own pace, and it just so happens to be from freezing to boiling in what many would consider a short time. We're not definable, but we stir emotions in the other even if we don't discuss it.

"What's on your agenda today?"

"Catching up with Hailey this morning after yoga. That reminds me, you wanted to do a BBQ this weekend, right?"

Keats steps away to actually grab his breakfast materials because he listens to me. "Why not? The weather is supposed to be great. You only have a shoot early afternoon. My sister wants to come over, and it's always fun to watch the Liam, Hailey, and Oliver show."

I chuckle because he is right. Little nerves flutter up inside of me. "Your sister," I state.

His back is to me when he closes the fridge door with milk in hand, but I can see the corner of his face that has an amusing smirk. "Freaking out much? I thought you two hit it off."

I snort a laugh. "Back when I thought you were insufferable."

Keats opens the cereal box. "Ooh, Esme is shaking in her boots."

Raising one foot, grateful that I'm flexible, I show him my bare toes. "No socks or shoes on. "

"Relax. Besides, my nephew is the distraction."

I am slightly eased. "Well, just let me know what to get at the grocery store."

"Will do. I'll be home late tonight. Work and all."

I'm used to it. Sometimes he is home around dinner, and we eat something casual and catch up, but there are many days he gets home when I'm asleep since I hit a 9 p.m. nosedive on the tired scale. It's understandable why it must be difficult to sustain a relationship which is why he's been single for a while, but we puzzle together. Schedules don't seem to bother us; we respect the lines.

"I'll be sleeping."

He points his spoon at me. "You won't be five minutes after I get home." He winks. Sometimes in my drowsy state we end the day on a positive naked note, other times right before the alarm goes off in the morning.

Despite our living arrangement, domesticated us hasn't worn down the passionate us.

"Just go. You're going to be late." I shoo him.

He takes another bite of his cereal that he never finishes and listens to me and gathers his stuff.

After he grabs his laptop bag that was sitting on the counter, he stops by me for a kiss. "Go back to bed. You barely slept, and there is nothing you can do about your house right now."

My lips press together, listening but not believing.

Keats's affection is only soft and sweet for a few moments before he playfully slaps my ass as he moves on. "It's an order that you need to follow, otherwise later there will be consequences."

He isn't even joking.

Nor am I when internally I want the words to roll off my tongue that I'm not worried about my house because I only think about him.

Hailey pours wine into my tumbler as we stand in the kitchen, preparing a snack plate for everyone outside.

"You and Keats," she says in a melody.

I give her the death stare. "Here we go."

She grins and sips on her white. "What? Am I crazy for asking? It's like night and day. Before you two hid your attraction behind a mask of fury, and now, you don't hide a single thing. In fact, I would say you've long moved on from just flirtation."

Popping a cube of cheese into my mouth, I ponder for a few seconds. "We have," I agree. "In our own blurred lines kind of way."

Hailey throws her hands together and squeezes them near her heart with a beaming smile. "Happy to hear. You two look good together. His eyes move so possessively over you, and you can tell how much he cares for you. It must be great to have a guy who knows what he wants."

My face puzzles. "You're talking about me, right?"

She looks flustered. "Totally," she squeaks.

I place my wine glass down with aggravation. "Screw the brother's-best-friend rule and just go at it like rabbits already, okay?"

Hailey shakes her head in frustration. "It's not that easy. Besides, Mr. Hotshot Lawyer can make a move, but he doesn't, which means he is a coward. I deserve better."

"Keep saying that to yourself and maybe one day you will be convinced."

She throws a cracker at me. "No diversion. Back to you and the guy you are living with. This isn't like one of those living together getting close situations, and then poof there are feelings, is it?"

Glancing outside the window by the sink, my eyes catch with Keats's, and he holds his beer bottle up with a soft smile.

"What if I said I think it's more? Or rather, I have an uncontrollable feeling that maybe a life that you share with someone can all come true?"

Hailey smiles brightly at me. "Lucky you then. You're getting something you deserve. My friend is in a relationship that is heading somewhere."

My mouth opens to protest, but the words get stuck because it would be a lie. "I think so, too," I confidently agree. Still, I don't want to jinx myself because we're still unconventionally living together, this isn't a permanent arrangement, and maybe the novelty will wear off. But in the pit of my stomach, I don't believe it will, nor do I want it to fade.

Never in a million years would it have crossed my mind that I would end up in this very spot with feelings new to me. They're consuming me, too.

We're having fun but are not afraid to confront each other about aspects of our life.

Damn it, why did I wait so long to give in to him?

The squeal of a child draws our attention outside, and my insides turn into a puddle.

Summer and Bo have just arrived. Keats's nephew wobbles his way, clearly excited to see his uncle who is leaning down to his level with open arms. Summer trails behind carrying a grocery bag since Bo has only one destination in mind. Keats hugs his nephew then picks him up. Watching him is an image, the way he holds his nephew on one hip when he stands, holding his beer bottle in his other hand. It's not for the faint of heart, either.

"Damn, you're drooling." Hailey giggles.

I glance seriously to her. "Do you not see what I see?" I gesture outside where Summer leaves her son in good hands and heads our way to drop off the bag.

"Oh, I do, but it's my friend seeing a flicker of a longer timeline. A preview, if you will."

Glowering, I warn her. "Stop it. Can we focus on the now, please? Did you not get the memo that we are not 100% sure what we are?"

She isn't listening. "No, because I'm the one watching the show and seeing the obvious. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to remind the guys that a well-done burger makes me happy."

She grabs her wine glass and strides away through the French doors to the back patio. As she leaves, Summer walks in, and I gulp.

"Hey there." She smiles and sets her grocery bag on the counter.

"Hi."

Summer tries to conceal her ear-to-ear grin, but she really can't. "Enjoying my brother's hotel?"

"I…" I also can't seem to hide my smile. "It's fine."

She inspects me in a curious way. "I think it's great that he isn't alone. I'm sure you are keeping him in line, too."

Shrugging, I decide to focus on the snack plate that I gave up on. "Maybe." I feel her eyes on me and perhaps she's having a field day with this whole situation.

"I'm sorry about your house. Well… This might sound vicious but also not, it brought you closer to my brother."

My eyes flick up in surprise. "You barely know me."

Summer slides up onto the kitchen counter and begins to unpack the bag. "I don't need to. Just hearing my brother talk about you and seeing his smile now is enough."

My heart feels light due to her observation, and my body straightens from the boost of assurance. "I'm not sure what to say."

"Nothing. Sometimes we don't need to use many words." She pulls out a box of animal crackers.

"Oh, Keats mentioned Bo likes those, and I already got a box at the store. I think it's in the pantry."

She is struggling to contain her smile, and I can tell that she's thinking to herself. "I think that he might be a family man, even if he hasn't figured it out. Or maybe it's not for him."

"I think he just wants to be a great uncle."

She shakes her head. "I think he just realized that he can have someone in his life. Because I'm nosy and ask wildly rude questions when it is none of my business, do you want a husband and kids one day?"

My eyes grow bold, as Keats's sister isn't afraid. "Uh, wow, you're really going for it. I haven't really thought about it until now."

Summer claps her hands together. "Perfect. You two are on the same timeline and just working at your own pace toward what you two want, and I don't just mean kids, I mean the whole future outlook."

I choke a laugh. "You sound very convinced."

Her shoulders slant up to her ears. "It could be that I'm excited because I haven't seen my brother this way, but it's more because he needs someone on his level. He's always been headstrong."

"Oh, I know," I agree.

"It also means that he needs a sort of partner. Enter you. "

"Hmm. Well, this is kind of strange for you to be so… enthusiastic."

She laughs. "Esme, my brother talked about you long before you two got together. Surely, you know that. His pretend complaints were so apparent."

I bite my inner cheek because it makes me content to hear because our behavior goes both ways. "I see." I play it cool.

"Anyhow, it's awesome. I'm happy. He's happy, and it's all good."

I appreciate her effort to ease me. I'm not sure what I was expecting today. Lifting the snack plate, I feel safe enough to close the conversation and move on to a relaxing dinner, but as I move, my feet remain cemented to the kitchen floor.

Taking a deep breath, I go for it. "I care about him."

Summer studies me with appreciation. "Good. He really is a great guy, and once he gets something he wants, then he tends to never let it go." Her eyes are tense when they meet mine, but they still keep that light inside me burning.

The sound of the door opening breaks our conversation.

"Is my sister being a pain in the ass?"

She gawks at him. "Shall we replay the last year and your sound advice?" Summer pats his shoulder in passing. "I'm repaying in full."

We both watch her leave, and if I'm honest, I envy their family dynamic. Keats turns to me with his hands in his pockets. "Everything alright?"

"More than." I peer down to the snack plate. "This is literally the slowest creation of veggies, cheese, crackers, and hummus. I've made you all starve while we wait for the burgers."

Keats chuckles and waits for me as I circle around the island and stop in front of him. He brings his lips to mine to steal a kiss. "You're forgiven. Just wanted to check that you are still alive and Summer hasn't shared any embarrassing stories about my high school hockey days."

I flash my eyes at him. "I shall never say."

I walk away, but I can't help noticing that he dawdles behind to observe me, and one quick view over my shoulder informs me that he's pleased that I'm here.

Every minute lately keeps tightening that knot between us.

And there are no complaints.