Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Harper

Annabel had always been able to run circles around me. Seemed the more Bayview changed, the more it stayed the same.

Even without me there.

Paisley pulled the letter out from her bra—because really, where else would she keep a letter—and unfolded the paper, looking up at me from across the table with that soft warmth in her eyes.

She was getting some color back. Here in the low glow of the restaurant lights, by the ambiance of the rain streaking over the window and pattering on the garden, looking up at me over the roses that of course Mrs. Park would surprise us with—she looked as if nothing had ever happened. As if she’d never worked herself straight into the hospital. As if I’d never left.

And wasn’t that a happy dream?

Hell, she’d even jumped out a second-story window and climbed a fence. In a dress. She was clearly feeling better.

Hadn’t that been my signal to go back to New York?

“Hi, Harper,” Paisley said, her eyes going between me and the letter as she read. “I’m going to be honest, it’s a little surreal that you’re here. It feels like you’ve been gone a lifetime. Annabel’s handwriting sucks.”

“Always has,” I said, picking at my food. It wasn’t like it wasn’t appetizing—Hinomoto did good food—but maybe I’d just also been losing my appetite recently. The past six months, maybe.

“I know we’ve got a little bit of complicated history, but I’ve loved all of the things we’ve been together, and your friendship… she misspelled friendship.”

“Didn’t she do well in school?”

“She forgot the n, so it’s a fried ship instead. I’m going to guess she’s just distracted thinking about girls.”

“Yeah, I’d believe it…”

She cleared her throat. “I know friendships end, and sometimes it’s for the better. Talking with Priscilla lately about her traveling really drives home how sometimes, if you love someone, you really have to let them go.

“I know how much this journey has meant for you. All this time I’ve known you, you’ve been singularly focused on this one thing, this one path, in a way where nothing can stop you.

“I think that’s what I liked about you the most. But seeing Priscilla come into her own in a way that feels right to her makes it clear how yours is different.

“I don’t think you’re doing any of this for yourself. I think you’re trying to run from something. And if you run from yourself, it’s always going to find you.

“I’d support you taking your career to the next level in New York if it was what you wanted. But you and I know it’s not what you want. Priscilla knows it, too.”

Paisley frowned. I raised an eyebrow, and she looked away.

“Next part mentions me.”

“Ah.” Because of course it did.

“And so does Paisley.”

I let out a long breath, just watching rain slide in long streaks down the window. Quietly, Paisley continued.

“There’s a lot of people here who really like you. As you actually are, not as the version of you that you feel like you’re supposed to perform.

“I guess you probably have a rule that drives this thing you’re doing. Some kind of sacred code. You always did seem to follow some other set of rules only you could see.

“I’m just saying, sometimes you need to check in and make sure those rules are worth living by. Because there are a lot of rules that deserve to be broken.

“Do it not just for us, for me and Scil and Emberlynn and all the others, not just for Paisley, but for yourself. No matter who you love, the person it comes back to the most at the end of every day is you. Scil’s really helped me see that life is a journey to love yourself, in all that you really are. Think I owe it to her at least to pass that one on from her to you.”

Paisley leaned back in her seat, halfway folding the letter back.

“And then down at the bottom,” she said, “there’s a note. Besides, I’m going to hunt you to the ends of the earth to bake a cake for Scil’s graduation party. You make the best cakes, and she deserves it. Don’t let me down. And then, love, Annabel.” She wrinkled her nose. “Ugh. Love. Hands off my girl.”

Paisley had said things like that so many times… surprise really that I didn’t already know she was in love with me. Seemed Aria had been right about her after all.

I rubbed my temple, a nervous feeling tossing and turning in my chest. So many things I couldn’t name, but the one thing I could name was that Paisley looked so beautiful like this—although thinking back, I wasn’t sure there was ever a time she wasn’t beautiful—and I—

“Well, anyway, she’s right,” Paisley said, putting the letter away in her bag, which would have been a more sensible place than her bra to begin with. “You can’t run away from your problems and hide behind a mountain of work to avoid facing your own identity crisis.”

I shot her a look. “I’m sorry. Who is this right now who’s saying that?”

“Oh, well.” She scratched her head. “It’s different when it’s me.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I know it hasn’t been healthy and happy and… and… right. But what else even could I do? Chase you down to New York and ask you to come back with me?” She looked away. “That’s clearly Emberlynn’s thing. And besides, you’d… you’d…” She shrugged helplessly, looking smaller and smaller. “You’d just refuse anyway. And then that would be a really sad flight home.”

I pursed my lips, looking down at my food.

Never thought me disappearing would hurt people. After all, I was just… just a ghost. And who missed a ghost?

“You don’t even know where I live in New York,” I opted for saying, sipping at my beer just for something to occupy my hands. Paisley smiled.

“Paisley has her ways.”

“Because that’s not terrifying.”

Paisley shook her head, smiling. “Okay, I’m going to come out and say it. This oppressive atmosphere is putting me in the ring. Let me tell you about the gossip you missed.”

Putting her… through the wringer. Right. I relaxed in the seat, feeling the knots unwinding in my chest. “Hit me.”

“God, I don’t know where to start.”

“My business block? Since it’s been your business block these past six months.”

Her eyes flared up. “Oh, let me tell you about Fong. Because this is more than just her singing. Her? Matthew? Fucking like animals.”

“What? Matthew T?”

“The one and only.”

“Fong? Does she not have eyes? And… taste?”

“My questions exactly. I’m tempted to knock on the door one of these nights when I hear him grunting like an ox in labor and ask if she couldn’t find anyone better.”

I made a face. “What about Rich? Has he stopped pining for her?”

She rolled her eyes. “Rich has his head in the sand so far he’s snorting buried treasure. He’s the only one in Bayview who doesn’t know Fong and Matthew are having ugly-loud sex every night, simply because he refuses to acknowledge it. Said Matthew T just does deadlifting.”

“Deadlifting? In the middle of the night? At Fong’s house?” I shook my head. “From the one who gets dinner delivered to his house from two blocks down? He can’t be bothered to walk that far, but he’s doing nightly deadlifting on the other end of town?”

“Like I said, Rich is so far buried in the sand that even the most sophisticated seismological instruments can’t detect his ass. But while we’re on the subject of food delivery, guess who delivered my cheese from Hogshead last time?”

“Delivered—Paisley, you have two homes that are both adjacent to Hogshead.”

“Sh—shush. I was doing a thing with Emberlynn and Annabel down at the boardwalk. And I wanted a cheese board, so—look, forget that. Millie Cooke ring any bells?”

“She’s back in town?”

“Apparently!” She threw her hands up, whacking the table in the process and nearly spilling her beer. She lurched in, grabbing it and keeping it from tipping over, only looking the littlest bit chagrined. “Okay, maybe Millie Cooke back in town isn’t worth flipping the table over. But it almost is! After she ran off all uppity, coming back, tailing between her legs!”

I lost track of time like that, hearing every last bit of tiny gossip, and somewhere along the way I found the appetite to dig into my meal—somewhere along the way the food dwindled down to nothing, and somewhere along the way, we got the check, and somewhere along the way, I paid, telling Paisley I just had a high-paying job now even though what was really in my mind was you paid on the last date. And when we stepped outside, Paisley didn’t have her umbrella with her—in what universe would she have her umbrella, really—so I opened mine and held it for both of us against where the rain had settled to a steady trickle.

I’d missed hearing the sound of her voice, even if I’d been sick of it at one in the morning on my roof some nights. I’d missed the wild, unrestrained way she laughed, big belly laughs with snorts and all.

I guess I’d missed her.

The walk back to the bakery was too short by far—I wasn’t ready to face reality yet—and I paused at the door, but Paisley didn’t. She shoved the door open, grabbing me by the hand, and she pulled me in after her, and I had to fumble to get the umbrella closed before I tracked water all over the floor.

“See how much easier it is when you don’t keep the door locked for no reason?” she said.

“Indeed,” I said drily. “Why even have a door? Just leave an empty doorway.”

“Hey. Don’t say that like I wouldn’t.” She nodded me towards the stairs. “C’mon, you’re not losing me that easily. I could get weak and pass out again.”

She seemed fine. But I wasn’t going to tell her that.

I followed her upstairs into my old home, still strange and nostalgic with the way she’d left everything right where it was, and we kicked off our shoes and stripped out of our jackets. I’d been in the middle of hanging up my jacket by the door when Paisley hit me from behind, thudding into me and wrapping her arms around me. I softened back into her, trying to pretend it wasn’t breaking me feeling her this close to me, touching me, holding me.

“What, needed something to hold onto or you’d fall over?”

She snorted, burying her face between my shoulder blades. “No, you clown. I love you and I wanted to hold you.”

I really couldn’t handle much more of this. She’d break me before long, talking like that. I looked out the window. “Plenty of other people out there you could hold.”

“Don’t be difficult. I said I love you, not that I love holding people.” She took my hand, turning me around to face her, and here in the low lights of the living room with the overhead light turned off, just lit by the soft glow of the table lamp behind Paisley and the moonlight coming in through the window, she looked so… enchanting. The way her eyes sparkled, the soft shape of her lips—suddenly she was the only thing that had ever existed.

It had always been me and her. Ever since the day she first moved into Bayview and I’d found her in the back, shopping for cakes among the unfinished ones there. Apparently she’d mistaken the back door for the entrance and had just thought that was what the bakery looked like.

For how much this girl had changed, she’d never really changed at all.

Paisley cocked her head, smiling. “What are you thinking about?”

“Hm. Wondering what witch cursed you so you could never enter a building through its front door.”

“Um, a witch called practicality, I guess. I use whatever entrance is closest. Don’t blame me if I’m smarter than the system.” She flicked her hair back.

“Pretty sure your entire identity is wrapped up in not being smarter than anything.”

She grinned. “There’s lots of kinds of intelligence. For example, I have excellent taste in cheese. Did you know Kay just eats gouda? Like, on everything? Is that disgusting, or what?”

“Appalling.”

“Tell me about it. I even chewed her out about it, saying if she wants a strong flavor she should at least try a gorgonzola or even just a mature cheddar, but what does she say? No, I like this one.”

“Surprised you’re still friends after a dealbreaker like that.”

“Let it be said that Paisley is ever the magnanimous one.”

I kissed her. It wasn’t really that I decided to do it—I just decided to stop not doing it, like this was the natural order of things and I stopped holding my foot in the door, stopped holding the system up, and let my lips find hers. Paisley let out a surprised noise, muffled against my lips, but she sank into me, slipping her hands to my back and grabbing my shirt, bunching it up in her hands, and she tilted her head back to meet me better, kissing me as the headlights of a passing car flared over the night-lit room. I closed my eyes, let everything else disappear, and I kissed Paisley, and we were Harper and Paisley, and it was right.

Paisley parted from the kiss with her eyes shimmering, and she smiled impossibly at me. “Are you that into cheese?”

“Honestly, Paisley? I really couldn’t care less what kind of cheese Kay prefers.”

She laughed, tangling her fingers in my hair. “Uncouth animals all around me…”

She kissed me again, and I never wanted anything but this—never wanted to be anywhere but here.

We made our way to the bedroom, tripping over each other’s feet barely parting from each other’s lips the whole way, and Paisley giggled wildly when she bumped into the bedroom door and nearly fell over. She interlaced her fingers with mine once we got into the bedroom, tugging me after her as she fell backwards onto the foot of the bed, looking up at me with those hazel eyes dark, staring up through her eyelashes.

“Harper,” she said, her voice soft, sweet, warm, everything I needed. “You’ll stay here tonight, right…?”

It wasn’t hard to figure out what she was referring to. And maybe I should have said no, but I ached for her in every way—I’d missed her, so much more than I could put into words, and I hadn’t even let myself acknowledge that until now.

I sank onto the bed with her, cupping a hand over her cheek, just taking in the way she looked in the moonlight like this. “Are you… sure you’re feeling okay tonight?” I said, and she smiled wider.

“Maybe I’m not. That would mean you have to stay here with me and make sure I’m okay, right?”

I looked away. “Paisley, I know what you’re getting at right now.”

“I haven’t felt sick or tired for one second today,” she said, slipping a hand down to my waist, just holding onto me. “I mean, I got what I really needed, so…”

I swallowed, dropping my gaze, suddenly shy. Paisley moved in and kissed tenderly at my jawline, lingering there, and then kissing an inch lower, prickling the sensitive skin on my neck as she kissed down. I arched into her, letting out a soft breath of need, and she moved with me and captured my lips against hers, a hot kiss that lingered against me as she lowered me onto my back.

“Spend the night,” she whispered against my lips.

“I mean, ostensibly this is where I’m staying anyway…”

“Spend it with me.” She whispered words in between kisses, impossibly sweet, just little pecks against my lips, over and over. She was hypnotic—the sensation of her on me, her soft voice wrapping me up in her—and I found I couldn’t resist.

“I will,” I murmured. She shifted closer to my side, kissing me, endless little kisses peppered over my face.

“Good,” she whispered, caressing a hand over my cheek, down to my collar. “I’ve missed this…”

“Me too.” The words slipped out without me even thinking about it. Paisley ducked down, kissing the base of my neck, sending a pleasant shudder down my spine.

“I want you,” she breathed. “I want to love you.”

I couldn’t think of anything else—Paisley’s soft touch, her fingertips roaming along me, skating over my skin, across my clothes, I wanted to give everything to her. I nodded breathlessly, slipping a hand to her back, and she met me immediately, shifting one leg over me and straddling me. I arched against her and let it happen, let everything happen—her lips on my collar, on my neck, nipping lightly at my lips. Her fingers undoing the buttons of my shirt. Delicate hands pulling my shirt open ever so softly, slipping it down my arms and pulling it out from under me. I trailed my hands over her, my mind filled with the numbing pleasure of Paisley all over me, feeling her gentle hourglass shape under her dress, caressing down to the soft skin of her thighs.

I loved her. Right now, that was all that existed.

“Take this off,” she whispered, moving my hand to the hem of her dress. The way she spoke in that voice, soft but direct, gentle but forceful, hummed as pleasure in my mind, and I obeyed with a whisper of acknowledgement, pulling down the hidden zipper on the side and pulling her dress up over her head. The soft musculature of her body sheened slightly with the first beading of sweat as I glided my fingers reverently over her, and she nodded me on with the kind of sweet, hazy smile that made me want to do anything for her.

She pressed her lips against mine again as she unhooked my bra, slipped it off my arms, and I whispered her name reverently as she kissed down along my breasts, unfastening my belt and undoing my pants as she did. She looked up at me as she kissed gently at my nipple, her perfect eyes warm looking up at me through her lashes, and I couldn’t help the aching feelings telling me just do this forever. Forever, with Paisley. Wouldn’t that be nice…

“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, hooking her fingers under the band of my underwear, sending electricity arcing through me. “I love seeing you…”

“You… you too.” I lifted my hips for her to take my underwear off, but she took her time, dragging them down slowly. I was aching for her, body pleading for her, and I heard myself gasping her name as she trailed her fingertips lightly up my legs, grazing up my thighs, smiling sweetly at me, perfectly.

“You do the same for me, now,” she whispered, taking my hands and moving them to her bra. I obliged instantly, unhooking her bra and pulling it off her, dropping it off the edge of the bed, and her underwear next, pulling it down and taking a second with my breath hitching just admiring how utterly perfect she was, how beautiful every inch of her…

She sank against me, draping her body over mine and pressing her lips to mine, and I melted into the sensation—running my hands over every bit of her, feeling her perfect, smooth skin, soft to the touch, and feeling need building aching in my chest, my core, everywhere all at once. Wanting her. Needing her. Knowing there was nothing I wouldn’t have done if she’d only ask—

Her hand slipped down between my legs, and I broke off from the kiss, crying out against her lips as she danced her fingers lightly over my center, teasing side-to-side over my folds—pressing with just enough force to part them, but not nearly as much as I needed. Her soft fingers moving against the coarse, short hairs there, raw and real.

“I’m going to make love to you now,” she whispered, moving one finger up to my clitoris and flicking the barest touch of her fingertip against it, pleasure throbbing against me like a drumbeat when she did.

“P-please.”

“You’re going to show me how much you love it, too,” she whispered, taking my hand and moving it between her thighs. I shifted to meet her, slipping two fingers through her folds, feeling the intense, blazing heat of her there, fingers gliding along her wetness on soft skin. She bent back down to meet me, pressing her lips to mine, and she moved slow and languid with my lips, my tongue, as her hand roamed gentle on my shape, mine on hers.

She pulled away before long, up to straddle me again, her face flushed and lips glistening in the low light, and she bit her lip, smiling.

“Spread your legs wider for me. Let me see how much you love it.”

My body moved for me, aching for her. Paisley licked her two fingers and ran them up my center, teasing over my clit, and I whimpered in desperate need, wanting so much more that it hurt—

She moved her fingers down between her own legs, stroking softly through her folds, dipping the tip of one inside her, and she shifted and slipped them up to my mouth—I parted my lips for her, feeling her fingertips hot with her and my wetness mixed pushing my lips open, and I locked eyes with hers while I tasted her—us—swirling my tongue around her fingers.

She bit her lip, pulling her fingers back from my mouth, and she took my leg, hiking it up and positioning it between hers. “Stay just like that and let me do what I want with you,” she breathed, easing her center against mine, the blazing heat of her flooding me with pleasure. “I’m going to give you all my love, and you’re going to take every little bit of it, aren’t you?”

“Yes—of course.”

“That’s a good girl,” she breathed, and I closed my eyes, moaning and arching into her as she shifted her hips against mine. “Ah—don’t look away. Keep looking at me, sweetheart.”

I bit my lip, opening my eyes again and nodding, and I held her gaze as she started up a rhythm moving against me—the wetness running and pooling between us, heat building up to exploding, and I just let the sensation of it flood me—the way I loved her so much it felt like everything fell into place when I was with her, when we were like this. The realization that the only thing I ever wanted was this—was her—was us, forever.

I felt it build up until I thought I’d scream, pleasure beating against my walls until my whole body was ready to come apart, and she gripped tighter at me and gasped how she was close, resting her head against my leg as her hips rocked faster, harder. “I’m going to… going to come on you…”

“Please,” I gasped, gripping at her and moving my hips with her, desperate for release, for anything—and it arrived with an all-consuming sensation that poured into my body and filled up every inch of me as I cried out her name, and she cried out mine, and we moved in this perfect dance of ecstasy until the lights all faded, just the soft glow of the stars dancing in the gentle blonde of Paisley’s hair as it spilled down her bare chest, sheening with sweat, and she collapsed next to me, kissing my shoulder, my collar.

I never wanted this to end. Never wanted to leave again…

“I love you,” she whispered. I caressed a hand over her cheek, feeling a laugh coming up from somewhere.

“I love you too,” I breathed. “But seriously—you’re up there moving around like that as if you weren’t in the hospital yesterday—”

“Yesterday was so long ago. Today is here now, and I like today.” She kissed me, softly, sweetly, on the lips, closing her eyes and resting against my side. “I love you so much…”

“You too.” It was a surreal moment, a dreamscape, and… and even though the words just floated out without me trying to say it, I couldn’t even regret it.

“Mm. I love you.”

“Getting your mileage out of those three little words, huh?”

“You can’t control me. I’ll say all the little words I want.”

“Uh-huh. I won’t crush your dreams, Paisley.”

“My dreams are impervious to crushing.”

She wasn’t wrong. I turned and held her softly against my chest, just feeling the way we breathed together, the way we moved together, the way we were everything together.

It was a dream. A beautiful, perfect dream.

But every dream ended somewhere. And once we’d cleaned ourselves up and Paisley had helped herself to cheese and grapes from the fridge, and I’d laughed at the Winnie-the-Pooh sight of her wearing only a t-shirt and eating from the fridge—once we nestled in one another’s arms at the window watching the stars over Bayview, feeling her hair tickle my lips, we landed in bed together, Paisley breathing softly on my arm as she fell asleep straightaway.

The girl needed her sleep. She’d been through a lot.

I just hoped she could be happy.

I pressed a kiss to her forehead, slipping carefully out from under her, and I took a while just looking at her—taking her in, committing her to memory.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I love you, too.”