Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Paisley

Well, I was so embarrassed I felt like I’d die, but at least I could embarrass Harper too, and then it was like all was right in the world, right?

I’d spent at least an hour fussing around with different clothes, trying them on in front of the mirror, my heart pounding, and even going through the Pinterest fashion boards like Harper had recommended, and I guess if I was being honest, I’d admit that I kind of liked the way I looked. Untrained eye and all that, probably. I’d hunted through the boutique close to Gwen’s house until I found a chic yellow coat and tried it on in the fitting room and gawked at myself because it was fitted perfectly to me and the color was my new favorite thing in the world, and for a second I’d felt like the coolest, most put-together, good-looking person alive.

I’d made sure nobody but Harper saw, because at least if she laughed in my face then I’d just have to hide from her for another month and a half until she was gone, and then I could never try at anything again. But then worse, she didn’t laugh at me, just avoided saying anything about it, and even when I coaxed her to compliment me because I was about to die of humiliation, she just mumbled something about how I looked great.

So once we were in the camper and I’d successfully changed the topic, I made sure to take a selfie without getting too much of my outfit in it, because otherwise I’d have to delete it from my phone. I pressed up close to Harper’s side to take a picture with her, and something about being this close to her made it all feel easier, like I could breathe easy, comfortably. She was just calming, somehow.

Or maybe Kay was right and I liked her. But I’d rather throw myself from the camper and drown than consider that thought any further.

I snapped the picture, and I set the phone down, reaching for my hat. “I can look more like normal so we actually know who’s in the picture,” I said, and she stopped me—shooting a hand out and catching me by the wrist, keeping me from taking it off.

“Wait—er.” She scrunched up her face. She’d clearly done it without meaning to. “I mean, I guess you can, if you want.”

I scowled. “What, do you have a kink for girls in baseball caps?”

“A kink—what? No.” She shook her head hard, blushing. It was so easy to get her to blush, but it never got old. It always felt like winning a prize. “Just… you know. You went through a lot of effort to style yourself up for this.”

“I didn’t really put in any effort,” I said, which was the most bold-faced lie anyone had ever told. “Just kind of grabbed some random things and threw them together.”

“You know, I can tell when you’re lying.”

I felt my face burn. “What? You cannot.”

“In the first place, you’re perfectly well-coordinated, so I don’t believe it was just random things…”

I stuck out my tongue, turning away. “Ugh, god, I told you I don’t want pity compliments. This is just round one, okay? I’m still honing my deadly eye for good looks and—”

She took me by both wrists, and she turned me back to face her, meeting my eyes with a resolute expression. “I know when you’re trying to avoid facing a topic, too.”

“Ugh—let a girl hide from reality.” I pulled my wrists away, sipping my tea. “I’m gonna crawl out of here and swim away, and we’ll just see how we like that, won’t we?”

“Paisley…”

“Drink your tea. It was very magnanimous of me to get it for you.”

She sighed, swirling her tea idly. “Thanks for the tea. That I specifically said I didn’t want.”

“But you did want it, didn’t you?”

“Well—” She fidgeted with her cup.

I was going to miss knowing her this well. I mean, sure, I had Emby, and I knew her every bit as well, but Harper was just… different. Somehow.

Harper sighed. “Hey, Pais?”

“What’s up?”

“Thanks for this.”

I turned and shot her a grin. “No prob. It’s good, right? Kay always puts in a little extra love. I think it’s just her thing.”

She looked away. “I think you know I don’t just mean the tea.”

“Oh. What? For being irresistibly gorgeous all the time?”

She hung her head. “For today. I needed a day off. And I needed to get out. And I needed to go do something I’d been thinking of for a while. So… thanks.”

Something pulled so tight in my chest I could barely breathe, and I pushed out a smile at her. “Paisley’s a genius. What else is new?”

“I’m being sincere over here.”

Sincerity sucked. But I guess I had to respect her efforts. I shifted closer to her, and I laid a hand on her knee, where she was pulling her legs into her chest. “Thanks for going along with it,” I said, speaking softly. “I’m gonna miss you… like, a lot. I’ll be thinking about you all the time, you know.”

She sighed hard, avoiding looking at me. “You’ll have plenty of other people to think about.”

“Yeah, and none of them are you. There’s always going to be a you-shaped space left behind here. And… you know, if you ever want to come back and visit, come see little old me again, see what kind of dork-ass outfits I’m putting on next, that space will always be open for you.”

She made a noncommittal sound, hunching into herself, looking away. “And see if maybe you’ve pushed your boundaries to include ketchup.”

“Hey. I’ll have you know I had ketchup on my eggs this morning.”

“Incredible. And it didn’t burn your mouth off?”

“Nah. I had scrambled eggs, so, you know, the creaminess kind of offset the spice.”

She sighed. “I think… if I’m being honest,” she said, her voice falling off smaller and smaller, and then she didn’t say anything—just looking down at her feet, swirling her tea. I watched her for a while before I cleared my throat.

“If you’re being honest, it typically involves saying something.”

She looked away. “I guess it’s going to be quieter there.”

I scowled. “That’s not typically what someone says when leaving somewhere like Bayview for somewhere like New York City. I’m assured it’s much louder there.”

She mumbled something, finally settling on a quiet, “It’s just going to be… personally quieter without you there, I guess is what it really comes down to.”

I blinked. “Harps, are you trying to admit that you’ll miss me too?”

“Definitely not.”

“Hmm.”

She groaned, raking a hand back through her hair. “Okay, I guess I am. It’s going to be, uh… let’s say difficult to replace you. You’re very… unique like that.”

I scowled, looking away. “You could try not to make it sound like you’re forced to compliment someone you despise.”

“I—dammit, this isn’t easy. Will you just look at me?”

“Nah. I’m enjoying the scenery.” The scenery out the little window strip was nice, but shockingly, it actually wasn’t the reason I was pointedly turned away. She grabbed me by the wrist again, tugging, but I was steadfast.

“You’re not making it any easier. Same for your damn outfit. I’m not giving you pity compliments, I think you look good.”

“Yeah?” I gave her a lazy look. “I look hot, right?”

“Very,” she said, with that tone like it slipped out without her meaning to, and she froze at the realization of what she’d just said, eyes wide. She blushed again. Suddenly, I couldn’t find it in me to be embarrassed anymore. I turned to face her.

“Oh yeah?” I said. “You like seeing me in tight-fitting clothes, huh?”

“No—that’s not what I meant.” She was only getting redder. Now she was the one who wouldn’t look at me.

“Is it not? Maybe that you like how much skin this shows?”

“Paisley—I’m not—”

Screw it, the girl was leaving. I could have my fun. And suddenly this was very good for my ego. So maybe she was avoiding talking about it not because I looked funny but because this was her type? I could work with that.

I took her chin between two fingers, and I turned her back to face me again. It was like a magic switch—she gave in and let me move her effortlessly, doing nothing to fight it, and her pupils were dilated in that very familiar way when I tilted her back to meet my gaze. “Tell me honestly,” I said, my voice low. She swallowed, hard.

“I… um…”

“You want to tell me the truth, right?”

She bit her lip, casting her gaze away.

“Ah,” I called. “Eyes back here, Harper.”

“P-Paisley.” She moved her eyes back to meet mine, her lips parted. I couldn’t get enough of seeing her melt like this—putty in my hands.

“Go ahead and say it.”

“You… you look really good… I’ve just been too shy to say it, but you look really… really good.”

Well, good thing I’d dressed up. My heart was racing, and I felt seriously gorgeous—like I was as irresistible as I always pretended I thought I was. I bit my lip. “You think I’m attractive like this?”

“Paisley…”

I brushed my thumb over her chin. “Say it.”

“I-I do.”

I smiled wider. “That’s not really saying it…”

She swallowed so hard I felt it against my hand. “I think you look gorgeous… and—and very attractive.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear.” I caressed my thumb along her jawline, and she let out a small, aching noise from her throat, eyes closing and lips parting. I wanted to kiss her so badly it burned like fire in my lungs, all-consuming, just wanting to lean in and press my lips to hers, touch her, feel her…

“Paisley, I…”

She was so cute like this. I really couldn’t be blamed for not being able to help myself. I moved like it was an inevitable natural force, closing the gap between us, and I kissed her. She let out a small, muffled noise, tensing up, and I held there waiting to see if she pulled away, but she met me—she sank into me, pressing her lips to mine with a little gasp of need, and it burned me up from head to toe.

I went in hard, pressing against her firmly, fiercely, kissing, my hand going to the back of her head, burying in her hair and holding her against me as I kissed, quick, hard, furious. Harper gasped, small moans against me as I moved my lips against hers, softening and letting me lead as I kissed her over and over, hard, fast—a burning hunger inside of me where nothing was enough, where I couldn’t get enough, and all I could think was more, harder, kissing like she was oxygen.

And it stopped when she pushed me away, face flushed, breathing hard. It felt like a blow to the chest—why we had to stop if it was that good. Had it been just me? Why?

“Paisley,” she whispered, turning away. “We can’t… do that.”

“It sure seemed to me like we could.”

“I’m leaving, Paisley. Leaving Bayview. You know that.”

“So? You’re here now. And I want to kiss you again…” I trailed a hand down her arm, but I pulled away when she shrank into herself, hugging her knees into her chest.

“What do you think?”

“What do I think? I think that you’re cute and I like kissing you.”

“Oh my god, I can’t stand you,” she muttered, shifting towards the tent flap. “Let’s go back to the shore. I’m done here.”

My stomach sank. I couldn’t take the back-and-forth. I just wanted to know if I’d screwed up today or not, not… have my feelings yanked around like this. “We just got out here,” I protested weakly.

“And we got our picture. I experienced it. Cross it off the bucket list.”

I sank back against the far side, hugging my knees into my chest too. “Are you mad at me?”

“Am I ever not?”

“Tell me the truth.”

“No. I’m not…” She sighed, raking her fingers back through her hair. “I just need to get back to shore. And breathe. And… how…” She frowned, opening the zipper and looking out. “Er… how do we move?”

“Oh, you tie a rope to it before you leave shore, so you don’t drift away and you can pull it back.”

“And you… didn’t bring that up before we left with no rope?”

“Oh yeah.” I cocked my head. “I didn’t really think about it. Ms. Connelly didn’t give you one?”

“Nope.”

I laughed. “She’s a forgetful woman.”

“I’m glad this is funny to you. Now what do we do?”

Stay with me and we can drift away together.That sounded romantic. Did I want that? Romance with Harper? The idea left me churning, and I couldn’t figure out why. Wasn’t love supposed to be hit-you-over-the-head obvious?

Not that it mattered. I’d pissed her off and she was trying to storm away.

“Paddle,” I said.

“Son of a bitch. I’m going to look like a fucking idiot.”

“I’ll get out and push. I always look like a fucking idiot.”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “In your nice new clothes?”

I shrugged off my coat and tugged my cap off, pulled the elastic out of my hair, and I pulled my leggings off, down to my swimwear bottoms. Harper blushed, looking away.

“I—Paisley. Tell me before you get naked.”

“It’s a bikini, you dork. I know you’re not gonna faint at the sight of a girl in a swimsuit.” I took off into the water, mostly just grateful for an opportunity to not have to look at Harper right now. Or maybe for her not to look at me.

This bucket journey sucked. And it was my fault. And—really, how did anything have the audacity to be Paisley Macleod’s fault?