Chapter 3

The rest of the week I was busy between my shifts at the station and the substitute teaching positions I picked up. I wanted to fill my time, so every morning I checked for openings.

What I loved about substitute teaching was that you could take whatever jobs you wanted. So if I was tired or needed to help out on the farm, I didn't take a job that day.

Ever since I'd spent the evening with Claire and Owen, I'd been antsy. I volunteered for every job at the firehouse and every teaching position I could get. I wanted to stay busy because if I had free time, I worried I'd want to call Claire and see if Owen wanted to throw a ball around or make an excuse to stop in and see them again.

I liked the idea of that way more than hanging out with my coworkers at a bar downtown. I had no interest in drinking or picking up women.

Football tryouts were coming up, and I had no idea what to expect. I wasn't even sure I'd be any good at coaching. My coaches all said I was great with the younger kids, and I enjoyed teaching, so I hoped it would be okay.

I felt like a disappointment to my family most of the time. I didn't want to feel like that in other areas of my life. Sometimes I thought that's why I volunteered to do so much. I wanted to prove that I was capable and reliable. Someone people could count on.

I wanted to be the best substitute teacher and coach I could be. It might not be what my dad wanted for me, but it was what I enjoyed. I wanted to give back to the community, and I enjoyed working directly with people.

While my brothers fought to make the world a safer place, I just wanted to help people. I sensed how much Owen enjoyed me taking the time to play ball with him. I wanted to touch more people like that. Teach them there's more to life than whatever's going on at home.

I enjoyed teaching kids to dream and hope for something bigger and better. I never got that encouragement to follow my passions. Instead, there was so much pressure from my brothers and my dad to do something worthwhile, whatever that meant to them. To go to college and get an education I could use. I was hesitant because I couldn't settle on any one thing.

I wasn't sure what I wanted, but I enjoyed helping others find their way. It was the day-to-day interaction with other people that I thrived on, whether it was teaching about fire prevention or helping a kid with a math problem.

When I went home after teaching, I saw my sister Daphne's husband Cole's truck in front of the main house. I hadn't heard that anyone was getting together today, but I wanted to see my niece, so I parked beside it.

Inside, I could hear Izzy squealing. I smiled as I opened the door. "Where's my favorite niece?"

Izzy squealed even louder and ran in my direction. I stooped to catch her and lift her in the air. I threw her over my shoulder in a fireman's hold while she wiggled and laughed. "Uncle Jamey, put me down."

She was the only one I let call me that anymore. "Only if you ask nicely."

"Please, put me down, Uncle Jamey," she said sweetly.

"Fine," I said as I lowered her to her feet.

"You're so good with her," Daphne said to me as Izzy ran into the kitchen, probably to look for snacks.

"She's one of my favorite people." We didn't get to see my other niece Faith very often. Her mother kept them in Virginia close to her family. That also meant we didn't see my brother Ryder.

"We're going out for dinner. Dad's going to watch Izzy. Are you planning on sticking around?"

"Of course. I've been waiting for someone to play dolls with," I said as we walked into the kitchen, and I nodded at Cole.

"You don't like playing with dolls," Izzy said.

I placed my palm on my chest in mock indignation. "What are you talking about? I love playing dolls with you."

Izzy just gave me a look.

Cole shook his head in amusement. "She's not going to fall for your charm."

"All the ladies fall for my charm," I said knowing my role in the family. I was the easy-going one, the one who was quick with a joke. I didn't take anything too seriously.

"Have you been working a lot this week? We haven't seen you around," Daphne said.

I went to the fridge to grab a water. "I've been subbing every day I'm not at the firehouse."

"You're going to wear yourself out," Daphne said.

"That's not possible. I'm like the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going." I ruffled Izzy's hair while she was bent over her coloring book. "You mind if I color with you?"

Izzy handed me a red crayon.

"My favorite color," I said as I sat next to her.

"You're one big kid," Dad said, and I tried not to let that sting. I'd never be like my brothers. They'd always known they'd wanted to go into law enforcement, and I'd long ago stopped trying to make Dad see me any other way.

Ever since Mom died, the family needed someone who could see the lighter side of things. I was that person for them. Everyone loved me. Whether they agreed with my career choices was another matter.

"We're going to head out. Thanks for watching Izzy for us," Daphne kissed Dad's cheek, then hugged Izzy.

Dad waved her off. "Anytime. I love spending time with Izzy."

I waved a hand in their direction. "Get out of here so we can play."

Izzy giggled. "Uncle Jamey, you're being silly."

I chucked her on the chin. "I'm always silly, and you love it."

Izzy grinned, then climbed down from her chair and into my lap. I let her settle on one leg, pulling her coloring book closer. Her head bent over the coloring page again.

I breathed in the sweet scent of her, strawberries and graham crackers. That was the snack she probably ate after school.

"When are you going to teach at my school?" Izzy asked.

"They need more subs at the middle school. No one wants to teach those hooligans." I pretended to shudder like the teenagers scared me too.

"I'm going to stay in elementary school forever. I don't want to go to middle school," Izzy said as she concentrated on coloring the whale on the page in the lines.

"I'll homeschool you if it gets to that," I promised her.

Izzy smiled up at me.

I didn't want her to be exposed to middle-school aged boys any more than Cole did. I'd seen the way some of the eighth-grade boys acted. If I had my way, she'd be enrolled in an all-girls school.

Dad snorted. "You don't have time for that. Not working three jobs. Besides, you're not a teacher."

"It wouldn't take much for me to be one. I just need to get my certificate." I'd looked it up a few years ago, and I didn't need much for the degree. Just a few teaching classes since I'd already majored in math.

"Is that what you want to do?"

"I'm happy being a firefighter," I said simply, hoping he'd drop it. I was aware that my dad didn't think much of my choices in life. I wouldn't do anything else to make him think less of me.

"If you're happy at the firehouse, why are you working all these other jobs?"

"Firefighting's a worthy profession, and I enjoy being around kids." The only time he was proud of me was when I graduated from the fire academy, but then he'd said something about wasting my education. It had hurt and made me realize I wasn't going to be able to please my family. There was something about me that was fundamentally and inexcusably different than them.

I wasn't in law enforcement like my brothers. I protected the community, but it wasn't the same. I would never be good enough in his eyes.

I colored the boat on the page red. "I've been doing more of the home visits, where I check to ensure the fire alarms are working properly and the homeowners know how to use their equipment."

"Is that part of the job now?"

"It's something we've been doing in my department more frequently. It just depends on how much time we have. And I enjoy doing it."

Dad grunted as he moved around the kitchen, getting something ready for dinner.

"I met this single mother the other day. Her son was home alone, cooking." I could relate to that. We'd done a lot of that after our mother died. "Instead of escaping from the house, he tried to use the fire extinguisher, but it didn't work for him. I demonstrated how to use it and made sure they had a replacement near the stove."

"You do good work. I'll give you that."

My entire body flushed with pride. It was rare for my dad to say anything like that.

"Your talent would be wasted as a teacher."

My stomach dropped. He'd never fully accept me. Not really. "Teachers help the community, just in a different way." It wasn't a protective role in the way that society thought of it. But they were shaping minds and building kids' confidence. I didn't think there was anything more important than that.

Sometimes I wondered if my indecision about my career choices was because my hopes and dreams were stepped on more than they were encouraged growing up.

Dad didn't want me to be a teacher. He tolerated my chosen profession, but he wasn't proud of me. Not in the way I'd always craved. I needed to get over it because I was an adult now and shouldn't need his approval.

I wondered what my life would have been like if my mother lived. Would she have encouraged me to do my own thing? It didn't matter because she was gone, and I'd never know.

Ten minutes later, Dad placed the plate of chicken, potatoes, and carrots in front of me. Dad cooked but just the essentials, nothing fancy. But I was starving, so I slid Izzy over to her seat and dug in.

"You just stop by for food," Dad said to me.

I winked at Izzy. "And the company."

Izzy's lips twitched. "Uncle Jamey."

"You know you love me," I said to her.

Izzy nodded seriously. "I do love you."

"Am I your favorite?" It was a game we played often between me and my brothers. I almost always won because I was willing to play with dolls and wear hot pink boas at her tea parties.

Izzy chewed on her lip. "Cole is my favorite."

"That doesn't count. He's basically your dad." Her father wasn't involved in her life, and Cole had recently gotten him to terminate his rights so he could adopt her.

"Speaking of... The adoption will be scheduled soon. The judge said they do a whole thing at the courthouse. A little party. We can even bring a cake and balloons. Will you be there?"

"Just let me know the date. I'll get off work. I can't wait until this little one becomes a— Wait a minute, you're going to be a Monroe." I loved that Cole was adopting her, but it was a little strange that she'd go from being a Calloway to a Monroe. Cole belonged to a family we'd held a bitter rivalry with for years because they owned a competing Christmas tree farm.

"Mommy's a Monroe, and I want my name to match."

I nodded. "Of course you do. You're so blessed to have your mother and Cole."

Izzy nodded solemnly. "They're the best."

"We're happy to have Cole in our family," Dad said, a little edge to his words.

Daphne had kept her relationship with Cole a secret for a while because of the rivalry between our families. Although we weren't exactly keeping up with the Monroe farm anymore. Their business took off and ours was stagnant.

"We're having a family meeting to discuss the state of the farm soon."

"Do I need to be there?" I wasn't a fan of family meetings. There was usually ribbing involved with my brothers, and I could do without it. It always centered around my job choice, my living situation, or my single status.

"It's a family meeting. You're a part of this family, aren't you?"

I sobered. "I don't know. Am I, Izzy?"

Izzy rolled her eyes. "You're a Calloway."

"That's right," Dad said.

Then she chewed her lip again. "If I change my name to Monroe, does that mean I'm not a Calloway anymore?"

"Of course not. You'll always be a Calloway," I said firmly. No one would let this little girl think less of herself.

"That's right," Dad agreed.

"Does it mean I own two Christmas tree farms?" Izzy asked seriously.

"Well, you don't own them, but I bet you can enjoy both of them." I didn't like the idea that Izzy might grow closer to Cole's cousins, but it was inevitable. I just hoped we'd always have a special relationship because I'd lived nearby when she was little. Daphne initially lived in the main house, then moved to the cottage.

Izzy's eyes widened. "Can I have two Christmas trees?"

"You can have whatever you want." I couldn't say no to her, and I had a feeling Cole was the same way.

"Ryder's going to be here this weekend," Dad said.

I stopped shoveling potatoes into my mouth. "Are you serious?"

Dad nodded. "He asked if he could bring Faith and stay in the cottage for a few days."

"Stacy isn't coming?"

"He didn't mention her. He just asked if he and Faith could stay. That's why I thought it would be a good time for a family meeting."

"I wonder what's going on there," I said, more to myself than Dad. None of us were close to Ryder. Ever since he got married, he distanced himself from us. My brothers blamed his wife, but I was irritated with him.

He was in control of his life and his decisions. He could come home if he wanted to. I wouldn't let him off the hook as easily.

Even if my brothers made fun of me for living at home, I vowed to stay after Mom died. I wanted to make sure my dad and my youngest sibling Daphne were going to be okay. Fiona and Teddy were already in college when Mom got sick. Teddy moved schools to be closer, but Fiona stayed away.

Then one by one, the rest of my brothers left. Axel enlisted in the military, and Ryder went off to school, met Stacy, married, and never returned home. Now he had a daughter, one we didn't know well.

I hoped that Ryder's visit meant that he was aware that he needed to see his family more often, but I wasn't sure. What if Faith hated it here and wanted nothing to do with the farm? She was getting older and might not want to be away from her home or her mother.

"It will be okay."

"I know." I stretched my neck, my appetite suddenly gone.

"You've always felt things so deeply. I know it hurt you that Ryder stayed away all these years."

I huffed out a laugh because I went to great lengths to pretend I didn't feel anything. "I do not."

"I see you, Jameson."

I wanted to tell him not to see me, but I didn't want to be rude, especially in front of Izzy. Instead, I went for humor. "What you see is what you get. I'm a surface-level guy."

"If you were a surface-level guy, you wouldn't meet with homeowners on your free time or substitute teach for pennies."

"Fire safety is important. Fire detectors save lives. Do you know how many people have the old ones and never change the batteries?"

Dad gave me a look. "You're proving my point."

"Those middle-school kids need a cool teacher." I winked at Izzy.

Izzy rolled her eyes. "I wish you could teach my class. Our substitute talks the same."

"What do you mean?" Dad asked her.

"She talks. Like. This." Izzy spoke in a monotone voice. "It's so boring."

Dad let out a chuckle. "Sounds like it."

"She said the teachers love her because she gets everything done on the list." Izzy looked at me. "I bet you'd let us play games."

"Well, yeah. You're in second grade. Why should you be checking off lists at that age?" I shuddered at the thought. "I don't want to meet the kid who takes their second-grade education seriously."

Izzy gave me an exasperated look. Even she thought I was ridiculous at times.

"What do you do in middle school? Babysit them while they're on their phones?" Dad asked, surprising me because he never asked about specifics of my teaching positions.

I straightened in my seat. "We get the work done, and we have fun doing it. But I don't let those kids get away with anything. I know how they are. If they can get an inch, they'll take a mile."

"That's my boy," Dad said, and for once, I heard the pride in his voice.

I shouldn't need it, but I still wanted it. I was pathetic like that.

"Ryder's staying at the cottage this weekend, but what do you think about moving in?" Dad asked.

"I like where I'm at." The apartment had been the perfect spot to move in when I turned eighteen. I wasn't sure what school I wanted to go to, or if I even wanted to go at all. When I finally enrolled, I lived at home and commuted to school because I wanted to be near Dad and help on the farm, but I wondered what a woman like Claire would think about a grown man living above his dad's garage.

I wasn't exactly in the basement, but it was close to it. She was living on her own and raising a kid. A good one at that. He was respectful if a little standoffish, which was normal for a teenager.

I wanted to get to know both of them better, but I had no reason to show up at their house or ask them how they were doing. I was hoping she'd reach out to me. I cleared my throat. "I'm wondering if it's time to move out though."

Dad pushed his empty plate away. "You want to move off the farm?"

"Izzy's not here anymore, so there's nothing left for me," I teased her.

"Uncle Jamey—"

"I miss you like crazy," I said.

Izzy's lips twitched. "I miss you too."

I puffed out my chest. "But a man needs his own place at some point."

"You're welcome to stay as long as you want, but I can understand the need to get your own place and be independent. Any idea where you'll go?" Dad asked.

"I haven't even started looking." The idea to move popped into my head when I spent the evening with Claire. I wanted to be someone that a woman like her could respect.