Chapter 20

Twenty

Jake

P utting on the charcoal suit I’d purchased with Ryan’s advice, I wondered if I was making a huge mistake. Standing in front of the mirror, I tugged on the stiff collar that threatened to choke me. I didn’t recognize the man staring back at me. I wasn’t used to wearing anything dressier than a clean pair of jeans.

I’d never even owned a suit before. Never had a need for one. Didn’t know why I’d given in and bought one now. How had one woman changed me in such a short time?

Sweat trickled down my back. It was partly the unseasonably warm spring day and my nerves. I didn’t look like me in this get-up. I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Who was I kidding?

I already knew what Lily’s parents would think of me. I didn’t need to make a better impression with a suit when I could never quite get the grease out from under my short nails, or the smell of it off my skin. I wasn’t the man for her, and they’d know it the second they saw me, if they didn’t already.

My phone buzzed on the dresser. Grateful for a distraction from my downward spiral, I answered Ryan’s call. “Yeah.”

“You thinking about bailing?” Ryan’s tone was tinged with amusement.

“I couldn’t do that to Lily.” But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered it. I was prepared to handle Lily’s mother, a judgy socialite who thought she was better than me. I’d dealt with people like her before, and I’d decided long ago not to put myself in these situations. I’d always fall short.

“Are you sure you’re okay to go?” Ryan asked, his voice measured with concern.

“I will be.” I drank water from the glass I’d placed on my dresser. I should drink something harder, something that would make the night go smoother, but that wasn’t me. I knew I needed to be sober to handle the night ahead. “I won’t back out.”

But I wasn’t sure it was good for my confidence to go. No matter how much I’d built myself up over the years, I’d never lost the inferiority complex I’d carried around as a kid.

“Just remember, you’re a successful businessman.”

I clenched my teeth. “It doesn’t matter if it’s true. It only matters what they think of me.”

“You’ve got that backwards. It’s what you think of yourself that creates your reality. Not the other way around.”

“I don’t follow.”

“If you walk in with confidence, like you own the place, it will throw her parents off.”

“She won’t sense my weakness and go in for the kill?” I felt lighter having Ryan talk me down. I wasn’t left alone with my familiar thoughts.

“That’s a little more dramatic than I was thinking, but yeah. Kind of what I was saying.”

“I appreciate you trying to help, but we both know how this is going to go.”

Ryan groaned. “Have you been listening to anything I just said? You set the tone for the evening. Not the other way around. Take control.”

I looked in the mirror, trying to see what someone else would. I was attractive. I didn’t look bad in this suit. It just felt wrong. This suit—hell, this party—wasn’t me. “I’m not sure I have it in me.”

Ryan was quiet for a few seconds as if he was mulling over his answer. Finally, he asked, “How much do you like Lily?”

“A lot.” My answer came easily. Lily had quickly become my soft place to land, and I couldn’t imagine not seeing her at the end of the night.

“Then you need to be the man she needs tonight if you have any hope of a future with her.”

I dropped to the edge of the bed, my head falling between my shoulder blades as I massaged the tension in my neck.

“Why can’t she just cut her mother off?” That’s what I’d done. I only saw my mother when Hailey wanted to. She’d shown up out of the blue a few months ago, but if it was up to me, I’d never see her.

“It’s not that easy for everyone. Lily’s mother may not be perfect—”

“But she’s not as bad as mine,” I finished for him, running a hand through my hair.

“Lily might want to set boundaries but never completely cut her off. And you have to be okay with that.”

“I don’t have to like it.” My voice felt like sandpaper. I hated that Lily was upset anytime she saw or talked to her mother. Hell, each time she caught sight of that ridiculous party invitation, I saw the uncertainty in her eyes. Her mother had the power to cut her to the quick just by Lily thinking about her.

“Her mother can treat me however she wants, but I don’t want her messing with Lily. She’s come so far. Her business is starting to take off. She doesn’t need her mother bringing her down.”

“That’s right. You’re there to support Lily. To fight for her. If her mother crosses a line, you can step in and say something. You’re there for her, not to prove something about yourself.”

Was Ryan right? It wasn’t about me, but Lily. “I think I can do it if I keep that in mind.” I was there to protect Lily from her mother. She could say or do whatever she wanted to me.

“I’m glad we’re finally on the same page.”

I stretched my neck from side to side, feeling better. “Same page? I don’t think we’re in the same book most days.”

“Tell me about it,” Ryan muttered. He said something softly to someone else in the room, most likely my sister. “Hailey wants to talk to you.”

“Put her on.”

“Hey, you.” Hailey’s voice was filled with warmth.

“You got any words of wisdom?” I asked her, affection filling my chest.

“How much does Lily mean to you? I didn’t get to hear your answer.” Her voice was softer, as if she’d moved to another room for privacy.

I sighed, thinking back to the last few weeks and how I felt when I was holding Lily, when we talked about our fears and dreams at night. “I think I’m falling in love with her.”

Hailey sucked in a sharp breath. “You’re serious?”

I’d never said those words out loud before. I’d never even come close to feeling it, much less thinking it was possible. “Yeah, I am.”

I was done pushing Lily away or telling myself I wasn’t the right man for her. As long as I was her choice, I wasn’t going anywhere.

“That’s great. I’m so happy for you.” Hailey’s voice sounded a little watery, as if she was fighting back tears.

“Don’t get emotional. It might not go anywhere.” There were still a multitude of opportunities for me to screw it up.

“It sounds like it already has. I love Lily for you.”

Goose bumps erupted over my skin. I loved Lily for me too. She was nothing like I expected for myself. She was so much better. “Me too,” I said gruffly.

“Don’t fuck this up. I’ll be so pissed at you.” Hailey’s voice was stronger, her words full of conviction.

“Why will you be mad?” I asked, shocked at the conviction in her voice.

“I want you to be happy.”

“I am.” But I knew the words were empty. I thrived on work and business; that wasn’t living life. I saw that now. Life was sex in a barn when the rain was pounding on the roof. It was driving your motorcycle down a long lane because your girl was waiting for you, and as soon as she saw you, she’d jump into your arms because she couldn’t wait one more second to be close to you.

Tingles erupted over my body. I was in love with Lily, and there was no turning back. She was it for me. I pushed away any thoughts that it wasn’t going to work out. For once, I wanted it to. I didn’t want to get in my own way or stop myself from enjoying this.

“I have something to tell you,” Hailey began, her tone hesitant.

“Are you okay?” I asked, tension tightening the muscles in my neck.

“We’re pregnant,” Hailey said. Her voice was soft but filled with excitement.

“Congratulations.” I didn’t have to ask her if she was happy because it was clear from her tone she was. I enjoyed having Corey around, and I knew I’d be excited when their baby was born. We had a chance to change the future generation. Our kids wouldn’t grow up how we did.

“I want you to have what Ryan and I have.”

“For the first time, I think I’m on the right track.” I could see a future with Lily. Maybe not the same one Hailey and Ryan had, but I wanted to be with her. I was open to the possibilities.

“I’m proud of you,” Hailey said, softer now.

“Hey, aren’t I the one who’s supposed to be saying that to you?” I asked, thinking back to all the times I’d soothed her when she was crying over a scraped knee, and later, a jerk boyfriend. I was the one who’d always been there for her.

“In a lot of ways, you’re more emotionally stunted than me,” she quipped.

“Hey,” I said in protest, but I knew she was right.

“Mom’s leaving messed you up. Probably more than it did me because you had to be the strong one. I could fall apart, but you couldn’t.”

“How did you get to be so intuitive?” I asked her, impressed with her maturity.

“I forced myself to deal with what Mom did to us. You need to do the same, or it’s going to eat you up inside, screw up any future relationships, and who knows what else. You still carry around the weight of her leaving like a chip on your shoulder.”

I didn’t respond because she was right. But I wasn’t ready to deal with my past. Tonight was about Lily’s. Glancing at the alarm clock on my nightstand, I said, “I need to go.”

Hailey sighed. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Then I clicked off before she could say anything else insightful. I wasn’t ready to discuss my mother. I liked to keep her in a box at the back of my brain, closed off. I never wanted to open it or explore what might have been or what could be. It was done, and she was out of my life.

Hailey was wrong about one thing: My mother wouldn’t come between Lily and me. I wouldn’t let her.

Sighing, I put on the new dress shoes Ryan insisted I buy. I had to admit it looked better than my dusty boots, but it was one more thing that was shiny and new and didn’t feel like me.

Before I could fall back into negativity, I let my newfound feelings for Lily lift me up. I loved her, and I was going to support her tonight.

I stood, grabbing the tie I couldn’t seem to figure out no matter how many tutorials I watched online. I grabbed the keys to my rarely used truck and headed to Lily’s. When I arrived, she wasn’t on the porch. I tried not to let that affect me.

I knocked on the door, my heart thumping out of control in my chest. Had she changed her mind about me escorting her tonight? Had she finally realized I wasn’t the best guy for this event?

“Come in,” I heard her call faintly through the wood door.

I tried the knob, and it turned easily. Closing and locking it behind me, I took in the room. It looked the same as the first day I was invited inside. Most of her grandmother’s things still sat on the tabletops. Lily was so busy with the barn and planting new flowers on the property, I knew she didn’t have any time for the interior.

I vowed to help her out more around here.

“I’m upstairs,” Lily said, and I followed her voice up the steps and down the hall to the master bedroom.

“In here,” she called as she popped her head out of the bathroom.

I propped a shoulder against the doorframe, relaxing immediately at the sight of her in a tight red dress that accentuated every dip and curve of her body. She moved, and the slit opened, revealing one long leg.

“Wow.” The red color wasn’t her style, but it looked amazing on her.

Lily lowered the mascara wand to look at me in the mirror. “You don’t think it’s too much?”

I moved closer to her, touching her hips as she straightened in front of me. “I don’t think that’s possible. You look amazing in everything you wear. This is just more.”

She turned in my arms, looping her hands around my neck. She kissed me, clearly intending it to be a chaste kiss hello, but I quickly delved inside, needing to be close to her. To bury myself in her.

I kissed her chin and down her neck as she arched into me. “Jake, we don’t have time—”

“We have all the time in the world.” If we stayed home. If we forgot about responsibilities and parties and expectations.

“Jake.” She tugged on my hair in protest, but her voice was weak.

“You need me to let go.”

She nodded as my fingers slipped underneath her skirt and up the soft skin of her thighs. She widened her legs, inviting me in.

I nearly groaned when my fingers met the tiny scrap of lace, sliding the material to the side to separate her folds.

“Jake—” Her head fell back slightly as one finger entered her.

“Hush. We have time for this.” I covered her lips with mine as I alternated between playing with her clit and pumping inside. I quickly built her up, wanting to watch her fall apart.

I wanted to spin her around, place her hands on the counter, and take her from behind, but we didn’t have time for that. As much as I wanted her, tonight was about her, not my needs.

I couldn’t tell her how I felt. It wasn’t good timing. She wasn’t in the right headspace for that.

Her whimpers increased as she got close, her weight resting on the counter behind her. I resisted the urge to mark her neck with my mouth. Her mother wouldn’t appreciate it, no matter how much I wanted to do it.

Lily’s hands tightened on my biceps as she let go, spasming around my fingers. Her body sagged, and I held her up, knowing I always would if she’d let me.

Ryan’s words played on repeat in my head. I was going tonight to protect Lily. To be the man she deserved. I was a successful businessman. My past was nothing to be ashamed of. It was what made me the man I was today. Deserving and confident, and the man who stood between Lily and her family.

I had her back when no one else did. If they couldn’t see how brightly she shone, it was their problem.

“It’s your turn.” Her hand moved to the front of my pants, but I encircled her wrist, stopping her. “Tonight’s for you.”

Her red lips pouted. “Tonight, then.”

I kissed her. “Tonight.”

I looked forward to taking her dress off later and seeing the lingerie underneath. I tried not to think about how the night could go wrong and we’d end up somewhere else.

Lily smiled as she turned to face the mirror, fixing the damage I’d just done to her makeup. I leaned one hip against the counter as I watched her. I never thought I would ever derive this kind of pleasure from watching a woman make herself more beautiful for a night out with me.

Finally, she straightened, her gaze uncertain once again. “Thank you for coming tonight. You didn’t have to.”

“Yes, I did.”

She turned, shooting me a questioning glance.

“I’m your boyfriend. My place is by your side.”

She smiled wide at that, going up on tiptoes to kiss me on the mouth.

“Still. Thank you.”

This woman was killing me with her appreciation, kindness, and love. Even if she hadn’t said it, I felt it each time she jumped into my arms at night or touched my chest as we talked in bed.

She accepted me just as I was, and that was priceless.

“You want me to fix your tie?” Lily pulled the tie out of my pocket.

“I forgot about that.” I was hoping she wouldn’t notice, and I wouldn’t have to wear it.

She raised a brow at me. “Let me help you. It completes the outfit.”

“You don’t think I look ridiculous in this?” I asked her as she moved closer to circle my collar with the tie, smoothing it down before doing whatever complicated knot I couldn’t seem to manage from the online videos.

She tightened the knot, smoothing one hand down the length of the tie before smiling at me. “You look handsome in a suit.”

I cleared my throat. “You think so?”

A faint blush appeared on her cheeks. “Yeah.”

“I wish we could stay here all night,” I said, resting a hand on the dip of her waist, reluctant to leave.

She turned to grab her silver clutch from the counter and said, “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, but let’s go so we can get back to this.”

“Hey, I’ll be there the whole time. I won’t leave your side. If you want to leave, just tell me.” Tonight, my job was to ensure she was okay. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her or tear her down.

“You’ll like Cora,” Lily said as she grabbed my hand and led me out of the room. She dropped it to put on her strappy heels. She held on to my arm as she put one on, then the other.

“Is she anything like you?” I asked her, curious about what we were walking into.

Lily snorted as I opened the front door for her. “She’s nothing like me. She’s put together, ambitious, and intelligent.”

“And you’re not?” I asked her, genuinely curious, as I held open the passenger side door of the truck for her.

I helped her into the seat before she turned to me and admitted, “I’m not any of those things.”

“From where I’m standing, you’re incredibly business savvy, smart, and secure in your style.” I said each word with conviction, wanting her to believe me.

Her cheeks flushed. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I shut the door, knowing I’d tell her that every day if she needed to hear it. She needed someone on her side going into the party tonight. As I rounded the hood, I couldn’t believe she went to these events with her family alone.

Sure, she was strong, but you could only hold up so long under the expectations of parents. If she didn’t measure up, she never would. It was pointless to even try. I’d learned that lesson when I was young, and I never forgot it.

As we drove to the neighboring town, where her family lived and she grew up, I wondered if I was crazy for doing this. By the time we’d pulled up to the valet in the front, I reminded myself I was here for her. Lily was the only person in the world who mattered.