Chapter 18

Eighteen

Jake

T he town streets gave way to open country roads as I took the now-familiar route to Lily’s farm. I maneuvered the curves with ease on my motorcycle, but my stomach was tight. I hadn’t brought up the GTO with her because I wanted it. I couldn’t reconcile that with what she needed. I didn’t feel right offering an opinion on what to do when I wanted the GTO in my personal garage.

I could see it now, shined until it looked new, the engine roaring to life. It was special. Only so many of the gold ones had been released. All the GTOs were considered unique, but they’d still released the Tiger Gold as something extra for enthusiasts.

I couldn’t believe it was just sitting in her garage all this time under a tarp. She had no idea what she’d been storing. I didn’t want to take advantage of her. How could she know the gravity of her find when her grandfather had won the car in a contest at the shoe store? The idea was so crazy in this day and age, I almost couldn’t believe it. Yet when Lily relayed it to me, I believed she’d heard that story a billion times. As outlandish as it sounded, it was true.

It was one more reminder that Lily’s family had a valued history. She came from a loving family. Yeah, she had a mother with high expectations for her, but surely, that was better than her mother not being present.

That didn’t sit right with me because I’d seen the look in Lily’s eyes, the tense set of her shoulders when she’d described what her mother said to her. There was no question that she upset Lily. I didn’t like that either.

I breathed out a breath when I parked my bike in front of the house. As usual, Lily was waiting for me on the porch.

I loved it more than she could ever know. I’d never had anyone wait for me to get home, much less sit on the porch. It healed something deep inside me, something that had longed for love and attention.

Lily gave me that, and I was a selfish bastard for taking what she had to offer and giving her nothing in return. Maybe I could help her with the GTO, and anything owed to her would be paid in full.

I swung my leg over the motorcycle, balancing my black helmet on the seat.

I met her on the steps; she was a few above me, which put us at eye level. She smiled brightly and, as usual, hopped into my arms. Her hands wound around my neck, her fingers playing with the hair on my neck as I held her tight.

Christ. I’d never get enough of this. She wrapped herself around me in more ways than one. Feeling guilty for my one-way thoughts, I said, “I want to take you upstairs.”

She eased back to look me in the eye. “So do it.”

My cock hardened from her words and the press of her core against me. I groaned at the internal battle raging. “You wanted me to take a look at the GTO.”

“We could do that later,” she purred into my ear.

She was a seductress without even trying.

I let her slide down my body, my hands on her hips, steadying her. “Don’t you need to get moving on the barn renovations?”

Her nose scrunched adorably. “Gia stopped by today, and she said we need to find a place for the car. You know, somewhere besides the barn.”

“She have any suggestions?” I held my breath, not wanting to interfere, yet at the same time knowing I could help her.

Lily’s hand curled around my elbow as she walked toward the barn illuminated by the moon. “She thinks we could use it on the farm for the bride and groom to leave for their honeymoon. It would look pretty as a getaway car.”

“Especially with the gold color.”

“I was thinking of changing the color. Gold is so unusual.”

I chuckled. “No. You can’t change the color. It’s the limited-edition Tiger Gold GTO.”

Her face pinched as we neared the doors of the barn. “I don’t know what that means.”

“Only a few were made, and it’s the color that made it special.”

“I just thought it would look better in red or blue.”

I helped her open the heavy doors. “It’s your car. You can do whatever you want with it, but as someone who knows a thing or two about cars—”

“I can’t change the color.” She moved into the barn, circling the car as she talked. “I guess I was hoping to reduce the sentimental value.”

“Why would you want to do that?” I asked, genuinely wanting to know what she was thinking.

“It holds sentimental value for my family, but I need the cash it would provide to fix up the summerhouse.”

“The summerhouse?”

“Yeah, there’s a smaller building to the right of the house. It’s in worse shape than the barn. It’s older. No electricity or air conditioning.”

“And you want to sell the GTO.” My heart was pounding out of my chest.

She nodded, her gaze still on the car between us. “Financially, it makes sense. I can use the van for deliveries. The car’s just something that’s nice to have.”

Inwardly, I winced at her characterization of the car I’d always wanted to have for myself.

“What do you think it’s worth? I mean, it has to be worth something, right? You said yourself only a few were made. It’s a limited edition.”

I’d looked up the value after the night she’d shown it to me. “It retails on the market for a hundred grand.”

Lily sucked in a breath. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.” The truth hurt because I wasn’t ready to make that kind of investment in an antique car. Not yet.

Excitement shone on her face. “Wow. That would solve a lot of my problems. I could easily renovate the summerhouse and maybe even the main house.”

“Why would you need to renovate the farmhouse?”

“Gia mentioned using it as a bed-and-breakfast, or at the very least, a space for the couple and bridal party to get ready for the wedding.”

“But it’s your home.”

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Yeah, but I want my business to be successful.”

“It’s not a bad idea, but you can’t just move out. Not when it was your dream to live here. You love it.” I could tell; it was in her soul, and it was slowly seeping into mine.

“I have to do what makes the most sense. I don’t want to prove my parents right.”

I ran a hand through my hair, wishing I could go to her and soothe her somehow. But I sensed she didn’t want that. “You can’t live your life for your parents.”

I didn’t have any involved in my life, but I knew that much was true.

“I’m not, exactly. But I want to be successful. I want to show them I can do it.”

And that was the problem. I moved toward her, pressing my hand over her heart. “You have to live your life for you.”

Her heart thudded hard under my palm. She tipped up her chin. “And you think staying here is living my life on my terms?”

I brushed my thumb over her bottom lip. “I think it’s a start.”

She chewed on her bottom lip. “My parents never liked the time I spent with my grandparents.”

“Make decisions based on what you want and not what your parents will think.”

Her eyes widened, as if she hadn’t realized every decision she made was in spite of her parents.

“What feels right? What do you want to do?”

Her gaze collided with mine. “I want you.”

I almost smiled. “But we weren’t talking about us. We were talking about the farmhouse, the GTO.”

She licked her lips as I moved to cup her cheek. “If money was no object—”

“I’d restore the GTO, build a garage for the van and the car, and put the pictures of my grandparents with the car here in the barn.”

“For the guests to look at.” I was impressed with her vision for the farm.

She looked tentatively up at me. “Not all the brides will appreciate it, but others might like the history, the love story.”

“I think it’s a great idea.”

She smiled softly. “But it’s crazy. I don’t have the funds to do that now.”

“No. But you will. Besides, I can restore the GTO.” I infused confidence in my words because I could make this happen for her. She didn’t need to worry about money or how it was going to happen. I tried not to think about the GTO slipping through my hands. I didn’t want my dreams to influence her decision.

She shook her head. “I can’t ask you to do more work without compensation.”

“I love that car. It would be my pleasure to make it beautiful again.” I was talking about the car, but I was also referring to Lily. She was beautiful, and I was falling for her. I didn’t know what it meant, but I’d enjoy the ride for as long as I could.

She’d come to her senses eventually and realize that bad boys didn’t make future husbands. Just the word sent a tremor through me. I wasn’t marriage material. Not with my history. Surely, my mom’s track record was a blemish on mine as well.

We shared blood, the same instincts to cut and run. Heck, I’d shown that with every woman I’d ever gotten involved with.

“I don’t know.” Lily pulled back from my touch, circling the car again. “What do you think it needs? New leather interior, upholstery, and possibly tires?”

“At a minimum. I need to get under the hood and see if any mice are making it a home.”

Lily blanched. “Are you serious?”

“It’s been sitting in a barn for years. I’d be surprised if I didn’t find a nest.”

She shuddered. “That’s gross.”

“Yet you had sex in it.”

She grimaced. “You didn’t tell me about the possibility of mice.”

I smiled, not at all sorry that I’d waited to mention it. Sex on the hood of the GTO had been amazing in more ways than one. It wasn’t just the car; it was Lily. The night. The almost dream-like quality to the evening. It had been the single best night of my life.

“I’ll tow it to the garage and get a good look at it. I can send you an estimate, like I did with the van.”

“You know I can’t pay for it right now. Maybe not until we’ve had several weddings to fund it.”

I ignored her question, not wanting to worry her. I’d set aside money to buy one of these cars, and it looked like I wouldn’t be purchasing this one, so I could use it for the repairs. “What are you going to do about a garage?”

“That’s several years out. No matter how convenient it would be, I just don’t see it happening anytime soon.”

“I have a garage on my property. I could keep the GTO there until you have space for it here.”

“Jake. That could be years from now.”

My chest tightened. She didn’t see herself with me in the future. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Just trying to help.”

The age-old insecurities wrapped themselves around my chest, squeezing.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but it’s not fair to you.”

“You sure it’s not about anything else?” I asked, feeling oddly vulnerable.

She tipped her head slightly to the side as she considered me. “What else would it be about?”

“You don’t—” I couldn’t say the words because I wasn’t ready to even think them, much less say them out loud.

Her eyes widened as if she’d just realized what she said. “Jake, are you asking about our future?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

“If you want something, tell me. I can’t read your mind.”

My chest hurt with the effort to hold back my feelings. Finally, I settled on something safe. “I like being with you.”

Her face pinched. “But you don’t see a future with me.”

I enclosed my hand around her upper arm. “What are you talking about?”

I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that she thought I didn’t see a future with us.

She stepped back from me, and my hand fell away. “I’m not your type. It’s not a big deal.”

“That’s not it.” That was exactly it. We were too different. From opposite worlds and families.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re saying you want something more with me?” Then she shook her head. “Don’t answer that. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

She was giving me an out. I should take it and run. But it didn’t feel right to leave her with the impression that she wasn’t right for me. “You’re perfect. Beautiful. Loving and kind. You’re too good for me.”

She smiled sadly. “You’re saying the same thing I was. Just in a different way.”

My brow furrowed. “It doesn’t feel the same.”

Her jaw had a stubborn tilt to it. “It is though.”

What could I say to ease her worries? I could tell her I wanted her. That sounded like I only wanted her physically, and that wasn’t the case. Instead, I opted for the truth. “I love being with you. Coming home to you at the end of the night. How you jump into my arms, trusting me to catch you.”

Her eyes flitted over my face as if judging my sincerity. “Are you saying you want this to be more than spending nights together?”

What was she asking for? “Can you tell me what you need? I’ve never been in a relationship before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Her mouth dropped open slightly and then closed. “I want a relationship.”

“Like boyfriend-girlfriend?” I asked, wondering how the words felt on my tongue. Not too bad. Exclusivity wasn’t the problem; it was the accompanying feelings that were overwhelming.

She nodded. “I want to go out with you. Spend time together outside of here. I want to see where you live.”

I hadn’t consciously kept her from my house. It just made more sense to drop by her place when I was done with work. “I can do that.”

“Yeah?”

I kissed her and then pulled back slightly. “I can do anything for you.”

It was the truth, and I poured it into the next kiss, everything I was thinking and feeling, my hopes and dreams. I didn’t let the worries and anxiety penetrate. This was us, for better or worse. I wanted to be with her. Fuck my history and my mother. What she’d done didn’t mean I’d be the same. I could be the man Lily needed.