Chapter 15

Fifteen

Jake

B eing inside her, with her scent surrounding me, her hands running up and down my back, was everything. She kneaded my ass and pulled me deeper. She felt like home to me.

The thought caused something to swell inside my chest and emotion to clog my throat. She was the perfect respite at the end of the day. A balm to my soul with her flowers and kindness.

She was everything I’d ever wanted but nothing I deserved. I was an asshole because I was going to sink into this feeling, live in the moment, and enjoy the hell out of it.

I wasn’t going to worry about my past or my future. I was in the present moment with Lily.

I couldn’t get close enough to her. It was a weird feeling—one I wasn’t used to. In the past, sex was purely a physical release. I didn’t do it to feel close to someone else or to burrow into their soul. But with Lily, it was so much more.

I wanted to experience everything. As I moved slowly inside, savoring the sensation of her walls surrounding me, a feeling of tenderness washed over me.

This woman would be my undoing, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. She owned me, not the other way around. And it felt so good.

Sitting back on my heels without breaking the connection, I attempted to create physical distance between us. I pressed her thighs wider as I searched for that spot inside her that would drive her over the edge a second time. I wanted to make this good for her, so earth shattering she’d never forget me.

I wanted to ruin her for all other men, because, as amazing as were together, both of us knew we couldn’t be more.

Every muscle in my body strained to stop my impending orgasm. I wanted her to go over first. She bit her lip as she looked up at me, so trusting, so full of emotion for me.

It hit me in the gut, making it difficult for me to draw in a deep breath. I was racing against time.

When she moaned, I knew I’d gotten the right angle. Staying in that position, I increased my tempo as I circled her clit. Her head thrashed back and forth as if it were too much.

“Come for me, Lily.”

At my words, her body tensed, and then she finally shook with her release. Fuck, it was perfect. I followed her over, wanting to be in the moment with her.

Gathering her in my arms, I shifted us so I was on my side, and she was nestled against my chest. Her hair tickled my nose, but I didn’t move her. I never wanted to be away from her again. She was necessary to my existence in some inexplicable way.

Ryan’s words from earlier came back to me. He’d said I needed and deserved a woman like Lily. I moved to pull off the condom, tied it, and threw it aside to take care of later. Brushing her hair out of her face, I moved her so she was on her back and I was propped on my elbow, gazing down at her.

“Are you okay?” It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to say, but I wasn’t ready for the emotions threatening to spill out of my body.

She smiled softly, her face illuminated by the light of the moon. “Oh yeah. That was incredible.”

Was I ready for more? Was I ready to take the next step with her? I didn’t even know what that would look like.

I kissed her, pouring everything I was feeling into it. I caressed the side of her face and stroked her hair, needing her to know that this was real.

Finally, I slowed my kisses and moved to my back. She followed me, placing her head on my chest and throwing one smooth leg over mine. I’d never get enough of having her pressed against my body. Stroking her bare back, I said, “You feel good.”

She arched a brow. “You don’t do this normally, do you?”

“I’ve been with women,” I said, not understanding her question.

“You don’t cuddle after sex or stay the night.” It wasn’t a question.

“That’s true.” The words felt like sandpaper, and it didn’t sit right with me.

“But you’re different with me.” Her tone was one of curiosity.

“I am.” She was different in a way I couldn’t wrap my mind around.

A small smile hovered over her lips. “I like what we have.”

My mouth felt impossibly dry. “Me too.”

“Let’s not think too much about it. We can live in the moment and enjoy every second.” Her words were optimistic, but her expression was hesitant.

“That sounds good to me.” I swallowed over the emotion that threatened to erupt. My mind was telling me I was an idiot, but my hands pressed her closer to me.

Something akin to pleasure sparked in her eyes. Then she settled her head onto my shoulder, and I pressed a kiss to her forehead, tenderness threatening to overwhelm me.

Shortly after, her breathing evened out, but I was awake for a while, alternating between stroking her back and touching the strands of her hair. I wanted to savor every minute because it couldn’t last.

I didn’t question that conclusion; I just knew it with every fiber of my being. Lily wasn’t meant for me. I wouldn’t be able to give her what she needed. Love, a family, a home. She deserved all those things. Much more than I could provide.

Despite what Ryan said, I didn’t deserve the same things as him. I could never trust that it would last. I don’t know how Hailey did it. I think it was because she was younger when Mom left. It affected her differently.

I didn’t hold out hope. I knew it was pointless to wish for something that would never happen. And Lily was the same. I knew we weren’t right for each other. Not in all the ways that mattered. We had this physical connection that was amazing, but that was pure chemistry. She could replicate that with someone else, and I couldn’t offer the things she really needed.

I pushed away thoughts about how the sex was more than physical. I wasn’t ready to face any of the feelings she evoked in me. It was too much. Too overwhelming.

I finally closed my eyes, content with her in my arms, her floral scent surrounding me. She was perfect, and for a short time, she was mine. That had to be enough.

I woke with a start the next morning, disoriented. The sun was bright on my face, the smell of eggs and bacon permeating the air. The sheets under my skin were soft, and a fan whirred overhead, cooling my skin. I wasn’t at home.

I blinked my eyes open slowly, not wanting to wake from the most amazing dream.

It was Lily’s bedroom, with the wood paneling, the fresh flowers, and the large antique furniture. I’d wanted to wake her with my tongue, but I must have overslept. The clock on the nightstand read six-thirty.

Not wanting to waste a minute of my time with Lily, I lifted the sheet and swung my feet over the edge of the mattress, settling on a soft rug. Standing, I quickly located my briefs and jeans on the floor and pulled them on. Not finding my shirt, I ran a hand through my fingers, stopping in the bathroom to finger brush my teeth with toothpaste.

Feeling better, I grabbed my phone and boots and headed down the steps to follow the smell of bacon.

Walking down the hall to the back of the house, I was surprised to see a renovated kitchen that was modern and airy. The light-colored cabinets brightened the space. Lily stood at the large island, her back facing me as she fussed with something on the plate in front of her.

I couldn’t resist going to her, pulling her back against my front, and burrowing my face into her hair, which was loose around her shoulders. I relished this moment, knowing I was an idiot for bailing so early the other day.

Lily turned in my arms to face me, her palms on my chest. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” I said, not remembering the last time I’d said and meant that statement.

She smiled widely in response.

“You cooked?” My heart pounded in my chest.

“You were sleeping so peacefully; I didn’t want to wake you.” Her cheeks flushed. Was it from the heat of the stove or me?

I ran the back of my hand against her cheek. “But I had plans for you this morning.”

Her cheeks flushed a deeper pink. “I wanted to let you sleep.” She moved slightly away from me. “Breakfast is ready. Do you prefer orange juice or coffee?”

“Coffee,” I said as I rounded the counter to sit on one of the stools.

This scene was domestic, the kind I’d missed as a child and avoided as an adult. A simple breakfast led to expectations. I’d been disappointed enough in my life. I didn’t like to set myself up for more. But I couldn’t resist her.

She set a plate in front of me piled high with fluffy-looking eggs, crispy bacon, and a slice of wheat toast.

I breathed in the aroma, wanting to savor it. “This looks great.”

“Breakfast is easy.”

“Still. I appreciate the effort.” Very few, other than Nana and Hailey, ever made me a meal. I always appreciated it but never expected it from anyone I was dating.

Lily set the coffee mug in front of me before rounding the island with her dish. Sitting next to me, she sipped her mug, closing her eyes at the flavor.

Was she one of those people who appreciated everything around her and always hoped for the best? I wondered how that worked for her. I usually suspected the worst, so I’d never be disappointed.

I took a large bite of eggs, not wanting her to notice I was struggling with anything. “These are amazing, Lily.”

She placed a hand on my forearm. “It’s just eggs.”

“I don’t get many home-cooked meals. I appreciate them when I get them.”

Lily smiled. “I’m happy to cook for you. I like it.”

There was something else there in her words and demeanor. She liked taking care of people, and I wondered if she got a chance to do it often.

“Are you close with your family?” I figured they must live in town if she’d moved into her grandmother’s house.

Her shoulders stiffened slightly, and I probably would have missed it if I weren’t paying close attention to her. “Not exactly.”

She didn’t expound on her response, but I wanted to know more about her. “What do you mean?”

“They don’t live in Annapolis, but in a nearby town. I talk to my mom and sister, Cora, on the phone here and there, but I wouldn’t say that we’re a tight-knit family.” She was quiet for a few seconds, a slice of crisp bacon balanced in her fingers as she took a tentative bite. “Maybe they’re close. I don’t know.”

I was intrigued. She wasn’t telling me much, yet I got the impression that she was an outsider in her family. “Don’t tell me—you’re the black sheep in your family.”

She chuckled and shifted on her stool as if she was uncomfortable. “Let’s just say I stand out.”

From what I knew about Lily, she was sweet, kind, and caring. She wasn’t a troublemaker. “How so?”

“Cora is a doctor, or at least, she’s going to be—I don’t understand the whole process. She’s finishing up her residency. That much I know.” Lily waved a hand. “She’s always been a high achiever. I was terrible in school.”

My heart contracted at her words. She was telling me more about herself, and I couldn’t get enough. “You didn’t get straight As?”

She huffed out a laugh. “Not even close. I struggled to graduate. I loved being outdoors more than sitting in a stuffy classroom.”

I grunted in approval as I shoved more eggs into my mouth. “I’d have to agree with that.”

“I wasn’t what my parents wanted.” She winced. “That’s hard to admit.”

“I can’t believe that.” The picture she was describing didn’t make any sense in my brain. Lily was everything a parent would want in a daughter, even if she wasn’t changing the world by saving lives. There were other ways to reach people, and Lily certainly had touched me.

Her head was lowered over her plate as she moved the eggs around her plate with the fork. “I wasn’t good enough for them. Not driven or ambitious enough.”

“You own a business, and you’re continually looking for ways to expand it. How is that not ambitious?” I’d set my fork aside, my meal forgotten.

Lily smiled sadly. “My parents think owning a business is risky. Stupid even. They’re convinced I’ll fail and end up begging them for help. And I guess they’ll get to say I told you so .”

There was something in her demeanor, the rounding of her shoulders and her down-turned lips, that made me suspect she believed them. “You know that’s not true.”

“Business is risky. I’m barely making it now. It’s a struggle every day. I never know if I’m making the right decisions.”

I tried to think back to the early days of the garage. “It is hard at first. You might not make a profit for years, but once you break through, it’s amazing.” Bigger decisions came with success, but it felt good to create something that generated an income. I was supporting myself. Not depending on anyone else.

“That’s where I am now. Still in that questioning stage. Have I made the biggest mistake of my life? Will this destroy me? Will I lose everything?” She let out a shuddering breath at her last words.

I loved that she was being vulnerable with me. That she felt comfortable enough to do so. “Risk is scary, but I think you have something here. You’re the only florist shop in town. You’re planning to incorporate the farm with the community. You’re diversifying. I think you’re taking all the right steps.”

She smiled over at me. “I hope you’re right.”

I reached over to squeeze her hand. “I thought you always looked at the positive side of things?” Or maybe that’s what I told myself about her. I’d put her into this neat little box, but she was more complex than that.

She laughed. “That’s what I try to do, but whenever I’m around my mom, I backslide.”

“You saw your mom recently?” I looked over at her.

Lily nodded as she took another bite of eggs. “She stopped by my store a few weeks ago to tell me I wasn’t going to make it.”

“That sucks.” Who needed a mother in their life if they weren’t supportive? I always assumed that other people had the perfect family, the one that eluded me. I never suspected that others struggled with the family that was present in their lives.

She met my gaze. “I just need to push her words out of my mind. It’s just easier said than done.”

“Do something that makes you feel good to get your positive vibe back.” I didn’t like to know she was hurting. The thought had my stomach twisting into knots.

Lily shifted on her stool to face me. “You don’t strike me as a positive person necessarily. You’re a realist.”

“I’d say so.” I was quick to find the worst-case scenarios in any situation. It drove Ryan crazy, but I thought I was helping by pointing out all the possibilities. Then I was prepared for anything. I didn’t like to be blindsided.

“And you really think I’m on to something?” Lily asked.

Was I encouraging her because we’d shared a couple of incredible nights together and I enjoyed her presence? Or was it something more? “I think you’re doing all the right things. Even if one aspect of your business is slower to build, you pivot and find other options. That’s what a successful business owner does. You can’t think of it as failure or as not succeeding. You’re adjusting, changing course.”

Lily considered me for a few seconds before finally nodding. “Thanks, Jake. I needed to hear that this morning.”

I cleared my plate, pushing it away. “And you probably need to ignore your mother. Is it possible for you to avoid her?”

Lily let out a breath. “Believe me. I try. She just showed up at the store the other day.”

I liked to think I’d be there to help her through those days, but I wasn’t a long-term kind of guy. As much as I wanted to be there for her, it wasn’t realistic.

I didn’t want to get her hopes up, only to let her down. I wouldn’t be like my mother. I ignored the niggling doubt in the back of my brain, saying what I was doing was the same thing.

Lily stood, stacking my dish on top of hers. She rinsed and placed them in the dishwasher. Spinning around to face me, she smiled as if we hadn’t just had a heavy conversation and shared things about her past. “Now, where were we?”

Lily smiled as she moved around the counter and stepped between my legs. “You wanted to wake me with your tongue?”

I smiled wide, pleased with this turn of conversation.