Chapter Thirty-Two. Winnie

The August afternoon is blazing hot, and my brother releases a long-suffering breath, swiping his forehead.

"Tell me you'll have air-conditioning, at least."

I roll my eyes. "I'll probably install a window unit in the bedroom if I need it. But I get a good breeze up on the hill like this. It's not like I'll be inside much during the day."

"Even the trailer has air, Winnie," Garrett says. It's been two weeks since my dad gave me his "time to move on" speech, and as anticipated, my little sister has been a bit of a hard sell on the idea. Camilla and Case suggested bringing my siblings by to see the cabin firsthand so they could feel like they are active participants in the changes. It's clear Garrett especially needed this. I told her I wasn't moving in yet. I wanted to get her and Jesse's opinions first. Camilla has worked out such a deal on rent for me, though, I'm not sure I could afford anything else.

"I'm getting you on-site, Winnie. You're doing all of us a favor."

"But if I'm traveling…"

"Then we won't be any worse off than when no one lived here. Some is better than none. Besides, I've been talking to Junior about hiring some more help. With you touring and Case off to college, we'll need hands."

I pull out the key I got from Camilla and insert it into the lock.

"If I end up with this place," I say over my shoulder, "I'll give you both a spare key, just in case. Okay?"

Garrett's small face is pale but determined. She's working so hard to be grown-up about this whole thing, and her determination is enough to make me sob all over again. I won't do this if she's not okay. I refuse to abandon her, no matter what anyone else says. Yes, I know I'm not her mom. Yes, I realize I have to live my own life. Yes, I'm sure it says something about my own personal fucked-up psyche and abandonment issues.

I still won't do it to her.

Stepping into the dim space, I leave the door open wide behind me as my steps echo over the wood-planked floor. I hold my arms aloft, spinning around. "Come on in and tell me what you think. Snoop around. I want your opinions."

My brother and sister step in, pausing to automatically wipe their feet on the friendly mat at the door. Garrett's expression is reserved, but I can practically hear her brain cataloging the details. The large, bright windows, letting in sunshine and blessing us all with the view of the rolling fields of CBM Ranch. The clean lines of the whitewashed paneled walls brightening up the cozy space. The small kitchen, complete with a compact butcher-block island, cozy wood-burning stove for the winter months, and a tiny windowed nook framed by three rustic chairs. The inviting living area, complete with a small sofa and end table. There's a sweet-looking woven rug defining the space.

"The bedrooms and bath are through here." I lead them down a short hall to the back of the cottage. "I was thinking I could make this one a guest room, since I don't need an office space for the work I do. It would be a place for either of you, or maybe Jesse, and then Garrett can stay with me. If ever you wanted or needed…" I trail off.

Garrett slowly approaches the center of the room and takes it all in.

"There's even a closet, so I could get a few things for you to keep here. That way you wouldn't even have to pack. It could be like your second home."

Garrett turns to me with a sharp inhale, her heart in her eyes and her lips pressed tightly together. I cross the room to fold her in my arms, and she erupts into loud, racking sobs. Jesse meets my gaze over her tiny shuddering shoulders, a worried shadow darkening his features.

"Garre! It's okay. I don't—" I swallow hard. Suddenly, I find the words are sticking in my throat, making this more difficult to get out than I'd anticipated. I hoped she might give it some time. I restart. "I don't have to move. None of this is fixed. I promised I would never leave you and—"

She pulls back, her eyes wide. "No! You have to go!"

"But—" I look to Jesse, and he shakes his head, just as confused.

"Don't you like this place, Garrett?" he asks gently. "I think it looks perfect for Winnie. Feels like her in here, don't you think?"

Garrett nods quickly. "It does! This is perfect."

"Then?"

"I thought you wouldn't want us to visit. I thought you were moving on. But you have this room already picked out for us and this closet—" She slips into sobs again, and I stroke her soft hair.

"I am moving on, but that doesn't have to mean I'm leaving you guys behind. I won't be there when you come home every day after school, but I'm only a phone call away. Speaking of…" I reach into my bag. "I got something for you."

Case helped with this part, too. He thought maybe if Garrett had a way to reach me anytime, even when I'm on the road, that might give her some security.

I hold out a small prepaid phone. "I programmed my number, Case's number, Maria's number, Jesse's number, and Dad's number. You can reach me anytime, and no matter where I am, I will do my best to answer or call back as soon as I can."

Garrett holds the phone in her small hand, staring at it in wonder.

"It's not a smartphone," I warn her. "No internet. So don't be getting any ideas in that giant brain of yours. But it will allow you to reach any of us just in case."

"I can call Case?" she asks, her voice hushed.

Holding back my exasperated grin, I nod. "Anytime, apparently. Though he told me to tell you he prefers texting."

Her fingers are already rapidly typing across the keys, and I exchange looks with Jesse again, who snorts. "I see we've been replaced."

A moment later, all our pockets buzz. Garrett's started a family chat. Plus Case.

They're already chatting away. Her fingers are flying over the keys again, but she pauses at the doorway and looks up at me.

"This is my room when I come and stay?"

"Would you like that?"

"Yes. Can we still have sleepovers? When you're in town, I mean."

"Every weekend I'm around, if you want."

She throws her arms around me, squeezing tightly. "I want."

A moment later, she wanders off to the front porch, and Jesse lingers, clearly wanting to say something.

"I know you're probably too old for sleepovers, but you're welcome anytime. If you need a break or want to come for dinner or whatever."

"Cool," he says casually, but I can see the relief in his eyes. He might not show his feelings the same way as Garrett, but he feels it, too. He's grown up as quickly as I have in some ways, but mercifully, he's still a kid in others.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry."

I blink. "What on earth for?"

He smirks, self-deprecating. "Well, for lots of things, probably, but this time, it's for talking to Dad without telling you first."

I'd sort of forgotten he'd been the impetus for my dad taking the day shift job. I'd meant to ask him how it came about but then got preoccupied.

"You don't have to apologize for that."

"I'm not sorry I spoke up, but I'm sorry for how it hurt you. I—" He pauses, collecting himself. "I wanted Dad to take responsibility, and I wanted you to be able to compete. I knew—we all knew you wouldn't leave us, no matter how much you deserved the chance—"

I open my mouth to argue. Not that he's wrong, but I don't want him to think it's his fault.

"Shut your mouth, Winnie. I heard you when that reporter asked you about Vegas. It never occurred to you to leave us for the circuit. Garrett and I know that, despite her little freak-out a little bit ago. We know you aren't like Mom. You don't have to prove it anymore. No matter what happens with Dad and his new job, we know you love us more than anything else. And we love you, too."

He swallows against the emotion, but mine pours freely down my crumpled face. His face goes red in secondhand embarrassment, but to his credit, he doesn't make a snarky comment. "I heard what Dad said to you that night, and I'm sorry he made it sound like we didn't appreciate you. Or we didn't want you anymore. That's not it. I never meant for it to come out that way. I was trying to get him to step up for once."

I shake my head, swiping at my face. "I know. And you're right. I wouldn't have left if you guys didn't kick me out," I tease. "I needed the push. Maybe not quite the way Dad put it, but that's—" I take a deep, cleansing breath. "I think he was feeling defensive. Because he's a fucking idiot, but he does love us in his own way, and he was angry at himself for having to be shown the error of his ways by his kids. That's not your fault. I don't blame you for his tactlessness."

Jesse exhales in relief. "Good."

"Woof." I make a face. "This is more emotion than we Suttons need for a lifetime."

"You ain't kidding. You girls are flooding the place with your wailing."

"There it is," I say wryly. "I was waiting for it."

"So, if you make it to Vegas, can I come?"

"If you make honor roll and have perfect attendance, sure."

"There it is," he echoes. "I was waiting for it."

Ruffling his hair, I steer us out of the room. "Come on. I need to steal that phone out of Garrett's hands before she spills all my secrets to my boyfriend."

Later that night, I saddle up Mab and take her for a ride. I'd taken Jesse and Garrett out to dinner at the taco truck to celebrate signing a lease with Camilla and Mr. Michaels for the next year. They offered month to month, but Jesse pushed for the year commitment. "Give yourself a year, sis. It's gonna be rough for a bit."

I took his advice. He's a smart kid when his head's not up his ass. Garrett seems okay, distracted by the idea of decorating yet another bedroom in her favorite aesthetic and texting up a storm in our family chat (despite Jesse and me being right in front of her), but it will hit harder the first time she reaches for me and I'm in another state or even just across town.

We'll work it out in time, and maybe one day, we won't have to feel like every interaction we have between us is weighted with a lifetime of emotional baggage. Garrett is still pretty young. Maybe she'll grow up the most best-adjusted of all of us. There's hope for her yet.

I lead Mab through the pastures and out to the other side, past my cabin, and out into wide-open acreage where we can run. Once we're clear of the fences, I give her the reins, and she gives me the space I need to breathe. These last weeks have been some of the most intense of my life. Mostly in the best kind of way, but the ride's been wildly rocky with all the feelings and emotions and tears involved. I've been itching to escape. Between the training, the uptick in trail rides, and relationship navigation I've been doing, I haven't had as much time to take Mab out for our rides. I'm looking forward to making up for lost time now that I'll be living on-site. I can easily take her out for evening rides and give us both a chance to let our hair down, at least until the weather changes and the sun starts setting earlier.

Mab slows as we come to our favorite collection of trees, and I climb down, looping her rope on a low-lying limb close to the shore of a creek. Mab wastes no time in getting a drink from the steadily flowing water, and I follow her, slipping off my boots and socks and rolling up my jeans to my knees. I sit on the shore, dipping my feet and wincing at the chill. After a moment, the water feels refreshing rather than icy. I'm leaning forward to look for tadpoles when I hear the pounding of hooves behind me. I grin to myself. I knew he'd make it out here eventually.

Case loops Moses's reins near Mab's and comes to sit alongside me, removing his own boots and socks and dangling his feet in the current. He lets out a long sigh of relief and leans back on his hands, staring up at the leaves. We sit in companionable silence for a while, listening to the trilling of cicadas and the rushing of water, the way the breeze tosses the leaves around and sends them into rustling whispers.

I drop my head to his shoulder and let my eyes drift shut.

"You know," he says softly as if speaking aloud would ruin this serene moment. "If you wanted to get naked, you're already part of the way there—ow!" He cuts off, laughing at my faux outraged attack on this chest. He shrugs, his drawl lazy in the setting sun. "Just sayin'."

"You're shameless, Case Michaels."

"I'm smitten, is all."

I plant a small, chaste kiss on his full lips. "It's mutual."

His mouth chases mine, kissing and nibbling and tasting, before he settles back on his hands again, contentment on his face. It's a good look for him, this whole inner-peace thing. After finally opening up to his dad and Brody about his fall plans, he's been feeling more himself. Just in time, too, since he's leaving for Tech in two weeks.

"You get everything settled with Braids and Jesse?"

I snort. "As if you didn't already know. I'm gonna have to double-check the rules for that prepaid plan I put on Garrett's phone. You two are gonna blow through her data in no time."

Case shrugs. "I can't help it if we genius types have a lot in common."

"I'll remind you she's ten. I wouldn't brag about having a lot in common with a fourth grader."

"You're jealous because she wasn't asking you about condensed matter physics."

"You say jealous, I say relieved. I think I can safely speak for both myself and Jesse when I say thank the Lord someone else has entered the literal and metaphorical family chat."

"Well," Case says, looking a little pink. "I'm honored to have been invited to the family chat, even if you're kidding. You know the first time I came to your house and officially met Jesse, all I wanted was to get to know your siblings and be a part of you all. You guys are this solid little threesome, and I'm glad to be allowed in."

I reach for his face, turning it to mine, and gaze directly in his eyes. "I'm not kidding. I mean, I was teasing about the chat, but I don't think you realize how much it means to me you get it's never been just about me. I come as a package deal with those two. Half the time, I'm sure Garrett likes you more than me. I know Jesse does!"

He brushes that off. "That's because I don't have to yell at him about school."

"That and you're everything he wants to be one day. I can't blame him one bit."

"I'm gonna miss you when I leave in two weeks. We haven't had much time to talk about it, and I know long distance is hard, especially with your career and all."

I nod and pull my feet out of the water, crisscrossing them underneath me and turning toward him. A beat later, he does the same.

"I'm in if you are."

He releases his breath. "You're sure?"

"A hundred percent."

"It might suck."

"More than losing your best friend or raising your siblings?" I push.

The corner of his mouth quirks up. "Probably not that much."

"Know what I love about you…" I trail off meaningfully.

He stiffens before his lips spread in a full-blown smile. "No. What do you love about me?"

"You," I whisper, pressing closer to him. "I just love you." And then I kiss him.

He pulls back, putting space between us. "Hold on. I get to say it, too."

"You don't have to," I insist. "Wait till you mean it."

"I've meant it for months now. I love you, Winnie Sutton."

I make a face. "We're so gross. It's kind of embarrassing how in love we are."

He barks out a laugh, tugging me close and tipping us off-balance so he's on his back and I'm on top of him.

"Unflinching, remember? We'll handle anything that comes at us," he insists, his words a puff of air on my lips.

"Unflinching," I vow, sealing the deal with another long kiss.