Chapter Thirty. Winnie

I'm feeling pretty wired after the event and the interview, so I send my family home with hugs and Mab home with Camilla and her giant F-150 to pull the trailer. Case offers to stay, no doubt picking up on my restlessness.

We end up walking the fair, like we did after the first rodeo, except this time we're hand in hand. The sun is beginning its descent, and the big Texas sky is more purple than the brilliant robin's-egg blue of this afternoon. We get some barbecue that we eat at a picnic table, drink tall fresh-squeezed lemonades, and avoid the noisy rides. In our ripped jeans, T-shirts, and ball caps, we could be any other kids at the fair. While I love my newfound rodeo reputation, this is nice, too. Simple and sweet. Case and I haven't had a ton of nights like this.

"There's some dancing under the pavilion," he says.

I consider his offer. I've never danced with anyone before—it might be kind of fun.

"Or," I say impishly, "we could find a place to do our own dancing."

His eyebrows raise under the brim of his cap. "You have my attention, despite the cheesy metaphor."

I laugh, shoving him sideways. "It's just that aside from stolen minutes in the tack room, which, to be clear, are always fun, we've barely had a moment to ourselves in weeks."

His too-attractive lips curl in a confident grin, setting off his dimples. "You saying you miss me, Sutton?"

I pull him closer, wrapping my arm snugly through his, tipping my head onto his firm shoulder, and taking a long, dragging hit of his dizzying-good smell. "Maybe."

"In that case"—he picks up his pace and leads us toward the exit—"I think I know a spot we could go. If you aren't opposed to nature."

I raise my pointer finger in the air. "Question: Will mosquitos be an issue?"

He shakes his head. "Not if we keep the windows up."

"Have I told you how much I love your stupid overpriced SUV with its ginormous back seat?"

"Convenient, right? You haven't waxed poetic before, but I'm up to the challenge of changing your mind."

"If it means I get to take my time kissing you, I'm already sold."

Case drops me off at home late, but not too late. We kiss in the drive and then again at the door before I shoo him away and tell him to text me when he's home safe. It's too tempting to run back to his car and beg him to take me with him wherever he goes until the end of time. I manage to collect myself and walk into my own house with some semblance of dignity.

Shockingly, my dad is awake in the living room, alone. He sees me and turns off the TV, getting to his feet. He looks me over, and I can feel my cheeks flaming at his scrutiny, but I refuse to back down. I'm a grown woman, and anyway, he's never paid attention before. Why start now?

"Hey, Dad. I wasn't expecting you to still be up. I would have called if I'd known you were waiting."

He shakes his head. "Nah. You're fine. I wanted to talk to you without the other two around." I glimpse the light still on under Jesse's door, but guess this is enough privacy for my dad's sake.

Please, God, don't let this be an afterthought of a sex talk.

"Oh, um, well, if this is about Case—" I start, and my dad straightens like a shot, turning red.

"Uh, no. Sorry." He coughs. "Not that kind of talk. Case is a good kid. I trust you two to… whatever it is you do. I don't want to know."

"Oh. Good," I say, sinking into a chair at the kitchen table with relief. "What did you want to talk about?"

He doesn't sit. "I had an interview this morning for a supervisory position at the plant. Day shift. They offered it to me on the spot. I start training in two weeks."

"What? Dad! That's incredible! I had no idea you were even looking! That's huge. Congrats!"

"Yeah, well. Thank you. That's what they said, too. It was nice to hear. That's not why I interviewed, though."

"It's not?"

My dad finally moves to the table, sitting stiffly. I'm tempted to offer him a glass of water, but I let him work it out. He's the one who called this meeting, after all.

"You're incredible, Win. The way you ride… it's… it doesn't even make sense, it's so good. Your grandmother, my mom, she rode like that. Did you know that?"

I shake my head. I know next to nothing about any of my grandparents. My mom's parents were never in our lives, and my dad's parents both died when I was young.

"She grew up on a ranch, similar to the one you work at. She was a natural, and so are you." He hesitates, reaching for the saltshaker and wrapping his fingers around it. "Listen." He clears his throat and restarts. "Jesse came to me a few weeks back and gave me a bit of a talking-to."

"He what?"

My dad looks sheepish. "I deserved every word that came out of his mouth, of course. He told me how you threatened to file for guardianship if he didn't stay in school. He said you were flying through the rodeo ranks and people were talking about you making a national run and going pro… but you weren't going to do it because you needed to stay here and take care of us. Is that true?"

I'm dumbfounded and, for a solid minute, can't find my voice. I had no idea Jesse had put all of that together.

Finally, I say, "The guardianship part is true, but I swear I would have talked to you first. It was mostly a last-ditch effort to get Jesse in line. I was at my wit's end and—"

"Let me stop you there," my dad says, holding up a large hand between us. "That's where I went wrong. You were at your wit's end trying to get your brother to stay in school. To the point you were going to throw away your future to lock the kid down and force him to do the right thing."

"It was a gamble, sure, but—"

"I'm the dad," he cuts me off. I've never heard him use this tone before. At least not on me. It's as though he's scolding me. Which… what the fuck?

"I tried to ask you to help! I went to you, and you kept telling me boys were boys or whatever! Meanwhile, the school is calling my phone and telling me they were going to call the police for truancy. Police, Dad! Which, in case you have forgotten, also means CPS! You think the DCFS would waltz in here and be like, ‘This is fine'? I couldn't even get you to talk to the school!"

"That doesn't mean you should throw away your future."

"You say that like I wasn't facing an impossible choice! How many times did I have to leave work early because you or Jesse didn't get Garrett? And let's not even talk about what happened when I left town for the first time ever and Garrett walked home alone. How many times did I have to pay late fees on our utility bills because you would forget to pay them that month? How many times have you made dinner or paid for Garrett's robotics competitions or Jesse's cell phone? You haven't!" I slap the table. "So while it's great for you to act like I'm the martyr, where would this family be without me?"

I'm panting now and feel pretty sure my raised voice has Jesse listening at the door, but I don't care. "Everyone acts like I chose this. Like I'm sitting here micromanaging your lives on purpose because I love being responsible so much. Well, fuck you. I know that's disrespectful, but I am who I am because you made me this way. You chose to make me like this by refusing to take care of shit. I begged you to do something for years, but eventually, it became easier to cut you out of the equation. I didn't have time to be the parent to you, too!"

My dad is silent for so long, I wonder if he's going to go to bed. Eventually, he speaks. "Be that as it may. It ends now. I accepted the promotion and will be working daytime hours. You don't need to be the parent anymore. You can go now."

I stagger back in my chair as if he'd slapped me across the face. Tears spring to my eyes. "I can go now?"

"Yes."

I laugh, but it's sardonic. "That's it. You're done with me? Ten years of taking care of everyone and everything, and now I can just go? You don't need me, I'm fired?"

"Winnie," he says irritably. "That's not what I meant."

"How did you mean it, then?"

"You're nineteen." He gestures to me. "You have a bright future ahead of you. It's time for you to chase it, and it's past time for me to take back this family."

"So that's it. ‘You're nineteen, Winnie, get out. Thanks for your help.'"

He sighs. "I'm not saying you have to move out, but that's not a bad idea. It's time for you to think about yourself for a while."

"What about Jesse and Garrett? They need me, Garrett especially. I'm like her mom. I won't leave her like that."

My dad sighs heavily, exhaustion weighing down his words. "But you aren't her mom. It's not your job to fill that role. It's time for you to be the big sister. I'm not saying you can't be there for your siblings. They'll still want you around, but there must be boundaries."

I choke on a sputter. "Boundaries? Can you even hear yourself? I don't believe this. You, all of a sudden in the eleventh hour, lecturing me about healthy boundaries!"

"Look," my dad says more firmly. "I've given you a lot to think about. That's all I'm asking right now. You need to think about your career and your dreams and how we're holding you back from that. I suspect you already know what I'm saying is right."

"How can I possibly trust you to take care of them?"

He shakes his head, getting up. "Give me the time to prove it."

"You've had ten years."

He closes his mouth, rounding the table and patting me once on the back. "Good night, Winnie. You did real great out there tonight. I've never been prouder."

He walks to his bedroom, shutting the door and leaving me alone with my thoughts. I slowly turn off all the lights and lock the front door.

Fuck's sake, who's gonna close up the house every night if I'm not here?

I check my phone, seeing Case's made-it-home text, and I walk to my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I get to my bed, and on my pillow is a note from Garrett.

You did so well tonight! I love you! Next stop, state!

Love, Garrett

I switch off the light, falling fully clothed into my bed, and cry.