1. Chapter One

Reality had never seemed so subjective. Every moment felt like forever until the darkness settled in and memories flooded my mind. The rush tempered the ache in my gut, overshadowing the hunger with an entirely different sort of pain.

Compared to my typical dreams of previous lives, these snippets were even more fragmented, like a movie montage played at 10x speed. Each scene brought an emotional sucker punch and sent my head reeling. The highs of the good times felt euphoric. The lows of the bad times threatened to cripple me, and the extreme shifts might’ve given me a heart attack if the organ still beat in my chest.

This was a level of torture I couldn’t have fathomed prior to living it. I’d thought losing my wolf was the worst thing I would ever experience. I would’ve gladly repeated that night a hundred times if it meant putting an end to the rapid-fire memories.

Just when the agony reached a pinnacle, he would arrive and pull me back to the waking world. For several blissful minutes, only he and I existed, and I felt at peace. Then, the hunger came, and my senses went into overdrive. One thought dominated the rest: blood. He would press his own wrist to my mouth, cradling my head in his lap as I sank my fangs into his skin and drank until I fell asleep.

The number of times this cycle repeated was anyone’s guess.

I wanted to cry and scream and laugh all at once. Most of all, I wanted to die. I finally understood why eternals and protectors chose to end their lives once rising. Had Ewan left anything sharp within reach, I might’ve stopped this horrible existence.

It was flashes from the dream where I rejected Stavros that truly drove me to the edge. His heartbreak was mine, and the knife cut so deep it left a mark time would never heal. Maybe if I’d severed the bond cleanly, it would have been easier for both of us. But I hadn’t.

Why? I wondered. Why did I condemn us both to an eternity of agony?

A primal scream filled my ears. Only his icy fingers touching my cheek made me realize the shrieks were mine.

“I’m here,” Ewan murmured, gathering me into his arms. “It’s okay, Zara. I’m here.”

Zara. He called me Zara.

My eyes squeezed shut as I leaned into his caress and the shouts died down. My skin should’ve been just as cool as his, yet I felt feverish and sweaty.

Ewan brushed the hair back from my face. His touch was light, gentle, and every fiber of my being responded. All the emotions I had for him formed a tangled and confusing ball in my gut. Twisted in warm sheets, I rolled and pressed my cheek against the flannel covering his chest, inhaling his scent.

He smelled like he always did, a mix of snow and spice with a hint of pine—and cinnamon, which was new. And specific to a very certain fae.

Nicasia. No, Winter, I corrected myself.

In this life, her name was Winter.

“When?” I croaked, my voice hoarse and raw. “When did she get here?”

Ewan knew exactly who I meant without explanation. “A few hours ago. Colleen and Walter arrived the morning after our bonding ceremony.”

“How long?” I asked.

“Five days.”

Days?

It felt like weeks or even months had passed while I writhed in the bed with Ewan as my sole tether to this life.

My throat was tight and so dry. I needed water. No… blood. I needed blood. But I knew as soon as I drank, the darkness would return, and the dream fragments would invade my thoughts. In that moment, my mind felt relatively clear, and I wanted to remain in the present with Ewan.

“I planned to call Winter, but she reached out first.” His arms tightened around me. “As I understand it, Archer stayed behind to watch over you once the others fled. He told them what happened.”

He ran his palm down my spine, hand resting at the small of my back as he squeezed me tighter. The memory of Angelica’s attack infiltrated my thoughts, bringing with it a rage that was hard to swallow.

She hadn’t meant to turn me. That backstabbing bitch had tried to kill me. Ewan’s blood had breathed life into my body, connecting us with another bond and making him my true mate, my alpha, and my sire. His mother had spoken of the power I held over her son, yet the control belonged to him now. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. No one person should have so much sway over another.

“I’m sorry,” Ewan whispered, tipping my chin upward and running his fingers across my cheekbone. “I’m so fucking sorry, Zara. This isn’t what I wanted for you.”

I finally opened my eyes. Ewan’s expression was troubled, conflicted. Was he mourning Angelica? I wondered, jealousy burning in my chest.

His thumb traced my bottom lip and tugged until my fangs popped out. A growl rumbled in his chest and desire darkened his irises. Heat pooled between my legs.

“One advantage of rising,” he whispered, his own fangs peeking out between his lips. “Sensations are heightened to an entirely new degree. For us, it’s even greater, because we still have our shifter senses.”

Hearing those words triggered something inside of me, and I became hyperaware of everything. The sound of two hearts beating on the floor below us. An almost offensive aroma of cooked meat made my nostrils flare. Ewan’s touch blazed across my skin, leaving flames in its wake.

My tongue wetted my parted lips, begging for his kiss. His hand slid down the back of pajama shorts to cup my ass. He rolled his hips, grinding his hard cock against my hip.

“Gaia, I want to fuck you,” he whispered.

I smiled, rearranging to straddle his lap. “Are you waiting for an invitation?” I rubbed against him, eliciting a moan.

“A lot has happened,” he growled, hands moving to my waist. “There are people waiting to talk to you.”

As if on cue, the heartbeats from downstairs grew louder in my ears, warring for attention with the ache at my core.

Ewan”s grip tightened, fingers digging into me. “Focus on me, Zara.”

The pounding in my head became deafening, my throat as dry as my lady parts were wet. My vision swam. Blood. Must drink blood. Ewan grabbed my jaw, his voice laden with authority.

“Look at me, Snyder.”

I blinked, helpless in the face of his command.

“Just breathe, okay?”

My lip curled back. “What a ridiculous thing to say. I don’t need to breathe,” I reminded him.

His hips bucked, and I drew in a sharp breath. Ewan laughed softly, his fingers releasing my chin and sliding down my throat.

“Normal, mortal tasks like breathing will keep you grounded.” His hand skimmed my collarbone, pulling the oversized t-shirt off my shoulder. He brought his mouth to my neck.

My eyelids fell closed as I clenched my thighs around his hips. “I’m trying to concentrate on a very mortal act.”

Ewan trailed scorching kisses along my skin before he finally spoke. “Not yet. You need to feed before Essie gets here, which should be any minute.” He lifted his head and met my eyes, his full of promise. “Later, all of me is yours. Right now, all you can have is my blood.”

My fangs extended fully, gaze zeroing in on the vein in his neck. He slipped his hand beneath my hair and guided me closer. My stomach tightened, mouth watering. His blood called to me. The flames licking my throat burned hotter, need consuming me to the point if he hadn’t already offered his veins, I would’ve begged to bite him.

Ewan stroked the back of my neck. “Drink,” he ordered.

My pointy teeth pierced his skin with no effort. His blood set my tastebuds soaring to new heights, detecting flavors that had no mortal equivalent. My nails dug into Ewan’s shoulders. He pressed me tighter against his neck and whispered in my ear.

“Good girl, Zara.”

My body hummed like a finely tuned instrument. Our bond may have given Ewan his power, but his blood filled me with life. I felt his love, his protection, his fears. As I consumed both the negative and positive emotions, literally, I grew desperate to ease his mind and bask in his affections.

A tickle at the base of my skull warned me to proceed with caution. Why? I didn’t know. I ignored my subconscious and lost myself in Ewan.

He yanked a fistful of my tangled hair, voice gruff. “I said, enough,” he growled.

I retracted my fangs from his neck, still salivating over his blood. His annoyed expression and irritated tone suggested he’d spoken several times before I stopped. Something vibrated against my inner thigh. Ewan reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell. The display showed a new text from someone named Charlie: She’s here.

Ewan typed back with one hand and sent the reply before I could read it. He pocketed the phone and met my unfocused gaze. His jaw clenched, regret filling his crimson eyes.

“Essie arrived.” His thumb traced the curve of my mouth, and then slid between my lips to give me one last taste of his blood.

He moved so fast that he reached the door before my brain registered the fact that he’d rolled me off him and left me alone on the bed. Ewan adjusted the bulge in his pants, a wicked smile toying on his lips. On his neck, the puncture marks had already healed, leaving two little red smears on his smooth skin.

“Don’t move,” he ordered as he slipped into the hallway.

I sat motionless for several minutes before the command lifted and Ewan’s alpha wishes no longer held me in place. Downstairs, the front door opened and closed as he exited the house. My speed impressed even me as I rushed to the bedroom door without an inkling of what I intended to do.

The instant I touched the doorknob, the metal glowed orange and blisters appeared on my palm. I hissed in pain and jerked my hand back, staring down at the angry burn forming on my skin. It took a second for the laughing-crying emoji to materialize on my palm… what the fuck? Then a voice filled my head.

“You still haven’t learned to listen,” Walter Stolly said in my mind.

Gaia, I thought. Fucking fae and their stupid spells.