15. Chapter 14

I stand completely frozen. That can't be who I think it is. He died so long ago. That's impossible. He couldn't have been here all this time.

"Dad?"

He doesn't seem surprised to see me at all. His eyes show warmth, but he doesn't smile. His body is wide, his arm barely touching his sides as he circles me.

"I want nothing more than to hug you," he mumbles, a hitch in his voice. "I knew I'd be able to find you here. I've been searching for you ever since I heard a werewolf named Aziel entered Purgatory. Slash me," he says.

"What?"

"Slash me!" He shoves my back, and I sneer, kicking out my leg to trip him.

He falls onto his back. The air is knocked out of his lungs. I use his position to my advantage. I wrap my hands around his throat, but I don't squeeze.

"What are you doing here? I can't kill you. I won't. I can't. You can't be here. Why are you here?" I'm too dumbfounded to say anything else.

"I want to die," he croaks. "What better way than to see my son one last time?"

"We have to fight. We have to put on a show. It's Scorder's rules." One. Just one tear falls from my lash line onto the ground. I have to get myself together. Neither the crowd nor Scorder can see this.

"I know. I know. We will but I won't be the one killing you." He tucks his knees to his chest, plants his feet on me, and shoves.

I fly backward, slamming against the side of the ribcage.

"Oh my God, Aziel!" Elouise rushes to me. "Are you okay? Is he really…"

"He is. I had no idea he was here."

"What are you going to do?"

I'm lost when it comes to that question. "I have no idea. I… I don't know, Elouise." I clutch the ribcage, staring at my mate for answers. "What do I do? I don't know what to do. I don't… I can't. I can't." I shake my head, my breath catching in my throat when the memories of my parent's howls filling the night as they were killed play in my head. "I can't do this."

"You can," Elouise says, looping her fingers through mine. "You can do this because if you don't, you're dead anyway. You have to, Beloved. I'm so sorry, but you have to."

I open my mouth to speak when my leg is grabbed. My chin hits the ground so hard that my teeth clank together. My dad swings me in the air, spinning me in a circle until the arena is nothing but a blur.

He lets me go and I soar, crashing against the ribcage again.

"Ooo," the crowd cringes in unison.

The killer lurking beneath my skin swallows the pain to feed its own violence. I flip from my back to all fours, snarling at my dad.

"Come on, Son. I know you have more in you than that," he whispers as we circle one another.

I snarl, rearing back on my hind legs, howling in warning.

"That's it. Come on. Kill me. What are you waiting for?"

"Why are you doing this?" Spit flies from my mouth as I ask the burning question through my clenched teeth.

"I wanted to see you. This place, it plays tricks. I wanted you to know I was here and not an entity using me against you."

"What do you call this? You're being used against me now!" I shout at him, throwing my fist directly into his face. "Why bother! Why not stay a ghost, then?"

He tackles me to the ground, slamming me onto my back with force. "Because I wanted to see you one last time before I decided to be wiped from existence."

I flip over him, wrapping an arm around his throat, then constricting him until he can't breathe. "If you do that, I won't be able to remember you," I remind him, squeezing harder for the hell of it. "You want to take that away from me? From Anwyll?"

"You barely remember me now," he replies in a crushed whisper. "It's okay to let me go."

I shake my head, unable to do such a thing. I can't. I've lost too much. I've done too much. Why can't I have one fucking thing? Why can't I live my life without so much strife and fucking chaos? I've killed hundreds, probably thousands, and now the fucking universe wants me to kill my father?

No.

No, I can't do that. I might have been made into a killing machine and I might be really fucking great at it, but it isn't who I am. I am not the blood-thirsty out-of-control monster I used to be.

"No," I simply croak as tears hit my cheek. "Don't ask this of me. Please. Please, don't."

He elbows me in the ribs, one snapping in half, and I release the hold I have on him to try to inhale some air. Every attempt hurts.

Dad wraps his hands around my neck, choking me but not hard enough to kill me. His own eyes water. The pain, the sadness, the grief, it all swims in the dull irises that used to shine a brilliant blue.

"I am so proud of you," he says. "And your brother. I know whatever happened with that warlock couldn't have been easy. Now you're fighting to get out of here." He smiles fondly, as if remembering a time when we were all together. "You've always been a fighter. It's okay to let me go. Bring me peace, Son. I love you. It's okay to let me go."

"But I won't remember you," I argue, grasping his arm for dear life. "I don't want you to go. Come back with me. With us."

"I have no bones waiting for me. I can't go back. I am already dust. This fight is between you and me. Why would I want to live if it meant my son would die? Kill me, Aziel. Put me out of my misery."

"No!" I roar.

"Do it!"

"I won't." I try to get out of his grasp, but he tightens his grip.

"I said to kill me. Your Alpha commands it."

"You aren't my Alpha anymore. I do not have to obey you," I seethe.

His face softens. "But I am your father."

I slam my elbow on his arm, hearing the bone break in two. He falls to his knees, and I follow him. Cupping the back of his head, I pull him to me, hugging him one last time.

"Dad. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," I sob, missing him more every second that he is here because I know I have to live without him again.

Only this time, I won't remember who he is.

He hugs me in return. My ribs ache from how hard he is holding me. I don't care.

"Don't apologize. It's okay. This is what I want. Make it brutal. They like that here."

"Dad—"

"—Do it."

"I can't."

"You can and you will." He takes a deep breath. "I hope your mate whom you have loved since you were a pup can remind you of me," he says more for her than me. I won't remember this conversation. "I love you and your brother. Get the hell out of here and make a good life. Do it. Now."

I don't.

"Do it. Now! Do it!" he roars and with an agonizing roar, I plunge my fist into his chest and rip out his heart, a werewolf's favorite way to kill.

"My son," he rasps on his last breath before falling limp against me.

I toss my head back and howl in mourning, holding him as his body fades. He becomes lighter, fading away from me, from my mind, my heart, and everywhere else he used to live inside me.

He's gone and all that's left are bones.

I lift his skull, staring into the blank sockets, and have no memory of why I am feeling so much grief for this skeleton.

"Our winner once more! Everyone give a round of applause for Ripper!" Scorder announces, and then I'm drowned in the crowd's cheers.

I've never been more confused.

"Oh my God, Aziel." Elouise dashes to me through the cage gate, Uri still in her hands. "Are you okay? Talk to me, My Beloved." Her hands slide across my cheeks, my neck, my shoulders, everywhere she can touch, she does.

"What happened? Who did I fight? Why do I feel so sad?"

"Oh God." Iggy covers his mouth with his palm before squeezing my shoulder.

"What? What is it? Louie, tell me," I beg of her. "Who do these bones belong to? Why do I miss the person who made them?"

Louie's bottom lip trembles.

"Don't cry. Don't let the crowd see you cry, My Light. Those tears belong to you and me." I wipe them away before anyone can see.

"You fought your dad, My Beloved. I heard him beg you to kill him. He said he wanted to see you one last time, which is why he wanted to fight you. He wanted to die. He was so tired and the only way he would go was if you killed him. I'm so sorry. God, Aziel. I'm sorry."

"My dad?"

"You know how it works. You remember, right? Any blood relative won't remember the person who is wiped from existence. I'll tell you about him. I didn't know much, but I know a few stories you told me. I'll happily tell them to you again so you can have something to remember him by." She presses her hand against my heart.

"Anwyll. Holy shit, Anwyll. He must be so confused right now. I have to get home. We have to get home. Maybe we can take my dad's bones back? And give him a proper werewolf burial?" My brows bend together as I stare at the heap of my bones in my hands. "You're sure it's him?"

"I'm sure, Beloved."

"I didn't know, Aziel."

Louie, Iggy, and I turn to Scorder who must have overheard our conversation. His face has lost its color. He runs his fingers through his hair. He genuinely seems stressed.

"Aziel, I had no idea he was your father. I swear, I wouldn't have allowed that fight. Azazel must have set it up. I promise." He runs his hands down his face. "I can give you a bag for the bones. If you want to travel with them."

I tighten my jaw, my teeth groaning from how much pressure I'm applying to them. "You never allow bones to be removed from The Graveyard," I remind him.

"I know, but this is the exception. Aziel, fuck. I'm so fucking sorry. I don't just consider you a fighter, but a friend. And I know I'm not the greatest example of friendship because of what I do here, but Aziel, I wouldn't have you kill your father. I might be a fucking asshole but I'm not heartless. I'll get you a bottomless bag. It's small and easy to carry but anything can fit inside."

"Those are very rare. How did you get one?" Louie asks, suspicious.

"It's The Graveyard, Aziel's Mate. Thousands have come and gone. They trade what they can for eeries."

"And you'll just give us one?" Iggy kicks Scorder in the shin. "As if we are supposed to believe you!"

"Get'em, Iggy!" Louie cheers him on, swirling her dagger in her hand. "Because I'm debating skinning his scales from his body."

"Woah, woah. Let's not get hasty. I'll bring the bag to you. It's right over there in the ticket booth for the busier season. You know, when it snows on the other side? All the accidents and… stuff, you guys don't care. Got it. I'll go."

"I'll go with you," Iggy says, shifting into his bear to be more intimidating.

It doesn't work.

He looks like a stuffed animal.

Scorder reaches out a hand to pet him behind the ear. Iggy bellows a warning not to touch and Scorder rips his hand back.

"Okay. Looks cute. Sounds horrifying. Got it. Let's go." Scorder walks to the cage door. Iggy is on his heels, swiping at the dragon's ankles.

"Oh." Scorder snaps his fingers. "The clue. I wasn't lying when I said that. Apparently, the avisseus is still on Dread Mountain. As of this morning. It's the newest information I have. If I had more, I promise, I'd give it to you."

"Thanks," I force myself to say.

Scorder gives me a small nod before walking away with Iggy.

When I'm left alone with Elouise, the air is heavy with sorrow, and I begin to pick up the bones that belong to my father. Elouise helps, not allowing me to carry the weight of someone I used to know by myself.

"How are you, Beloved? I know you aren't well but talk to me."

I blow out a breath, stacking my dad's bones in my arms, and the pain of losing him, the pain from the treatment, it all hits me at once. The bones fall out of my arms, and I punch the ground, breaking the skulls of other strangers.

"What is it?" Her hand lands on my elbow. She leans forward, trying to catch my gaze.

The broken rib finally heals but it only takes away a very minimal amount of pain.

"Pain," I state in a simple, short baritone.

"You're used to it though, from the treatment, right?"

"That is easier to deal with. It's the pain of losing my dad." I hold up his skull. "It's wild to me that every memory I have of him is gone. I have to trust you to tell me anything and that shouldn't be on you. That's not fair. You know what doesn't vanish? The emotion. The emotion is there acting as its own memory but I remember nothing about his face, his voice, nothing. I only remember how I felt about him. And holy fuck, Louie. I'd rather live through sickness all over again." I rub my chest, massaging the area where my heart beats the strongest.

Louie takes my hand and rubs her thumb back and forth over my knuckles. "Want to know something about him?"

I nod eagerly, feeling like a little kid at bedtime wanting to hear a story.

"You told me once that he helped you shift for the first time. Apparently, you were caught between your hybrid and your wolf form. You couldn't seem to shift all the way. You told me he took you deep into the forest and he roared so loud, that you had no choice but to shift into your wolf. And when you shifted, you two kept practicing again and again. He celebrated you. He put you on top of his shoulders, announced your shift to the pack, and he threw you a party."

"I don't remember that." I shut my eyes to try to bring up the memory.

All I see is black. Nothing is there.

"Focus here." She touches my heart. "It's all here like you said. Emotions don't die, Beloved. They stay with us forever. They are the only thing in this entire universe that can truly live forever. Emotions will never die, and they can carry on. Either like a disease or a cure. It's how you choose to heal that will determine that."

I gather her in my arms and hold her tight, wrapping myself around her so she can't go anywhere. This is what I need to regulate myself.

Louie. In my arms. Her heartbeat against mine. Her breath brushing across my skin.

She's the treatment.