38. I Hate You So Fucking Much

38

I Hate You So Fucking Much

Teal

Wife .

Maybe my father is right, and I am hallucinating because there is no way that word just left Declan’s mouth.

My heart hammers, and it helps fend off some of the effects of the drug as I manage to sit tall.

“What did you just say?”

At first, I think I’m the one who asked the question, but when Declan turns to my father, grinning, I realize he did.

“Teal and I are married.”

“No, we’re not.” That statement is not in my head because everyone in the room looks at me.

Except Declan, who turns to Kole. “Water.”

Kole nods and disappears into the house while Declan slowly starts to circle the table, squatting down in front of the chair so he can hold my cheeks in his hands.

“What did you give her?” Declan asks Dr. Parish.

His pupils are wide, the darkness overtaking the cool-gray. Either that, or it’s just his rage spilling out of him as he watches my gaze flicker in and out.

“You’re here.” I smile.

At least, I think I smile because my cheeks ache when they move.

He tucks my hair behind my ear. “I told you I’d be here as soon as I was done.”

“I know.” I just don’t know what promises to believe when so many have been broken over the course of my life.

But Declan kept his.

Kole stops beside Declan with a glass of water, holding it out for him.

“Drink this.” Declan takes it, handing it to me.

The condensation is cool on my fingers. I didn’t realize how hot I was until the cold water chills my throat with every swallow.

“What did you give her?” Declan asks again, looking up to where Dr. Parish is still standing near us.

“A light sedative. That’s it.” Dr. Parish tucks the syringe back into his bag. “She was excited.”

“Excited?” Declan clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth, and the evil side I’m too familiar with starts to bleed out. “Don’t think that lying to me will save you. You tried to sedate my wife and take her will away.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?” I almost spill the water when I rest it on my knee, so Declan takes it from me.

“We can talk later.” Declan squeezes my hand. “Can you stand?”

He takes my hands and pulls me up, holding me against him to be my strength and my anchor.

“You’re not going anywhere with her.” My father’s voice thunders through the room.

Declan glances over his shoulder, smirking at my father. “Calm down, Paul. It’s about to be a long night for you.”

“What—” My father is cut off when two more men enter the room, and I recognize them as Professor Jacob Gray and Kole’s stepfather, Captain Evans.

“Paul Donovan, you’re under arrest.” Captain Evans grabs my father by the arm and spins him around.

“For what?” He tries to fight it, but Jacob helps steady him.

Captain Evans clasps the cuffs, pulling him back up to standing. “Producing and distributing illegal pornographic films.”

“What are you talking about?” Spit flies from my father’s mouth as he fights and yells.

“You really should have asked your buddy Weston Randolph how he was putting your investments to use.” Declan smirks, and my dad’s eyes widen.

“I didn’t know.” He tries to fight, but Captain Evans is stronger. “I was a silent partner. This is a mistake.”

Jacob stops in front of my father. “Was it also a mistake that you funneled Sigma House money to Simon Blackthorn? Did you think we’d never find the paper trail? ”

My father’s face pales with the realization that this isn’t just a legal issue. He’s been in trouble before, but Sigma House always cleaned it up. Except this time, he turned on them, and there’s no chance of being saved.

“Jacob.” My father’s eyes widen, and for the first time in my life, I see fear in them. “I wouldn’t do this. You know me.”

“I thought I did.” Jacob steps back, letting Captain Evans usher my father from the room.

“Wait.” He fights. “You know me.”

My head swims when I try to process what’s going on around me. Whatever sedative Dr. Parish gave me is really starting to kick in.

“Are you okay?” Declan turns his attention to me.

“I don’t know.” I rest my forehead against Declan’s chest, and I swear I melt into him.

I should be terrified that my soul feels like it’s leaving my body, but in Declan’s arms, I believe he’ll keep me safe.

Voices continue to increase in volume around me. At one point, I think I hear my mother say something. But nothing is clear as the sedative takes me away. Nothing but Declan.

“I’ve got you, love.” He buries his nose in my hair. “I’ve got you. Let’s get you home.”

I thought it was impossible to touch the stars.

Maybe I was wrong .

If I lie in the darkness and reach up to the sky, I might not feel them, but they sparkle like they feel me. They shoot across the obsidian night and offer me hope when I didn’t have any left. And they stay with me now when I blink my eyes open.

A dark ceiling stares back at me when my vision slowly comes into focus. Small speckles float around the room as I slowly drift back down into my body. My fingers twitch as my eyelashes flutter, and I think I’m alone until a hand wraps itself over mine.

“You’re back.”

I turn my head to the voice and see Declan lying on the bed next to me. He’s resting on his side, watching me regain life.

“Where—” I glance around, and my neck is sore with every turn as I look back and forth, taking in my bedroom. “How did I get here?”

I try to sit up, but my head immediately swims as Declan hands me a pillow to prop me up.

“You need to take it easy.” His tone is harsh, but I don’t get the sense he’s mad at me.

His eyes watch my every movement like he hates seeing me like this. The same worry stains his expression that I remember from the night he tried to save my life.

Lifting my hand, I stare at my fingers moving slowly, trying to kick my brain out of this fog. Slowly, the night floods back.

Dinner with my parents.

My doctor.

Declan .

And that’s when I see the simple silver band on my ring finger.

“Why am I wearing this?” I spin it around, looking up at Declan. “Why did you keep calling me your wife?”

The more the drugs start to dull, the more panic wells up inside me.

“You need to stay calm for me, okay?” Declan feels my forehead, and I realize how warm I am. “Your body is still processing the drugs.”

“Don’t avoid the question.” I swat his hand away. “Why were you calling me that?”

“Your father was getting ready to file a medical conservatorship.” Declan reaches down and traces the ring on my finger. “He needed a contingency in case I didn’t make good on my father’s deal to make sure he wasn’t the only one who would lose.”

“How?”

“Dr. Parish has been altering your medical records, Teal.” The hurt in Declan’s eyes has my chest tightening. “I knew something was off when I first read them, but the more time we spent together, the clearer it became. His records of you didn’t line up with how lucid you actually are, and his notes of your therapy sessions didn’t align with what you were actually saying. He and your father were planning to deem you clinically insane.”

“Why would he do that?” A tear rolls down my cheek, but my body is still too numb to feel it. “Am I that crazy, Declan?”

“No.” Declan sits up, cupping my face in his hands. “You aren’t crazy, Teal. So don’t even think that. Your father is just that fucking bitter and selfish. He’d rather make you pay for his mistakes than face them. This isn’t your fault.”

“I feel like I’m losing my mind.” A sob rips out of me, and Declan pulls me onto his lap so he can hold us chest to chest.

His arms hold me tight, and I wrap myself around him, trying to steady my breath as panic surges.

“You’re not losing your mind.” He brushes the back of my head. “You’re here, and you’re aware, and I will protect you. Your father is done hurting you. I promise. I made sure of it.”

I pull back, looking up at Declan. “By pretending we’re married?”

Declan said it himself that my father can’t file anything if he thinks we’re married. But when Declan doesn’t answer my question, my nerves skitter to the surface again.

“It is pretend, right?”

He slowly shakes his head. “Do you remember when we were at the cabin?”

“Yes.” My stomach starts to drop.

“The papers you signed that night weren’t for an apartment.”

“What are you saying, Declan?” All the heat drains from my cheeks. “What did I sign?”

“Our marriage certificate.”

“What?” I push at his chest, trying to scoot off him, but he doesn’t let me.

He grabs my hips, holding me, straddling him, even as I shove at his chest. “Just listen to me. ”

“Why, Declan? You lied to me. You manipulated me. Again . How is this even possible?” I grip his shirt. “We can’t be married. There was no wedding. No vows. I didn’t agree to it.”

“You said yes.”

I freeze with my fists on his chest as that night plays in rewind in my head.

Declan stepped away to talk to Jacob, and I was so focused on my music, I didn’t pay attention to their conversation. When he walked back over and squeezed my hand, I said yes , but it was a question, not a vow to be his.

“You manipulative asshole.” I push at him again, but he grabs my wrists and stops me. “Why won’t you let me go?”

“Because I’m tired of dancing around the truth with you, Teal.” He pulls me close, tipping my chin so I’m forced to face him. “Let me speak, and when I’m done talking, you can leave if you want to.”

“This is my room.” I narrow my eyes.

“Then I’ll leave,” he promises, even if his expression is proof that he doesn’t plan on it.

“Fine.”

“I did this for you.”

“Is that what you convinced yourself to make yourself feel better? This isn’t just us dating, Declan. This isn’t what we agreed to. You married me without me even knowing just so you could manipulate me like my father did.” I bite back my tears. “You’re just like him.”

“I’m protecting you from him.” He wipes my tears away, and while that used to feel comforting, right now, it just hurts. “So long as you were mine in every way, he couldn’t lie to lock you up and take you away from me. I did this for you . For us.”

“You did this for you.” Another tear drips down between us. “How do you not see that? You thought he was going to take away your options, so you made sure he couldn’t. You did this to protect yourself and control the situation without even considering my feelings. I trusted you. I believed in you. And then you go and do this like I don’t even matter.”

“You’re my wife, of course you fucking matter.” His teeth clench.

“Then why not let me choose this on my own? Why hide it from me? I’m not some weak girl who can’t make these decisions for herself. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Declan is quiet for a moment, wiping the tears making rivers of my cheeks.

I trusted him with my heart, against better judgment. The first man I thought saw me for who I am. But he went behind my back and took my choice away. He didn’t even ask me if this was what I wanted.

Declan doesn’t break my gaze.

We’re no longer fighting as I straddle him, staring into his eyes. And I hate him for everything he is. For everything he’s done. But I need him to answer me.

“Why?”

“Because I couldn’t risk you saying no.”

He grazes the crest of my cheek with his thumb, drawing a line along the ridge. He tucks my hair behind my ear, tracing the colorful strands down to the tip .

“I couldn’t lose you again.” He spins a pink strand between his fingers. “I heard your father’s plans when they got back from hunting, and there wasn’t time to talk you into it, so I did what I needed to do to make sure you’d be protected from him, even if you hated me for it later. I’d rather have you walking around with me as your devil than you not walking around at all. As my wife, you’re protected. Whether you like it or not.”

Declan’s hand falls to my hip. He’s no longer holding me on top of him, but I’m not trying to get away. I sit here, searching his stare for a lie, but I don’t find one. All I see is the monster behind the iridescent gray mirror that reflects my own.

I swallow his confession, my gaze dropping to the simple band on my finger. And when I look at his hand, I see he has one too. Reaching for it, I trace the black tungsten band, digesting the depth of Declan’s words. The truth about who he is.

A man with no limits.

No regrets.

Even if I end up hating him for it.

My stare flicks to him, and I think about my father, trying to lock me in a cage. Controlling me and manipulating me to the point I started to believe I was insane. And I realize that even if what Declan did is wrong, he isn’t lying to me. He’s keeping his promise to protect me, no matter what.

He did this because he loves me.

“I hate you so fucking much.” A tear slips down my cheek.

His jaw tenses. “I know.”

“So why do I love you then?”

Reaching up, I cup his face, and he freezes. His eyebrows pinch as he processes my question.

I could hate him. I do hate him. But I love him more.

“I love you, too, Teal,” he says finally, not touching me, even if his attention feels like his aura is consuming me whole. “’Til death, whether you want me to or not.”

“Fuck it.” I pull him in for a kiss, and when his lips seal to mine, I accept just how sick I might be for loving him through this.

I accept that Declan draws out my darkness and enjoys watching me play in it.

I accept that he claimed me with and without my permission.

His hands lace around my neck, and he deepens the kiss. And I accept that I’m his, and it doesn’t matter whether he forced it or not because I was always meant to be here with him. I always will be.