3. Make You Regret It

3

Make You Regret It

Teal

My head is in a fog when I wake up, and I make a note on my phone to call Dr. Parish and ask about my medication. The last time I saw him, he said he adjusted the dose, and it was supposed to temper the negative reactions I was having. But if last night is any indication, it’s not working fast enough.

I close my eyes and try to fall back into my dream. With the medicated buzz wearing off, I’m exhausted, but my mind refuses to settle. I pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to make sense of the past twenty-four hours.

I’ve been struggling with reality again, so it takes a moment to sort through what from last night was real and what was a dream .

Did I leave the dorm after my roommates went to bed? Did I imagine my conversation with Declan? Was I sleeping all along?

I reach up to my ear and feel for the earbud still lodged inside. The music stopped playing at some point in the night, and my ear aches where it’s been pressing against the cartilage. I find the second one in my pocket, the spot I tucked it into when I grabbed it back from Declan.

Last night was real.

I cringe, even if it should probably be a relief.

At least these pills aren’t making me hallucinate like the last ones did. Or worse, the ones that turned my mind to Swiss cheese and made me feel like I was having out-of-body experiences.

One pill and I couldn’t see straight.

I was floating. Seeing things.

I could barely stay awake, and every time I closed my eyes, my soul left my body.

At first, it was nice to disconnect because being tied here is a constant struggle. But when I vocalized my reactions to Dr. Parish, he said the medication wouldn’t be doing that if I actually had bipolar disorder. They’d made a mistake.

They got it wrong .

Like I’m a fucking science experiment.

One of these days, I’ll stop taking everything. I’ll reset my brain and subject myself to Darwinism. I’ve been medicated for so many years that I don’t even know if I’m depressed anymore or if the pills are keeping me like this. The only reason I haven’t is because of my constant fear that the chemicals in my head might be worse than what they prescribe me.

Last night is proof my mind can’t be trusted.

I know couples sneak out around campus in the middle of the night to fuck in desolate corners, and I wandered around looking for it. I might have told Declan it was a coincidence I stumbled upon that couple, but it wasn’t. They’re regulars to that particular spot, and I needed to see it. I needed the reminder that if other people can feel things, then it must be possible.

I rub my eyes with the heel of my hands. My cheeks heat with the thought of Declan sneaking up behind me.

Catching me.

I assumed it was a coincidence he was in the courtyard, but now I know that wasn’t the case.

He sought me out.

He hacked my medical records.

He thinks I’m going to need his help.

It’s possible Declan was just bored and fucking with me like he always is. But there was something about how he said it. The challenge in his eyes wasn’t what I’m used to seeing when he’s bullying me. Something in his tone was genuine. An offer from the enemy.

That’s almost more terrifying than if he was making my life miserable.

Declan Pierce doesn’t do favors—he does the work of the devil.

Whatever he’s up to can’t be good.

A knock on my door makes me jump. My eyes fly open, and I realize I’m gripping my phone tightly. I shoot to sitting, looking at the clock, and realize my roommates will worry if they think I’m still sleeping at noon.

They don’t know the full extent of my condition, but they do know I’m depressed, so I don’t want to add to their concerns.

I brush my hair with my fingers and swing my legs off the bed to look more awake.

“Come in.”

My door opens, and Violet walks inside. Her midnight hair is tied up in a tight ponytail, showing off her bright-blue eyes. Out of my three roommates, Violet is by far the kindest and quietest, which is why I’m still processing the fact that she’s dating Kole Christiansen, Declan’s best friend.

I’m convinced he’s a psychopath. There were rumors when I was at Montgomery Psychiatric Ward that Kole had spent time there as a child, and even if I never saw any proof, I believe it. He never shows empathy or emotion, and there’s a constant cold detachment in his stare.

Until I met Kole, I honestly thought Declan was as scary as it gets. But one look in Kole’s eyes made me question that.

At least he seems to take care of Violet. She trusts him, and he’s constantly watching over her like he won’t let anything bad happen to her.

So long as Violet is happy, I have no choice but to accept it, a sentiment not shared by our roommate Patience.

Patience refuses to see any good in the members of Sigma Sin. Her older brother, Alex, pledged the fraternity two years ago, and he hasn’t spoken since. Whatever happened during his initiation landed him in Montgomery, and as far as anyone knows, he’s never getting out.

Sometimes, I see him when I visit the ward for my therapy sessions, and on occasion, I’ll see Patience and our other roommate, Mila, visiting him.

It’s one thing to feel like you’re going insane; it’s another to actually lose your mind. Alex is proof of that.

“Hey, Teal.” Violet smiles, but it’s forced. “I was wondering if you had a minute to talk about something.”

“Of course.” I turn to make room for her on the bed.

Violet sinks onto the mattress, facing me. She crosses her legs under her, playing with the hem of the long sleeves on her sweater.

“You look worried.” My gaze falls to where Violet is chewing the inside of her cheek. “Everything okay with you and Kole?”

“Yes.” She shakes her head like she’s snapping herself out of whatever she was thinking. “This doesn’t have to do with Kole.”

“But it has to do with something…”

Violet’s eyebrows pinch as she nods. “You’ve known Declan since you were kids, right?”

“Declan?” Confusion laces my tone.

It figures she wants to talk about him when the past twenty-four hours have been saturated in all things Declan Pierce.

“Yeah, Declan.” Violet nods. “You’ve known him for a while, right?”

I roll my eyes. “Since I was born, unfortunately. ”

That’s the downside of being born and raised in Bristal—no escaping your enemies.

“But you two were never close? Not even in elementary school?” Violet bites her lower lip, worry permeating out of her.

“He was always a year ahead of me, and I was smart enough to do everything I could to avoid him. Why are you asking me about Declan? He’s Kole’s best friend. I’m sure he knows him better than I do.”

And hates him less.

But for Violet’s sake, I don’t say that.

“They’re close.” She nods. “Kole trusts him.”

“But…?”

“But I trust you, Teal. So I feel like you’d tell me the truth whether I want to hear it or not. Kole is friends with him, and they’re loyal to each other, so anything he says would be…”

“Biased?” I finish her sentence, and she nods. “What kind of information are you looking for?”

“What’s Declan really like?”

“You mean besides being a sadistic asshole?” I chuckle, but when Violet doesn’t so much as crack a smile, my own fades. “Since when do you want to know things about Declan Pierce? Trust me, he’s not worth it.”

“I learned something recently.” She bites her lip. “You know how I never talk about my father?”

“Yeah.” And I don’t like where this is going.

“Well, that’s because I never knew who he was.”

“But now you do?”

She nods once, barely. “Ian Pierce. ”

It takes a moment for my mind to process that name. “Declan’s your brother?”

“Half.” She forces a tight smile. “Apparently.”

“Shit.” My eyes widen, and for the first time, I see the similarities.

The obsidian black hair. Sharp facial features. Eyes so light they’re nearly iridescent.

“I found out a couple of weeks ago, but I’m still processing it, so that’s why I haven’t said anything.” She toys with her sleeves again, tugging them down. “I know you and Declan don’t get along.”

“That’s an understatement.” I snort, feeling immediately guilty about my comment when Violet frowns. “Sorry.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t apologize. I know you guys aren’t on the best terms, which is why I wanted to talk to you.”

“Does Declan know?”

“Yes. He found out at the same time I did. But we haven’t talked about it.”

I’m not surprised, since Declan isn’t one for deep, emotional conversations.

“So, what do you want to know then?”

“I’m not one hundred percent sure.” Violet frowns. “I’m just trying to make sense of everything. He’s Declan Pierce. I know what I’ve heard from the rumors that are spread about him. But now that I know he’s my brother, I’m hoping there’s something I’m missing. We’re related, and he’s horrible… right? ”

For Violet’s sake, I bite back the urge to immediately answer yes . “He’s complicated. Anyone growing up in that house would be.”

“Because of his father.” Violet’s eyebrows pinch. “ My father…”

I swallow hard, wishing there was something I could say that would be comforting. But if she thinks Declan is bad, she has no idea what she’s in for regarding her paternal bloodline.

“They aren’t a warm and fuzzy family. Declan’s proof of that.”

“What do you mean?”

I lean back, pinching the bridge of my nose, trying to decide the easiest way to approach this. “You know how Declan’s the Sigma House president?”

She nods.

“Well, so was his father. And his father… You get the idea.” I sigh. “He didn’t just become an asshole because of one terrible thing that happened to him; he was raised to be exactly like Ian Pierce. That’s all that matters to men like them. Generations of Pierce men conditioned only to care about power and money. And they’ll do anything to get it. Blackmail, manipulation. Declan had those beliefs ingrained in him since birth. So, as much as I hate him, I do understand why he is the way he is.”

“That reminds me of Kole.” Violet’s voice is nearly a whisper.

“The Pierces and the Christiansens have a lot in common for a reason. They value a lot of the same things. It’s why their families are close and why Declan and Kole have been friends since birth.”

“I see.” She frowns. “Thanks for being honest with me.”

“Of course.” I reach out, squeezing her hand. “Declan wasn’t always terrible, if that makes you feel better. But Violet…”

Her gaze snaps to mine.

“Whatever good there was in him is gone. I get he’s your brother, and so you want to try to find something redeeming in him but be careful. There isn’t anything. Trust me on that. If you let him get close, he’ll make you regret it.”

Declan’s threat last night revolves through my mind.

Trust .

He seems to think I’m going to need him while I sit here warning Violet not to do the same.

“I’ll be careful.” Violet spins, climbing off the bed. “Thanks for talking to me about this, Teal.”

“Anytime.”

“Can we just”—she stands, biting her lip—“keep this to ourselves for now? I know I need to tell Patience and Mila, but Patience is already being weird with me for dating Kole, and I don’t want to add more to that.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.” Violet smiles, but it’s sad.

And when she walks out of my bedroom, I wonder if what she really needed was honesty in that moment. Maybe I should have tried to offer her comfort instead.

This is why I’ve never been good at having friends .

Growing up, I was always the awkward kid in class with the multicolored hair and the paint-splattered clothes. The girl who my classmates called crazy without realizing that word was the edge of the razor biting through my skin.

They couldn’t define me, so they ostracized me. And after long enough, I stopped caring.

I became the rumors. The whispers. The girl who doesn’t play well with others .

Because fuck them .

My phone buzzes, and I reach for it on my nightstand, seeing a text from an unknown number. Opening it, my grip tightens at the image on the screen.

Unknown : Same time next week?

Attached is a picture of the courtyard from last night. It’s dark, but I can make out the bench and the back of my head. What little light there is from the moon makes it clear it’s me because no one else at school has multicolored hair. Blonde with streaks of red, green, blue, pink, anything I can get my hands on.

From the angle of the photo, it’s clear what I’m doing. Across the courtyard is the couple fucking, and I’m watching them.

Declan .

My teeth grit, and I type back.

Teal : You wish.

I lock my phone and slam it down on my nightstand. Any guilt I had a moment ago disappears. Violet needs to know the truth about her brother, whether it hurts her or not.

Declan is evil.

The devil’s spawn.

Nothing good comes from trusting him.