Chapter 9

Cecilia

N eveah was glum again on Wednesday morning. She had been acting like a moody pill all week. “Nevvie, please tell me what’s wrong. I’ve been asking you for three days and you’re driving me crazy! Don’t make me go to the beauty shop and rat you out.”

She turned to me in horror. “Don’t do that!”

“Then spill! What’s going on?”

A tear tracked down her cheek. Oh my god, she was such a gorgeous crier! “I went with my cousin Carmen to see Jason at the Silver Eagle last weekend. He was so good, Cecilia! His voice is so beautiful!”

“It’s a turn on when a man sings,” I agreed. I thought of Alex singing with me and the radio in the car. He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, but I was getting all hot and bothered anyway and it was really not the time for it. I got a glass of water. “So? What happened?”

“After Jason did his set he came and sat with us, but then the bouncer told us to leave because we’re underage, so Carmen took off and Jason drove me home. We were having such a good time! He’s so fun to hang out with, you know how he is. And then…” She trailed off. More tears.

“Yes?” I demanded. “What then?”

“He walked me to my door, because the porch light was off, and he waited for me to find my keys. Wasn’t that sweet?” I nodded. “And he was saying goodbye, and I kissed him.” She covered her eyes. “I just grabbed him and kissed him!”

“You did? Hussy!” I thought of how I had stripped in the kitchen. I wasn’t one to talk!

“What’s that?” Neveah took her hand away.

“Nothing, it’s like an old British thing. I’m just kidding, anyway. So, what happened? Did he kiss you back?”

She covered her whole face now. “No! He just stood there for a second, then he pulled away like I had bitten him! He didn’t say a word, just ran back to his car and took off. And now, he barely speaks to me, and it’s so awkward and I’m so embarrassed! I don’t want to come to work.”

This was worst case scenario. “Shoot, Neveah. I’m sorry!”

“I’m going to have to quit, I can’t stand coming in here and seeing him. He’s acting like I gave him cooties. I’m so embarrassed!” she repeated.

“No, no, don’t quit. Let me talk to him first. Maybe he was just surprised.”

“He wasn’t just surprised. He was horrified!” she told me, which led to a new batch of tears. I handed her a wad of paper napkins. “He acted like I’m diseased! ”

“Cecilia?” Perfect! “Nerissa? What’s going on here?” Keri demand. “Did you guys not even notice that I needed a latte?”

Neveah dropped the napkins. “My name is NEVEAH!” she said loudly. “It says it on my time sheet, which you sign, and my paychecks, which you give me. NEVEAH!” She turned and stomped back to the bathroom.

Keri stared at her back. “What crawled up her ass?” she asked me. Yuck. She shrugged. “Probably PMS-ing, right? I’m totally a bitch when I’m on the rag.” Double yuck. And how could anyone have told the difference? “Anyway, I really need to talk to you about honeymoon spots. I’m thinking island, but I don’t want there to be any bugs. Or people. And it has to have a direct flight from Detroit. Come to my office.”

I sighed and tried to think of someplace with an active volcanic eruption.

Neveah left not too long after, using the excuse of cramps, which Keri totally went for. When Jason came in I gave him time to put his bag down, then cornered him. “Neveah finally told me what happened with you two. She said she kissed you and you freaked out. What’s going on?” I tapped my foot and waited.

Jason put his head down and groaned. “She told you that?”

“Jason, of course she told me! She’s really upset. It’s ok if you don’t like her, but she says she’s going to quit because she doesn’t want to face you.”

He picked his head up. “I don’t want her to quit. Shit!”

I waited .

“Cecilia…” he dragged my name out. “I don’t feel that way about her.” Jason started to fidget with his hoodie strings. “I just want to be friends with her. She’s a nice girl and we have fun. Can’t we do that?”

“You should just tell her that, Jase. She’ll understand, and I think she’ll be glad that you aren’t mad at her.”

“No, I’m not mad.” More fiddling. I waited, and then he lowered his voice. “Cec, I’m gay.”

“You are?” I totally hadn’t picked up on that! “Well, that’s a relief. I thought you were nuts not to like Neveah, but it’s biological! I’m glad.” I picked up the dish tub to go clear some tables. “You never mentioned it before.”

“I haven’t told anyone, before.”

I put the tub back down. “Jason, really? Why not?”

He shook his head. “I thought I would get over it, or something.”

“You thought you would get over being gay? I don’t think that’s how it works.”

He smiled a little, then dropped his head again. “I don’t want my parents to know.”

I rubbed his back. “Your parents are awesome. I’ve seen you guys together. They love you like crazy.”

“Yeah, but all my brothers except Asshole Andy got married and have kids. My parents keep saying that I will too, someday. They’re going to be disappointed. I don’t want everyone in my family to start calling me ‘Jackass Jason.’”

“You can get married and have kids, too! Listen, you don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready, and I won’t say anything. It’s your business, no one else’s. And Andy’s not that big of an asshole.” He smiled a little and nodded at me, so I continued. “But I hope you can talk to Nevvie and convince her that she’s not a leper, so you guys can be friends again. I don’t want her to quit, and it really sucks to work here with both of you guys weird and unhappy!”

“I’ll talk to her,” he told me. “I’ll tell her something.”

“Let her down easy. You’re a catch, and she’s really upset.”

His grin returned. “I’m a catch?”

“You know you are! I’m surprised some cute guy hasn’t snatched you off the market.”

“I don’t have—” He stopped. “I won’t know what to do, with someone.”

“You mean like sex?”

I could see his dark skin turn a little red. “Yes, like sex!”

I thought of me and Alex. “Jase, with the right guy, it won’t matter. Don’t rush out and do it just to do it. When you love him, you’ll figure it out together, and it will be good.”

It turned out it was just a day of sex at the coffee shop. Harrison strolled in that afternoon, and gave me a lewd wink that I found revolting. Then he and Keri went into her office, and the noises that started coming through the door were even worse. Oh, lordy, it was the commune in Trinidad revisited.

Jason looked at me in horror and I stared back. Then he started to sing, at the top of his voice, and I joined in. Our lone customer left his full coffee mug on the table and ran out .

Jesus H. Christ, how long was she going to have to fake it for? Alex came in as we were hollering “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.” “What are you doing?” he asked loudly. “Why are you two singing like this?”

I stopped, then gestured for Jason to zip it for a second. We all listened, and it was quiet in the office. “Thank god it’s over!” I said reverently, and Jason nodded. Or at least it was paused.

“What’s happening?” Alex asked, and I motioned him down so I could whisper in his ear.

“Keri is having sex with her fiancé in her office, and we’re trying to drown it out. It was either that, or lose our minds!”

Alex pulled back with a frown. “That’s no good. She shouldn’t be—”

The door to Keri’s office flew open, and Harrison came out, adjusting his pants. He slid a hand over his gelled hair.

“Oh, fuck,” I heard Alex mutter.

Keri wasn’t far behind her gross husband-to-be. She stopped dead when she saw Alex with his arm around my shoulders.

“Alex Whitaker?” Harrison was saying. “It’s been a long time!” He held out his tiny little hand, and Alex slowly stepped forward to shake it. Lordy, Harrison was so small compared to Alex! Why had I never noticed that before? He had seemed regular-sized until now.

“Harrison Battenberg,” Alex said flatly. “It has been a long time.” He let go of Harrison’s hand, and replaced his arm on my shoulders. Harrison’s eyes widened.

“You and Christina?” he said, then laughed. “Wow. ”

“It’s Cecilia,” Keri told him absently. God damn it if her eyes weren’t glued to Alex’s crotch! I was going to gouge them out. I made a move forward, but Alex pulled me closer to him.

“Keri, it’s good to see you,” he told her. “Cecilia told me that you’re the manager here.”

Finally her eyes went to his face. “Yes, it’s good to see you too.” She looked at his scar. “Oh, Alex!” She reached her hand toward him a little, and her eyes got all glassy again. I could see her swallow.

“I’m fine,” he told her. “I’m a lot better than when you last saw me.”

“Yeah, I remember hearing all about your accident,” Harrison said. “Finally crashed out, huh? It’s not like you didn’t have practice driving with a few in you. What happened?”

“Deer,” Alex said. I felt his hand shake on my shoulder.

“Sucks, man. Was your car ok?”

Alex stared at him. “No.”

“Alex was really hurt,” Keri told him. “He was in the hospital for a long time!” I could see tears brimming in her eyes, and she tilted her head up to look at the ceiling and hold them in.

Harrison was staring at her. “You’re pretty worked up, Keri.” He turned to me. “The two of them used to fuck all the time our freshman year of college,” he explained casually. “Like rabbits. Listen, babe, I have to go.” He kissed Keri, and by that I meant, he French kissed Keri. I saw his tongue. “Alex, glad to see you’re not locked up, drooling somewhere, dude.”

I could hear someone breathing hard, and realized it was me. Harrison was going to get his ass kicked, and the kicking was coming now.

“Good to see you, Keri,” Alex said, ignoring Harrison. “Cecilia is going to take her break now, I have to bring her up to my office.” He locked me to his side and marched me out of the coffee shop. Jason was just standing there gaping at us all. Poor guy.

I didn’t have my coat on and it was sort of sleeting when we got out to the sidewalk. But my fury warmed me. I opened my mouth.

“Don’t say it,” Alex ordered. “He’s always been a huge asshole. I don’t care what he said about my accident, and you are not going to worry about me and Keri again, ok?”

We were at the doors of a big building, and he pulled me along with him inside. I was so angry I was having a hard time with coherent thought. I couldn’t hold back the words any longer.

“He—that fucker—drooling—rabbits—mother fucker, I’m going to beat him into the ground!” We were on the elevator by that point, and I got some odd looks. Alex made some shushing noises and rubbed my arm.

The elevator doors opened to a big glass wall that had “Whitaker Enterprises” etched across it. “Come on,” he told me, pulling me with him through the lobby. Everyone was looking at him, but either he didn’t see them, or he didn’t care. We continued down a long hallway to a medium sized office with a big window, overlooking the street. I stared down at the coffee shop.

“You ok now?” he asked me, leaning against the closed office door .

I looked at him. “You seriously don’t care that he said those things to you?”

Alex shook his head. “Not too much. He was looking to get a rise out of me, and it didn’t work. He did, however, get one out of you.”

I tried not to think of the fucking like rabbits comment. Alex was right—there was no point to this anger. I worked on some Pranayama breathing for a few minutes, courtesy of my mom’s friend Flavia. Finally I was calmer. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t usually go quite so nuts.”

“That’s ok. He always tended to bring out the worst in people.” Alex shrugged. “I wouldn’t have picked him for Keri, that’s for sure.”

Thinking of her, staring at Alex’s crotch, my anger flared up again. I got down on the floor and bent over, stretching my hands forward. “Give me another minute,” I said, my voice coming up through my knees. There was a soft knock at the door, and I heard it creek open.

“Alex?” Steve’s voice asked after a moment. “Is she ok?”

“Ceci is taking a little breather. We just ran into one of the guys I ran with in college, and he was a horse’s ass. She was going to issue a beat down, so now she’s doing, I think that’s child’s pose.”

I sat up, flipping back my hair. “Hi, Steve. Sorry. If you’d heard what he said to Alex, you’d have wanted to beat him, too.”

Steve immediately looked pissed. “What the hell did he say to Alex? ”

I opened my mouth but Alex cut me off again. “Don’t say it. Steve, everything’s fine. Was there something you needed, or is this just the PM check-in?”

Steve shot him a look. “I was just coming to see what time you guys will be at my house tonight.”

“I have an idea,” Alex told him. “Why don’t we all leave early today? I know that Cecilia could use a little time away from work, and you probably could too. Sweetie,” he said to me, “let’s go for a swim.”

Really, Alex in a bathing suit was not something to be missed. So I decided to blow off work, and head out early, and to Alex’s shock, Steve did too. We all played a little hooky.

Alex

Cecilia in a rage was a sight to behold. I had honestly thought she was going to try to tear Harrison a new one. Not that he wouldn’t have deserved it, but probably killing her boss’s boyfriend wouldn’t have been great for her job prospects at the coffee shop.

Seeing Keri was a shock to the system for me. She still looked pretty. I knew we’d had a lot of, uh, fun together. But the shock was, I had absolutely no feelings toward her at all, except that I was sorry she was going to marry Harrison. That guy was a dick. He always had been, but in the past, alcohol had dulled his effect on me. Sober, I could see that what he really needed was a beating. And if I hadn’t intervened, Cecilia would have dealt it to him.

Steve and I showed Cecilia around Whitaker Enterprises before we left for the day, and she asked about a million questions about the business, which to my surprise, I was able to answer. It turned out I must have been paying attention for the last eight years. Or maybe I had just picked it all up through osmosis. In any case, I sounded a lot more knowledgeable than I had thought myself to be. She also said hello to a lot of the employees, most of whom she knew by their coffee orders. She was happy to see them, and they seemed just as pleased to see her too. I was holding hands with her, and she kept squeezing my hand and checking on me, glancing over my face. I smiled at her to let her know I was ok, and she gave me a tentative smile back.

Cecilia was very interested in what we did all day. So was Steve. He was equally enthusiastic, talking to her about our various projects, things we had done in the past that he was proud of, his hopes for the company for the future. I’d had no idea that he was, well, so into it. It became clear to me on the tour that to Steve, the company was an integral part of his life. I had heard Luke talk about work the same way. Like he was so fascinated by it. To me, Whitaker Enterprises was a job to show up to. Growing up I had always assumed that I’d work there, put on a suit like my dad, go on all the “work trips” that he had made. I would have a sensible major in college, go on to get my MBA. I had never given much thought to whether I wanted to do it or not—it just seemed like that’s how my life would go. It was eye-opening for me that it wasn’t the same way for Steve.

For example, his face actually lit up when he talked to Cecilia about our project in Dallas. I had found the endless meetings about it so boring I wanted bang my head on the desk. There was definitely a difference in our approach to the family business.

“Your office is nice,” Cecilia said to me as we got into the elevator. She had made quite an impression on the way up, but the descent was much more congenial. “It looks like your house, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just, I don’t know, I just don’t see you there. Anyone could live there, or work there. I mean, if you take Nina—”

“Please,” I interrupted.

“Ha ha. But you can tell she’s mine, right? I have your sketches, and postcards from the cities I’ve lived, and all my pen-pal letters from Kristin in Nevis, and my books, well, now they’re in your house, but you know what I mean. You can see that it’s my space.” She paused. “If you could have anything, what would you have in your house to make it feel like home?”

“You,” I told her. She kissed me on the steps of the building.

Cecilia and I decided to the Y to swim, after I went back to the coffee shop and got her stuff. Keri had apparently taken off right after we had, leaving Jason alone. He was probably thrilled to have all the crazies out. Steve stuck to my suggestion and also left work early. I couldn’t remember the last time he had done that, except for when I’d forced him to go to the dentist for a cracked crown. I’m sure the staff thought there was something really wrong.

We swam for quite a while, then went home to get dressed. Cecilia was almost back to her usual self, including the part when we got home and she told me we had better do it, like immediately. Both of us were pretty mellow after that interlude. In spite of her calmness, I thought she might still be bothered by the whole Keri thing, and I didn’t know how to explain to her that she didn’t have to worry. It was like looking at the road up north where I had crashed: Keri felt like a lifetime ago. She was the past, and Cecilia was my whole future.

But I wasn’t sure how to say that. I contented myself with making her come twice, then helping her get her limp body into clothes to go to Steve’s house.

Steve had decided to bypass the cooking route and go straight to Lebanese take-out. Cecilia loved it, and ate, and ate, and ate. Even Steve was impressed. “I’m hungry from swimming,” she explained, taking a third helping of mujadara.

“Where does it go?” he asked me.

I shrugged. “No one knows.” We both watched her for a while, Steve impressed by her capacity for food, and me thinking that she was the coolest girl on the planet.

When Cecilia was winding down, I got up and went out to my Jeep, then handed Steve the sketchbook I had brought. “Here,” I told him. “You wanted to see stuff I drew. This is what I’ve been working on lately.” About two weeks before, my hand had almost started itching to draw again, and I was steadily filling the pages. I was even thinking about painting, and it had been a really long time since I’d done that. Eight years.

Cecilia’s eyes lit up. “You haven’t let me look at this yet!” She scooted her chair closer to Steve’s as he flipped open the cover. “That’s me!” she exclaimed.

“There’s a lot of you in there,” I told her.

Steve turned to the next page. “Oh! I look so happy!” she said. “Alex, is this really how you see me? ”

“That’s exactly how you look to me,” I said, and she smiled up at me in just the same way as her face on the paper did.

After a few more page flips, I tried to take the book back, but Steve wasn’t having it. He looked at every drawing, no matter how unfinished, not saying much, but with his face full of concentration.

Cecilia’s running commentary about my work filled the silence. She came and sat on my lap after Steve finally closed the back cover. “Will you let me frame some of these? Please? I want to hang them so I can always see them.”

“Just look at yourself in the mirror,” I told her. “We don’t need them on the walls.”

“You’re not the boss of me, Alex,” she said, and kissed my cheek. “Maybe I will frame them all!”

“Just remember that if I don’t like what you’re doing, I always have this.” I tickled her sides and she tried to escape, using some colorful language. She made me laugh.

Steve was watching us, and I reached for the sketchbook. He didn’t let it go. “Alex, she’s right. You are really talented.”

“Why didn’t you major in art?” Cecilia asked me, twisting to look into my face.

I shrugged. “I just always thought I’d join the company. A career in art didn’t make a lot of sense.”

“Why?” Now Steve was asking, and it startled me.

“You know, Steve. We were always going to take over Dad’s company. That was always the plan.”

“Do you like it?” Cecilia asked me. “You never want to talk about your day, or what you do. I learned so much today at your office, stuff you had never told me before.”

I shrugged again. “It’s fine. I’m fine there.”

She patted my cheek, and got up to start to clear the table.

Steve was watching me. “I really had no idea, Alex. It makes me feel like an asshole.”

“About what?Why?”

“You had this whole other interest that I knew nothing about. For years.”

“Well, it turns out that you do too. I didn’t know that you’re so…passionate, I guess, about Whitaker Enterprises. I could see when you were talking to Ceci about it, you really love your job.”

“And I could see that you really don’t.”

“No—” I started to deny it, but broke off. “Cecilia.”

“What?” she called from the kitchen.

“Your phone is ringing.”

She sprinted back out and grabbed it out of her bag. “Hello? Hello?”

First she smiled a little. “Hi, Paulo. Yes, I’m good. What’s going on?”

I watched her expression change from wariness to fear. “Ok, sorry, I’m just—can you say all that again?” I handed her a pen and flipped to a blank page in my book. She took them both without noticing, but started to write things down, her other hand quickly twirling and tugging on a curly lock of her hair.

“Ok, I’ll get going as soon as I can. I think best case scenario it’s going to take me two days to get to San Francisco, but I’ll push Nina as hard as I can.” She put her hand up to her eyes, covering them for a moment, then wiped away tears and cleared her throat. “I have it all written down. Thank you, Paulo. I’ll be in touch with you soon, ok? I’ll let you know what’s going on. Thank you.”

Cecilia put the phone down on the table and turned to me with a face so stricken that I just held open my arms, and she almost fell into them.

“Honey, is it your mom?” Nodding. “Is she ok?” Cecilia shook her head. “You need to get out to California?” Nodding. “Is she sick?” Shake.

Steve stood up. “I’ll go look for a flight. Two tickets?”

I started to say yes when Cecilia picked up her head, her sweet face all tear-stained. “I was going to drive!”

“You’ll fly,” I told her. “Nina will stay in Michigan.”

“I have to go back to your house and pack. I have to leave right away!” She pushed away from me. “I don’t understand. My mom got arrested! She was in jail, and Paulo sent money to get her out, and I owe him a lot. She won’t talk to him anymore and he doesn’t know where she is!”

Jesus. I knew that woman was trouble.

“Cecilia, it’s ok.” I blew out a breath and Steve looked at me, holding up his hands in a silent question. “Yes, two tickets,” I said .

“Two?” Cecilia looked startled. “Why? Why would we need two?”

“I don’t have to come,” I said slowly.

“I have to go to her, right now!” she said again, and picked up her bag.

“So one ticket?” Steve asked her.

“Yes,” she said. “I’ll pay you back, Steve. I really will,” but he batted that away.

We both were quiet for the first few miles of the drive home. I found myself gripping the steering wheel.

“I just don’t know!” Cecilia broke in suddenly. “My mom has never done anything wrong in her life! Why would she have been arrested?”

“What was the charge?” I asked her.

“Paulo said disorderly conduct and possession of a controlled substance.” She sniffed, and wiped her sleeve across her eyes. “Drug possession? She won’t even take aspirin! What is going on?”

“I don’t know, honey, I think you’ll have to talk to her,” I said softly.

“Paulo said she hasn’t called him since she got out of jail. Jail! My mom was in jail!” She hiccupped. “I don’t understand any of this!”

I put my hand on her knee, and she clutched it. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

“I can handle this, Alex. I’m very self-sufficient. My mom needs me, and I can fix this for her. And I’ll pay Steve back for my ticket, and Paulo, too.”

I gripped the steering wheel harder so I wouldn’t crush her fingers. I hated her mother at that point. My phone rang and I fished it out of my pocket and handed it to her. “It’s probably Steve.”

It was, and I listened again to Cecilia’s side of the conversation as they hashed out the details of her flight. “I’ll pay you back!” I heard her repeat about ten times, and I heard Steve’s voice through the phone get louder in denials.

“There’s a flight at 9:25 out of Detroit Metro. It’s direct even. That was really nice of him to do for me,” she said, when she hung up. She sighed. “I have to call Keri and tell her. I have to call Neveah and Jason.”

“Leave their numbers, and I’ll call them tonight.”

“No.” She hesitated. “I’ll do it. I can handle this.”

I was getting increasingly pissed. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Can you drive me to the airport, so I don’t have to leave Nina there?”

“Sure,” I said tightly. I could provide her with taxi service, at the very least.

Cecilia was like a tornado of energy back at my house, making calls and shoving a lot of stuff into a bag she pulled out of Nina. From the looks of it, she planned to be gone for a while. But she didn’t mention that to me. In not too much time we were heading south on I-75 to Metro Airport.

Cecilia was still very quiet. “Will you call me when you get in?” I asked her. I was remaining calm.

“I’ll probably have to get a new phone,” she hedged. So she didn’t want to call me. Ok.

I nodded in the darkness of the car. “Let me know if you need anything. Will you?” Great, I was begging her for attention now.

“I’ll be fine,” she said woodenly. “I just want you to know, my mom hasn’t ever done anything like this before. She really isn’t a drug dealer, or whatever you must think of her.”

“Maybe it was all a mistake,” I said, but I didn’t even sound convincing to myself.

We pulled up in front of the terminal and she jumped out, pulling her bag from the back seat before I even made it around the car.

“Ceci,” I said. I didn’t know how to continue.

She got on her tiptoes and pulled my mouth down to hers. “I love you, Alex. Bye.”

And then she left.

I stood at my car for a while, watching her walk in and disappear into the sea of bodies that still cluttered up the airport. I thought I could see her for the longest time. I stayed until a Metro cop pulled up behind me and told me to get a move on. Then I pulled into the cell phone lot and sat there, watching the planes as they took off and landed, decreasing in number until the sky was empty of their lights.

I realized that my phone was buzzing, and picking it up saw I had seven missed calls, and the screen was full of texts. But there was nothing from Cecilia. It was all Steve, checking up on me. I had the urge to throw the phone out of the window and drive over it, but instead I texted him back that I had dropped her off and she was fine. Then I drove home, ignoring that he had asked me to come back to his house.

Nina was still parked in the garage, and I opened up the back doors, looking at her things, still neatly stowed away in the seedy van. It smelled like a mixture of motor oil and Cecilia. Suddenly I wanted to smell her more, so I ran up the stairs and picked up her pillow, holding my face to it. I lay down on the bed, holding her pillow to me, looking through the window up at the night sky and thinking of Cecilia.