Chapter 11

Cecilia

O n Monday morning we had our meeting with the criminal lawyer. The office was even fancier than Whitaker Enterprises, and I felt like a little girl in my jeans. I wished I had some kind of fancy office clothes, like Steve and Alex wore but girl oriented. My only concession to fanciness was wearing my nicest ballet flats that weren't exactly flat and made me 5’2”. I towered over my mom. I’d had to practically drag her out of Allen’s house to get to the appointment on time, paying for a ride-share to drive us instead of taking the cheaper bus. I had to watch every penny in this pricey city.

The weekend had been difficult. I had met up with my mom on Friday, and again on Saturday, and she invited me to dinner with her and Allen. Being with my mom alone was ok. We still had fun talking together, and she was very curious about Alex. I didn’t tell her too much. I knew she would tease me, and want to know all kinds of details—intimate details—and I didn’t want to share them with her. He was special. Not just a topic of conversation for my mom to giggle at me over. The issue I had was that my mom and I were hardly ever alone. She kept asking Allen to join us all the time, and he was just so odd. He had this really unnerving way of looking at me that made me think he was checking me out, which, oh my god, gross! And my mom and I couldn’t really talk with him around because she was always giggling and being weird. The whole thing was bad.

But the dinner with Allen on Saturday was worse than bad. It was atrocious. We had to go to a vegan place, which was not really up my alley, but I figured I would find something to eat. It had been super expensive, with tiny little servings, and at the end of the night when the bill came, neither of them even looked at it sitting on the table. It might well have been invisible for all the attention they paid to it! But paid was the wrong word, because clearly Allen had no intention of doing that. So I ended up picking up the tab for the gross dinner. But by far the worst part was that the whole time we were there my mom and Allen were doing stuff like feeding each other food with their fingers and making little sexy jokes to each other in very suggestive voices. Like, “Try this French lentil salad, Allen. French ,” accompanied by lip licking. Or, “This tahini feels like cream in my mouth.” “The flavor of the chard comes ...alive with a little lemon.”

If the chard was the big leaf I had been chewing, nothing would have made that sucker come alive. I wanted to wipe off my tongue. And about halfway through the dinner I wanted to run out screaming and then find a hamburger!

My mom had half-heartedly invited me to stay with her and Allen, but I had declined. I couldn’t imagine much worse than being stuck with the two of them in that dusty rattrap. Nina looked like Mt. Vernon (which I had visited in Virginia while trying to learn a little American history) compared to Allen’s house.

But my mom seemed totally happy. I tried, and tried again, to broach the subject of money with her, but she was like a see no evil, hear no evil monkey. She had always been really vague and uninformed about money, but that had been sort of ok when she had some. But now, it was really not ok! At all! Like, she had no idea how she would pay her fine for the disorderly conduct charge, but it didn’t worry her in the least. And now we were walking into this very fancy office, with windows twenty feet tall, with a lawyer that charged I didn’t know how much per hour, and my mom didn’t think to ask where we would get the money for even a second or two of this woman’s time. It was making me super frustrated, and all the diaphragmatic breathing I was doing wasn’t touching it!

In fact, the more I thought about my mom’s current problems, the more P.O.’d I got! And unlike her prior “situations,” I couldn’t find anyone else to blame. The landlords, who had tricked her into signing terrible leases? Nope. The mean tow truck drivers who didn’t understand that she never read “no parking” signs? No. All the bill collectors from over the years, who heartlessly harassed us, wanting to be paid for services rendered? I couldn’t pin this on them either. She was taking no responsibility for any of her actions, and maybe that hadn’t bothered me before, but it was really starting to bother me now!

We got ushered into our appointment with the lawyer exactly at nine, and I liked her right away. The woman was absolutely no-nonsense. She ran through the case with my mom, who finally had to admit that yes, the night she had been arrested, things had gotten pretty out of hand. Allen didn’t come out of it smelling like a rose in this version—it turned out that there was more going on than a confused reiki student misinterpreting his healing for sexual overtures. My mom also admitted that the police report was accurate when it said that she had threatened to hit the victim with a statue of Ganesh and maybe she’d actually tried to do it, but the other woman was twenty years younger and really fast. And yes, maybe the X in her bag was kind of a lot, and maybe she had been holding it for Allen.

At this point the attorney informed us that Allen was a three-time loser. His first brush with the law ended with him pleading no-contest to a felony charge of harmful matter sent with intent to seduce a minor, which I had never heard of. The attorney explained that he had been sexting a sixteen-year-old to induce her to have a threesome with him and his then girlfriend. I turned to stare at my mom. As a result of case, Allen had been a registered sex offender, but when he completed probation he’d had the charge reduced to a misdemeanor so he no longer showed up on the California sex offender registry. Then he had been arrested twice more on drug charges, but pled them both down and didn’t serve any time.

I could not believe it. I kept staring at my mom as the lawyer calmly told her that associating with Allen was not in her best interest until the criminal case had been resolved. It was not in her best interest in any case!

“Mom, did you know this about your boyfriend?” I demanded.

“Know what?” she asked me serenely. She had developed quite an interest in her bag, delving into it and picking through the contents throughout the meeting while I took notes. Now she was fiddling with the strap. I recognized her tell. She felt guilty!

“Did you know he was a convicted child molester and drug dealer?”

“Not convicted, darling. He pled no-contest, and the other charges were reduced to simple possession. It was all just a mistake, really.”

I saw red .

“Thank you for coming in,” the attorney said, standing up and holding out her hand. Her other hand was straying to her phone. She probably had security on speed-dial for people like us. “I’ll be in touch as soon as I have any information about your case, but I feel that we can get this resolved fairly quickly. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.”

I shook the hand she offered, nodding mutely, and my mom left without saying thank you. I was going to kill my mother! Dead, by my own hands!

Alex had been calling me all morning on the new phone I had bought, but I had been trying to herd my mom. I finally picked up when we left the lawyer’s building in downtown San Francisco.

“Cecilia, stay away from your mother’s boyfriend,” were the first words out of his mouth.

“Which boyfriend? Do you mean the CHILD MOLESTING DRUG DEALER?” I glared at my mom.

“Fuck, does she have other boyfriends too? Jesus Christ! Stay away from all of them.” He was kind of yelling.

“I have to go,” I told him. “I have to kill my mother now.”

“Honey, take a deep breath. Do that yoga pose, or something. I’m serious, do not assault your mother!”

“Alex, you’re so sweet!” He really thought I would attack my mom and was trying to head it off. Was there ever such a romantic guy? “I won’t really hurt her, especially in front of so many witnesses!”

“Did she know about him? She knew?” he asked me.

“She knew.” I clenched my fists. “But I myself just found out, and I need to talk to her about this.”

“Wait, tell me quickly how it went with the lawyer,” Alex said.

“We literally just got out of her office. It went well, but I bet you’re paying her about two billion dollars an hour.”

“It’s worth it,” he asserted. “It’s worth it if it helps you.”

“I love you,” I told him. Right there on the sidewalk of California Street, I realized how much. “Alex, I really love you.”

“Ceci, can I come out there, with you?”

I was shocked. “What do you mean? Why are you asking my permission?”

“Because I know you didn’t want me to go with you, so you could handle it yourself. I miss you, and I want to be there for you. Honestly, if you say no, I’m coming anyway. I have a reservation on a flight tomorrow morning.”

“I want you to come.” What did I care if he saw how silly my mom was? I had been so worried about what he would think about her! What was I trying to prove, anyway, by going this alone when I had the best boyfriend in the world to back me up? And the cutest, too. “Will you really be here tomorrow?”

“Around noon. Call me later, and seriously, don’t hurt her.”

“I love you,” I told him again, and he said it right back.

My mom was had been trying to slink away and had made it almost to the corner of Sansome. “Stop right there, Katharine Paulette Byrne!” I yelled. It was a little loud but the cable car did a great job of muting it for the other pedestrians. She stopped, though, still playing with her bag.

I linked arms with her, tightly. “We are going to sit down and talk about this, Katharine. I’m done playing games, and I’m not going to listen to one more excuse about the wonderful Allen. Got it?”

I dragged her up to the next block at Kearny, where there was a kind of concrete plaza where we could sit.

I looked at her. “Mom. What is going on here?”

“Cecilia…” she looked up at me, finally. “I know it doesn’t sound good, what she said about Allen. But if you could hear him explain it, you would understand more. The girl was very mature for her age.”

“Katharine!” I was shocked. “You can’t be serious! How much older was he?” I paused. “What if that girl had been me at sixteen?”

She couldn’t answer me.

“And the Ecstasy. Is that how he lives? By dealing?” She nodded slightly. “So you guys are living off his drug money?”

“He’s very successful! He’s one of the most successful in San Francisco. And I used to have the trust to draw from, but something happened,” she said quickly.

“Wow, a successful drug dealer. You should be proud! And what happened to the trust was that you spent it all!” I told her. “Did you ever keep track of your expenses after I left? ”

“You know I’m no good with arithmetic,” she said angrily. “That isn’t my fault!”

I rested my head in my hands for a moment, suddenly feeling so tired. “I’m really, really disappointed in you, Katharine,” I told her. “I don’t even know what to say.”

Tears were dripping down her cheeks. I rooted around in my backpack for a tissue. She wasn’t a good crier, at all! It was genetic for me.

I started to think aloud about how to solve all this. “Ok, so we’ll figure out the money thing. Maybe you can apply for government assistance once we get back to Michigan. I don’t think I can support both of us just with working at the coffee shop.” I had actually been considering trying college, maybe, but that would have to wait. “We can get an apartment—we can’t both live in Nina.” My heart sank a little when I thought about living in the condo with Alex. I could still see him. Sometimes. I felt worse. And how would we get back to Michigan? “My boyfriend is coming out here tomorrow.” Thank god. “I’ll ask him for a loan and get you a plane ticket to fly back with me.”

“I don’t want to leave San Francisco!” she said, startled. “What about Allen?”

“Katharine, you heard the lawyer! You have to stay away from him. But not just because of your court case, you know it’s the right thing to do! Come back with me to Ema’s house so I can get my stuff and we’ll figure out a place for both of us to go for the night.”

“Ema!” My mom jumped up. “I will never return to her little hovel! The things that woman said to me I can never forgive! She accused me of being a parasite and taking advantage of our friendship. When in fact Allen was offering her free sessions as my rent to her all along!” She looked at me proudly, like she had really bested Ema!

“Ok, don’t come with me to Ema’s. We can meet up somewhere. But you can’t go back to Allen.”

“I can do whatever I want!” she said. My mom stood up, red with anger. “I’m sorry, Cecilia. But you just don’t get me. You never have. I’m not sure how it happened, because I tried my best to let you be free as a child. We never bowed to society’s strictures. But you grew up so straight!”

“Straight? Is that what you call it when I don’t want my mom to live with a drug dealing pervert? Fine, I’m happy to be straight!”

She was super pissed now. “You don’t know Allen at all! You’re so judgmental and critical. You’re always telling me that I’m doing something wrong!”

I stood up too. “That’s because you always are doing something wrong! Ever since I can remember, I’ve had to fix everything for you! I thought you would get better when I left to move in with Flavia and go to high school, and you had to do things on your own, but you never changed. I don’t like having to drive all over the country to pull your butt out of the fire all the time! I had a really good thing going in Detroit, Mom, and I left it all to help you.”

“I didn’t ask you to! I didn’t want you here, forcing me to do things and bossing me around. You know what, Cecilia? You’re ruining my life! I hate you!”

We stood, glaring at each other. “Katharine, I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I said. I realized that I was crying, too.

Then she turned on her heel, and stomped away, and I slowly sat back down to the concrete bench. I watched her small figure make a right on Kearny and disappear up the block. She was heading in the wrong direction.

∞

It took me a long time, but I walked back to Ema’s house. The ballet flats weren’t great for walking and my feet hurt a lot. Alex had rubbed my feet while I read to him. I smiled at the thought and another man on the sidewalk said something filthy to me, more of a suggestion than a comment. I suggested that I would remove his balls and he left in a hurry.

I needed the walk, though. I needed to calm down and center and sort some things out in my head. I stopped at some of the interesting little grocery stores to shop for dinner for Ema and me, our last dinner together. Tomorrow I would be moving out.

“Have you been crying?” Ema asked me, peering closely at my face.

I hadn’t looked in the mirror since I’d left my mom, but I assumed that I looked like I always did post-breakdown: red, blotchy, and puffy. Super cute, in other words.

“Katharine and I had an argument. I tried to get her to come stay with me,” I explained, and she nodded.

“Where is she?” Ema asked, and I told her I was sure she had gone back to Allen’s house. At this Ema pursed her lips.

“We met with the lawyer that my boyfriend got for her. She thinks my mom will only have to pay a fine, but she also told my mom that she should stay away from Allen. And she told us more about Allen’s record, and he’s a total loser.” Ema nodded, unsurprised. “When we left the lawyer’s office, my mom and I got in a fight. I told her she had to get away from him, and that we would go back to Michigan together. She told me that she was tired of me helping her. She doesn’t see it as help, she thinks I’m trying to control her. I didn’t mean to, really!” I told Ema. “I just wanted the best for her.” I thought of Steve, then. Oh, lordy, was I Steve?

Ema was nodding. “Remember, you can only help people who want to help themselves.”

I thought of my mom, how she never contacted me directly with her problems, always going through Paolo. But she also knew that he would immediately get in touch with me. In Nashville, when she had gotten in trouble with that thing with the power company, she had told Paolo that she needed someone there with her. Of course, that “someone” had to be me. “I think she does want my help. But she resents it, too.” I felt the tears come back. “She said that she hates me!”

Ema rubbed my back. “She doesn’t hate you. She’s acting like a rebellious teenager, really. So let her grow up on her own, Cecilia! If she makes mistakes, she’s old enough to figure her own way out of them.”

I hoped that was true. “Alex, my boyfriend, is coming out here tomorrow from Detroit. I’m going to go stay with him, wherever he’ll be.”

“Well, I’ll miss you, my dear, and I hope you’ll keep in touch with me. I always enjoy your funny postcards from all the places you go.”

“I think the postcards you get from me in the future will all be coming from Michigan. I’m going home with Alex, and I’m sticking. ”

We cooked together, talking about when my mom and I had stayed with Ema for all that time when I had been a kid. I had gone another round in school, the second school in my life (and the last before I went to high school). And just like my first scholastic experience in Antigua, school in San Francisco had been a little rough! This time, the teachers were a lot less interested in my appearance, but just as concerned with my lack of basic knowledge. I had come in the middle of a marking period, and had to catch up a lot. “I remember you trying to do your homework at this table,” Ema remembered. “You cried and cried, and told me you must be dumb because you couldn’t understand what the rest of the kids could do so easily. Of course, they had been in school for years, and you only a few months! But then the next day you came home and told me you had three new friends and the teacher was going to let you bring the class corn snake home over spring vacation. I never met anyone who rebounded quite as well as you, Cecilia.”

“Well, I’ve always found that things mostly come out for the best! Sometimes, though, it’s just hard to see how they will.” I hoped things would come out for the best for my mom and me. I wasn’t sure about that yet.

“That reminds me!” Ema stood up from the table. “Speaking of you sending postcards to me, I should have given you this when you came in.” She reached in her purse and handed me a large envelope. It was addressed to me, in Alex’s handwriting. I smiled just to see it. I carefully slit it open, so I wouldn’t mess up his writing, and pulled out my letter from the Bluewater Convalescent Care Center where my Great-great-aunt Martha was living.

Oh, wow .

Alex

Well, fuck. It really seemed like I was bound to hate Cecilia’s mom.

It hadn’t taken long to track down the mysterious Allen once I understood that he had run a reiki studio in the Sunset District of San Francisco. After I figured out his last name, I uncovered a treasure trove of information about him. He had made a splash in his small town in central California before he moved to the big city, trying to engage in statutory rape with a sixteen-year-old. I had assumed that Cecilia’s mom had no idea of any of it. No one, especially a woman who had raised a teenaged daughter, would be able to stay with someone like that, I had thought. And then I talked to Cecilia, and found out that her mom had known all along. What the fuck was wrong with her?

Right after I had read about the misdeeds of Allen the Perv, I had made a plane reservation to SFO. Enough was enough. Cecilia didn’t have to deal with these people on her own, not when she had me.

I told Steve that I was leaving for the West Coast, and he wasn’t surprised. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, with Cecilia.”

He nodded. “And when you get back, we need to talk about this.” He swirled his hand around.

“About your ability to twirl pizza dough? What do you mean?”

“I mean about you working here.”

I sat down hard in a chair. “You’re firing me? I mean, I know I’m a terrible employee, and I take too much time off, and I have a bad attitude, and probably— ”

“Yeah, I wasn’t thinking of firing you, but you do make a good case,” Steve told me. “You’re a partner in this business, Alex. I’m not firing you, but I think the issue is more of what your goals are. Is this really what you want to do for the rest of your life?”

He looked at me. I didn’t have an answer for him.

“I like working with you,” he said. “I love being able to see my brother every day. But I want you to want to come to work, not have to come here. Think about it on your trip, and make sure you bring Cecilia back with you.”

Wanting to cement my bad work reputation, I left not long after talking to him. First I went to report to the coffee crew. They were thrilled that I was leaving. “Not because you’re going. We like you now,” Neveah explained. “Back when you were ignoring her, not so much.”

“I’m glad we straightened it out,” I told her.

“Tell her that’s it’s ok, now, with Ason-Jay ,” she whispered to me. Jason rolled his eyes.

“I’ll let her know.”

I waited while they did their slow fill of my coffee cup, Jason singing softly.

“Alex?”

I turned to see Keri, and took an involuntary step back. I imagined Cecilia, super pissed.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” she asked.

“Uh, sure, Keri. ”

“Come into my office,” she told me, and I followed her as she opened the door to a large closet. She shimmied past the desk and into a big office chair, and I appraised the tiny chair that sat on facing her. I lowered myself onto it cautiously.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I just want to make sure that there’s nothing weird with us.” She knit her fingers on the desk in front of her, then unlaced them. “I was really startled to see you, the other day. I don’t usually cry because I don’t wear waterproof mascara, but I almost did.”

“Uh, well, I don’t feel like there’s anything weird. We had been broken up for a long time before I crashed my car. We had moved on, right?” Keri nodded. “But I should have told you before, I really appreciate that you came to the hospital to visit me.”

Once again, tears filled her eyes, and she looked up at the cracked ceiling and waved her hands arounda little. “I don’t know why I keep doing this,” she said in a choked voice. “I’m going totally going to have to switch my eye makeup if I’m turning emotional.”

“Sorry,” I said lamely. “I don’t mean to make you cry.”

“I think it’s just the stress of the wedding. Everything is so hard to plan. And then the lady at my dress fitting—the wedding dress, not the reception dress—said something like, ‘You think the wedding is hard, try fifty years with the same man!’ And it made me really rethink the whole groom situation. Like, you and I mostly were just sex, right? But you were really nice to me. It made me remember, when I saw you with Cecilia. That’s why I visited you in the hospital. Like, you were funny, and you never treated me like shit. ”

“That’s a pretty low bar for a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, I guess. Almost every girl I know is already married, except for the real doggy losers. It’s time for me to get married, too.” She sighed. “I guess Harrison is kind of a dick. Plus, I have to fake my orgasms, which I really hate. His finger technique—”

I stood up. “Not my business, Keri. I better get going.”

“Tell Cecilia she can have her job back, if she wants. I hate this managerial stuff. She can do it, if she wants to come back.”

“Keri, you never fired her. You told her she could take the time off when she called you.”

“Oh, right. See? I hate this stupid managerial stuff!”

I backed out of the office, waving half-heartedly, then ran out of the coffee shop. I left my cup behind.

I first made a few stops, then went to Dr. Mavromatis’ office for an appointment before I left.

“I heard my brother is coming in to see you,” I greeted him.

His poker face remained excellent. “Just as I wouldn’t share anything about you to your brother, I would hardly share anything about my other patients with you.”

“Yeah, but you’d have to tell me if he made a threat on my life, right?”

That shook him. Finally! “Is that something you’re worried about?” he asked, eyebrows drawn.

“No, I’m just asking. I think Steve’s fairly unlikely to kill anyone, but you can judge for yourself.” I hesitated. “Can you just try to impress on him, though, that I’m not his fault?”

“How so?”

“He pretty much raised me, and I’m sure he feels like he must have done something wrong.”

“If we’re casting him in the paternal role, I would think that he would be happy to have a child who lives alone, is responsible for himself, and has rewarding relationships.”

“I guess I am that guy, huh.” I thought about it. “Well, here’s to Steve, then. I’d probably be on the floor of some bar right now without him.”

“I think you can give yourself some credit for that as well,” Dr. Mavromatis said.

“What do you think about parents who do a crappy job?”

“In general?” I nodded and he frowned. “Sometimes people don’t have the tools to be good parents. Sometimes circumstances prevent it, or sometimes they just chose not to be. It’s unfortunate, in any case.”

“What do you think about forgiving them?”

“Forgiveness can sometimes be powerful. For the giver and the receiver. But I don’t see it as a panacea for all problems. Many of my patients expect it to be. Are you thinking about your mother?”

I realized I hadn’t given Justine much thought at all for a while. “I think my best bet with her is distance, unless she can get herself straightened out, and I’m not holding my breath on that one.” I shook my head. “No, I’m thinking about Cecilia’s mom. I’m going to San Francisco tomorrow to see Cecilia, and I feel like I may try to kill her mother.”

“I hadn’t realized that Cecilia was gone. Was that the reason for the call last week about the sleeping pills?”

I flushed. “I was a little loopy, but I got myself straightened out.”

“How did you do that?”

“Mainly by going with my brother to clean up an old lady’s yard. I slept a lot better after that.” He nodded. “If you can understand half the things I say to you, you’re some kind of psychiatric genius.”

“I think what you’re saying is that you took the focus off yourself and your negative thoughts by helping others and by fostering positive relationships. Those are both excellent strategies.”

“I hadn’t realized that I was doing that. I mostly just told myself to stop being a petulant little pussy. It sounds a lot better the way you said it.”

He smiled. “Tell me more about Cecilia’s mother. Not an ace in the parenting department?”

“She’s pretty bad. More of a child herself. They have a big role reversal thing going.” I explained what I knew about her mother, trying to be as balanced as I could. It didn’t really work, because I painted a picture of her as a total asshole.

Dr. Mavromatis was silent.

“I’m guessing I should stay out of it.” I waited. “Here’s where you comment.”

“I’m guessing you should stay out of it,” he said, and I laughed.

“I’ll take that advice, thank you.” I hesitated. “I think I’m doing a lot better, but I’ll see you when I get back from California.”

Cecilia

I had a few hours before Alex’s plane landed, and I decided I had to go see my mom. I couldn’t leave things as they were, and I had some news for her from Connecticut, too. The idea of running into Allen creeped me out. I never wanted to lay eyes on him again! So I called her on the cellphone I had insisted that she take, and she agreed to meet me at a teahouse in the Sunset.

She came in clutching her bag across her chest, and gave me a wary look. “Hi, Mom,” I said. “How are you doing?”

“Allen and I are both doing fine,” she answered coldly. “By the way, I’m returning this.” She slid the phone across the table to me. “It’s interfering with Allen’s reiki practice and I think it emits radon.”

I refused to rise to the bait about Allen and there was no point in disputing the radon part. “I brought you something,” I told her. “Here.”

She took the envelope from the Bluewater Convalescent Care Center and pulled out the letter, then took forever to read it. I watched her lips moving slightly.

Finally she slapped it down on the table. “I knew it!” she exclaimed exultantly. “I knew she was dead! The medium was right.”

“Katharine,” I explained patiently,“did you read that they’re looking for you?”

“Yes. I’m probably her last relative, besides you. They probably want me to take the body.”

I pointed at the letter. “It says she was already cremated. They may just want you to take the ashes, but it may mean you’re a beneficiary of her estate. There’s a number for you to call them.”

“Then it’s just like the medium told me!” she breathed. “Good tidings from this direction.”

“Maybe,” I cautioned. “You have to call this number. I was reading about wills last night, and there should be an executor, and it may have to go through probate.” I sighed. I could see that her head was already in the clouds. “Just make sure to call the number, ok?” She was nodding, and looking at the letter again. “Mom, listen for a second.” She looked up at me. “My boyfriend will pay for the attorney for this current criminal case for you, but that’s it. She won’t be able to represent you anymore after this, unless you pay her yourself.”

“Ok,” she said, nodding still. “I’m going to keep up with this legal stuff, Cecilia. I know you think I’m ignoring it, but I don’t want to go to jail.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that you’re on top of it. Because you’ll have to go to the rest of the legal meetings alone. I gave her office this cell phone number—” I pushed the phone back to her—“and if anything changes with your address, then you’ll have to let them know. ”

“Why would my address change?” she flared up. “Allen and I are perfectly happy.”

“I’m just saying that you’re in charge of keeping in touch with her now. Here, I have something for you.” I slid a ticket across the table. “You know that guru you used to like, who is all about creating positive energy fields with crystals? I got you a ticket to go see him speak in Oakland. It’s today, and then you can stay for a Q&A and meditation session with him.”

She eagerly took the ticket I had bought and printed out on Ema’s computer. “Thank you, Cecilia! I’ve always wanted to hear him in person!”

“You’re welcome. And I talked to your friend Amina in Oakland, the one who has the sustainably-dyed yarn shop, and she was saying how she hadn’t seen you in forever, and how she’d love you to stay the night with her. She’s also going to see this talk. Maybe, as a favor to me, you could just take one night away from Allen and think a little bit about things. I’m not trying to control you, I’m just asking for a favor.”

Slowly, Katharine nodded. “For just one night.”

“I’m going back to Michigan soon, probably tomorrow or the next day, so I won’t see you again for a while. I’ll give my number to Paolo when I get back to Detroit. I know that after all that has happened here, you’re not going to call me for help again.” I looked at her steadily, and her eyes widened as she looked back.

“That’s right,” she said, her voice trembling a little. “I’m not going to call you.”

“Call me just to say hello, and let me know how you are,” I urged her. “I love you, Mom, and I want to know what you’re up to. But I won’t come back to fix things for you. Not anymore.” We looked at each other.

“Where are you headed next?” she asked me.

“Just back to Detroit, and I’m going to stay there. I’m going to get married,” I told her.

“Married? Cecilia, are you sure?” She sounded appalled.

“Yep, I’m sure! He’s it, Mom. I want Alex, and I want to have a family with him.” I just had to clear it with him, first.

She shook her head wonderingly. “You and I are so different. You’ll be tied to him for life!”

“I know. I want that, Mom.”

“And you’ll live in Michigan?” she asked.

“I’ll live anywhere, if Alex is there! Remember me making all those house plans all the time?”

“Whenever we went to a bar, you’d draw all over the cocktail napkins.”

That told you a lot about my childhood. “I wanted a house so much! But now, I wouldn’t care if I lived in Nina for my whole life if Alex could live there with me. Although, I don’t know if he would fit very well. He’s like a giant.” I dug in my suitcase next to my chair and pulled out the picture of the man in the red short shorts that I had brought to show her. “I may have found some relatives of my father in Detroit,” I told her.

“Your father?”She looked confused.

“Roger Trelles,” I stated. No reaction to his name. And when I handed her the photo, her face didn’t change at all.

“Who is this?” my mom asked me.

“It’s Roger. Remember, you told me that one of your boyfriends was Roger from the Atocha Dive Shop in Key West? You said it was Atocha, like the famous shipwreck.”

She studied the picture more carefully. “I thought his name was Robert. Are you sure it’s Roger?”

“There was a Roger Trelles who worked at Atocha Dive right when I would have been conceived. This guy,” I pointed to the picture. “But this was taken a few years before you knew him. He probably looks younger in the picture.” She frowned. “You don’t remember him at all?”

“I thought his name was Robert, and he didn’t wear a hat like that,” she told me.

“Ignore the hat, and look at his face.”

She squinted at it. “This man, I don’t remember. Robert was not so dark-skinned. He was very fair.”

“But my skin is darker than yours. I’m almost olive. It had to come from my dad, right?”

“Not necessarily,” she told me. “My mother was Portuguese. You look a lot like her—you have her hair.”

“I thought my hair and skin came from my dad,” I said, but she shook her head.

“No, Robert was blonde.”

“Wait, Mom, are you saying that this Robert was my father? Are you sure?”

“Well, it might have been Robert. But I don’t know why you think he worked at a dive shop! Robert was a bartender, that’s where we met, at the bar where he worked.” She thought for a minute. “It was called the Santa Cruz. No, Santa Fe. No, no, Santa Ana. That’s it, the Santa Ana.”

I felt my heart sinking. “You never told me about him, Mom. Are there other boyfriends that you didn’t tell me about?”

“I wouldn’t call them ‘boyfriends,’ Cecilia! More like encounters of the flesh. We would meet, and enjoy each other’s bodies. Robert was very skilled at cunnilingus. I’m not sure if you’ve experienced that yet, but I highly recommend it.”

I closed my eyes for a moment. “Ok, thanks, Mom. I’ll give it a try. Maybe on your ride over to Oakland you can think back to any other encounters of the flesh that you forgot to tell me about, and let me know.” She nodded, and patted my cheek.

“You were always so single-minded, even as a toddler. I knew once you got onto this paternity thing, you’d have a hard time letting go. Does it really matter so much who he is, my darling?”

“It has mattered for a long time,” I answered, then stood. “Is there anything else you want to say?”

She held out her arms. “I love you very much.”

I hugged her. “I love you too.”

“I hope you find your happiness, Cecilia,” my mom said.

“Thanks, Mom.” It was time to get after that right now. I was on my way to see Alex.