Chapter 5

"Table ten needs another basket of garlic bread and where's the shrimp scampi for table five?" Victor's was named after my dad because Russo's had already been taken by his older brother. No way in hell was my mom going to allow their place to be the second link in that chain. It was a comfort to see his name on the sign after he passed, almost as if it was in memory of him. Monday nights were never busy, but I was trying to keep myself distracted and immediately threw myself back into work. I was also trying my hardest to avoid my mom at all costs, but it was hard to do when I worked alongside her.

My eyes took their…I lost track of the number…uneasy scan around the dining room to see if Rick came back in. Could you really blame me? After how my mom had humiliated me, he was the last person I wanted to see. I had a feeling, though, that Victor's was taken off his list immediately following my mom's rant about sinners and embarrassing the family and how dare we flaunt such disgusting behavior for everyone to see. What would the neighbors think? You know, the ones I never really spoke to. Or what would her friends in church think? The ones who loved judging people who didn't share their beliefs.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I yanked the thing out, reading the message from the person I really wanted to see right now. The same person I'd been texting ever since walking in my door yesterday, even though I'd been exhausted from traveling. The same person I'd already texted several times today in between rushing out orders, checking on customers, saying hello to regulars, and resolving issues.

The ones with balls. I laughed as I stared down at the screen. Somehow, Evian and I started texting each other our favorite things. Apparently, that was his reply for favorite sport.

That's a broad range.I hit send and made my way over to the next table, eager to check my phone after it pinged again.

I'm easy. The second I read his reply, another one came through. Not that kind of easy!

Jesus, I couldn't remember the last time I laughed or smiled so much. Thanks for the clarification.

"Enzo"—I shoved my phone back in my pocket—"did you see who's sitting at table six?" My mom grabbed my arm a little too enthusiastically and turned me in the direction she wanted me to look. "Natalia's turned into such a beautiful young woman. Don't you think so?"

"Ma…" I cringed, pissed I had to ignore another text from Evian.

"Go say hello. You were so in love in high school." She put her hand firmly on my back, trying to move me forward.

"That's the thing, we weren't so in love, Ma," I said almost under my breath, my eyes flicking around us to see if anyone was listening. "It was a cover story. A front." I met her eyes, searching them for some sort of understanding. "It was never something I wanted."

Her expression hardened, all kindness and affection wiped away, replaced with a level of contempt I never thought I'd see from her. For some stupid reason, I came home grasping onto hope that she'd changed her mind. Thought things over in my absence and realized she loved me and wanted me to be happy. No such luck.

"Never in my life did I think you'd disgrace your father's legacy in this way." She went there. Goddamnit. "Is it too much to ask that you give her a chance? Go say hello." She pushed harder on my back, giving me the same look she had ever since I was little. The look that said, You will do this, and I don't want to hear a complaint about it.

Fuck that shit. I didn't have to listen to her anymore. I was thirty years old, for fuck's sake.

She narrowed her eyes, daring me to defy her wishes.

I glanced around, seeing some people had clued into the tension between us, watching with scrutinizing stares and listening with eavesdropping ears. "Fine." I walked toward Natalia's table, grumbling under my breath, "Way to fucking stand your ground, Enzo."

Reluctantly, I stopped by Natalia's table, awkwardly standing there until finally I remembered how to form words. "Hey, Natalia."

"Hey, Enzo." She seemed genuinely surprised at first, and I didn't blame her. I was still trying to figure out how I'd gone from saying I didn't want to talk to Natalia to standing at her table like a creeper, searching for something to say. She'd been in the restaurant a couple of times before, but I'd never given her more than a passing glance and a forced smile. My mom liked to romanticize the relationship I'd had with Natalia, trying to rip a happy ending from one of the romance novels she loved to read and force feed it to me. She refused to see that's exactly what my relationship with my high school girlfriend had always been. Fiction.

I looked back over my shoulder to see my mom still watching me, sighing in defeat as I reluctantly looked back at Natalia. "So, how have you been?"

"Pretty good. You?"

Well, if this isn't awkward as fuck, I don't know what is."I'm good."

Uncomfortable silence filled the space between us until finally she said, "Um, Enzo, this is my best friend, Jenna. Jenna, this is Enzo. We used to date in high school." She probably thought she was being subtle when her eyes widened slightly at her friend.

Recognition dawned in the friend's eyes. "Oh…" They were obviously doing that thing women did when they had an entire conversation without saying a word. She cleared her throat and schooled her expression, then said to me, "Nice to meet you, Enzo. I've heard a lot about you."

I didn't want to know what she'd heard from Natalia. I had a pretty good guess what Natalia had told Jenna, though. I hated thinking back to that time in my life. Questioning myself and my feelings every single day. The constant worry that someone would see through my act and know I was hiding something. Terrified Natalia would figure out I wasn't really attracted to her like I'd claimed to be.

What the hell was I supposed to say now?

Natalia, most likely attempting to take me out of my misery, said, "Jenna's going to be my Maid of Honor next year." She held up her ring-free left hand. "My ring is being sized."

Thank fuck. The uncomfortable tension fled from my muscles, and I took a deep breath in. "That's amazing, Natalia. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, Enzo." She paused for a heartbeat. "How about you? Anyone special in your life?" I didn't miss the fact that she wasn't specifically asking about a woman in my life. She kept it vague, and I was flooded with a newfound respect for her, even if she hadn't intentionally done it.

I nervously rubbed my sweaty hands together and forced myself not to look back to see if my mom was still watching the painfully awkward exchange. "No, not at the moment."

Natalia softly smiled, reaching out to squeeze my hand. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

Well, fuck. There was a moment, one profound second, where I was sure she'd figured out what I'd been hiding for so many years. It made sense, considering how much time we'd spent together when we were teens. Especially after our epic failure of a first-time that had left us both feeling confused. Of course, we'd pretended everything was fine. "Honestly? I hope I do, too. I'm"—Finally figuring out who I am? Ready to live my truth? Taking charge of my life?—"working on it." I glanced at her friend. "It was nice to meet you, Jenna. Make sure this woman doesn't settle for less than the best." My eyes met Natalia's once more. "I'm really happy for you. Take care of yourself."

"You, too."

I couldn't get away from that table fast enough, but the second I saw my mom approaching, I wanted to hightail it the other direction.

"That looked like it went well." She held up her left hand and wiggled her fingers. "No ring, I see." How could she not see how uncomfortable that whole conversation made me? How unhappy I was?

"Ma…" I headed straight for the kitchen, pushing through the door, desperate to get away from prying eyes.

"And did you see the way she looked at you?" She peered at me facetiously, the twinkle in her eye so misplaced and absolutely not affecting me the way she thought it was.

"Ma—"

She tapped my arm, like I'd said something silly, instead of trying to rein her ridiculous expectations back in. "The way she took your hand? I'm sure that brought back some happy memories, huh?"

"Ma, stop?—"

"Did you ask her out?"

"Enough!" All movement in the kitchen stopped with my outburst, going so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"Don't you speak to me that way, Lorenzo Ignazio Russo." Her voice vibrated with anger, her finger relentlessly poking my chest, her eyes narrowing in a level of disgust that made my stomach drop. When the kitchen resumed with the sound of orders being called out and pots and pans clanging together, my mom grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. "You need to get your priorities straight." Her eyes flicked over to the staff to make sure no one was listening. "I will not support this shameful path you've chosen. I will never accept it."

She paused, waiting for a response I was too tired to give. I didn't want to have this battle today. I didn't want to ever have it because all it would lead to was a war I never wanted to fight. Taking my silence as acquiescence, she gave me a curt nod and walked away. My cheeks flamed with embarrassment, feeling some of the staff watching me, trying to figure out what had just happened. I didn't owe them an explanation, though, and made that clear as I scowled at each and every one of them until they nervously got back to work.

I walked in the door to my place later that night completely exhausted, mentally and physically. My mom continued to shoot me scathing glares until eventually Tino picked up on the tension. I didn't need them ganging up on me, even though Tino wouldn't even know what he was taking her side on. It wouldn't matter. It had been two against one at the restaurant for years now. I'd resolved myself to the fact it would always be that way, but lately, the need to take back my fucking life crawled beneath my skin. The need to be as happy as my cousin was with Jared, or Sage and Levi were as they pledged their love for each other in front of a huge group of people who accepted them, was an itch I couldn't seem to scratch. It had been out of reach for so long, but man, I would give anything to soothe the incessant sting of hiding who I was. All today did was prove I wasn't strong enough to.

It had been such a shitshow of a day, I completely forgot to check my phone again for a message from Evian. Not for the first time since meeting him, I wondered what the hell I was doing. Why was I texting a guy I barely knew? It was no different than online dating, though, right? At least I'd met Evian already. I stopped dead in my tracks, pressing my eyes closed and breathing in a shaky breath. Who was I kidding? It wasn't anything like online dating because I wasn't fucking dating Evian. I was barely even friends with the guy. This whole situation was so ridiculous considering I'd probably never see him again anyway.

I hit the screen on my phone, ready to delete Evian's number and end this stupid fantasy I'd let myself fall into.

Until I read his message—correction, messages.

Speaking of balls…favorite nuts?

I mean the kind you eat with your mouth.

Blast!

FOOD! I MEAN FOOD! Ffs.He followed the last one with the emoji of a guy with his hand over his face.

I laughed so hard I didn't even notice all the tension melt away until I took in dragging breaths to calm myself and realized I could truly breathe. Full, deep breaths that I hadn't been able to do after the debacle with my mom. Did it really matter why I felt a connection to this man that quieted the chaotic thoughts plaguing me every damn day? I decided right then and there that it didn't matter at all. The fact that I was three thousand miles away made it easier to say things I didn't have the guts to say, even though he'd have no idea what the words even meant.

As his beautiful face and those gorgeous eyes popped into my mind, I answered the question as honestly as I could. Now that we established we're talking about food…hazelnuts. It wasn't as funny as his reply—honestly, it was impossible to be—but I felt some satisfaction knowing that the only hazel anything that was truly becoming a favorite of mine, was the hazel of those beautiful eyes of his. I sent a second message… You didn't tell me your favorite nuts to eat with your mouth.

LOL Pistachios. A second message quickly followed. I hear 98% of them are grown in CA. Born and raised.

The best you'll ever have, I sent back.Were we even talking about nuts anymore? The tingle in my spine…and areas south…suggested we weren't. Suddenly, I was at a loss for what to say next. Getting this convo back to safe ground was my best bet if I didn't want to ruin what this was with Evian. I looked around my small apartment, looking for a hint of something I could ask him. My eyes were drawn to the bottle of gin on my counter. Favorite alcohol. Before he could answer, I added, Do NOT say rubbing!

LOL You know me so well already.

I stared at his words, my mouth pulling in a cheesy grin. It sure as hell felt like I knew him pretty well for having just met.

Another text came through, a sigh of relief rushing out of me. Gin. The next one had me cracking up all over again. I'm assuming you meant hard. That was followed with a wink emoji.

Fuck it. What was the harm in having a little fun? It sure as hell was better than how I'd felt when I walked in the door. As opposed to soft?

After the shit day I'd had, the last thing I expected was to fall asleep with a smile on my face. Evian had a way of taking away my fears, at least for a little while. We couldn't be more than friends, but I was beginning to realize a friend was what I needed most.

The following day—which happened to be the day before New Year's Eve—we were considerably busy. My heart sank the moment I pulled into Victor's parking lot, dreading the day to come with my mom and her constant scrutiny. I stared at my dad's name on the sign, wishing he were still here. He'd been a private man. Personal conversations were just that. Personal. He'd never liked us airing our dirty laundry in public, which meant my mom would've had to keep her trap shut had he been there. A magical power he'd possessed that I didn't truly appreciate until my mom had caught me with Rick and my dad wasn't there to soften her actions that followed.

I reluctantly opened my car door and got out, forcing myself to go inside. I jumped to work as I normally did, wandering the dining room to see where our staff needed help, saying hello to regulars, replacing baskets of bread and glasses of water.

"How is everything?" I asked a table of guys, all of them seemingly close to my age.

"Oh, man, this eggplant parm is incredible," one guy said with a moan, shoving another bite in his mouth.

I laughed. "Yeah, it's definitely one of our best sellers." It was why I'd told Evian I should make it for him. I leaned forward a little and grabbed the empty basket from the center of the table. "Can I get you anoth?—"

"Enzo." My mother's sharp tone caught me off guard. "You're needed in the kitchen." When I didn't make a move, she snapped, "Go," and yanked the basket from my hand.

Confused and embarrassed, I walked back toward the kitchen and pushed through the swinging door. "What's up, Franco. My mom said you needed me."

His thick, gray eyebrows drew together. "Not me, boss. I'm good."

Weird. "Okay, well if you do need me, I'll be on the floor."

Franco shot me a confused look. "Yeah, okay."

I pushed through the swinging doors again and made my way around the room, stopping at a table of close family friends, the Capparellis. "You all behavin' over here?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest as I studied them. "Ralphie," I said to the eight-year-old sitting next to his dad, "you let me know if they don't eat their veggies. No dessert if you don't eat your broccoli. House Rules." I winked at the boy, holding in my laugh when he shoved a green floret in his mouth.

Around the chewed-up green veggie, the kid mumbled, "I'll watch 'em, Enzo. Gonna eat all mine, too." He took another bite, determined to order his favorite ice cream sundae.

"Well, look who we have here," my mom said, looping her arm through mine. "How is everything tonight?"

"Rose, it's delicious as always," Mrs. Capparelli responded as she lifted her napkin from her lap and wiped her mouth.

"Glad to hear it, Antonette." My mom's grip on my arm tightened, shooting a bad feeling down my spine. "So, I heard your son just proposed to that sweet girl he's been dating. Congratulations!"

Crap…

Mrs. Capparelli's face lit up. "He did! It was so romantic. He planned a picnic in the park. We all hid so she wouldn't see us and jumped out when she said yes."

"That's lovely. I'm so happy for them." The grip on my arm tightened even more. My stomach rolled, anticipating what was coming next. "Enzo here just got back in touch with his high school sweetheart, Natalia." A shrill ringing pierced my ears, brought on by trying to convince myself that my mom wouldn't do this to me. "When I tell you it was like they'd never been apart." She put a hand on her chest. "Oh my, it was the sweetest thing."

"Enzo, that's wonderful! You must be so happy."

I opened my mouth, but my mom blurted, "I guarantee you, they'll be engaged by spring."

"No, Mom…" I slid my arm from her hold forcefully, meeting her steely brown eyes. "You must have misunderstood." I could practically hear the words, Don't you dare, about to come out of her mouth, but I was beyond fuming. I turned back to the table with newfound determination. "Natalia is just a friend." Even that was a lie, but the next words out of my mouth wouldn't be. "She's engaged to someone else."

"Enzo," my mom said in warning, her teeth clenched, but I ignored her, for the first time in my life.

"It was so nice to see you all." I pointed to Ralphie. "Remember what I said." He nodded his head quickly and shoved another piece of broccoli in his mouth.

I could barely feel my feet hitting the floor as I strode through the kitchen and out the back door, dragging in big breaths, my shoulders tensing with what I knew was coming.

"I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life!" The heavy door behind her slammed shut, foreshadowing the shit that was about to change everything.

I turned to face her, my body shaking with rage. "You have never been so embarrassed?" I waved my hand in the direction of the dining room. "What the hell was that all about?"

"Don't you use that tone with me." Venom seeped out of every word, her face mottled red with anger.

"What's going on out here?" Tino's voice boomed, his angry gaze staring daggers at me. "What did you do?"

It really wasn't a shock that he automatically assumed I did something wrong. It was also incredibly fucking predictable. "I didn't do anything! I was checking on tables, like I always do."

"You know exactly what you did," my mom seethed. "You continue to embarrass this family with…with…"

I swallowed the bile climbing up my throat, the ringing in my ears intensifying as I silently begged her not to do this to me. She won't. She absolutely won't do this to me. No matter how angry?—

"I've protected you long enough." Her scathing words pierced my chest, cutting me like a knife.

"Don't…" I didn't know if I was pleading with her or warning her, but either way, my heart was about to beat right the fuck out of my chest.

With her next words, the woman who was supposed to protect me drove that knife straight through my heart. "Enzo has decided he's going to take the same sinful path his cousin has."

Time came to a screeching halt. Air no longer filled my lungs. Tears stung the back of my eyes as I tried to hold it together.

"Excuse me?" Tino's tone had dropped to a threatening octave. "You wanna say that again?"

I held my ground, refusing to cower from him even though everything in me was screaming to get the fuck out of there. Hell, if my brother was gonna take a swing at me, I'd go down fighting. He only had a couple of inches on me in height, but he sure as fuck didn't take care of himself the way I did.

"You heard me, honey." My mom added the endearment in there for Tino just to pour salt on my already gaping wound. "Enzo, why don't you tell your brother how you're choosing to disrespect this family? Why don't you tell him the way you're choosing to cast shame over us all? How you're choosing to spit all over your father's memory."

Burke's voice thundered in my head. I can guaran-fucking-tee, he would have supported you… And then it hit me. This freeing sense of clarity. I didn't choose to be outed. That choice had been taken away from me by none other than the woman who was supposed to love and protect me unconditionally. What I wouldn't do was let them see an ounce of that so-called shame in my eyes.

I rolled my tense shoulders back, released a deep, cleansing breath, and said, "I'm gay." Jesus Christ, my lunch was threatening to come up, forcing me to swallow hard several times. When my brother's stare darkened and his jaw hardened, I refused to let him see how close to losing it I was and repeated myself to drive that sucker home. "I'm gay and yeah, I'm like Burke and damn proud to be." I was still working on that last part, but I wanted so damn much to be proud of myself.

I'd expected my brother to take a swing, but the sting from my mother's palm making contact with my cheek caught me off guard. From the look on Tino's face, it stunned him, too. She'd never laid a hand on any of us before. "Then you're no son of mine."

Refusing to let her have the last word, I forced myself to say, "You're absolutely right, except about Dad. He never treated Burke the way you're treating me. And in case it wasn't clear already, I quit." I figured I didn't need to spell it out for them that I quit not only my job, but also the family. It took everything I had to turn and walk away on shaky limbs. A part of me still expected my brother to come after me, but he stood with my mom, as he always did.

My hand was trembling, but I refused to touch my stinging cheek. Instead, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and brought up my contacts, closing my eyes and dragging in deep breaths as the phone rang.

"Miss me already?" Burke said into the phone. The clanging and voices in the background were loud, which most likely meant he was still at work.

"I… I just…" Embarrassingly, that was when the tears decided to fall. On the phone with my larger-than-life cousin. "My mom just…"

"Fuck." The sound died around him with the slam of a door, like he'd gone into his office or something. "I'm booking you a flight." Burke's no-bullshit baritone practically vibrated through the phone.

"Burke…" Jesus, I was blubbering like a fool. "I just need someone to talk to. I'll be fine."

"My ass, you'll be fine! What the hell happened?"

By the time I regurgitated the whole ugly story and walked into my apartment, my cousin had thrown out a whole lot of colorful words, but he'd also formed a plan.

"I'll talk to Noah and see if his rental is available."

"You don't have to do that." I tossed my keys on the counter then yanked the fridge open and snagged a beer. I popped the top and downed half the bottle in three large gulps.

"Would you shut the hell up? You're coming here," Burke snapped, but I knew his anger wasn't with me. "Pack what you'll need for a few months."

"What? I can't afford that. I'll still have to pay my rent whether I'm here or not."

"Don't worry about that."

"Burke—"

"Enzo, what does my mom always say?" He paused and gave me time to answer. I knew the words he wanted to hear, but considering what just happened, I had a hard time believing them. When I didn't respond, he said, "Family helps family. Real families are there for each other. Anyone who says otherwise isn't worthy of calling themselves family. Remember that. And pack your shit."

I snorted a watery laugh into the phone, at a loss for words, but I knew with my cousin I didn't need any. All I needed to do now was pack.