Chapter 3

We'd done our best to make sure it was an amazing day for Levi and Sage, including preparing as much food ahead of time that we could so Aiden's and Burke's kitchen staff wouldn't be so overwhelmed. That was the part I was good at. Food I knew. Interacting with complete strangers outside of work? Not so much.

What do you know? There was Evian, popping into my mind as he had several hundred times since I'd met him. Technically, he'd been a complete stranger then. I don't know what made him different, easier to talk to, but texting with him the last few days was seriously how I'd gotten through the week. Burke and everyone in Coral Pointe were great, but it was when I was alone that I had too much time to replay that awful day with my mom over and over again. Those were the times I picked up my phone and texted something ridiculous to Evian, and he was always there, ready with a response to make me laugh.

I tuned back in to my surroundings when the violinist started playing "Can't Help Falling in Love" and the wedding party walked down the center aisle one by one. "Aunt Sophia, I can't feel my hand," I whispered out of the corner of my mouth.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my little ravioli." She didn't let go but patted my cheek with her other hand. "This is just so exciting, isn't it? Two people promising to spend the rest of their lives together. I don't care what anyone says. There's no limit to love." That last part she emphasized with a squeeze of my hand and a side-eyed, knowing glance.

Though I hadn't said the words to her, I had a feeling she'd connected the dots on her own a long time ago with certain comments she'd made. Her actions the last few weeks, after realizing I'd been excluded from a family event, only backed my suspicion up. She'd figured out on her own that I hadn't been invited to my nephew's birthday, responding with a calm yet deadly, "I see," when I had no idea about the party. Then she apologized that she had to end our conversation because she had another call to make. She might have called Uncle Carmine to vent her frustration, but I had a gut feeling she'd called my mom.

The real tell, though—the most important evidence in the case of Does or doesn't Aunt Sophia know—was the invitation to join them on their trip…to the town where their gay son lived…with his boyfriend…so I could help prepare food for and then be a guest at a wedding where there was a wedding party, not a bridal party, because there was no bride.

Yeah, I think it was safe to say Aunt Sophia saw what everyone else was blind to. Damned if that didn't make me feel uncomfortably exposed and incredibly loved at the same time.

I squeezed her hand back, then kissed her soft cheek. Everyone stood as Sage and Levi made their way down the aisle and to each other. I glanced around at smiling faces and teary eyes. People who loved these two unconditionally wanted to witness them promising to spend the rest of their lives together. It didn't matter that they were two men. It mattered that they were two people in love.

I rubbed the heel of my hand over my aching heart, sure I'd find a gaping hole there. Would I ever have what they did? Would I ever be brave enough to come out and live my truth no matter what people thought? And, if I found that person—correction, man—to spend forever with, would my family be there? I knew Burke and his immediate family would, and while I was grateful for that, it wasn't the same.

My mind wandered so far into a field of uncertainty, I needed a GPS to get me back. Turned out, all it took was for Aiden's dad to announce, "...Mr. and Mr. Rafferty!" to snap my brain back to reality. Everyone stood up and cheered. Levi and Sage held hands, happier than I'd ever seen two people.

While the cocktail hour was in full-swing, the grooms, wedding party, and Sage's parents were on the beach taking pictures. Sal clapped me on the shoulder and handed me a bacon-wrapped scallop he'd snagged from the tray that passed by. "That was some wedding, huh?" His words came out muffled around his hors d'oeuvre-filled cheek.

"What do you mean?" Damn, that came out a little harsh, but seriously, what did he mean? Was it some wedding because it was with two guys? Some wedding because it was unnatural?

Jesus Christ, Sal had proven time and time again that he completely supported Burke's relationship with Jared, yet there I was, preparing myself for…for…

…for the same disgust my mom had shown when she'd found out where I would be for Christmas.

I blew out a breath and hung my head in embarrassment, pinching the bridge of my nose to get away from the confusion on Sal's face. When silence settled between us for long enough, I chanced a glance up at him. Instead of being angry with me for the implication, I was floored with the understanding in his eyes. He snagged two mini crab cakes and handed me one. "I mean I'm really happy for them. And the ocean as a backdrop? How gorgeous was that? You never know, maybe I'll be standing up there one day next to Burke." He paused for a second then added, "I'd be honored to."

Shit. No way in hell did I want to cry like a baby in between the stuffed mushrooms and the petite tuna tartare. I felt like an open book—a journal containing all my secrets and insecurities and fears—and somehow Sal was reading every page. I cleared my throat and swallowed down my emotions. The truth was, it didn't matter what conclusion Sal came to when he read between the lines. I wasn't ready for any of this.

What I could do, though, was tell him my genuine thoughts on the ceremony. "It was perfect." Okay, so it wasn't a profound opinion, but it was true. I'd only met Levi and Sage a few days ago, but I already sensed they deserved the best, and together they would have it.

An hour later, I found my family standing near the dance floor, waiting for the reception to begin. Well, everyone except Burke, who was waiting to be announced with the rest of the wedding party. Music played and the wedding party danced their way into the bar followed by Levi and Sage. Being in a room full of people who cheered and smiled, clearly happy for the grooms, filled me with such hope I was overwhelmed by it.

After the grooms' first dance, Sage led his mom to the dance floor and it felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. To see the genuine, unconditional love they had for each other as they danced made me realize I'd never have that. If I was being honest, I could admit I'd never had that anyway. At this point, if I found a man to spend the rest of my life with, there was no question about it. My mom, and most likely Tino and his family, wouldn't be a part of the wedding at all.

The dance ended and Sage took the mic from the DJ. "A mother-son dance means so much more than sharing a moment with the person who brought you into the world. It's about making your world a safe space. Showing someone you love them, through all the hard times and all the happy times. It's about knowing someone is there for you whenever you need them."

He handed the mic to his mom and she spoke directly to Levi. "Levi, you've become such an important part of our family. Thank you for loving my son. We would never try to fill the place where someone else should be." I didn't understand what was happening, so I gave Aunt Sophia a questioning look. She responded with a sad smile. "What matters is showing you that you have so many people who will be there for you. We love you in every way that counts. In every way a mother should." She crossed the dance floor and reached out her hand. "May I have this dance?" Levi took her hand as if he'd fall apart if he didn't and began dancing with Sage's mom, tears in his eyes and obvious love for her radiating from him.

Aunt Sophia leaned in. "His mother isn't in his life. I don't know all the details, but that sweet boy doesn't have a biological family at all"—she met my eyes with such intensity—"but he has us." Without another word, she walked onto the dance floor and asked to cut in. Once they began to sway, she whispered something in his ear and Levi let out a watery laugh.

I watched as Ford's mom—Ford was one of Levi and Burke's best friends—took Aunt Sophia's place followed by another woman I hadn't met. Each one clearly proud to be out there with him, saying something to him that made the man more and more emotional. Then Cole's mom, Helen, cut in, whispering something to Levi that demolished the poor guy's composure.

Aunt Sophia was once again by my side, her arm looped around mine. "He just needed a little reminder that he has family who will be there for him in a heartbeat. He's surrounded by unconditional love."

When the significance of this dance hit me, the room suddenly became blurry. Levi didn't have a biological mom in his life, but he'd just danced with five women who clearly loved him like a son and wanted to make sure he knew that. I swallowed repeatedly, trying to push down the lump in my throat. When that didn't work, I excused myself, ignoring the sympathy in Aunt Sophia's eyes, and rushed out onto the boardwalk.

I leaned my head back and took a deep, shuddering breath in, praying the ocean breeze would carry away the crushing weight on my chest and dry the tears threatening to fall. Did two universes exist? One where it was deemed disgraceful to love someone of the same sex, while the other one celebrated it? The whole thing was really fucking with my head.

I sat on the nearest bench, trying to tamp down my emotions so I could go back in the bar and enjoy the night with my family.

When that didn't work, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and found Evian's contact. I didn't know what to type. I sure as hell couldn't tell him that I was having a freakout on the boardwalk outside the wedding reception because of a mother-son dance. Instead, as usual, I went for detached humor.

The CIA reached out to me.

Luckily, his response was just as fast. Uh oh. What did you do?

It was possible I had a big cheesy grin on my face. It's your fault.

How is it my fault?

It's the shoes.

I got an LOL for that one, followed by… So now you're a secret agent?

I thought for a second then laughed at my own joke as I typed it out. Why would theCharismatic Italians Association need a secret agent?

Oh, that CIA. My mistake. Responses like that was why he was so easy to talk to.

A common one. I'm pretty stealthy, I responded.

When I read his response, The tie rack in my store begs to differ, I laughed again.

Dammit, I responded.I didn't want the convo to end yet, so I thought for a second, and asked, Do you know what I'd be if I were a fruit?

A kumquat?

Just as I needed him to, Evian pulled another laugh out of me. A fineapple, smartass.

How did you kumquat to that conclusion?

I snorted. A woman trying to pick me up at the wedding.

I stared at the screen, waiting for his response. Wow. That's some pick-up line. Did it work?

Considering she was about eighty? No. No, it did not.I shivered.

LOL Are you having fun?

Was I? I hadn't really given myself a chance to yet. The food's amazing.

Humble, he teased.

Honest, I corrected.

Stop avoiding fun and go dance your acai off.

I stared down at the screen, a huge, cheesy grin on my face. A fleeting thought crossed my mind that I wished Evian could've been my date. I had no doubt I'd have fun with him. Which was crazy and presumptuous, considering I barely knew him. Fine. I'm mangoin'.

That was so bad.

I felt ten times better than when I'd rushed out of the reception. I didn't know how he did that so effortlessly, but not for the first time since I'd met him, he managed to calm the anxiety threatening to overwhelm me. I sighed, ready to push to my feet and join my family again in the bar.

"I know but—Can I just finish—Hey! That's not what I meant! That was a low blow, Jessica."

Through my freakout, I hadn't realized I wasn't the only one out on the boardwalk. A guy paced the boards about ten feet away from me, gripping his blue hair while having some kind of argument with the person on the phone. He was obviously another wedding guest unless he liked to walk the boardwalk in a suit. To each their own and all that.

"All I'm sayin' is, sometimes these things just happen! Even my boss says it happens to the best of us. No! I didn't talk to my boss about our sex life! I was talking to him about someone else." He paused, his eyes widening. "No, I didn't cheat on you! I meant a girl I dated before you! You're the one who cheated on me!" Another pause. "What difference does it make if you're not the only one that it happened with?"

I snorted then immediately schooled my expression when the guy looked over at me with a pleading stare.

"You'll back me up, right?"

It took me a second to realize the guy expected me to answer. "Are you talking to me?"

Instead of confirming that he was, he said, "It happens to all guys, right? I'm trying to tell my girlfriend—" He hung his head back and said to the person on the phone, "Fine! Ex-girlfriend!" Then he met my eyes again. "I'm trying to tell my ex-girlfriend that it's a completely normal thing."

I stared at him in confusion. "Uh, you gotta give me more than that. I have no idea what you're talking about." I had a fucking idea what he was talking about, but there was no way this guy was asking me, a complete stranger, if it was normal for a guy not to get it up with his girlfriend, right?

The guy groaned in frustration. "I'm talkin' about not having any ding in my dong every time the button's pushed." His eyes popped and shifted away from me again. "You're always putting words in my mouth! No, I didn't say your button doesn't turn me on!"

Okay, then. Time for me to…I pushed off the bench, ready to make my escape.

"This guy will back me up! Right, bro?"

Shit.

I would've said anything to get out of the situation. "It can happen, yeah." What else was I supposed to say? That my sex life sucked and had been pretty much non-existent since admitting to myself what I really wanted? That the reason I didn't have any ding in my dong was because I'd been guilted into pushing the wrong damn button for years?

"See! I told you!" The second he turned away from me, I bolted back into the restaurant and found my seat at my family's table, sinking down into it with a relieved sigh.

"Where you been, man?" Sal asked me, reaching for the pepper shaker.

"I just needed some air. Got a little hot in here." With the doors to the patio in the back and the front door propped open, there was a cool cross-breeze laughing at my lame excuse, but Sal didn't call me out on it. He just gave me a look, shrugged, and then went back to eating his salad.

I managed to have a decent night, cracking jokes and laughing with my family. Burke was in the middle of telling us about the first time his parents met Levi, Cole, Ford, and Noah, Burke's best friends, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Blue hair guy stood there awkwardly, side-glancing at the table then back to me. "Thanks for…uh…" He flicked his eyes to Burke and then looked back at me. "You know…" He nudged his head toward the door, his face completely flushed. Thankfully, he had the common sense not to tell the whole table that sometimes he couldn't ding his dong. No, that privilege was only for me, apparently.

"Yeah, sure. Don't mention it," I reminded him as subtly as I could.

He looked sheepish, his mouth curving in a half smile. "Sorry. Sage tells me all the time that I tend to overshare when I'm upset about something."

Burke scoffed, drawing our attention. "Don't let him fool you, Kenneth. Your boss is the king of oversharing."

Seemed like I should've known the guy's name and that he worked for Sage—hell, I should've known anything else about him—before knowing about his failure to rise to the occasion, but there we were.

"Best. Wedding. Ever." Sal interrupted the awkward moment, his attention focused behind me. "Did that guy just wheel in an ice cream cart?" He leaned to his left, trying to see past me, a broad smile forming. "And a toppings bar?"

"Oh, yeah, that's Joel and Hailey. They own the ice cream shop in town," Kenneth said, his face lighting up as if his dilemma from minutes before disappeared the second he set his eyes on the frozen dessert stand. "See ya." And just like that, the guy was off, a man on a mission for ice cream.

"What was that all about?" Burke asked me.

I shrugged. "He was on the phone while I was outside." He didn't need to know anything more than that considering Kenneth seemed to clam up in front of Burke a minute ago. I wasn't surprised. My cousin could sprout pink bunny ears and a fluffy, white tail and still manage to be intimidating. Changing the subject the easiest way I knew how, I said, "There's a line already, Sal. You better get your butt over there."

"Crap." He shot up from the table and grabbed Antonia's hand, dragging his laughing wife in the direction of the frozen treat. I thought about what Sal said to me earlier. About being honored to stand next to Burke if he ever married Jared. I wanted so badly to tell him, confide in him the way I did Burke, but every time I tried to, the words got stuck in my throat.

"Do I even want to know what Kenneth was over here talking to you all about?" Sage said, his hand firmly holding Levi's, drawing my eye to the glint of Levi's wedding band. I wasn't much for wearing jewelry, but I wondered if that was something I could make an exception for.

"Don't ask us." Burke cocked a dark brow at me. "Enzo's the only one who seems to know."

"Really…" Sage drew out the word, making a statement rather than asking a question. "I suppose one troublemaker is a beacon for another, huh?"

"Yeah, and sometimes they even put a ring on it," I retorted, smirking and glancing from Sage to Levi and back to Sage.

Burke and Jared busted out laughing, Burke saying, "Oh, he's so got you both there."

"Hey!" Levi argued. "I'm the last person in our group to cause trouble." Burke gave Levi a You sure about that? look. "Okay, fine, Noah is the last person, but I'm second to last."

I listened to the longtime friends go back and forth at each other, watched as the rest of the group made their way over, couple by couple, to join in the antics, and caught the look of pure love my aunt had for her son and his friends. My cousin had found himself a pretty fucking great life in Coral Pointe. It was at that moment that the thought of going back to my life in Sacramento made my chest hurt.

Aunt Sophia and Uncle Carmine treated Burke and his friends like they would anyone else. So did Sal and Antonia. In the back of my mind, I knew they'd be going back to California with me, that I would have their support if I asked for it. Still, I couldn't help but wonder what life would be like if I didn't have to worry about my mom not accepting me and what would make me happy.

"You coming?"

"What? Where?" I asked Burke, obviously missing the rest of what was said.

"To go get ice cream." He squeezed my shoulder, as if letting me know he'd figured out where my mind had just gone.

"Yeah, sure. Sounds good." I pushed my chair back and stood up, catching the way Burke was looking at me. Instead of playing dumb, I said softly, "I'm fine, Burke."

He stared at me skeptically for a few seconds. "You're not, but I'll let it go…this time."