Chapter 11

Icarried a plate of calamari to a table by the window, a sense of rightness settling in my chest. After talking to Evian the other night about following his passion, I knew I needed to get out of the damn house and start doing something I loved. When I asked Burke if I could help out at Oceanside, he slapped me on the shoulder and barked at me to be there the next day to "go over shit." It was that easy. And hey, at least now if my sister asked me how working at Burke's restaurant was, I'd be able to give an honest answer.

My cousin had built something truly amazing with his friends. Oceanside was a blend of beachy-meets-rustic-meets-elegance, with its aged-oak hardwood floors streaked with shades of mahogany and the amber of a smooth bourbon, dark teal accents and coffee-colored upholstery, and rich brown tables, booths, and chair frames. Worlds away from the old-world Italian feel of our family restaurants back in California.

It was exactly what I needed to keep my mind off other things, preventing me from spiraling like I had when I first got to Coral Pointe. I was starting to recognize familiar faces of Pointers who came in, memorizing their names and what they liked. I wasn't kidding when I'd told Evian that was how I got repeat customers at Victor's. My mom may have hired someone new, but I could guaran-fucking-tee that person couldn't replace me. I'd bet money the regulars weren't happy I was gone.

Glancing out the wall of windows and seeing the beach and the ocean beyond made it hard to come up with a reason that I should go back to Sacramento. After Noah's party, I'd let myself get to know the guys better. The fact that they'd gone out of their way to make Evian feel welcome—knowing there was a "lying, cheating, sack of shit" connection between Evian and Cole—allowed me to start letting my guard down around them.

There'd even been times I wanted to spill my guts about what happened, purge the whole damn story as it sat there on the tip of my tongue, but I still had a habit of swallowing them instead. I'd only said the words on two different occasions in my life and the last time hadn't been pretty. If I closed my eyes, I could still feel the sting of my mom's hand on my cheek. The more I thought about it, the more anger shoved its way in, pushing feelings of hurt to the background. To say I was fucking pissed was like saying Elvis was a pretty good singer.

I caught a familiar sight of dirty blond hair over at the bar and felt a sense of guilt. It had been over two weeks since Joel had told me to stop at Beaches 'n' Cream. That was when I was still keeping my distance from anyone who could possibly start to mean anything to me. Except for Evian. He continued to be an enigma, burrowing his way into my life without much effort. Hell, I'd been the one to seek him out, hinting that I'd needed someone to see past my barriers. I'd needed a friend, and he'd been that for me.

But Joel had offered friendship, too, and damned if I couldn't use another one.

"Hey," I said, catching him off guard as I leaned on the bar next to him.

"Oh, hey, Enzo," he said around the bite he'd just taken, wiping his mouth off with his napkin.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you." Now that I was standing beside him, and could see a half-eaten dinner next to him, I felt a little ridiculous knowing he wasn't alone. I didn't even know the guy, but that was the point of talking to him, right?

"You're fine. I was wondering if I'd see you here." Joel smirked. "Teresa mentioned you worked here now."

Ever since meeting her, it was made abundantly clear that there was a reason she was on the Walkie Talkies. I was pretty sure gossip was the fuel those ladies counted on to motivate them every morning.

"I've been helping out a few days a week. Figured what the hell else did I have to do with my time."

"Ice cream is always a good choice." He side-glanced at me before taking another bite of his burger.

I'd stepped right into that one, feeling like an ass. "Yeah, sorry about that. I meant to stop in."

Joel laughed and shook his head. "Don't apologize. I'm just teasin' you."

"Oh, man," a guy with blue hair said as he sat in the seat next to Joel. "Did you see that blonde at the table by the bathroom? I know what I want for dessert."

Joel hung his head and laughed. He motioned to the guy and said, "Enzo, meet Kenneth, my best friend. Kenneth, this is Enzo, Burke's cousin."

"Hey, I know you," Kenneth said, red blooming on his face in seconds, but he leaned closer to Joel and said to him, "He backed me up that there's nothing wrong with there being no ding in your dong sometimes."

For the second time since meeting Joel, he spewed his drink in laughter, and my face was immediately engulfed in flames. That wasn't exactly something you wanted everyone to know you had in common with someone. "You'd think I'd be used to the shit that comes out of your mouth, but here we are." He wiped his chin and looked apologetically at me. "Sorry about him. He hasn't had a filter since birth."

"Hey!" Kenneth complained then paused and smiled sheepishly. "Who am I kidding? That about sums me up in a nutshell."

I laughed. Part of the reason I'd agreed to come to Coral Pointe was to start trusting my instincts, instead of letting my family tell me how I should act, think, or feel. And my gut was telling me these guys could be fun to hang out with…as long as Kenneth didn't tell everyone we came in contact with that our dongs had anything in common.

"I gotta get back to work," I said as I caught sight of one of my customers looking right at me.

"Why don't we go out for a drink or something soon?" Joel asked while Kenneth nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, that sounds good." I grabbed a napkin from the bar and took a pen out of the apron around my waist. "Here's my number. Text me and we can figure out a night."

That went better than I thought it would. Hey, if I was any good at this friend shit, my closest confidante probably wouldn't be my cousin. Maybe I'd also have luck keeping Evian in the hands-off box rather than feel the tingle in my fingers every time I imagined putting my hands all over him.

"Enzo, sweetheart"—a small but surprisingly strong hand grabbed my forearm on my way to the kitchen—"it's so good to see you working here at Oceanside with Burke." Helen, Cole's mom, smiled up at me then said to her husband, "Paul, isn't it great seeing Enzo here?"

"Yes, hon, it's great." He reached his hand out and smiled kindly. "It's great to see you again, Enzo."

"You, too," I responded, shaking his hand. "Can I get you?—"

"Wasn't that wedding in December magical?" Helen, still holding my forearm, tightened her hand for a second. "My son and his husband didn't have a big, formal wedding." She finally let go of my arm and held up her hand, tilting her head. "I've made my peace with it." It was obvious she absolutely had not made her peace with it.

"Helen…" her husband said softly, as if he knew what she was about to say.

She shrugged her shoulders innocently. "What? Is it wrong for a mother to want her son to be celebrated?"

I glanced around the dining room, looking for their server. Helen was a nice woman, but I'd learned she was also a member of the Walkie Talkies and with good reason. Not for the first time, I wondered how Cole turned out so mellow, but the man sitting across from the woman was obviously the reason.

"We did celebrate, the way Cole and Aiden wanted to." Cole's dad had the patience of a saint.

"In the backyard. With plastic utensils." She huffed and looked back at me. "Anywho. So when do you think Burke will take the leap? There's just so much love in this town. Trust me, Enzo, you're in the right place."

My pulse jumped and suddenly it was hard to breathe. I was afraid to look around. Afraid all eyes would be on me, knowing exactly what I'd been hiding for most of my life. How did she find out what I didn't want anyone to see? Did Burke tell her about me? Why else would she bring up all this shit? I wasn't even her server, for fuck's sake.

Helen didn't seem to notice my panic, but her husband must have. "Honey, he has other tables he needs to get to. Let the man do his job." Then he looked at me apologetically. "Thanks, Enzo. It's great seeing you again."

I swallowed hard and figured out how to make my brain and my mouth communicate again. "Nice seeing you both, too." Before Helen could rope me into another conversation, I stormed off to the kitchen, my blood boiling, my hands going numb. The second I laid my eyes on my cousin, I stormed up to him, leaving a mere few inches between us and snapped, "Did you tell Cole's mom?"

Everything in the kitchen came to a screeching halt. Jesus, I'd almost let loose in front of the goddamn employees. My clammy hands shook and my breaths shuddered. Was the room spinning?

"My office. Now." Burke gripped the back of my neck and guided me not-so-gently toward the back of the kitchen, closing us inside the small room with a slam of his door. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that Cole's mom was going on and on about when you were gonna get married, and how there's so much love in this town?" I gripped my hips to stop my hands from shaking as I paced the small office. "Or maybe it's the fact she just said I'm in the right place!"

Burke snorted and rounded his desk, the chair groaning as he dropped his hulking body down into it. "That's all you got?"

"What, that's not enough?" I motioned emphatically in the direction of the dining room. "The woman kept going on and on about Levi and Sage's wedding?—"

"You mean the wedding you both went to that's logically a good conversation starter?" More of a patronizing statement than a question as he nodded his head.

"And then she had to bring up Cole's wedding…to another man, Burke!"

That asshole was still nodding, his clasped hands resting on this stomach. "Her son is her world and her favorite topic. She'll always find a way to bring him up in conversation, no matter who he married." Burke tilted his head and held his hand out, palm up in a give me more motion. "What else ya got?"

My anger was deflating, but there was no way he could easily explain away the last one. "Why the hell would she say to trust her and that I'm in the ‘right place' if she didn't know?" I put air quotes around right place, like that would drive my point home.

Burke hung his head in exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose before meeting my eyes again. "Because she loves this town, Enzo. She was born and raised here. Hell, she's probably tried to get the Amazon driver to move here. And, let's face it, you aren't exactly hiding the fact that you came here because you're not happy back home."

"Fuck." The word hissed out of my mouth like a deflating balloon as I sank down into the chair in front of his desk.

He leaned forward and rested his forearms on the desk, clasping his hands together. "Listen to me, Enzo." He paused until I looked at him. "You listening?"

"Yeah, I'm listening." I was, even though I felt completely defeated and like a fucking fool for my outburst.

"I would never…ever…out you to anyone. I don't blame you for the knee-jerk reaction after Mommy Dearest took your choice away and told Tino. But if you think I'm anything like them then you can fuck right the hell off." If it wasn't for the small smirk he gave me, I'd have thought he was giving up on me.

"Shit, Burke. I'm sorry." I scrubbed a hand over my face and groaned. "Ugh. What the fuck is wrong with me? I bounce from wanting it to be out there already to terrified someone's gonna figure it out."

"What's wrong with you is you're still letting what happened back in Cali ruin your life. There's a big fucking difference between being out on your own terms and someone figuring it out, or worse, someone outing you. It fucking sucks and you have every right to be hurt and pissed and whatever the hell other emotions you want to feel for how she treated you.

"But, Enzo…" He released a long sigh. "You have the chance to take your power back. Look at where you are." When I cocked an eyebrow and glanced around his tiny, windowless office, he laughed. "Okay, not where you are this very second, asshole. You're livin' in goddamn paradise, man. No one here is gonna judge you. This is an openly supportive LGBTQ community. And, I know you don't know them very well yet, but you couldn't have a better family in your corner. That includes Helen and her overzealous need to make sure everyone finds love. There's no better place for you to find your way."

I didn't know what to say to that, but I didn't have to as Burke continued. "You have an opportunity here to live the life you've always wanted. Don't you want to know what it feels like? To be gay and have that not be the only thing worth knowing about you? To walk down the street holding a man's hand, if you wanted to? To date and laugh and breathe." I snorted, remembering the rant I went on with Evian. "All those things are your decision, not hers. Screw what your mom thinks. You know what my parents think, and you can bet your ass, your dad would be fucking disappointed if he knew all this shit was going on. With your mom and Tino, not you. Uncle Vic was always cool with me, and he would've been with you, too. As far as the rest of the Russos are concerned, your mom and shitty brother will be in the minority with their opinions if you come out. Everyone's gonna support you the same way they support me. When are you gonna believe that you have more people in your corner than they do?"

"Every time I feel like I'm taking steps forward and taking my life back, something like that convo with Helen happens and I'm right back there, listening to my mom tear me apart. You're right. It is a knee-jerk reaction at this point, but fuck do I wanna stop doing that."

"It takes time. I get that. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it'll be to choose the things that make you happy."

I opened my mouth, searching for something to say, when my phone pinged with an incoming text. Seeing Evian's name brought an immediate smile to my face, but it dropped when I saw his message. Have to cancel again. Pretty sure my fever is high enough to fry an egg on my forehead. I'm sorry.

"Shit." I'd been looking forward to seeing him again.

"What's up?" Burke asked, leaning back in his chair.

I could lie, or I could do exactly what my cousin had just said and fucking live for a change. Now or never. "I had plans tonight with Evian, but he's sick." My heart was pounding in my damn ears as Burke smiled smugly at me.

"Oh, really? Plans with Evian, huh?"

I huffed out a laugh. "We're just friends, Burke." With as much as I thought about Evian lately, I wasn't so sure that was true anymore, but what did I have to give to the guy? There was no way I was admitting to a twenty-five-year-old that he had more experience with men than me. Still, my aunt taught me better…

I'll bring you some pastina. I pressed Send.

"Friends. Right. Because that's the same look I get on my face when I think about Noah." Burke rolled his eyes.

I ignored him and read Evian's response. You don't have to do that. You shouldn't be anywhere near me.

I know I don't have to. I'm gonna anyway.Apparently, Evian didn't know there was no other option when an Italian said they were making you food. It wasn't a question of Are you hungry? It was more of a warning that said, This is what's happening and here's your chance to give some input. I sent it and looked up to see Burke staring wide-eyed at me.

"Dude, you should see the fucking smile on your face right now."

"Shut up." Damned if my smile didn't get bigger.

My phone vibrated again. Okay, but if you get sick…

I'll be fine. See you soon.

"Can I borrow your car?" I stood up and held my hand out, knowing he wasn't going to tell me no. "Evian's gonna need some soup and probably something for the fever."

He opened the desk drawer and pulled his keys out, taking his house key off the hook before dropping the car keys in my palm. "Let me guess. Next you're gonna ask if you can leave early?

"Shit. I hadn't thought about that." My heart sank at the thought of not bringing Evian food…of not taking care of him.

Burke swiped his hand in the air. "Get the hell outta here. I'll be damned if I'm gonna be the one to stand between that cheesy grin and the guy who put it there."

"Thanks, Burke." I paused and then, "About earlier…"

"We're good." I knew my cousin, knew he wouldn't say that unless it was true.

I smiled in thanks and left the restaurant with a new purpose. First stop, grocery store, second stop, home to cook, and third stop… I exhaled in nervous excitement, ready to see those hazel eyes again.

Evian

There wasno way I was putting any effort into how I looked before Enzo showed up. I felt like fucking death and probably smelled like it, too. Taking attraction out of the equation made it easier to not give a fuck. He was my friend, right?

Who was I kidding? I really didn't want him seeing me like that, but I had absolutely no energy to do anything about it. So much for my dad and I never getting sick. At least he felt better enough to go back to work by the time I came down with it. God forbid we had to close the store.

The intercom on my wall beeped. Why was the thing so far away? I dragged my sorry ass over to the door, clutching my blanket around my shoulders and pressed the button. "Hello?"

"It's Enzo," he said, like I wouldn't recognize that deep voice the second I heard it.

"Come on up." I buzzed him in, heard his heavy footsteps up the stairs, and waited for the following knock. Opening the door a crack, I peeked out, and said pathetically, "Put the soup on the floor and save yourself."

Enzo snorted and shook his head. "It needs to be reheated. Let me in. I'll be fine."

Against my better judgment, I selfishly wanted to see him. It had been too many days since Noah's party. "Okay, but I don't want to hear it when you wake up tomorrow feeling like the Devil is having a party in your sinuses."

"I'll take my chances." The firm tone to his voice coupled with a look of determination in his eyes, felt like we were talking about more than the possibility of him getting sick. Or maybe it was that the fever was taking over and forcing me to admit that I wanted it to mean more. Who the fuck knew? There was so much pressure in my head it left no room for logical thought.

I shuffled a few steps back and opened the door the rest of the way, letting him inside my germ-riddled apartment. "I've sanitized when I've had the energy, so…not that much."

"Man, you look awful." His cheeks flushed as soon as he realized what he said. "I mean…not awful in a…you're hideous…kind of way. Awful in a…damn, you're really sick…kind of way."

I laughed with what little energy I had. "Thanks for the clarification."

"If you haven't noticed, I've really got a way with words." That damn shy smile of his was going to do me in. "Uh, I'm gonna…" He pointed to the kitchen. "I'm gonna heat this up. Why don't you go sit back down."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Pathetically, I dragged my feet over to the couch and stretched out, covering myself with a blanket. I didn't quite get my feet covered but fixing it required me sitting up and that wasn't happening.

"Okay, I need to know where to find a pot, a bowl, and utensils."

"Top cabinet, second from the left, first bottom cabinet on the right, and the drawer right in front of you."

"Gotcha."

My heart fluttered seeing him move around my small kitchen like he belonged there. I was trying so hard to keep a boundary between us. We didn't make sense. Hell, I didn't even know what he was looking for. I'd been getting such mixed signals from him, but a part of me wasn't quite ready to ruin what we had by digging too deep.

The man had a fine ass, though, hugged by perfectly worn jeans. His dark brown hair was in the haphazard state it always was in. Not deliberately styled but, instead, like he constantly ran his hand through it. It didn't, in any way, make me want to feel those dark strands sliding between my fingers. The sound of him humming while he heated the soup lulled me into a state of calm where I wasn't quite sleeping but felt like I was drifting.

I didn't know how long I was out when I felt his gentle touch on my forehead. "Jesus, you're really burning up." It was dangerous looking straight into those gorgeous brown eyes—with flecks of gold, thank you very much.

"Told you," I mumbled, holding the blanket securely under my chin, letting my heavy eyelids drift shut.

"Do you think you can sit up to eat this? You should eat and then take something for the fever." Damn him. He was making it so fucking hard not to want to keep him. Stop it, Evian.

"My dad's coming by after work with some meds. Look at me and him being all fatherly and sonly. Sonly? Is that a word?"

He laughed. "I don't think so. I stopped at the pharmacy and got you stuff."

"You did? You're like my shining knight in armor." I cracked one eye open. "I don't think that was right."

"The fever's messing with your brain. Let me help you sit up." Enzo carefully helped me into a sitting position on the couch to eat. I had a fleeting thought that I should be embarrassed of the shape I was in, but seriously, I didn't have the energy to be ashamed about it. Which meant my mortification was most likely waiting until I was well enough to strike. Can't fucking wait.

Enzo handed me the bowl, patiently waiting for me to have enough food to take something for the fever. His strong back was warm against my legs as he sat on the edge of the cushion in front of me.

"I don't think I can eat anymore." I passed the bowl back to him with shaky hands and took the glass of water. He dropped a couple of Tylenol in my palm and took my bowl to the kitchen, washing it and the spoon for me.

I shimmied back down to a comfy position, warning my heart to chill the hell out when he came back with a cool compress and pressed it to my forehead. "Got it out of the closet. Hope that's okay." Then he had to go and fix the blanket so it covered my feet, and I swore my heart skipped several beats.

My eyes felt so heavy, the room still spinning. "You're gonna make me want to keep you, aren't you," I mumbled.

He sucked in a breath but then I felt the warmth of his hand as it ran through my hair. "I wasn't expecting you."

I chuckled tiredly. That didn't make any sense. "I live here. Who else were you expecting?" I slid the compress down, sighing as it cooled my neck.

He huffed through his nose. "You really need to get some sleep. I put the rest of the pastina in the fridge. Do you need anything else before I go?" Yeah, for you not to go?

"Um, I don't think so." Keeping my eyes open at this point felt like an Olympic sport.

"You said your dad will be by later, right? So it's okay if the deadbolt isn't locked after I leave? I'll lock the bottom lock on the door handle."

"Mhmm…" My lids slipped closed.

I couldn't blame the fever for the way my skin prickled with goosebumps when his hand found its way back into my hair. When I felt warm lips press against my forehead, I lifted my heavy lids and met his eyes.

"I might be wrong, but I'm not sure straight guys kiss other guys on the forehead." If I had the energy, I would've kicked myself for saying that out loud.

It felt like minutes passed, but it was probably more like seconds. As my eyes drooped closed again, I swore I heard him whisper, "I wouldn't know."

When I woke the next morning, I didn't know what was real and what was a fever-induced hallucination, but there was a feeling in my gut telling me that his last whispered confession right before I'd fallen asleep had been very, very real.

And it changed everything.