Prologue

Christmastime…

What am I doing here?

Here, as in weaving in between tables and people, following my aunt, uncle, and cousins through a Christmas festival in Coral Pointe Inlet. As in, how the hell did I let Aunt Sophia convince me to pack my bags and piggyback off their trip across the country?

As in… How did I get to this sharp as hell point in my life where tagging along as a third…sixth…whatever-the-hell-number wheel was better than spending Christmas in Sacramento with my mom?

Jesus, is that a kissing booth?

I cringed at the thought of kissing countless people until I read the sign on the front of the booth. What do you know? Cuddling a bunch of puppies sounded a hell of a lot more appealing than swapping spit with strangers. The name—Smooches for Pooches—was questionable, though.

I scanned the crowd for a familiar face, sighing in relief as my eyes landed on my cousin—just as the big guy howled in pain and grabbed his shin, glaring at the guy next to him. I laughed to myself. Knowing my cousin, he probably deserved it.

"Is my little gnocchi causing trouble?" Aunt Sophia said, startling the guy standing in front of Burke's table, his eyes popping wide as they landed on her.

A resounding, "Yes," came from the people around Burke followed by laughter. I'd only been here a couple of minutes and already felt how much lighter the atmosphere was compared to home, and it had nothing to do with the ocean breeze.

Aunt Sophia didn't miss a beat. "What did he do to deserve it?" She shook her head at her son, getting more laughs and looks of complete adoration from the other men behind the table. It didn't shock me that she'd gained a few new members of her fanclub the last time she was here. Just like there was a reason I'd ended up on a plane at a moment's notice after receiving a call from her. The woman was captivating—and all it took was a healthy dose of her love and attention.

Something I'd always lacked with my own mother.

Ever since my exploration to figure out who I was, and if I truly wanted what I thought I did, turned into the incidentthat should never be spoken about.

"Hey! Way to defend me, Ma!" Burke laughed. I wasn't exactly sure what had changed last fall when Aunt Sophia and Uncle Carmine had come here, meeting Jared and all of Burke's friends for the first time. All I knew was, the tension that had always been simmering under the surface between my cousin and his parents had finally been released. They'd bumped heads for years—even then, they were still closer than I ever was with my mom—but now there was an ease with which they all interacted, along with a genuine love for each other.

"You call those pignoli cookies? Looks like we got here in the nick of time."

"Sal?" Burke asked in confusion as Sal walked up to his brother. "You're all here?" Burke asked, pulling Sal in for a hug, followed by Sal's wife, Antonia, and their three kids. "I knew Mom and Dad were coming today, but I didn't know they were bringing backups."

"Who you callin' a backup, bro?"

"What do you think younger siblings are? I'm clearly the original."

Sal shook his head and chuckled. "Clearly you need a dictionary because the backup is what's used when the original fails." He patted Burke on the shoulder then made the rounds, introducing himself and his family to Burke's friends.

I got along with my siblings—well, two of them—because we sympathized with each other. Bonding over the unrelenting judgment from our mom while Tino could shit on a canvas and she would call it art.

Vito and Rina knew what it felt like to have their choice of life partner criticized—Rina's husband apparently didn't have a prestigious enough career as a car salesman and Vito's wife committed the ultimate sin…she was…gasp!…Irish. And, although I didn't have a life partner and I'd never outright said I was different from my sister and brother, there was an unspoken understanding between the three of us. I had a feeling they knew what I was struggling with, and their silent but apparent acceptance of that was something that helped me to breathe a little easier.

Even with all that, we weren't as close as Burke and his siblings were. I had no doubt Rina and Vito would be there for me if I needed them, and I'd do the same for them, but we weren't text-every-day, inside-jokes kind of siblings. At that moment, watching Burke and Sal rag on each other, I wondered why Rina, Vito, and I couldn't be that way with each other.

I hung back, watching it all unfold. Genuine smiles of affection and laughter ensued as, one by one, all the guys behind the Shore Thing Management tables wrapped their arms around Aunt Sophia and held her tightly. But the fact that each and every guy had been given an honorary nickname from her let me know immediately these were good people. I didn't have anyone like that back in Sacramento. Sure I had friends I saw every now and then, but that's not what this was. This was clearly a family Burke had found. Somehow, the lucky bastard not only had family on the west coast he could come home to, but now he had a home on the east coast, too.

"Hey, Fisherboy! Get over here!" Burke bellowed.

I looked to my right and saw Jared a few tables down. That take-no-bullshit scowl he'd just given Burke was exactly what had hooked my brazen cousin. When his eyes landed on Aunt Sophia, though, they immediately softened. Within a few strides he was pulling my aunt into a tight hug. "You're here with reinforcements."

"I knew I liked this guy," Sal said, leaning his elbow on Jared's shoulder. "Reinforcements, Burcardo. It means we give you strength to boost your sorry butt up. You're weak without me, man."

"Get outta here." Burke's smile was huge as he shoved his brother away, wrapping a possessive arm around Jared's waist and pulling him close—just like he'd done at Aunt Sophia's birthday party a few months ago, in front of the entire family. Because his love for Jared wasn't an act of spite like my mom had claimed as soon as she saw the two together. At least she had the common sense not to say it to Burke's face. It also wasn't something to be ashamed of, to keep to themselves and not shove down people's throats, like Tino had insinuated more than once during Burke's trip home with Jared. No, what they had was genuine…right…inspiring…

I shoved my hands in my pockets and asked myself again how I'd ended up here. This trip should've been for Burke, his parents, and Sal and his family. Hell, I didn't even know which friend was getting married. All I knew was Aunt Sophia insisted they needed help with the catering after the place they'd hired screwed them over.

"Enzo?" Burke said, jarring me out of my descent into the murky pits of doubt.

"Hey, Burke. Hope you don't mind me tagging along."

"Why the hell would I mind? Get the hell over here." He pulled me into a hug and I felt the tension and unease drain from my muscles in a quivering breath. Oddly enough, as big and grumpy as my cousin was, I'd never been afraid to fall apart in front of him. If anything, he'd made it so it was easy to break into a million pieces at his feet. Hell, he even helped me pick all those pieces back up, but instead of putting them back together for me, he handed me them on a big plate of You got this.

"Everyone, this is my cousin, Enzo. Enzo, this is…" Burke proceeded to introduce me to everyone, grounding me at the same time with a hand on the nape of my neck. How was it that one gesture from him had that effect on me?

"Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy you're here, but is someone gonna tell me what's going on?" the smaller, raven-haired man asked again. I found out a few moments later that he was Sage, one of the grooms.

The conversation around me faded to the background. I looked around, expecting to see some looks of disapproval as the other groom, Levi, pulled Sage back against his chest.

Aunt Sophia's words filtered through, bringing me back around to the conversation. "…being together on Christmas while taking a break from everyday life for a while." And that was why I was here, though Aunt Sophia would never come out and say it. She knew I needed a break from…everything. "Plus, they wanted to see what Burcardo's built here with you all."

"Mama Russo, what was it you said earlier?" Levi asked.

"Which part? When I knew Burcardo was causing trouble?"

"No, when you said, ‘Family helps family.'"

My aunt's expression softened. "I did say that."

"Well, we'd be honored if our entire family attended our wedding."

Oh shit…

"Are you sure?" she asked innocently as could be—which meant she'd gotten the answer she was looking for.

They can't be including me. They don't even know me.

"Absolutely," Sage reassured her.

Aunt Sophia looked over her shoulder at Sal, but then her expectant eyes shifted to me. "I hope you packed the wedding attire I told you to bring."

Nod your head and figure it out later. What other choice do you have?

"But"—Sage raised a finger—"there are two conditions. One, do not even think of getting us a gift. The fact you're all here to help cater our wedding means more to us than we could ever put into words." Up went another finger. "And two, keep an eye on that one over there." Sage cocked a brow and pointed to Sal.

"Hey! What'd I do?" Sal tried to keep a straight face, feigning insult while also shoving Burke to the side.

Sage narrowed his eyes, motioning to Sal and Burke. "Troublemakers. Both of you." But he caught me off guard when his scrutinizing eyes zeroed in on me. "Jury's still out on you, but I have a feeling once you get comfortable, you're just as bad as your cousins."

Well, shit… All eyes landed on me, heat flooding my cheeks. There was something about the guy, though. Something that made me loosen up and say, "Nah…I'm nowhere near as bad as them."

"No, you're worse," Burke and Sal said in unison. They both busted out laughing, dragging the whole group with them.

"God help us, every one," Aunt Sophia said.

"Ma, that's not how the saying goes." Sal wrapped his arm around her shoulders then kissed her temple.

"I've been a mother for thirty-six years, Salvatore. I know when divine intervention is necessary."

It was hard not to feel envious as even a simple pat on his cheek was more affection given from mother to son than I'd ever experienced. My chest ached something fierce. I looked away from the group and down at my phone. Suit rental near Coral Pointe Inlet… I doubted there was one in Coral Pointe.

I finally found a shop with good reviews, and it was a quick Uber ride over to the neighboring town of Barrett's Port.

"You forgot to bring something to wear to the wedding, didn't you?" Aunt Sophia asked me.

"I didn't exactly forget. I assumed you didn't mean me. They don't even know me." Why would she mean me? I was a last-minute addition to this family trip. Not really an afterthought, but more like a rescue attempt after what had happened a few weeks ago.

"Were you or were you not on the message I sent out?"

"Well, yeah, I was, but…" I paused when I realized I really didn't have a leg to stand on here. She had, in fact, included me in that text, and I'd done my own math, subtracting myself from the equation. I held up my phone sheepishly to show her the store I'd found. "I'll go tomorrow."

Aunt Sophia patted my cheek, in the same way she'd just done to Sal, and warmth flooded my veins. Not for the first time, I wished my mom could be more like her. On my lowest days, I even went as far as to wish she were my mom instead. Those thoughts always came with a sucker punch of guilt followed by a roundhouse kick of shame right to my solar plexus.

I was a lucky man. A person who'd always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my belly, and a warm bed to sleep in, and here I was, feeling sorry for myself. I'd spent the last five of my thirty years having almost everything a person could want. It wasn't realistic to think a person should have it all.

Yeah, there'd been times when I'd fallen apart. Rina and Vito always seemed to sense when those days were, reaching out to me as if to remind me of an unspoken promise to be there for one another. And there'd been times my cousin picked those pieces up and handed them to me with the expectation—and faith in me—that I would find a way to put them back together. And I always had…even if that meant figuring out how to slide those pieces back into place while also knowing a huge part of the puzzle was missing.

Always surviving but never complete.