52. Antonio

Ihold Daniela’s hair back while she vomits for the fourth time tonight.

The storm is getting closer, and the boat’s listing. She’s been quiet since I told her that I murdered my father. I thought she’d finally had enough of me. But it turns out she’s seasick, and nothing seems to be helping.

The crew is planning to batten down tomorrow afternoon to wait out the storm. The search will be suspended for at least a day. There’s no choice.

I hand her a wet cloth to wipe her mouth. When she’s through, I bring a bottle of water to her lips.

She pushes it away. “I can’t. I’ll be sick again.”

“You’ve lost a lot of fluids. You need to at least take a few sips.” The last thing she needs is to get dehydrated out here in the middle of the ocean.

“I can’t.”

“First thing in the morning, you’re getting on a chopper and going home before the storm gets bad.”

She shakes her head. “Not without you.”

“You have a daughter.”

“We have a daughter who adores you. And we have Rafael to think about, too. He doesn’t even know about the crash. I don’t care if he’s doing some important training. It’s not right.”

She’s angry. In full mother-bear mode. But she’s not entirely correct about Rafael. While it might not be right to keep him in the dark, it’s necessary for him to complete his training like any other soldier.

I pride myself on doing what’s necessary above all else. And now something else might be necessary.

I’ve spent ten days ferrying between helicopters and boats. At first, on tenterhooks, waiting for some sign of life that never materialized. It didn’t matter how loud I yelled, or how much money I threw at the search. At one point there were so many rescue teams, they were getting in each other’s way.

The ocean is a beast, and we might never find my mother’s remains. I’ve always known it, but I’m stubborn.

Now I need to get Daniela off this goddamn boat before the storm. That has to be my priority. I could force her onto a helicopter, but she’d be back. She’s stubborn, too, and resourceful. It’s one thing to punish myself, but I’m not going to punish her.

I gaze at her pale, clammy face. She’s curled into a tight ball, shivering under layers of blankets.

It’s time to go home.

It’s what’s necessary.

* * *

After Daniela fallsasleep in my bunk, I find Cristiano on the hull.

“How is she?”

I shake my head. “Get a transport here first thing. I want to be off the boat before the storm hits.”

I see the stark relief in his face. “Good idea. Do you want me to stay and oversee the search?”

“You’re coming with us. I want the security fortified at Quinta Rosa do Vale. Erect towers around the perimeter, like at my place in the valley. Tighten the boundaries between the house and the vineyards. I want that property to be the most secure location on the planet. And I want it done within a week.”

Cristiano tips his head.

“Just do it.”

I take one last look over the side of the boat, into the belly of the beast. It continues to mock my powerlessness without mercy.

I’ve always loved the ocean. But I’ll never feel the same way about it again. In my mind, it will forever be a watery grave.