7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Matías Moreno

F or the past two months, I've been going to therapy with Dr. Sosa without missing an appointment, and to my surprise, it has been going incredibly well. We've been tackling one by one, all those instances when I feel everything that goes wrong it's my fault. The key to dealing with these thoughts is to "hit them with the facts." Dr. Sosa says that every time I feel something is my fault, I need to study the situation and rely on actual facts before spiraling down the rabbit hole. Startlingly, Dr. Sosa also suggested I give online dating a try. When she first mentioned it, I was hesitant, to say the least, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I don't need to put myself out there completely, not at first at least. I can see if there's any chemistry with a mina before I become more invested, and if not, I simply log out.

Cattleya's team is playing again tonight and as much as I'd love to see her, I now know it's not a healthy habit to keep obsessing over her if I'm not going to "face her." I'm sure all the "beef" between us is only in my head, but I still don't feel ready to see her face to face and explain to her what happened after our night together.

My phone lights up like a Christmas tree, and I frown at the thread of notifications on the home screen.

Luca

Boludos ! Karina and I are on our way to the hospital, I'm going to be a dad.

Marco

Holy shit, good luck man. Keep us posted.

Franco

Ohhh, the fachero mayor (the biggest show off) is about to be owned. *laughing emoji*

Luca

What are you talking about, dude? Karina has owned me for the last four years.

Marco

Yeah, but now you'll be double-owned. My parents say that once you become a parent, there's no turning back.

Franco

True that, man. Sofi and I will start trying for babies soon. *party emoji*

Marco

Dani and I can't wait either! We'll be the coolest dads in the Southern Hemisphere. *cool emoji*

I read and re-read my friend's messages. Happiness exudes through their words, and I'm happy for them, I truly am, but when did I grow so far apart from them? My life is completely different from theirs. The little voice in my head tries to speak, but I squeeze it down before it can even start spewing lies. My journey is different, and that's okay. They're not including me in the text thread to make me feel bad but because they love me and want me to be part of their happiness.

I repeat the mantra as I type my text to join the conversation.

Matías

Che boludos , where should I get my prize? I'm the last man standing. No prospect of a wife or kids on the horizon for me. Instead, I'm debating which dating app to download.

When I hit send, seeing the little dots dancing on my screen brings warm memories to my mind. Living with these boludos for four years was one of the best things that I've ever experienced. I'm sure I wouldn't have survived college without them. They were always there to lift me up when the weight of the world threatened to suffocate me .

Luca is the first to reply, not surprising.

Luca

Enjoy the chase, brother. It's all part of the journey. Good to hear you're alive and seemingly well. *smirk emoji*

Franco

Yeah man, don't rush it. You'll get your better half in due time.

Marco

Which app are you thinking about? Just make sure it's a decent one. Last thing you need is a crazy mina obsessively stalking you.

I laugh at Marco's comment and immediately reply.

Matías

Marco, you sound like a dad already. Thank you for always taking care of me, pa.

Franco

LOL that was cute.

Luca

It's been a pleasure catching up with you all, but Karina is giving me the stink eye which I totally deserve. I better take care of my wife. Rafael is driving us to the hospital so I can pay attention to Kari, but here I am shooting the shit with you all. *smh emoji*

Marco

Give our love to Kari. We'll be praying for a swift delivery.

Matías

Thank you for keeping us in the loop, can't wait to meet baby Bianchi.

Franco

Take care brother, and congratulations to both of you. Can't wait to go to Chile to meet the newest addition to the clan.

I smile at the thread of texts again, I should lean on my friends more often. It doesn't matter how different our lives are now, I know they'll always have my back.

Getting back to the task at hand, I download an app called OfficialCherub after reading several positive reviews. It can be as laid-back as I want or as hard-core as I want. Let's see who I can find here.

It's been a week since I created my profile on OfficialCherub, and so far, I've matched with two women. My requirements aren't too strict, I don't think. When it came to age, I said five years younger or older than me. At the end of the day, age is just a number, and I'm more interested in what she has in her brain than the age on her ID. When it came to physical qualities, I won't deny it; I went after what attracted me most: tan skin, brown eyes, long hair, athletic figure. Someone who enjoys the outdoors, someone who would rather stay home binging a show with me than go out partying all night. I've been there, done that and I want a deeper connection these days. Not that I don't enjoy going out anymore, just not my priority these days.

Five minutes into the chat, the first woman asked about my thoughts on marriage, and although it's not a bad question per se, her follow-up question was about my thoughts on waiting to have intercourse until marriage. I have nothing against people who decide to wait, but it's not my preference. Physical contact is one of my love languages; no sex before marriage is a deal breaker in my book. The second woman was nice, and the conversation seemed to flow just fine with her, but I really didn't feel invested in the exchange, so I just excused myself and left the conversation. Everyone knows from the get-go what they've signed up for.

I'm having treats from my favorite bakery, a historical jewel in the heart of Buenos Aires downtown. It gives Great Gatsby vibes, and their pastries are top-notch. I have Cattleya's match on in the background. Her team's playing a game three hours away from Buenos Aires, and as usual, she's killing it. The way she commands the midfield, the way she hunts her opponents… it's like she's on a mission, and that's to neutralize a threat. Cattleya is lethal on the field, not violent but precise and determined in her moves.

As if the game commentators were reading my mind, they start raving about Cata, as they call her, and her impressive ability to read the game. She seems to be two steps ahead at all times; it's mesmerizing watching her play. Chuckling to myself, I think, maybe I could be a commentator. That way, I'd torture myself following Cattleya's career even closer. Just then, one of the commentators coins a nickname for her. It's like how some call Leo Messi, La Pulga (The Tick) because he's short and extremely agile.

"Cattleya Cardona is La Amazona , (Amazonian warrior) because she's strong, determined, and acts like a hunter on the pitch, defending her field with everything she's got."

I'm stunned by the precision of their assessment; Cattleya is an Amazonian warrior, so it fits her perfectly; I hope it sticks. After another bite of my champagne macaron, I continue scrolling the app, looking for something that can remotely pique my interest. That's when I notice a profile picture. It's a tattoo on a ribcage, but the location isn't what catches my attention. It's the tattoo itself: a soccer ball sprouting angel wings. It's perfect. I click on the image, and I immediately feel drawn to her.

Hola! I'm Milena, and I breathe soccer. My job takes me all over the place constantly, so right now I'm looking for a pen pal, and if there's enough chemistry, I'm open for a meet-up. I like that this girl is upfront and doesn't sugarcoat her reality. Her job consumes most of her time, and that's her priority—I respect that. I continue reading, and I like this girl more and more by the minute: I love rainy days because I can get lost in a book and a cup of hot cocoa. I love sunny days because I can go for a run and enjoy the breeze caressing my skin and bask in the beauty of nature. Damn, this girl. I immediately feel a need to get to know her. I send an "ice breaker"(one of the ways to initiate a conversation in the app).

Six questions await us. We both answer, and only after we're done can we see each other's responses. It's nothing crazy, very basic stuff like: How would you spend a million dollars? After answering and sending a nudge, I close the app and flick open my texts to send a message to Luca.

Matías

Hey bro, how's it going? Are you guys getting enough sleep? I've heard that's the hardest thing with a newborn.

And by I've heard, I mean I've seen movies where newborn parents are like zombies. Luca's response doesn't take long,

Luca

Hey, boludo . We can't complain. Gonzalo and Carla come by daily, giving Karina and me a chance to nap for a few hours. At night, we've created a system: I wake up, change Enzo's diaper, and then Karina feeds him. I burp him and put him back to sleep.

Matías

Look at you, being a supportive partner. I'm proud of you, man. And thankfully Karina's parents are so close by. Any news from your viejos ?

I know it's a sore topic for Luca; he moved to Chile without his parent's "blessing." Not that he needed it; he's an adult after all, but it's sad to see his parents quit on him and his siblings once they got some money .

Luca

Nah, man. I texted them the news about Enzo and even sent them a picture, but they haven't reached out. It's their loss.

Matías

It truly is. Let me know when it's a good time to go visit. I know nothing about babies but I'd like to go see him.

Luca

I can't wait for you and everyone to come visit. I think it would be best to wait until after he's had the first round of vaccines. You can never be too careful.

I chuckle at his response— such a dad. But I meant it when I told him I'm proud of him; he's going to be the best dad for Enzo. Will I ever have kids? I don't know if I'll be a good dad. Maybe I need to take care of my demons before I bring little ones into this world.