11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Matías Moreno

T oday was a full day at the construction site. After the initial model was approved, we needed to make all the adjustments to the calculations, design, and permits in order to fit the terrain we were going to use. The Golden Warriors' owner decided to request some last-minute changes to the design. They want the stadium to be built with as many sustainable materials as possible, so I've been asking around to see what we can get made in Argentina for a reasonable price.

After discussing our options and strategies for optimizing the budget with the architect and other engineers to secure the best materials, I decide to call Dr. Sosa. I need a little break from work, and since today I almost blew it with Milena—this is a level of anxiety I've only experienced with one mina before, and I'm not sure what to make of it. I need to talk it out with my doc. As expected, Dr. Sosa is booked for the rest of the day, but she'll be able to squeeze me in for a session tomorrow during lunch. I told her I'd bring lunch for the both of us. All she said was, "I'll see you tomorrow, Matías. Don't let your mind ruin your fun."

Deciding to go for a run before heading back home, I put on the change of clothes I always keep in my desk. I've enjoyed chatting with Milena so much that the moment I thought she was ghosting me, I lost it. I let the anxiety take the driver's seat instead of controlling my emotions and hitting them with the facts. She has never given me a reason to believe she's not interested in getting to know me better. On the contrary, I feel her warmth through her words. I wish I could speak with her on the phone, hear her voice, and learn if she gets nervous with the rush of a potential new relationship. Like I do. It would be even better to meet her in person. From the little I've seen, she's stunning with a matching personality. Tonight, I just need to calm down and let it all out with Dr. Sosa. There's not much else I can do at the moment. Once I've completed the loop I usually do around my office building, I climb on my baby. The purr of the engine immediately puts me in an even better mood after a great run.

After showering, I prepare something to eat, lay down on the couch, and as I check my phone, a huge fucking grin appears on my face.

Milena: Hola Matías, look what I found today. How do I look?

When I open the attachment, I see a picture of Milena sporting a Messi jersey. Holy shit, she looks hot as sin. Her back is to me, the jersey hugging her curves. The slope of her ass is caressed by a pair of black leggings, and she's holding up her hair so I can see the full back of her jersey. She's so sexy; it's amazing how such a chaste picture can have my feelings going bonkers.

Dark angel: You look amazing, I'm a big Messi fan, too. But to be honest, who in their right mind isn't?

I take a bite of my beef empanada while I wait for Milena's response. I'm glad she's the one who started the conversation tonight—I know it would have taken me most of the night to make up my mind about messaging her.

Milena: Right? He's the best to ever play, in my humble opinion.

Milena: Did you have a good day?

Her question makes me smile, which isn't something that comes naturally to me. When was the last time I had someone checking on me who wasn't my parents? I might have always preferred hookups and no-strings-attached relationships, but I must admit this feels nice. Good job, asshole. You're finally letting Cattleya go . The voice in my mind whispers, and I get goosebumps at the thought of her. I bet she has already met someone here, someone who can treat her the way she deserves and not leave her hanging. It's better this way, right? Milena is a clean canvas, and I get to experience something new to me without guilt.

Dark angel: Yeah, my day was good. Lots of work but it's something I actually enjoy so I'm not complaining. How about you?

Milena: I had a good day too. Now, I'm snuggled on my couch with Tinta and trying to find something to watch.

Dark angel: Do you have Netflix? Do you want to watch something "together"?

Milena: Oh fun. What do you have in mind? A movie? A show?

Dark angel: Not sure, I was actually just going to browse and see what catches my eye.

Milena: Oh! Do you have Disney+? I've been meaning to watch The Marvels but haven't had the time.

Dark angel: Sounds good. I haven't watched it either. So I take it, you're a MARVEL fan?

Milena: Duh

Dark angel: lol fair enough.

We ended up chatting the entire time while watching the movie and then went on YouTube to find a Messi documentary. Where has this woman been my whole life? I hope this feeling keeps growing as I get to know her more. So far, I'm liking every single second of it.

"Where do you want to start?" Dr. Sosa asks as I take a deep breath while getting comfortable on the couch in her office. My brain is a tangle of thoughts and emotions, and I'm not sure where to begin.

Ruffling my hair in frustration, I answer honestly. "I don't know, Doc. I have so many things going on in my head. On one hand, I'm feeling hopeful about this girl I've been chatting with on the app. On the other, I'm feeling so guilty that I enjoy talking with this other girl while trying not to speak with Cattleya." I can't look into Dr. Sosa's eyes; I feel ashamed that I'm still hung up on something that happened so long ago. It could have been fixed, if I only had spoken with her.

"And why do you think you couldn't speak with Cattleya? Do you think that now that you're feeling more comfortable with other girls, you could approach her, and clear things up?"

I chuckle at the doc's question; they're always the hardest. "I hate to say this but, I don't know. Maybe I'm hung up on the idea of her? It was four years ago, but everytime I think about her, a rush of emotions invades my body. She's truly the first girl who made me feel something besides lust." I pause, thinking about those nights I spent with her, chatting until sunrise, being amazed by her witt, her drive. She was ready to eat the world at eighteen, and she's doing just that at twenty-two.

"Maybe, I mean. I know at some point I have to. Her sister is married to one of my best friends.I know I won't be able to avoid her forever, especially now that she lives here in Argentina. What the fuck I am going to tell her?"

Once I realize my slip, I apologize, and Dr. Sosa waves me off. "Let's practice. Pretend I'm Cattleya. We see each other on the street, and there's no way you can avoid me. What would you say to me?"

Taking a deep breath, I try to visualize Cattleya: those curious warm amber eyes that looked at me with undivided attention are on me, and a fire lights up inside me. A genuine smile forms on my lips. Pulling my bottom lip with my thumb and index fingers, I say, "So, how are you? It's been a long time."

Dr. Sosa smiles and follows my lead. "Oh, Matías, wow. Hi. It's been so long."

I laugh at her bubbliness. She's definitely trying to act like a twenty-two-year-old woman. "You got her vibes down to a T, Doc. Cattleya is always so bubbly and full of life," I say as I remember how her happiness was infectious to anyone around her .

"There you go Matías. If she's a happy person, why are you afraid of her reaction?"

I raise my shoulders and my hands.

"I think I'm scared to confirm I fucked up my chance with her." Releasing a long breath, I feel lighter. I finally voiced what had been eating at me all this time. "And now that I think about it, I've been an idiot of unmeasurable proportions," I say as I chuckle. "I mean, if I fucked it up, there's nothing else I can do. But I owe it to myself to close that chapter of my life. And if that's the case, I'll move on."

Dr. Sosa closes her notebook. With a triumphant smile, she says, "I'm glad you see it that way. I think it's a great course of action. Maybe we can focus next on the source of your anxiety? I think it'd help you navigate through the moments when the anxiety tries to take control of your mind."

I raise my eyebrows in shock. "Doc, I don't know if I can keep doing this. Even though I'm very happy to see things in a different light, I'm not sure if I can keep putting my feelings out there week after week. It's exhausting."

A warm smile spreads across Dr. Sosa's face. "Of course. I know emotions run high, and it can feel exhausting at times but if you truly want to be in charge of your emotions, I suggest you continue your therapy. I'll always be here whenever you are ready to continue."

Nodding, I give her a smile. "Thank you, Doc. I'm glad I came. You've helped me tremendously." Then I head out of her office feeling ready to move on, even though the little voice in my head tells me Dr. Sosa might be right.