9. Wade

nine

wade

It seems I work better when I'm angry. By the time kids start arriving at school, the garden is mostly ready. Someone will have to come out and sift the dirt to separate it from what sod I couldn't remove, but that's for Lemon to figure out.

I don't know how long she stood there, watching me move earth, but it was for a good chunk of time. I suspected she wanted me to turn the rototiller off so she could justify her comment about Goldie, but I didn't. There isn't anything she could say to change the words coming from her mouth.

Sitting in my truck while I wait for my mom to bring Goldie to school, I scroll through the photos I have saved. Inadvertently, I somehow click on the folders and one I have dedicated to Lemon shows on my screen. My thumb hovers over the icon while my mind goes back and forth on whether I should click on it.

A horn honks, getting my attention. I look out my window at my daughter—the only female to hold the key to my heart—waving excitedly at me. I get out and put my phone in my back pocket. I don't need photos of Lemon to remind me of what we had or how much I loved her. Hell, most of me still loves her, but I've resigned myself to accepting we'll never be anything but a memory.

I open the passenger side of my mom's car and wait for Goldie to unbuckle. She launches into my arms, as if she hasn't seen me for days or weeks, not hours. There is nothing better than the love of a child. She completes me in ways I could never imagine.

"How was breakfast with Grandma?" I ask as I set her down.

"Good. She made me pancakes."

"Grandma's pancakes are the best!"

I lean into my mom's car. "Plans this morning?"

"Not really," she says. "I have a few articles to write but nothing pressing." My mom is a writer for our newspaper. Not that much happens in Magnolia. The once-a-week publication is loved by everyone in town though, so it's not going anywhere anytime soon, despite the internet trying to put print out of business.

"Meet me at Jitterbug Coffee?"

"I'll go get us a table."

I tap the top of her car and then reach for Goldie's hand. It's not my intention to walk her into school every day, but I will as long as boys think they can pick on her. Once I find out who it is, I plan to go to their house and speak with their parents. I won't tolerate kids picking on my daughter, let alone other kids. That shit only escalates the older they get if it's not nipped in the bud now.

After making my presence known in Goldie's class and speaking briefly with her teacher, I head to the office with my bill in hand. After the morning encounter with Lemon, I made sure to add the overtime I hadn't planned to bill the school for.

As luck would have it, Lemon's standing at the counter when I walk in. I set the bill on the counter. "Ms. Walsh, here's my bill for the garden."

She picks it up and her eyes widen. "Wade, this is . . . well, way more than I expected."

"After hours work is double my normal rate," I tell her.

"You did the work this morning." She points the obvious.

"According to my website, my hours are from eight a.m. to five p.m. I was on-site this morning at five in the morning, doing a rush, emergency job for you." I take the invoice from her and jot down another number and cross out the total, changing it to reflect the now emergency fee I calculated in my head. "Sorry, I forgot to add the additional fee in."

Behind her, Jean snickers. It's very telling how she knows what's up. Believe me, it hasn't gone unnoticed that if the elementary school needs something, it's Jean who asks, never Lemon. Moving forward, I'm going to break that cycle. She can't continue to hide behind her secretary.

"This is way over budget," Lemon says quietly.

"Oh crap," I say as I pull my phone out and open my invoicing app. "Let me check the estimate I submitted when you inquired about the project." I pretend to scroll, act like I'm frustrated, and then sigh. "Huh, that's odd. I don't see the estimate here." I close my phone and look at Lemon. "Oh, right. Because there isn't one."

Lemon fights hard not to roll her eyes. It's an expression I've seen many times. Back in the day, I used to think it was cute. Today, it pisses me off. "Why you are being like this?" she asks under her breath.

I shake my head. "Have a good day, Ms. Walsh." I exit and then turn around. "Fix the bullying issue without embarrassing my daughter or I'm going to the school board."

"Wade—"

I don't give her a chance to give me some fancy pants rebuttal or lame excuse. On my way out, I peek through the window of Goldie's class and see her at her desk, smiling. I hope her grin stays there all day and she can actually enjoy herself.

When I finally make it to Jitterbug Coffee, the morning crowd has dissipated. I wave at Emma Sullivan who is a barista by day and bartender at night over at River's Edge, as I make my way over to one of the tables in the corner. My mom sits there, sipping on a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Wade," Emma says when she brings a cup over to me. "Black?"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you."

My mom leans forward and whispers. "So, why are we meeting?"

"I had a run in with Lemon this morning."

Her eyes widen and I shake my head. "Not like that." If Lemon and I had the kind of run in I wanted, I don't know if I'd be telling my mom about it. I'd probably find the tallest cliff and scream it at the top of my lungs or call my best friend Jed. As is, the conversation we had left a lot to be desired and I'm not sure how to proceed. In all the years, I haven't been able to shut off or change my feelings about her, and even now I'm wondering if she meant what she said.

"Anyway, this is going to sound odd, but I think she's jealous of Goldie."

"What?" Mom's face scrunches. "That's the silliest thing I've ever heard."

"Right, but she said something this morning and now I can't get it out of my mind."

"Let's start at the beginning, Wade. First of all, talking to Lemon is a good thing. When was the last time you spoke to her?"

I adjust my hat and sigh. "The day I went and told her about Ana being pregnant. She slammed her door in my face after telling me she never ever wanted to speak to me again."

"So, did you do all the talking then?"

I shake my head. "Nope, she started in on me at five-thirty this morning. Yammering about how it's too early to work and how she was going to call Declan."

"Did she?"

"Nope." I take a drink of my coffee. "Kept talking though, which I liked because that's huge progress."

"And you're still alive," Mom says.

"There's that." I laugh and take another drink. "But the talking turns to arguing, which doesn't surprise me because we haven't resolved any of those feelings from years ago. When I brought up the shit that happened at school, Lemon said something that struck me as odd."

"That she's madly in love with you?"

A smirk plays on my lips. I'd be over the moon happy if she'd said that. "No, she brought up me cheating on her?—"

"You were on a break!" Mom whisper yells and throws her hands up. "I swear that child . . ."

"You know this and so do I. She doesn't believe we were. Anyway, she said something that gave me pause." I wait for my mom to interrupt me, but she doesn't. She raises her eyebrow as if I'm stalling. I clear my throat. "She asked if I cared how it made her feel to see Goldie every day."

"What?"

"Odd?"

"Very."

I nod. "Yeah, so I started thinking. Do you think Lemon's jealous of Goldie?"

Mom sits back in her chair and fiddles with her mug while contemplating. Her face scrunches in concentration and then softens. "I could see her being jealous of Ana, but Goldie? Marigold is an innocent child in all of this."

"I know, but I can't help but think it's what Lemon's feeling. I don't know. I think back to Meet Your Teacher Night and she was cold. I expect her to treat me like that, but not Goldie. Not one of her students."

"Lemon was hurt by . . ." She motions toward me and the empty space next to me. "But it's been years, Wade. Surely, she's over it."

I finish my coffee just in time for Emma to come over with a fresh cup. I thank her and take a sip, not caring if it's scalding. I need the burn to keep me focused.

"Hear me out," I say. "I move back as soon as I graduate, but she doesn't. She stays in North Carolina and gets her masters, which was never the plan. Plans change, I get it. But when she does come back, she does everything she can to avoid me. Lemon never goes down to River's Edge, you never see her in here. I don't deal with her when it comes to the landscaping needs at the elementary school. She isn't here during the summer when Goldie is. But now . . ." I pause and shake my head. "Now she has to see me because of Goldie. She can't avoid me, and she can't avoid Goldie, no matter how hard she tries."

"Sweetie, this doesn't equate jealousy."

"No, but if Goldie looked like me and not Ana, I don't think we'd be sitting here having this conversation. Goldie is a spitting image of Ana except she has my hair color. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to deduce my daughter looks like her mother if you've just met her."

"True." Mom takes a drink of her coffee. "But jealousy?"

"Lemon and I had plans, Mom. Buy a house, get married, and have kids. Then things happened. Not in that order and not with her. If Ana hadn't gotten pregnant, I firmly believe Lemon and I would be married by now, raising our own family."

It's as if a lightbulb went off for my mom. She nods. "I can see it now."

"So you can see it's strange?"

Mom's shoulder lifts. "Maybe she's harboring feelings for you. Like you are for her."

I scoff, but Mom isn't wrong. "When I saw her earlier, she was wearing my old ball cap. She had taken it to school with her. I hadn't thought about that hat in a long time, and then I saw it on her today and I don't know."

"You miss her?"

Shaking my head, I pick up my mug and take another sip. "I miss the old Lemon. I don't know this one well enough to know if the girl I fell in love with all those years ago is still in there or not."

"Maybe you should find out."

A loud cackle escapes my mouth. "Nah, I value my life way too much to talk to her. Besides, if my suspicions are correct and she's jealous of Goldie, then what? My daughter isn't going anywhere, and I'd never be with someone who couldn't accept my daughter. Not to mention, Ana's in my life and I'm not sure Lemon would be able to deal with that."

My mom reaches across the table and places her hand on mine. "I said talk to her, Wade. I didn't say invite her into your life and rekindle things. Neither of you ever got any closure from the breakup. Maybe it's time."

"Closure?"

"Yeah, closure. Call her or go see her. Hash things out and move on. Never know, it might help the both of you, and in turn help Lemon see Goldie differently."

"Okay, I'll try." I suppose it's the least I can do.

We finish our coffee, leave enough money to cover the bill plus tip, and head in our separate directions for the day.