4. Lemon

four

lemon

"You did what?" Leslie screeches.

I plop down onto the couch and fall to my side with a melodramatic groan. After seeing Leslie last week and sharing a pitcher or two of margaritas, she volunteered to come to Magnolia Grove on Meet Your Teacher Night just in case I needed her.

I totally needed her.

"Tell me again what he said."

"He said, ‘Hi, Le-Lemon' and he looked freaking adorable and kissable and just so damn manly with the sleeves of his T-shirt stretched around his muscles and I . . ." I cover my face with my hand and weep.

"I can't believe you asked if you knew him."

"What is wrong with me?"

"The list is long," Leslie says with zero hesitation. "If you would've called, I would've had the margs going. I'll need a minute."

Within seconds, I can hear Leslie moving around in my kitchen. My apartment isn't huge, but it works for me until the house I want to buy comes on the market. Well, there are a group of them, all along the river, and I'm biding my time until one goes up for sale. I have the down payment and then some. The only problem with where I want to live is Wade lives there. He bought a house in the location where we always talked about living someday.

Asshole .

Leslie returns and kicks my foot with hers. Slowly, I open one eye, look at her, and try to discern the expression on her face. Regardless of whatever goes on in my life, she's on my side. It's part of our bestie pact. We always have each other's backs. But I know she likes—or liked—Wade the times she met him back in college. He would come visit and he always treated her with the utmost respect and included her in everything we did.

I take the proffered drink and sit up. After a sip, I set it on the coffee table in front of me, which is littered with gossip, fashion, and love life magazines. One catches my attention. I reach for it and flip to the page that says where I can find out who my soulmate is.

"Don't do it," Leslie warns. "It's such a waste of time."

"Says the one who is happily married."

"You could be happily married by now," she says, rubbing it in. I don't know if she's right or wrong. I do know I haven't been happy in a long time, and part of me wonders if I've ruined any chance at happiness. At times, I think Wade is who I was meant to be with but, then we . . . well, he messed that up and I haven't forgiven him.

And it seems I haven't gotten over it yet. I thought I had, but then I saw her—his daughter and everything came rushing back.

I take another drink and set the glass down. "She looks just like her ."

"It's expected."

My head shakes as my heart aches. "I've done so well putting her out of my mind because I never had to see her. When she was here for the summer, I could be gone. I had things down to a science and now . . ."

"Maybe she'll move back to Jacksonville soon."

One could hope. "Maybe Wade will move there or something."

"You'd be more depressed than you are now."

I smirk. "Yes and no. I do a pretty good job of avoiding places he goes. I never head to the bar, and I always go to the grocery store when I know he's busy mowing. I even have a system at work where Jean is the one to handle all the landscaping issues."

Listening to my rationale makes me groan. I plop back, my head landing softly on the beige-colored pillow. "When did my life become so complicated?"

Leslie chuckles, and I glance toward her. She lifts her wrist, looking at the watch that isn't there and says, "Your senior year of college when you convinced yourself you were better off single."

"You helped."

"Actually, I didn't."

"I mean . . . sort of." I shrug, hoping she feels the least bit sorry for me. The truth is, Wade and I were "missing" each other. Not only with the long-distance relationship, but calls weren't being returned, and when they were, we both were accusatory toward each other. "What could be more important than talking to me?" Those conversations turned into fights, and I saw how Leslie was with her boyfriend and yearned for some balance and normalcy. I asked for a break.

And got it in spades.

"I don't know how I'm going to make it through the year, Les." Shaking my head, I sit up and reach for my drink. "I'm not going to be able to ignore her or him, and I honestly don't know how I'm going to keep my emotions in check. I think that's why I asked if I knew him because it's easier than looking into his baby blues and remembering everything."

"Have you considered sitting and talking to him?"

Another shake.

"Why not?"

With a slight shrug, I glance her way. "And say what? Why did you cheat on me? Why did you run to the first person to give you attention?" Did I mean so little to you after so many years that you'd jump into bed with someone the same night I asked for a break?"

"For all he knew, you did the same thing."

"But I didn't." I stand and begin to pace.

"Wade doesn't know that, Lemon. He probably thinks you broke up with him because you liked someone else."

"We didn't break up."

"That's the classic he said, she said shit. You call it a break, in the terms of a pause. Whatever the fuck a pause means. He called it a breakup, which means he's free to do whatever the hell he wants."

I turn to her. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"I am always on your side, but I'm also on the side of reason," she says. "Do I think what he did was okay? Not really. Would I be pissed if it happened to me? Absolutely. Is it time to let bygones be bygones? Probably."

Walking toward my patio slider, I look out over the apartment complex pool. There is a group of kids in there right now, splashing and having fun. Wade and I used to go to the community pool back in the day, after he mowed lawns in the morning. He would always pay for me even though we were only friends at the time.

Or maybe we weren't, and I was just too na?ve to realize what was happening between us.

Those days, back when we were tweens becoming teens, were so simple. We had zero expectations of each other but always showed up for one another. By the time I was sixteen, he was the only one I wanted to hang out with. Wade Jenkins knows everything about me and there isn't a doubt in my mind he knew I was lying when I asked him that ridiculous question earlier.

I groan and tap my head lightly on the glass door. "What is wrong with me?"

"Well," Leslie says as she comes to stand next to me. "The list is long, but it starts with how you never got over Wade."

"That's not true."

Leslie's eyebrow pops up, questioning me. "Name one man or woman you've fallen in love with since you and Wade broke up."

There are none .

"I've been busy," I tell her. "I had to finish my teaching degree and then get my masters. That's a lot of studying."

"That's nothing but excuses, Lemon. And you know it. There have been countless men asking you out on dates. Each time, you've turned them down. I even tried to set you up with Matt's cousin at my wedding, but you were disinterested. Why? Because you're either still in love with Wade or you need closure. Right now, closure would be easier, so talk to him. Get this shit off your chest so you can move on."

She's right.

"With Matt's cousin?" I ask without looking at her.

"Nope, he got married last year."

Of course he did.

I feel a headache coming on and tell Leslie I'll see her in the morning. She pulls me into her arms, hugging me for what feels like an hour.

"Everything will be fine," she says as she releases me.

I'm grateful for her and our friendship. I'm not sure where I'd be without her, and I'm even more appreciative of her work-from-home job. Because of it, Leslie's free to do whatever the hell she wants and can cater to my neurotic behavior at the drop of a hat. Although, while she enjoys working from home, it's not for me. I can't imagine staring at the same wall, day in and day out. At least with my job, I can see the many faces of my students and staff, go outside whenever I want, and travel. There is also always some seminar, continuing education classes, or a symposium I have to attend.

As soon as I'm buried under my blankets, I stare at the ceiling. What's left of the sunlight peaks through the slight opening in my curtains and casts rays above me. I hate that everything now makes me think of Wade and the life we had or should've had.

Back then, life was simple, or we made it seem simple. In high school, we were the "it" couple. The ones who won junior and senior prom king and queen. The ones everyone wanted to hang out with. The ones everyone thought would make it ‘til the end.

Maybe we would've if I hadn't asked for a break.

I didn't know a break meant forever. I thought we'd take a few days, reassess our priorities, and figure out why we weren't connecting. Was it him? Or me? Both of us? Whatever it was, it was enough for me to need a moment.

The problem was, Wade didn't feel the same way. He begged me not to break up with him, and back then, I thought he was desperate, and I felt like I was doing the right thing. And then I began missing him, crying myself to sleep at night because he wasn't in my life. My friends at the time told me I'd get over him, that I was only missing the thought of him and not actually the physical part of him.

They were wrong.

The heartbreak never subsided and only increased when I finally returned his calls. I was too late though, and our lives had irreversibly changed. There was no going back.

Over the years, I've told myself I'm good. I've healed.

I thought this was the case until I read his daughter's name.

Tears cloud my vision. I blink and they trail down the sides of my face, stopping before they reach my ears. My life could've been so different had I answered his first call later that day or even his second, but I ignored him. Each time my phone rang, I told myself I'm doing the right thing.

Only the right thing turned out to be the wrong thing.

More tears come and I chide myself for crying over my life from eight years ago. I can't change the past and my future is . . . well, it'll be whatever I make of it. Leslie's right though, I need to put Wade and his daughter out of my mind and focus on my future. I'm sure her husband has another cousin or even a coworker who's single and ready to take on a woman who hasn't been able to heal from her own heartbreak.

Yep, I'd totally run for the hills if Leslie said this about any prospective guy. Shaking my head, I roll onto my side and stare at my phone. If only a phone call was so easy.