19. Ivan

19

IVAN

I slept better than I can remember having slept in a long time. I wasn't entirely sure why that was, until I woke up on top of Charlotte, and realized what must have happened.

I spent the night curled around her. The first time I've slept next to a woman all night that I can recall—and it meant nothing. Nothing to her, anyway.

That shake of her head when I asked if it would be real felt like that knife slicing through me all over again, so hot and sharp that I half expected to see my blood on her hands. A physical cut might have hurt less.

The tension between us is as thick as ever as we leave. I'm short with her, my frustration making me wound tight, and there's no solution for it. None that I'm willing to give into, anyway. I got myself off in the shower last night, and again this morning before I dressed after I left her in bed, but it's like patting an itch you want to scratch. It barely takes the edge off.

All that will satisfy me is her. And I refuse to fuck her again until she's willing to admit that it's me she wants. Just like this, just as I am.

Those thoughts dig at me all day, only agitating my already bitter mood. But all of it flies out of my head when we pull into the Starview Motel for the night, the only one in the one-red-light town that we just drove through, and I see two familiar figures leaning against a silver Acura.

I know that car. And I know my brothers, even from the distance we're at, as I slow down.

I slam the car into park, and Charlotte gasps.

"Shouldn't we be running?" she whispers, and I shake my head sharply, drawing my gun.

"I'm going to make sure they don't chase us again," I growl, that frustrated need that's been chewing at me all day morphing into a thirst for violence. I want either sex or blood right now, and where one isn't possible, the other is a decent enough substitute.

"They're your brothers?—"

"Stay here." The words come out sharp, clipped, and I leave the car running as I open the door and step out onto the pavement, the gun visible next to my side as I stride towards the two of them.

Both Niki and Ani push off the side of the car, taking a step towards me. I narrow my eyes when I see that neither of them appears to have a weapon in their hands.

"Ivan," Niki calls out first, raising his hands slightly to show that they're empty. "Talk to us."

"The only thing I want coming out of your mouth is your own blood," I snarl, my finger brushing against the trigger of my gun as I stride closer. "I'm done with this bullshit, Niki. I'm done being chased by you two and the fucking FBI."

Niki blanches slightly. "Why?—"

"None of your fucking business." I raise the gun, aiming it at him. "I said, I'm done with this."

"Ivan—"

I'm on him in another stride, backing him towards the car. I shove my gun into the hollow of his throat just as I see Ani slip his hand out of his pocket, a switch knife in his fingers. In one swift movement, I reach out with my left hand, grabbing the handle and Ani's fingers at the same time, and twisting hard enough that I hear them pop.

Ani lets out a high shriek, stumbling back, and I shove the gun harder against Niki's throat.

"I've been running a wild goose chase ever since we left Illinois," I snarl. "How are you finding us? How did you even catch up to us so fast?" I see Ani moving towards me again, and I hold up a finger, glaring at him sideways. "Keep moving, and I'll blow his throat open."

I honestly don't know if the threat will work. If it was Lev, he'd tell me to go ahead and fucking kill him. But Ani and Niki have always had the common thread of being my father's bonus children, the ones he ignores until he needs to use them for something, and I have a feeling that's created a bond between them. It's what I'm banking on, and as I see Ani hesitate, I know it was the right call.

Ani slowly puts his hands up, backing down. "Fine," he says shortly. "Lev managed to get the security footage of Charlotte's apartment building. He saw you leaving with her in the car you were driving before. He sent some guys to follow up on your decoys, and when none of them led him to you, he figured you'd just taken Charlotte out of town and were making a run for it. And he was right, obviously."

"And he followed us how?" I jolt the barrel against Niki's throat again, and he coughs.

"It's hard to disappear now. The whole fucking world is on camera all the time, man." Ani shakes his head. "Traffic cameras, gas station security—and Lev won't falter at getting what he wants. He's fucking violent, and he'll hurt anyone, threaten anything to get results. You know that."

I do know that. Lev's brutality makes him an inefficient torturer, but it yields results in almost every other aspect of the Bratva world. If he needs or wants something, there is no moral code standing in his way. He'll stop at nothing.

"Well, he's not with you two idiots now." I lower the gun slowly, keeping it poised in case either of them gets any ideas. "So where is he? And how did you find us?"

"I'm not a complete idiot," Niki chokes out, rubbing the base of his throat. "And I'm not fucking telling you where Lev is. It's not worth my life to do that. But it wasn't fucking hard to figure out where the two of you would be. Every time we've run across you or almost caught up, you've been staying at the shittiest motels in existence. There was only one of those in this town, and based on how much time you've been making, you were probably gonna stop here. We gambled, and it worked out." He shrugs.

"Except it didn't," I snap. "Because I'm not going to let you two assholes just walk out of here."

Niki looks at me levelly. "Why not?" He keeps talking before I can answer, his gaze narrowed in on me. "Give us the girl. You've got to be bored with her by now, anyway. We'll take her straight back to Dima, as we're supposed to. Lev wants to get his hands on her first, but we'll make sure he doesn't. We'll say we're following otets orders, and get her right back to Chicago. And then it won't be the worst thing. You know what kind of clients otets sells to. And she's gorgeous. She'll end up some billionaire's toy or in a prince's harem. She'll live a life of luxury, and you get to go on your way, writing yourself a new future. That's what you wanted, isn't it?" Niki narrows his eyes. "To get out? To leave? Do that, while we're all distracted getting the girl back to otets . Get the fuck out."

"Dima will be angry with you for not bringing me back, too. So will Lev."

"We'll deal with that. The girl is what he really wants. He'll believe she'll lure you back. And when she doesn't, he'll sell her and try to find you some other way. But by then, you'll be long gone."

Not all that long ago, with anyone else, I would have been tempted to take the deal, even as abhorrent as I find my father's flesh peddling to be. My efforts to stop my father's trafficking are an attempt at some small measure of redemption, after all, and redemption never comes without temptation. But in the end, I know I'd still say no. I haven't come this far and put myself in this much danger to let my father get away with it in the end.

And with Charlotte at the crux of it all, there's not a chance in hell.

"Ivan?" I hear her voice a second later, far too close for her to still be in the car, and I have a feeling she's heard more of the conversation than I'd like. My chest tightens at the thought that she might have thought even for a second that I'd turn her over to them, and I move fast as a striking snake, the gun wedged against Niki's throat again.

"Is this what you really want?" I hiss, grinding the barrel into his skin. "You and Ani both? To be Lev's lackeys, my father's spares, used and discarded and only cared about for what small, petty services you can provide for the family? You should be running, too, if only because it's the only chance either of you have at not being ground up in the disposal of Lev's whims when Dima dies, and you're no longer needed."

I feel Niki's throat move against the gun, but his gaze is full of disdain as he stares at me. "I'm not stupid enough to think that the brief time we'd be free is worth the death Lev would mete out when we're caught."

"I'm running. And you just tried to get me to hand over Charlotte by saying that by the time Dima came after me again, I'd be long gone. So do you think it's possible to get out, or not?"

Niki flinches, and his gaze flicks sideways. It's the only thing that keeps me from being taken completely down by Ani rushing me, Charlotte's cry of warning coming a second too late.

As it is, I'm knocked to one side, my finger bumping the trigger of my gun and sending a bullet into the pavement. Charlotte screams, and I hear the patter of her feet as she starts to run for the car. Ani veers towards her, going straight to grab her, and without a thought, I pivot and put a bullet in his knee.

He drops to the ground, screaming, grabbing at his leg with both hands, even the one I just injured. I see Niki coming for me out of the corner of my eye, a switchblade in one hand and the other pulling a gun out of his waistband, and I swing my arm out towards him, shooting without looking.

I don't want to kill him. I truly don't. But in that moment, getting to Charlotte is all that matters. I hear Niki's cry of pain, mingling with Ani's, and hear him stagger back and hit the pavement, and I look to see Charlotte almost to the car, flinging herself inside.

I look back, just once. Niki is holding his stomach, blood flowing out from between his fingertips. It could kill him, I know that—and I also know that I could kill him right now.

I could kill them both. I could end one-third of the threat to Charlotte, and to myself. Lev would still be wherever he is—probably already in Vegas—and Bradley would still be after me, but Niki and Ani would be dead.

My finger brushes the trigger. I should do it. But I feel my gut twist at the thought of ending their miserable lives that have been spent as nothing more than pawns, as my father's knives in the dark, and not even particularly sharp ones.

I could say it would be mercy, but it doesn't particularly feel like that. And more than anything else, I selfishly don't want Charlotte to see me kill them.

I don't know if she would look at me the same, after that. I doubt that she would. Whatever flicker of desire and caring that led her to kiss me back last night, to offer me the bed instead of leaving me to sleep on the floor, would be extinguished by seeing me do something so brutal.

So instead, I turn and jog towards the waiting car.

Charlotte is dead silent as I veer out of the parking lot, leaving the two men as I speed out onto the open road. The truth is that Niki will probably be dead by tomorrow, anyway. But at least she didn't see me put the final bullet in him.

"We're going to have to keep going." I press my lips tightly together, looking ahead at the darkened road. My adrenaline is high, so I don't feel tired right now, but before we pulled into that parking lot, I was exhausted. It will catch up with me again before long, and I don't really know what to do about that. "I didn't want to have to ask you to drive, especially since there's always a chance that someone will be on our tail, but it might be unavoidable. Niki and Ani will be out of commission for a bit, but Lev might still be out there, and they've figured out what kind of motels we're staying at."

"So—do we stay at nicer hotels? With like—key cards and security?"

I shake my head. "For one thing, we're going to be hard-pressed to find anything like that out here. For another, that opens up a whole other can of worms—people who can be questioned about us, cameras, all that shit that can be used to track us."

"We can't just keep driving straight through." Charlotte runs a hand through her hair. "Even switching off, we'll be exhausted."

"It's possible. It won't be pleasant, but we can do it." I shrug, as if every fiber of my body weren't clambering to lie down right now. I'd even take the floor happily. The days on the run are catching up with me, and I'm fucking exhausted.

"Why don't we camp?" Charlotte asks suddenly, the suggestion coming entirely out of the blue. "Somewhere off the beaten path. We're in Montana, there's got to be places for that, right?"

The suggestion startles me, and I glance sideways at her. "Not afraid of bears any longer?"

Charlotte grimaces. "They're hibernating by now, aren't they? It's almost Halloween."

I shrug. "Most of them, probably. But are you actually serious? You want to go camping?"

She drops her gaze to her lap, and I instantly regret making light of it. "I never have," she says finally. "Another one of those things I always wanted to do, and didn't. Like— actual camping. I could have probably talked Jaz, Sarah, and Zoe into glamping, but pitching a tent and gathering firewood and all of that? They'd all have broken out in hives."

My chest tightens, hearing the way she talks about them. I can hear the sadness in her voice, the yearning knowing that she'll never see her friends again. And it's my fault. The thought feels like a cudgel, beating me until I feel a steady ache in my bones.

"One of those bucket list things, I guess," Charlotte says, shrugging. "And I have no idea what my life looks like after leaving Vegas a new woman, so?—"

She trails off, and I can hear the forced casualness in her voice as she says that, too. She's afraid of what her life will be afterward, I can tell. And I can hardly blame her.

"Let's do it," I tell her, and I see her look sharply over at me, clearly surprised by my acquiescence. "Why not? It's a little cold, but not too cold yet." And we can cuddle for warmth. I almost say it, but stop myself at the last moment. I don't want to ruin the way she's suddenly starting to smile, a flicker of excitement in her expression.

"Really?" she asks, and I nod.

"We'll have to stop for some supplies. I don't think this car came outfitted for camping." I grin at her, and she raises an eyebrow.

"Are we going to steal those, too?" she asks archly, and I chuckle, shaking my head.

"No, I think those we can just buy."

We stop at the next decent-sized town we drive through, going to a 24-hour Walmart that should sell tents, a lantern, and anything else we might need. I gather all of it up, along with some food and a bottle of wine that I snuck into the supplies, and we take it back out to the car, loading it into the back before I get it started again.

There's a definite chill in the air. It's not exactly ideal camping weather, but I'm not about to discourage Charlotte. I look at the road atlas for the nearest campground, one that doesn't come with a lodge, amenities, and cameras, but is just an out-of-the-way spot where a traveler can stop. I hope that no one else will be there—if there are other campers, we're going to have to keep moving. I can't risk others seeing us, or putting others in danger by being nearby in case we are found. But when I drive down the path leading through the trees to the open space, it's entirely empty.

Entirely ours, just for tonight.

It's a beautiful view. The flat, open space is fringed with trees, a lake visible just beyond, shimmering black under the night sky with just a flicker of moonlight glinting across it. Charlotte shivers a little when we step out of the car, and when I look at her, she shakes her head quickly.

"I'm not too cold," she says, fast enough that her words almost trip over each other. "Don't worry about it."

Her eagerness not to leave tells me just how happy she is that we made this decision. And I wouldn't ruin it for the world.

"We'll be warmed up once we get everything ready," I tell her with a grin.

"I don't actually know how to do any of it." Her mouth twists as she looks at the bag with the tent and stakes. "I don't think I'll be very much help."

"I don't mind you watching." I raise my eyebrow, a clear innuendo in my words, and Charlotte looks away with a blush.

She gets the rest of the supplies out of the car as I start to put the tent up, the two of us working in relative silence at first. There's the sound of the wind rustling the trees and the lap of the lake further off, and it's so peaceful that I almost jump when Charlotte speaks a moment later.

"Are you okay?" she asks softly, and I freeze, startled by both the words themselves and the genuine concern that I can hear in her voice.

"I'm fine." It comes out more curt than I mean for it to, a defense against how badly I want her caring. "Why?"

"I just—" She pauses for a second. "I just wanted to know. After?—"

"I'm fine," I repeat, more gently this time. "I'm not unused to that kind of violence, Charlotte."

She chews on her lip, setting down the firewood starters that I bought. "Would you really have killed your brothers?" she asks a moment later, looking up at me.

"They would have killed us, if I hadn't stopped them," I say quietly. I bring the mallet down, driving a stake in harder than I strictly need to. "But I didn't kill them."

"No, but you—" She pauses again, clearly struggling for what to say. "You hurt them."

"Didn't you hear what they offered me?" I drive another stake in, hard. "What they would have done to you? I had no other choice."

"They're your brothers." Charlotte sits down heavily as I finish setting up the tent, looking at the spot where I'll build a fire in a moment. "I just?—"

"I know you can't imagine it." I move next to her, where the campsite's firepit is, and start to stack wood and take out the kindling. "But, Charlotte?—"

This is it, I realize. We'll be in Vegas before too much longer, and we're going to have to make fast time over the next few days. I relented tonight, because Charlotte wanted so badly to go camping, and I wanted to give her that experience. If I'm being honest, I wanted to share it with her. I wanted to be here, with her, out in the woods all alone together, grasping for the glimmers of romance in this moment.

But what this really is, is a chance to tell her the rest of the truth. What I am, what I've done. The kind of man I've been. Because, after all, I've been asking her if it would be real if we were together again, without actually letting her see all of what that would look like.

Even if she said yes, it couldn't be the truth unless she knows all of the truth. And so, I drag in a deep breath, looking over at her as the wood starts to catch fire.

"There's more that I should tell you," I say quietly. "If you're willing to listen."