Chapter 32

D riving gave Lila time to think. And she had a lot of thinking to do.

Along with their propensity to vacuum perfectly symmetrical carpet lines as pristine as the mowed grass at Yankee Stadium and their proclivity to gather weekly for extended family dinners, the Alexanders were legendary for their love of driving. Which might seem to be a strange identifier, but there was something woven into the Alexander family DNA that practically dictated that road trips and long drives were necessary for their survival. Lila had fond memories of her Grandpa Alexander driving in his car, a custom-sized cup holder for his 64-ounce soda clipped to the inside of his door.

Her parents were the same, driving around the country in their decidedly fuel-inefficient Suburban, and Lila had fond memories of the open road, of seeing the landscape morph and change.

After what had happened with King in their bathroom, after what had continued to happen in the days since, Lila knew she needed a little space. After their first encounter, she'd been left reeling. Seeing King like that again, after all this time, was overwhelming. After the first time in the bathroom, she vowed it was just a one-time thing, something brought about by a sudden burst of lust that would hopefully wane quickly.

But then, the next day, she heard a faint knocking on her interior door and opened it to find King standing there, again stripped down to his underwear, a feral gleam in his eye, his arousal visible. Like he knew she needed relief as much as he did. Silently, she'd retrieved another vibrator from her stash and followed him into the bathroom. This time, however, she'd stripped down so she was just wearing her bra, much to King's delight. Last night? She'd almost taken the bra off too.

They didn't talk about it. Whatever happened between them in the bathroom stayed in the bathroom. And then they'd go to class and he'd come into the restaurant with the guys, and she'd go to his games, and they were the textbook definition of friends.

But it was all messing with her head. She tried to rationalize it by telling herself that everything was fine because they weren't actually touching each other; that maybe this was a thing that friends could do together. The problem was, she wanted him to touch her. She wanted to be the one touching him . She wanted to feel him inside of her…and that was a huge problem. Because she'd been down that road, and it hadn't ended well.

So she'd thrown an overnight bag into her old Toyota 4Runner that she'd aptly inherited from her Grandpa Alexander and made the hour drive north to her childhood home.

It was late, so the freeway was mostly empty. Normally, Lila would listen to a playlist or a podcast, but that night, all she wanted was silence as she processed things out on the open road. Her mom had left a key under the mat, and Lila let herself in quietly. Though it was well past midnight, Lila's mom was up waiting for her in the kitchen, clad in one of her floral-patterned house dresses that she favored as pajamas.

And, even though it was barely fall, Diana Alexander had a cup of hot chocolate with extra marshmallows ready and waiting for her daughter.

"Thanks, Mama." Lila took a sip, and of course it was the perfect temperature.

"Anything for my angel girl," her mom replied with a tender smile, taking a sip of her own hot chocolate. They made some small talk about classes and how Wren was doing before Lila gathered up the courage to talk to her mom about what she actually wanted to talk to her about.

"So, Mom, first off, I'm sorry that I haven't been coming home as much. Work and school are busy, but that's not an excuse."

"While we'd love to see you more, I completely understand why you'd want to stay down at school, especially now that you don't have womb sounds for a roommate anymore," her mom responded with a tiny grin.

"Are you still bothered by the fact that I live with a group of guys?"

Her mother seemed to measure her words carefully before answering. "Lila, I'll admit that it's been difficult in some ways to see you grow up and to see the way that your life is diverging from the things that your father and I had always envisioned for you." She smiled a little sadly. "But I realized how narrow my vision was for you. Just because I didn't graduate college, married young, and had a bunch of babies doesn't mean that you should feel like you have to live that same life."

Diana took another drink. "I love my life; I love being your mom. I was lucky to find a man like your dad who has always loved and valued me and grown with me. We've fit the roles that were prescribed for us, and they've worked out for us just fine. But I understand that the opinions I've formed about marriage and gender roles based on how I was raised don't always fit into what's happening now."

She chuckled, "This is all my long-winded way of saying that although I may not always understand completely where you're coming from, I will always love you, and I will always try to be open and listen, without judgment. And if you feel like living with these roommates is the best thing for you, then I trust that to be the case. Because I trust you , Lila. You are strong, and intelligent, and brave, and are capable of the world."

Lila's heart warmed as she received her mother's loving words. It was one of the first times her mom had made her feel truly seen, and she was so glad she'd followed her gut and come home, if only for a day.

Her mom paused and then looked slightly pained. "And I'm really sorry we weren't better about having the sex talk with you. Expecting abstinence until marriage is really naive, so I hope that if you are sexually active, you're being safe. We're trying to do a better job with your siblings."

"I'm not going to pretend that this doesn't feel awkward, but I appreciate you bringing it up." Lila paused. "I'm being safe." She reached over and squeezed her mom's hand. "And thanks for always supporting me and loving me. You and Dad gave me a wonderful childhood full of so much love. I'm beginning to realize how rare that is."

Her mom looked at her knowingly. "What's his name, Lila?"

"King," she mumbled.

"That handsome, slightly broody athlete Layla and I saw when we came into the restaurant last year?"

Lila nodded.

"He's one of your roommates, isn't he?" Her mom tried to keep her voice modulated, and Lila smiled at her efforts.

"Yes, but things were over long before we were ever roommates. He and Knight kind of surprised me with it, and it really took me off guard." She exhaled. "Things didn't…end well with us, but he genuinely apologized and we're trying to start over as friends. He's made a lot of positive changes in his life. And he's overcome a lot."

"But…?" her mom prompted.

"I think I may still have non-platonic feelings for him. So I don't know if the whole friend thing is going to work out super well for us."

"For what it's worth, Layla said that he's crazy about you."

"Wait, what?" Her sister hadn't mentioned this juicy little detail to her, and they'd spent the whole weekend together.

"She said he didn't take his eyes off of you at the football game. Or ever, really, the entire time she was visiting. Plus, he went out of his way to make sure that your sister had a good time and felt comfortable. Which leads me to believe that he might feel the same way that you do."

"Doubtful," Lila snorted.

"Then he's an idiot, honey," Diana said matter-of-factly. "You've got a big heart and a great head on your shoulders. I doubt they'll steer you wrong."

"Thanks, Mom."

They sipped the rest of their hot chocolates in comfortable quiet and then headed up to bed.

* * *

The next day included her waking up to two eager sets of eyes, in the form of her two youngest brothers, Lance and Landon, ages nine and eleven respectively. Back when Lila still lived at home, this lack of privacy would have bothered her, but now, she didn't mind it so much.

She pulled back her covers so the three of them could all snuggle for a minute before they headed upstairs to join her parents, Layla, and her 14-year-old brother, Leo, for breakfast. In classic Erik Alexander fashion, her dad had made a delicious breakfast consisting of all of Lila's favorites: French toast, hash browns, and super crispy bacon.

The boys had various sports ball games, so Lila spent the bulk of the day with her family watching a couple of fall baseball games (Leo and Lance) and a soccer game (Landon) before she headed back down to Bradley.

While they were watching Leo's game, Layla sidled up to her sister and put an arm around her waist. "I've missed you."

"Same." Lila kissed Layla's cheek affectionately. "You'll have to come down for another visit sometime soon."

"So I can watch you and King make sexy eyes at each other the whole time? Count me in." She craned her neck to make sure their parents and brothers weren't paying attention and lowered her voice. "The sexual tension between the two of you is off the charts, sis. Off. The. Charts. Like that old-school video of Beyonce and Jay-Z when they're all up in that phone booth. Or, like, whenever Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes did their thing pre-breakup."

"And why exactly were you watching music videos made before you were even born?" Lila evaded.

"Because Ashley's mom is a huge fan and was playing the album the other day. So I did a Google deep dive. And voila! Phone booth shenanigans."

"Look at that internet coming through." Lila smiled. They turned their attention back to the game, but Lila knew that Layla wouldn't let the topic drop for long. "We're just friends, Layla. It's better that way, trust me."

Layla just snorted a laugh and said, "We'll see."

When it came time for her to drive home, she hugged everybody and made a firm promise to come to the next extended family dinner. She put on a 90s hip hop playlist she'd created to try to psyche herself up for the upcoming rebrand of the party formerly known as the married name of jock itch and toe jam.

With Wren's electronic help, she'd already picked out her outfit for the party. A thrifted vintage yellow baby doll dress that hit mid-thigh paired with platform sneakers that would've made the Spice Girls jealous. She figured if she got excited about the music and fashion elements of the party, she'd feel less anxiety. Because, if she was being perfectly honest, the last one hadn't ended well. Neither had last year's Halloween party. Lila was pretty sure that she had some Jock Row-related party issues, but couldn't avoid attending, seeing as how her place of residence was kind of the epicenter of the whole damn thing.

Her phone picked that moment to ring. Knight. She carefully put her earbuds in and answered the call.

"Please tell me you're on your way home," he whispered. "Someone has been really cranky since you left."

Of course her mind jumped directly to King, and her heart immediately started performing an elaborate gymnastics routine in her chest. But she played it cool, glad Knight wasn't there in person to read her facial expressions. "Bear? Pssh. Tell him I'll be home soon."

"I'm not talking about Bear and you know it," Knight hissed. "Seriously, Lila, he wasn't showy about it, but he kind of freaked out when you left. Almost like he thought you weren't coming back or something. Hold on." She could hear footsteps and stairs creaking, followed by a door closing. Knight's voice returned to a normal volume. "Seriously, Li, it's not like there's a sign-out sheet for our house, but we worry about you."

Lila winced. "I mean, I let you know I was going, you know, for safety purposes. I just figured you'd pass the message along."

"Fair point," he conceded. "But I know another person who would most likely disagree with that statement. What the hell is up between you two? Actually…nope. I don't want to know. I'm staying out of this shitshow."

"Be nice," Lila laughed-winced. "Nothing's up. We're friends, and I went to visit my family for a minute and now I'm coming back. End of story."

"Hardly. But again…"

"You don't want to know."

"Exactly."

"Duly noted. See you soon."

"Later, Li."

Lila ended the call and clenched the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. She was just so tired. Tired of fighting the combustive chemistry between her and King. Her heart was already fucked, so why not just go down with the sinking ship full of orgasm-induced endorphins?

The rest of the drive passed by too quickly, and she was greeted by a chorus of "Heys" when she let herself into the house. A bunch of guys had congregated and were having some sort of a gaming competition with the latest PS5 sports game. She waved, went to the fridge to grab one of her lemonades, and then climbed the stairs leading to her bedroom.

Once she'd unpacked the few things she'd taken with her and had a few sips of her drink, she opened the door to the bathroom. King's door was open, and she moved across the cool tile until her feet hit wood flooring once again. King's lamp was on, casting light on his strong, tall body propped up with a couple of pillows. His large frame seemed to overtake every inch of the king bed he'd managed to wedge into the room. His laptop was open on his lap, and he appeared to be watching something on the screen.

She knocked softly on the doorframe, and finally, his eyes, jet black in the low light, landed on her.

"What're you watching?"

"A movie." His jaw was tight, and he looked upset. But that couldn't be because of her, could it? Because that would make everything even more convoluted than it already was. Maybe he was just mad to miss out on the high that their collective orgasming seemed to create. Yeah, that was probably it.

"Glad to see the verbosity is out in full force tonight." Lila leaned against the doorjamb. "Not in the mood to hang with the dudes tonight?"

"Nope." Lila was low-key impressed because King popped that "p" like it was his job.

"Wanna tell me why you're being so grumpy right now?" Lila ribbed gently because what the hell was up with him? She sincerely hoped that his nightmare parents hadn't pulled something messed up, but she wouldn't put it past them.

King drew in a large breath, held it, then exhaled slowly, intentionally. Lila entered his room and made her way over to him. His eyes tracked her movements like an apex predator. She stopped when she got to the side of the bed closest to where he was sprawled.

"Why'd you leave?"

Had Lila not already talked to Knight, the question would have surprised her, so she was grateful to her friend for the heads-up.

"Just needed to see my family. It's been a while since I made the trip. Which is kind of terrible of me since it's not that far of a drive."

"It didn't have anything to do with the fact that we've been fooling around?"

"I don't know that I'd classify mutual masturbation as ‘fooling around,' but I suppose I can concede to that phraseology for the purposes of this conversation."

"That's not a no."

"It's not a yes, either," she retorted. "Why are you asking in the first place? Did you miss me?"

"Yeah. I fucking did."

Lila froze, unsure of how to respond. All she was certain of was the pull she felt whenever King Spencer entered a room. The pull she was feeling now, even as she schooled her expression to the best of her abilities.

King studied her for a minute then scooted over so he was on one side of the bed. He patted the spot next to him. "Wanna watch this with me?"

"Depends on what movie it is," Lila replied, even as she stretched out next to King on his bed.

" The Shining . You know, so we can compare and contrast it with the book and all that for class."

"Spoiler alert: the Overlook is basically just a supernatural representation of the patriarchy." Lila paused. "But I'll watch it with you if you don't say I'm emotionally dead inside for laughing at some of the cheesy parts."

"There are no cheesy parts in this movie. It's terrifying. At least, I thought so when I was ten."

"I sort of feel like that may have been too young to watch this movie?" Lila wrinkled her nose. "Then again, my parents didn't let me watch anything other than G and PG movies until I was 13, so I can't really judge."

"I'd take overprotectiveness over negligence any day."

She reached out and squeezed his hand in silent acknowledgement of his fucked-up childhood.

King unpaused the movie, and before long, Lila found herself tucked inside the crook of his arm, her head resting on his broad chest. Enveloped by his warmth, relaxed by the rising and falling of his chest, she closed her eyes and drifted off.

Later, in the middle of the night, she woke up, momentarily confused where she was. The movie was long over, and King was fast asleep, spooning her from behind. She figured she should probably leave to go sleep in her own bed, but when she tried to gently slip out of King's grasp, his grip tightened, just a little bit.

"Please stay," he murmured into her neck, his voice vulnerable in its sleep-drenched state.

So stay, she did.