Chapter 6

Brianna has fallen asleep, but I'm lying in bed awake.

I fear that if I close my eyes, I'll relive the whole thing.

Then I jerk slightly at a knocking noise.

I get out of bed, go to the hotel door, look out the peephole.

I heave a sigh of relief when I see my brother.

I open the door. "Jesse? Everything all right?"

"Yeah." He wraps me into a loose hug. "I just want to check on you two and see if you're okay."

I look back into the room. "Brianna's asleep, finally. But I can't get to sleep. Were you in bed?"

"I had a drink with Dave down at the bar."

My eyebrows shoot up. "Dave?"

"Yeah, sis. That near plane crash has got him pretty spooked."

"He seemed good to me."

"I think he was being strong for you." He pats my arm. "You okay?"

I frown. "I mean, am I? I'm freaked out. We all are."

"I know."

I scratch my arm. "Plus I'm feeling kind of shitty."

"Why?"

"Only about a million reasons, but the main one right now is that I'm keeping you and Brianna from being together tonight. I'm sure you want to lean on each other after such a horrible thing."

"We're all right." He places his hands on my shoulders. "I'm more concerned about you."

I sigh. "That's just it, Jesse. I don't want everyone concerned about me. Poor little Maddie, always the odd one out."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Is it, though? I know you'd rather be with Brianna, the woman you love. And I know she'd rather be with you. I'm not blind, Jesse. I see how much you mean to each other."

"Funny, Dave said almost the same thing."

"That he could see how much you love each other?"

"Pretty much. It was weird coming from a guy."

"Not weird as much as it's just very obvious." I sigh. "Now all of my siblings are in love—with Steels no less. Talk about being the odd one out."

"Love isn't something that can be rushed," he says.

I roll my eyes. "Isn't it? All three of you fell in love like lightning flashes."

Jesse cocks his head. "You're right about that. Brianna says the people in her family tend to fall quickly and fall hard. I get it now."

I sigh again. "Do you want to come in?"

He shakes his head. "I don't want to wake Bree."

I hear rustling behind me.

"Bree's already awake," she says.

I turn. Brianna stands in the darkness, her long gorgeous hair flowing around her shoulders, and her nipples poking through her tank top.

Great.

That'll get my brother started.

"Hey, you," she says to Jesse.

"You doing okay, baby?"

"Yeah, I finally got to sleep." She redirects her gaze toward me. "You okay, Mads?"

"I'm still awake, which is how I heard Jesse knocking softly on the door."

"I just wanted to make sure the two of you were okay," he says.

"Haven't you been to bed?" Brianna asks.

"No. I was having a drink with Dave."

"Apparently your cousin is pretty shook up," I say.

Brianna's eyes widen, and she wipes some sleep out of them. "Is he okay?"

Jesse nods. "He is. I think each of us has been affected by this a little bit differently."

"Brianna," I say, "I want you to go with Jesse. I'm okay. I wasn't sleeping anyway."

"No, Maddie. I made you a promise."

I grab her arm. "I'm letting you out of it for tonight. Go be with each other. Comfort each other. Do whatever it is you do when you're together—and no, I don't want the details."

"You sure?" Brianna asks.

"Yeah. Please. Go."

"Are you sure?" she asks Jesse.

A small smile appears on his face. "If Maddie is sure, yeah, of course. I'd love to be with you."

"All right," Brianna says. "Give me a minute. I'll put on a robe and grab my stuff."

A few moments later, Brianna leaves, walking down the hallway to Jesse's room. They're only two doors down, and I'm okay. I watch them go to the room and close the door behind them.

I'm about to close my own door when I hear the elevator ding, and off steps Dave Simpson.

I'm ready to close the door so he doesn't see me when he looks up and meets my gaze.

Too late now.

"Hey," I say softly.

He walks up to me. "Is this your room?"

I look down at what I'm wearing. "No, I'm just standing here in my pajamas for good measure."

He gives me a weak smile. "Looks like I'm right here, across the hall from you."

"Good. Brianna and Jesse are two doors down." I gesture.

"I thought Brianna was staying with you tonight."

"She was, but Jesse came by to check on us, and I let her go. I have to get through this on my own. I can't be leaning on anyone."

He nods. "I know what you mean."

I blink a few times before speaking. "So… Good night, then."

"Good night." He hovers his key card over the door and opens it.

And I should go back into my room, close the door behind me.

But I don't.

I stand there.

He opens the door, and he closes it, but just as it's about to click, he opens it again. "Maddie?"

"Yeah?"

"I…don't want to be alone."

I scratch my arm. "Neither do I, Dave, but I think maybe it's better if we are."

"There's so much going through my head right now."

"I know," I say. "Me too."

He breathes out slowly. "Maybe we could just…hold each other."

This is Dave Simpson. The last Rake-a-teer standing. And he wants to hold me?

He really is shaken up.

"Do you think that's wise?"

He scoffs. "For Christ's sake, Madeline, I don't know what the hell is wise or not."

I cock my head. "Madeline?"

"Seemed like a Madeline moment." He runs his hands through his hair. "I've just been thinking, my whole life is just…"

"What the hell are you talking about, Dave?"

He sighs. "Just come in with me. Or let me come in with you. We don't have to do anything, I promise. That's not what this is about."

Does that mean he doesn't want to have sex with me? Or does it mean that he does want to, but he's not sure I want it? Or he's not sure it's the right thing?

I'm clueless.

"Then what is it about, David?"

He smiles then. "Tit for tat."

"Well, you called me Madeline."

"Madeline is a beautiful name. It suits you."

"And David is a…biblical name."

He chuckles. "My mom and dad love it. Except Mom wanted to name me Bryce Junior, but Dad didn't think that would be fair because Henry's older than I am. So then Mom wanted Bryce for my middle name, but then Dad decided he didn't want to use the name his derelict father had given him in any way, so they settled on Steel for my middle name. Then they had to come up with the first name. David was the only one they both liked."

I didn't ask for a dissertation, but I know he's just stalling.

Finally I pull my door open. "Come on in."

He walks through the door. It's still dark in my room because I never put the light on. I didn't want to wake Brianna. I click it on now, my eyes already adjusted because of the hallway.

"You look gorgeous," he says.

I have no makeup on, and I'm wearing a T-shirt and lounging pants. "O…kay," I say.

He smiles. "No, you do. I mean, I've seen you at night before." He narrows his eyes. "But there's something about tonight…"

I roll my eyes. "My hair's still damp. I took a shower. I just wanted to wash this whole night off me."

He nods. "I get it. That's why I stayed down and had a cognac. That was my way of washing the night away."

"Jesse said he had a drink with you."

"Yeah, he came down after he saw you guys to your room. Said he didn't feel like sleeping just yet."

"Talk about awkward."

He presses his lips together for a few seconds. "Actually, it wasn't. We kind of opened up to each other."

I cock my head at him. Again, what happened to Dave? Last Rake-a-teer standing? Jovial David Simpson?

"I guess there's more than one side to me."

I sigh. I hope he doesn't think I was calling him one-dimensional. Best not to try to explain. "What can I do for you?" I ask.

He starts to open his mouth, but I stop him.

"I mean other than sex."

He shakes his head. "I'm not after sex. I'll even sleep in Brianna's bed if that makes you feel better."

He seems to be laboring under the delusion that I don't want to have sex. That's far from the truth. I just don't want to get myself into a place where my heart will be broken. That could easily happen with Dave Simpson.

The look on his face, though, is one of pure agony. It's more than just the trauma of our shared experience.

It's something more. His thoughts are…a mess.

"You want to talk?" Then a yawn splits my face.

He shakes his head and pats my shoulder. "You need to go back to bed. You're exhausted."

"I haven't slept yet, Dave."

"You just yawned."

"I didn't say I wasn't exhausted. Fatigued. Completely tired. But sleep isn't coming."

"Maybe I would like to talk," he says, "but it can wait until morning. Let's just try to get some sleep."

I nod. "You can sleep in Brianna's bed if you want. Or you can sleep with me. Whatever you choose."

"What do you want?" he asks.

I shrug, trying to appear noncommittal. "I want what you think is best for you. You're obviously shaken up, and if you think it would help to have sex—fuck, whatever—then let's do it."

He raises a hand in front of him. "I don't want you to think?—"

I hold out my hand to stop him again. "David, trust me. I think nothing. I am not harboring any hopes on any of this. Believe me, I know better. Just because all of my siblings have snagged a Steel doesn't mean I have any hopes of doing the same. I like having sex with you. We have good chemistry in bed, and it doesn't have to be anything more than that. I have absolutely no expectations."

He smiles then.

Fucking smiles!

"What the hell, Dave? You think that's funny?"

"No, of course not. I'm smiling because…"

"Why? Spit it out."

"I'm smiling because I was going to say that I don't want you to think that I'm using you as an escape. Because that's not what this is about. If I wanted an escape, I could go back down to the bar and pick up one of the two French women who came on to me before Jesse arrived. One was actually named Gigi. Can you believe that?"

I gulp. "What was the other's name?"

"Simone."

"And were they beautiful?"

"Yes, both blond and both beautiful."

I gulp again. Blond and beautiful, so why would he want my plain brown hair?

He shrugs and continues. "But I'm not there. If all I wanted was to sink my cock into a willing pussy, I could be doing it, Maddie. So if I go to bed with you tonight, it's not just an escape."

I open my mouth to reply, but nothing emerges.

In truth, I don't know what to say. I'm glad that it's not some escape. But he could mean that he's just seeking solace in the arms—and body—of a friend. A person who understands what he's been through tonight.

Maybe that's how I should think about this as well.

I purse my lips. "So you're saying I'm more than just a fuck."

"Absolutely," he says. "You're more than just a fuck."

I wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn't.

He's not in love with me, and if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not in love with him either. I'm infatuated, for sure. He's gorgeous, funny—usually—and a Steel. Who wouldn't be infatuated?

And he knows his way around my body.

Of course, he's a Rake-a-teer. He's fucked countless women, so he knows how to learn any woman's body quickly.

But at this moment, tonight—technically tomorrow morning already—I can't bring myself to care.

"Let's go to bed." I flick the lights off. "I could use a good, hard fuck, Dave. I think we both could. And you know what?"

"What?" he asks.

"I don't care if it is an escape for you, because that's what it is for me."