Chapter 14

Fourteen

He doesn't wantto have children with me?

Am I ready to have a baby now? No. But that sounded so final. Like the idea was almost repulsive to him.

"I'm ready to go, Knox." I'm trying to keep a smile on my face although it's hard.

"Okay, baby," he says, creases form between his eyes as he frowns back at me.

I hand Jovie back to Ivy. "She's the most beautiful baby ever and so sweet. You are so lucky, Ivy." Tears are gathering in my eyes and I need to get out of this house before I cause a scene.

"Scarlett, are you okay?" Ivy's concern is the last thing I need when I'm about to lose it.

"I'm fine, just tired. It's been an emotional day." Not a lie.

"Okay, call me and we'll go to lunch or something. I'm so happy for you and Knox." Ivy gives me a sweet hug, squishing the baby in the middle causing her to squeal. "Oops."

I call out a generic goodbye to everyone and head to the door. Everyone yells that they'll see me soon. It's the kind of goodbye a family member gets when you expect to see them the next day. The kind of goodbye I used to get every time I left the St. James house. Old patterns are easy to fall back into.

I don't wait for Knox. I walk out the front door and to the car. I lean against the door and let the fresh air hit my face. The cool night air dries my tears. I take a deep breath and replay what happened.

One of the things we've worked on in couples therapy is not jumping to conclusions and having an open line of communication. I'm trying so hard to remember that right now. I overheard something that I might not have had the context for. It sounded like he didn't want to have kids with me, but maybe that's not what he meant.

And what if it is?

Is that a deal breaker in this relationship? Lots of couples don't have couples don't have kids and are very happy, but I want to be a mother. I want to do that with Knox, but if it isn't something he wants then I'll have a tough decision to make. First, I need to ask him to clarify what I heard.

"Scarlett?" Knox yells from the front door. I can hear the strain in his voice.

My first thought is to apologize for overreacting, but I stop myself. I'm allowed to have emotions and I didn't run. I just moved outside so I could calm down.

"I'm by the car, Knox. I didn't run."

He jogs to me and grabs me in his arms. He's just shy of rough as he hugs me and then slants his lips on top of mine. He kisses me as if we haven't seen each other in months instead of minutes.

"I want to have babies with you," he says against my lips.

I pull back. "What?"

"I want to have babies with you. Lots of them." Knox's eyes are wide and he searches my face for something.

"But you said the opposite to Ivy. You told her to look elsewhere for cousins for Jovie."

There is a sharp pain around my heart as I repeat what he said.

"I know, baby, but that's not what I meant. I meant not right now. I want more time for just us before we start a family. I think we need to be completely sure of ourselves as a unit before we add anyone else."

"I agree one hundred percent, Knox. I was heartbroken that I thought you didn't want to have babies with me, but I also knew we had to talk about it. I tried not to jump to a conclusion and not ask you for clarification. I didn't run."

"You did good, Scarlett. We just have to keep being honest and open with each other we can make it through anything. I never want to be without you again. You're meant for me."

"Your mom said that." I smile at this man I love so much. My heart beats in a rhythm that's only for him.

"What did my mom say?"

"She said you were only meant for me, and I said that I was only meant for you."

"My mom is a very wise woman," he says and then kisses me silly.