Chapter 12

Twelve

"How's itgoing between you and Knox?" Gillian asks as we eat lunch.

"Good," I answer, not giving her anything else. She wants a full run down, but I don't know how much I want to share. Things are good, but so complicated.

"Just good?"

"Yeah, we went to dinner and a movie last night. He walked me to the door, kissed me goodnight and then sent me a good morning text today." It all sounds so high school, but I think it's romantic.

"Um, that's it?" Gillian looks disappointed, taking some of the shine off my happiness.

"Gillian, I told you we are taking things slow and working on things. Part of that is putting a pause on the physical part of the relationship." We also saw Knox's therapist together and she recommended a good couple's therapist.

I thought it would be strange to start a relationship in therapy, but this isn't our beginning and we both agreed that to get through the things that happened before we might need a little extra help. The fact that he's willing to do that with me is huge. Our relationship is complicated by our past, but that doesn't mean we can't have a spectacular future.

"I know and I think it's great. I just thought after a couple of weeks the two of you would have caved."

"Well, it's not easy to let him go at the end of the night and our goodbyes have definitely gotten longer, but we agreed." When he drops me off, my heart pounds wondering if this will be it, but every time he's been a gentleman. It is getting frustrating.

"Okay, what's next for the two of you?" Gillian knows I want to stop talking about this, but she's like a dog with a bone.

"Dinner with his family." The one thing I'm not sure if I can do.

"Well, that will be easy. The St. James family is amazing."

"Maybe to everyone else but not me. I am enemy number one in that family, and I think it's going to be a nightmare. Knox promises that everyone is okay with us being together again and it will be great, but I know for a fact his mother hates me. If I see her in town she looks the other way. His brothers say hi, Clara is friendly and so is his sister-in-law. I don't think I've ever seen his dad in town."

"They will be on their best behavior." Gillian looks so confident, but she's so wrong. "They will love you because Knox loves you."

I really, really hope she's right.

Two nightslater we are at the door to his parents' house, and my stomach rides waves like I'm going to throw up. I haven't eaten all day and won't be able to keep anything down at this dinner. I shiver with nerves as Knox pulls me into his arms.

"Scarlett, it's going to be fine. I don't know why you are so worked up." He kisses my forehead and hugs me tight.

"She hates me. She should hate me." I don't blame his mom for disliking me. Knox has told me more about what he was like after I left. He drank, fought, got in trouble with the law. It was a really bad time for him, and I don't know if I could forgive me if I was his mother.

"I'm fine, baby. I've been fine for a long time. Everything I did back then was on me, you are not responsible for my reaction to something. I'm the one that behaved like a jackass. If she wants to blame someone all these years later, she needs to blame me for being an immature asshole." He moves from kisses on my forehead to my lips. "What happened is in the past and we can't change it. You and me, we are good and that's all that matters. If my mom is still mad then she can work through that because you aren't going anywhere. You are it for me. I love you."

God, this man.

"I love you too, Knox. Just please hold me hand."

He grabs my hand. "I'm not gonna let you go."

The door opens as we stare into each other's eyes.

"Quit making out with your girlfriend and come inside, Knox." Hunter the youngest St. James brother says as he opens the door.

"Dickhead," Knox murmurs as we walk by him.

Hunter laughs it off. "Hi, Scarlett, I'm Hunter. I don't know if you remember me. I was young the last time you saw me."

"I do remember you. You were adorable." I smile remembering.

He was such a sweet kid. He always had an animal he was taking care of. He's gorgeous just like all the St. James men and I've heard he's the town veterinarian now.

"Still am." His smile reveals a dimple that must drive the women of Star Mountain wild.

A yell comes from the living room, "Don't hog the newbie, Hunter!"

Knox walks me into the room where the rest of the St. James family is gathered, except for his mom. He keeps his promise and doesn't let go of my hand.

"Hi, everyone," I say sounding small and meek even to my own ears. The blood is rushing through my veins, and I feel dizzy. I didn't think this was going to be so hard. I used to be at this house more than my own.

"Hi, Scarlett, it's so good to see you again." Miles waves from his place across the room but doesn't get up.

"Hello, Scarlett." Wilder and his wife Ivy come over. Wilder watches as Ivy gives me a hug. "I'm Ivy. I married this big grump and the baby floating around somewhere is ours. I'm so glad you came with Knox tonight. He's talked about you a lot."

"Thank you. Knox has told me all about you and Wilder too. I've seen lots of pictures of your little girl too. She's gorgeous."

Knox proclaims, "I'm her favorite uncle," loud enough that all the men hear it and start a debate on who Jovie loves the most.

"She's two months old." Ivy whispers. "I'm her favorite and that's only when it's time to eat."

We both laugh and listen as the brothers argue. I remember coming to the St. James house before and a lot of this feels the same. The brothers were much younger then and Clara was tiny, but it was always chaotic, welcoming, and fun. Maybe I need to relax and just try to enjoy myself. But first, I'm going to confront the one thing that could ruin this night. If I'm going to be the woman Knox deserves then I need to be strong enough to be accountable to his mother.

"Knox, I'm going to go ask your mom if she needs help," I whisper to him.

"Are you sure, baby?" he asks. His face shows concern and love, but there's also pride. I know this is the right thing to do.

I nod and let go of his hand. "It'll be okay."

I turn and walk toward the kitchen. How many times have I walked down this hall, photographs starting as newborns of each kid, family photos, Wilder and Ivy's wedding photo, and a picture of their first grandchild. Knox has started this in his own home and someday it could be our lifetime of memories in a hallway someone walks through.

Emily St. James, the matriarch of the St. James family, is standing in the middle of the kitchen doing nothing. She's just standing there.

Why?

"I was waiting for you to come back here," she says as if she knows what I was thinking. "We need to talk without the audience."

She pulls down a bottle of brandy from the top shelf and two glasses. Shit. Everyone knows that she only drinks this when she's very angry or very sad. From the look on her face as she pours two snifters, she's both.

She hands me one and I take a small sip. "Thank you."

"I was so angry at you."

"I know." The tears start gathering in my eyes. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this.

"I loved you like a daughter, and you broke him," she says taking a deep breath. "He was destroyed when you left, and no one understood what happened. I was so angry until I found out the truth."

"The truth?" I don't know what she's talking about.

"About two years after you left, after Knox had been doing good at Yale and everything was normal again, I talked to your parents. We had a long talk about you leaving, Knox's behavior after and everything. I began to see things more clearly. I never knew exactly why you left, and I didn't say anything to Knox about the talk, but it helped me let go of my anger."

"My parents never said anything." I wish they had, but we aren't exactly close.

"No, we all said we wouldn't say anything to either of you. I thought it was best to let it all go. You were likely to never see each other again and Knox was better. As a mother, that's really all I cared about."

"I understand." And I do.

"Then you came back, and I admit I was angry again. I was afraid that the two of you would still have that fire that burned too bright and once again destroy each other. I knew that Knox was a different person. I knew and I still worried. You — I knew nothing about you and I judged you harshly. I'm very sorry for that."

"You weren't wrong to be afraid. I was afraid. I didn't know what to expect when I came back here, but I didn't want to pass up the opportunity. I thought Knox had probably moved on with someone else."

"That boy was only meant for you," his mom says with a laugh.

"Just like I'm only meant to be his."

She nods and understanding passes between us. We both love Knox. It might not be smooth in the beginning, but we'll be okay if we both remember that.

Knox walks into the kitchen and grabs my hand. "Sorry, I couldn't sit back any longer. I promised Scarlett I wouldn't let go of her hand and I hate not keeping a promise to her."

"It's okay, Knox." I tighten my hand around his. "We're okay."

He squints toward his mom. "Are you sure?"

We both laugh at him, the tension fading like a flame in the wind.

"Yes, son. Everything is good. You two go set the table since you have to be attached to each other and I'll finish dinner."