22. Lyndon

Chapter 22

Lyndon

W e'd been home for hours now and I still couldn't get Darcy to tell me what had happened out there. Had that woman done something to him?

I was furiously pacing the cabin, going out of my skin with worry, while Darcy remained in his fully shifted form, buried under blankets on my front porch. I wanted to go beg him to shift and talk, but I also wanted to give him time if that was what he needed.

Ugh, I didn't know how to do this. This was why I was better off alone.

Aria had left shortly after we'd gotten home to update the family on what had happened and see what she could find out about the woman and the coven she belonged to.

It had been a shock seeing her. I'd started to believe that maybe we were wrong and the little boy was something else, not a witch, but it was no coincidence that the realtor who was in charge of that house also happened to have the same eyes and was pregnant with twins. The goddess really had her fingers in this one.

I peered out the window again. I could just make out the outline of Darcy's tail as he remained curled up in his makeshift nest. I really needed to make him a good one. A few. One on the porch, one by my garden, and one in the bedroom. To keep myself from going crazy, I started to make a list of all I'd need to make the best nests I could find for my mate.

After about another hour, I stopped staring at the window and went to the kitchen to make dinner. He'd have to eat soon. Maybe the smell of food would coax him out so he could tell me what was wrong so I could fix it.

That was stressing me out the most. I didn't like being in the dark, not when it came to Darcy's well-being. He was typically very upfront about what he was thinking, so I had a hard time coping with this.

I had just about finished making the stew when the front door opened and Darcy slipped in butt naked. Normally, that would make me want to drop everything and jump him, but he still looked so unsteady, all I wanted to do was hold him tight and make it right.

I lowered the stew to a simmer and walked up to him, my arms open, hoping he'd come to me. Darcy didn't hesitate, and I staggered back a few steps from the force of him throwing himself into my arms. He buried his face in my neck, his shoulders heaving as he sniffled.

I rubbed his back, panic clawing at me. What had I done? I could feel his sorrow deep in his bones through the bond. I was itching to fix it. I'd do anything. But I didn't know how. I didn't even know what was wrong.

"Shh. I got you, sunshine. It'll be okay. I promise, I'll make it right." It wasn't a promise I should be making, but I'd find a way.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, he looked up, his eyes bloodshot.

"Ssss-ssorry."

"You don't need to apologize. You did nothing wrong. I'm just worried."

Darcy wiped his hand down his face. "You really didn't see that? When that lady touched you?"

I shook my head. I had been expecting something to happen honestly and had kind of been shocked when it had just been a normal handshake. "No. Nothing. Did you see something?"

He nodded miserably. "That poor family . . ."

I guided Darcy to the couch and was secretly thrilled when he immediately curled up in my lap. In this form, he wasn't much smaller than I was, but I didn't care. It shocked me how much I loved seeing him in my arms.

In stops and starts, Darcy was able to spit out the visions he'd had. By the time he was done, I was silently cursing the goddess. Why the fuck had she had to share those with Darcy alone? She had to know how soft his heart was and how much that would hurt him.

I kissed the top of his head. "It's okay, sunshine. Whatever happens, we'll get through it together."

He looked up at me, his expression equal parts hope and wariness. "Really? I thought you didn't want a family. I-I know you promisssed me we were good now and you were in thisss. But it really hasn't been that long sssince you avoided me like the plague, and I just—maybe I'm being pathetic and needy, but I need a little reassssurance."

I adjusted Darcy so that I could bury my face in the side of his neck. I didn't answer for a moment, just held him tight and breathed in his scent. I wasn't a shifter, scent didn't mean much to me, but Darcy smelled like home and comfort, and I wanted to wallow in that for a little while.

"You're not being pathetic or needy at all. I'm happy to reassure you all you want. I haven't done the best at showing you how much you mean to mean, and I'm sure it feels sudden for you. It's sudden for me too. I'm still fucking terrified. I'm still like 60% sure you're going to wake up one day, realize this was big fucking mistake, and run as soon as you can. But I think somewhere along the line, I just decided that being with you, even if for a short time, is worth the heartache and pain I'll feel if you leave."

Darcy tilted his head up so our eyes met. "Why do you feel that way? I told you I'm not going anywhere. The bond, it meanssss sssssomething to me. It'sss really what I always wanted and thought I never could have. I wasss hurting in my realm. I loved my friendsssss and liked my life. But I felt ssso alone. Watching Rafe find his one true love, I wassssss thrilled for him, he dessserved it, but it left me feeling empty and aching. I've been missssing a piece of me, Lyn. You're that piece. I'd be an idiot to run from that. What do I have to do to prove that to you? I'll do it."

I shook my head. There was nothing he could do. It was all a mental block in my head. I kissed the side of his face, needing even more contact. If I could be buried inside him, I would be.

"You're doing everything right, Darc. I'm . . . It's me. I have this mental block in my brain. It's what was pushing you away from day one, and I'm still fighting it."

"Why do you have it?" he asked softly. His claw traced along my arm, leaving little goose bumps in its wake. I squeezed him tighter.

"It's stupid really. I should be over it by now." In fact, I knew I should be. We were both stupid kids. I couldn't believe I was holding onto it all these years later. Honestly, I hadn't even realized I was until I'd met Darcy and it hit me how much I'd withdrawn from everyone I loved and cared about because of the words of a stupid teenage boy. Ambrose would probably laugh his ass off if he knew I was still letting it get to me.

Darcy didn't say a word. He just continued to draw a soft pattern on my arm, his way of comforting me while he waited for me to get my shit together.

"I was always kind of an outsider as a kid in the coven. My gifts manifested differently, and as the only child of the coven leader's only sibling, I think the rest of the kids kind of avoided me, besides Ambrose and Aria, but they were family. There weren't a lot of us kids on the lands, and we didn't go to human schools, so I didn't have many friends.

I took a deep breath, feeling a little silly. "Killian and his family joined our coven when I was 14. He was 16 and had water magic. It made him different, like me. Or at least I thought so.

"I was obsessed with him almost immediately, following him around school, taking walks around his house just in hopes I would get a glimpse of him. Anyway, after a while of that, Killian finally came up to me. But instead of confronting me or calling me a freak or a stalker or any of the things I probably deserved, he was nice to me. He asked me questions about my magic. We started to hang out.

"It was innocent for about a year. I thought he was my friend, then on my fifteenth birthday, he kissed me. It was my first kiss. I was already halfway in love with him before then, but that solidified it. I was a goner." I chuckled even though it wasn't a happy memory. Darcy seemed to understand that and kissed my pec. Goddess, I didn't deserve him.

"Anyway, in my innocent, mostly sheltered mind, I thought we were together and in love. Killian quickly wiped my mind of those ideas. At first, it was exciting though. He asked for us to remain a secret. He was nearly two years older than I was, and it was no secret my family was protective of me, so he told me he was afraid they would disapprove. He was likely right, so I agreed. We would meet up at night and kiss and cuddle. It never went further than that, but I was thrilled. To me it was the best thing ever. He was the best thing ever."

I fell silent. When I didn't immediately start talking again, Darcy asked, "What happened?" His voice was soft.

I let out a harsh laugh, my eyes stinging. Goddess, this was ridiculous. I was a grown man now. I'd met my mate. Killian was long gone. It was such a silly thing to have let control so much of my adult life, now that I'd realized that it had been. Darcy was owed the rest of the story. He needed to understand. "I, uh, I caught him in the fields by my favorite garden with another one of the kids in the coven. They were, well, you get the idea."

"He was cheating on you?" Darcy sounded horrified and scandalized at the same time. Of course he did. My sweet reptile probably could never imagine doing that to another person.

"Yes. Well, I guess he was cheating on the other kid, since they were dating first. But Killian knew what he was doing when he took him to my garden. He knew the chances were high I'd see them."

"What did you do?"

I laughed for real this time. "I used the weeds and roots to pull them away from each other and then confronted Killian while he was butt naked and trapped. That's when he told me I was delusional if I truly thought that he'd want to be with someone like me. He said not even my family liked me and only tolerated me because my mom was the coven leader's sister. He said the whole coven wished I were gone and hated me. That I was moody and weird and he'd only kissed me as a joke. He'd meant for it to be a one-time thing, he said. Something he could laugh about with his friends, but when I'd taken it as more, he'd decided to see how long he could make it last."

Darcy hissed. "That's awful."

"Yeah." I shrugged. "He was an asshole. He said he started taking the other kid there to fuck when he got tired of me hanging around."

"Gods. What a dickbag."

I couldn't help it. I cracked up. "Dickbag?"

Darcy's lips tilted up in a smile. "That's not the word?"

"I think it's usually dickhead, but I like this better. He really was a dickbag."

"Did the other guy know?"

I shook my head. "No, he didn't. That was the dumb part of the whole thing. I guess Killian thought his boyfriend would think it was funny, tease the weird kid, you know. But he didn't. He was embarrassed and hurt. I let him up eventually, and he soaked Killian with the hose while he was still trapped and then stomped away."

Darcy laughed. "Ssso what happened to Killian then?"

"Well, he tried to tell my aunt that I just went crazy and trapped him in the garden for no reason, but the other kid backed me up. I don't know what happened after that, but his family moved away two weeks later, and I never saw him again."

When I finished telling Darcy, I felt so much lighter and freer. It was crazy thinking how much this had weighed down on me all those years.

Darcy squeezed my thigh. "Thanksss for telling me. I'm sssorry that happened to you."

I shrugged again. "I feel kind of dumb now. Like, so many people go through something so much worse than that, yet I let it dictate my whole life."

"You were young. You thought you were in love. I'm guessssing witches are like humansss, where those are very formative yearsss in your life. He sssaid some awful ssstuff, and it makesss senssse it would affect you."

"I guess."

Darcy shifted so he was straddling my lap and facing me, our eyes just inches from each other. "Lyndon, you know none of that sssstuff is true, right? Your family loves you. I can sssee that so clearly. You might be a little ssssurly, but I like that about you. Your smart, caring, loyal, and grow the freshest vegetables I ever sssaw. You made sure I stayed sssafe, even when you wanted me gone. You deserve thisss. You deserve love."

My stomach fluttered. Did I really deserve this? The L word had been swirling in my brain for days now, but I'd refused to let it solidify, nervous I'd just end up alone and heartbroken. But here my mate was, so close we were practically fused, looking me in the eye and promising with his body and the feelings thrumming through the bond that he wasn't going anywhere.

He understood that wasn't enough for me, though. As much as he needed reassurances that I wouldn't push him away again, I needed to hear it. Hear that I wasn't too much or too grumpy or too whatever and that he wouldn't take the first chance he had and book it.

"I'm not going anywhere, Lyn. I love you." His lips were on mine.

My hand squeezed the back of his neck, fusing our mouths together, as I blinked back tears. I felt it. I could feel how true his words were. Even after being an utter dickbag—using his words—to him and going hot and cold, he still loved me.

I wanted to say the words back, but I somehow knew they'd get stuck in my throat, so I opened the bond, praying to the goddess that Darcy got it, that he could feel what I couldn't say, and kissed him like my life depended on it.

His hands slid under my shirt and started to slide up, his claws grazing my sides.

"Fuck, I love when you do that, sunshine."

He smiled into my mouth. "I know."

I needed him now. Surely, if he wasn't buried deep inside me in the next 2 minutes, I would explode. My hand cupped his hardening dicks, since he was still completely naked. I had to get like that, ASAP.

Darcy was on the same wavelength, and my shirt was over my head, miraculously not torn this time, and tossed to the side. He stood up, still straddling me, and started to fumble with my pants. I pushed up so he could get them off . . .

. . . and then a bright-pink orb appeared in my living room.

I'd never moved so fast in my life. By the time the orb developed into a full portal and a bouncing Ambrose walked through, I had Darcy behind me on the couch with a blanket I'd had over the back of it over his lap. No fucking way was my cousin seeing him naked.

Darcy was still panting and a little dazed, his eyes unfocused. "Am I interrupting something?" Ambrose asked giddily, his eyebrows all the way into his hairline.

"You know the fuck you are. Why are you here?"

"I did it!" He hopped. Like literally hopped. "I know how to open the portal!"

My stomach dropped to my toes as all the peace and happiness I'd felt only minutes ago disappeared as quickly as they had come.