Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35

" W hen?" My eyes intently stared at Esta.

"Tomorrow, if you feel rested enough for it." She paused for a moment, as if she were biting the inside of her cheek. He is my brother. And his fiancé is carrying an heir to Dra Skor. "He wishes to be healed to better protect Charlotte, should Morana find out. And though I don't think either of us trusts him enough to let him go free yet, if Morana is the real enemy and he didn't help her, I owe it to my brother to at least give him the opportunity to protect his family."

I reached for her hand as we headed up the shoreline. "I have never hated him, Es."

"He thought you might kill him."

"I would have if I had solid proof he was responsible."

Her smile was soft, only a half of one. "He said that he respects that about you. And he doesn't want to intrude on the lottery, on Nana's ban on the dragon shifters, so he requested you to do it as extra healing, to not upset the lottery. There are no hard feelings."

So he thought I was going to kill him, but still trusted me enough to use that same power to heal him? What sort of complicated mess was this? My gut churned as I realized that the closest I had gone to acting like Theon Valanova while being in Dra Skor had been when I was trying to scare Jagen Mallick. In the end, it had been worth it, but that didn't mean I wasn't still ashamed of it. I owed him at least that much.

"Of course I'll do it," I told her.

"I'll let Malachi and Zaire know. Let me shift and let's head for home."

I found it odd that "home" to her meant my room and not her own. Would we ever switch to her room? Her room which was designed with her dragon size in mind. "I want nothing more than to hole up with you in my room for at least a day or two, and I know you need sleep, Es, but there is something I must do first."

Which is?

"Can you take me to Malachi?"

She let out a long breath of air from her dragon form. I will, but know it isn't pretty.

"That's why I need to see him."

She dropped me off on his balcony, where Malachi seemed to be eating some grain in a trough. I will let you two talk while I patrol a few rounds with Whit and Zaire, Esta sent me. I felt it through our bond. It felt more intimate, almost a sting. Far more alive than the usual dragon telepathy, mostly, I suspected, because the connection went both ways. And more than I could hear her words, I could feel her emotions attached to them.

It was more. In every way that mattered, it was more.

I stood there on Malachi's balcony a moment, realizing that he still stayed in the wing of the castle I was in. Had he stayed since he slept off his healing? Was it because he liked being near me and our men? Or was it that he felt responsible for looking after Esta and she was always with me now?

"I'm sorry, Malachi," I started.

Malachi hooved at the ground. Even in the way he ground the feed in his jaw, I could tell he was angry. Like a coiled snake ready to attack.

I continued, "I understand what it is like to carry a weight which was never yours to carry. I also understand what it is like to feel so riddled with regret and anger you no longer feel whole. To feel as if you will never get back to the man you once were, too marred by the wounds of it all." I paused to take a few steps closer to him. "So let me save you about six months of anguish and self-loathing and remind you, Malachi, the actions of another are never solely your fault. We didn't choose this. They did."

Malachi shifted. From the tension in his shoulders, to the dark circles beneath his eyes, I could see how tired he looked. How angry. When was the last time he had eaten a warm meal which was not grain? He and Esta were too similar, both punishing themselves for things that were out of their control.

Then again, maybe I was not so different either.

Esta, I sent down the bond. Can you have someone send him up a warm meal?

Of course, she responded immediately.

"But this is my fault," Malachi finally bit out. "You are a prince, but I am a general. I was his commanding officer. He was one of my team!"

"No," I snapped. "While it is true he was a man on your team, it is also true we have been spread too thin lately with everything going on. Your concentration and focus was on Esta and keeping her safe. As it should have been. And on recovering from when you were attacked. You were too busy to carry it all. "

"I still should have been a better leader to my team," he bit out through a clenched jaw.

"Maybe. There is always room for improvement, so start that tomorrow. But do you really think even if you were being a better general to your team that Silas would not have made this choice? Don't doubt yourself, Malachi. Don't let the actions of another cause your confidence to falter. There is a reason Esta has kept you close all these years. It is because she knows in you she has a warrior she can always trust."

He snorted his disdain. "Some warrior. I led one of the traitors right to her door!"

"No," I corrected him calmly. "We rather underestimated Morana for far too long. With her connections within the royal family in combination with being a general, it was the perfect storm. She knew exactly who to recruit. Take Enoch for example. She saw how overcome he was by his anger in being stuck in his land dragon form, and rather than offer him a way out of it, she only fed it. She is to blame. Silas himself is to blame. No one in their right mind is blaming you . Other than yourself that is."

He ran a hand over his face. "I still should have known. I should have seen it. There are a dozen little things which I'm now remembering. His always being late for patrols. His insistence in helping hunt down Morana the day the queen was shot down." Malachi gave his head a shake. "I should have seen it."

I grabbed him by the shoulder and made sure to look him in the eyes. "Morana has done enough to poison Dra Skor. We will not allow her to make us also question ourselves or our resolve. It will only make the poison linger longer. You want to carry a weight here, carry the weight of striving to be an even better general. Channel this into that."

He looked into my eyes and I saw in his brown ones how torn apart he felt by all of this. How responsible he felt that it had been someone from his team that was working with our traitor .

"We have Mikael. We figured out it was Silas before it was too late. And as I understand it, you have dealt with him soundly. We finally have Morana unmasked and running. Do not let her have a foothold in your mind, Malachi. Do not let her wound us further. We have finally gained the higher ground. It is handled."

In that moment I realized Krew and Owen had done this exact thing to me. They had let me wallow for a bit, but then cared enough to pull me out of it. And dammit if I wasn't glad they had. A fire-breathing adventure had called my name.

Before Malachi could shove me off or say more, I moved to give him a hug. "You are not my brother by blood, but my brother all the same. Brother to brother, I will not allow you to take this weight and carry it as your own because I all too well understand what it will do to you. I will not allow you to wallow as I did. And if you refuse to listen to reason, then I will pick it up and carry it with you. And I have to warn you, I can be rather annoying."

He was stiff, but a few seconds later, he hugged me back. "Brother to brother," he repeated, his voice sounding raw. He pulled away, and I could see the tension starting to ease up a bit. His teeth were no longer clenched, his hands no longer in fists. "Silas was so close to coming with us to Wylan. Said he needed to stay for family reasons. I realize now it was something having to do with Morana."

I gave him a shrug as I pulled back. "My team of men healing the Enchanted of Dra Skor healed him. Had we not, she never could've gotten away. For weeks it was all I could think about. I worried I would be healing Esta's enemy, giving them more power. And then it happened. Still, I couldn't let the misdeeds of one or two people prevent the rest of you from being healed. If I did, I'd be just another of the realm's monsters."

He inhaled deeply as there was a knock on the door.

"That's likely our food." Even though I had also slept terribly, I moved for his door. "You are going to eat something. I'm sure I look almost as much like hell as you do. Let's eat and rest and then tomorrow I need your help."

"With what?"

"With healing Jagen Mallick."

Malachi's head snapped back in surprise as I opened the door to find Esta and Amory pushing the food trolly.

"I did not mean you needed to personally deliver it," I smirked.

Esta leaned in to kiss me quickly. "I wanted to. Malachi needs to quit stewing."

I looked over my shoulder to see him glaring toward her. "Come on in," I told the two of them. "The more the merrier."

Malachi scoffed. "I don't know about that."

Amory gently squeezed my wrist on the way by and whispered, "You're a good friend. Thank you."

For nine years, she'd loved Esta enough to take on being her human form proxy. "So are you."

There the four of us sat. Our unlikely alliance. All of us were exhausted, but I only hoped the Corshan Enchanted we brought home with us had finally given us somewhat of an advantage when it came to tracking down Morana.

As talk moved to our trip then the possible trip in Dra Skor and how we would trick Morana into coming out of hiding, I offered, "What we need to constantly remind ourselves in the days to come is that we will not allow fear to drive our footsteps. Morana will show up eventually. In the meantime, if we let the fear take over, we will merely become vessels to that fear, becoming something we are not. We will remember who we are. And we will prepare."

"Your pep talks are better than mine," Malachi commented as he chewed on the last of his flat cake.

"Were it not for one of yours given at exactly the right moment, I would already be back in Wylan."

Esta and Amory were quiet, looking as if they both wanted us to elaborate, but I felt it wasn't needed. Malachi and I both knew exactly what I was referring to.

"We have only briefly hit the cusp of all Amory and I experienced in Corsha, but I'm afraid I need sleep," I admitted. "Particularly if we are healing Jagen at The Drak tomorrow."

"I will be ready," Malachi told me with a nod. "Whenever you need me."

"And your team, General?"

He gave me a nod. "We need to get back to work. To do something productive with our anger."

I moved to stand, patting him on the shoulder. "Don't let it consume you. Or next time I will come wielding carrots. Should you so adamantly act like an ass in ass form."

He was quiet a moment as he tilted his head. "Is that supposed to be a threat, Prince? I think you'll find it has the opposite effect."

With laughter, Esta and I left. I noted Amory opted to stay with Malachi for a bit. Maybe she wanted to fill him in more about our trip. Or maybe John's words were getting to her. Or maybe she had simply felt like it. I was going to allow them the space to write their own story. With a few gentle nudges of course.

Esta looped an arm around my back in as much of a hug as she could manage as we walked. "Thank you."

"For?"

"For getting through to him when I could not. I couldn't even get him out of his shifted form."

I kissed the top of her head. "As his queen, I don't think he would have listened to you. His guilt for failing you too great."

By the time I drew the curtains, Esta was already asleep in my bed. Her dark hair, which sometimes looked almost purple when the light hit it just right, was down around her. As my own head hit the pillow next to hers, I inhaled deeply, pleading with my every breath that as we planned our next steps, we would be able to finally, finally finish this war within Dra Skor. That Esta could rule a healthy and thriving Dra Skor.

And I took comfort in the path that Queen Relia spoke of. That even on days like today where I was beyond exhausted and had no idea what my next steps were, the path of a healing and prosperous realm was still out there somewhere. If only we were brave enough to find it.