Chapter One

Anne shook her head. "I don't think I can do this, Aunt."

"Of course you can."

Looking down at herself, Anne shook her head again, this time all the more fervently. "I cannot! This is not the right colour for me and the cut of the gown is – "

"It is the very height of fashion," Lady Mayhew interrupted, smoothly. "Yes, it is a little different to what you are used to but I assure you, it is just as it ought to be. And as for the colour, given your raven hair and bright eyes, this gown will suit your green eyes perfectly."

Anne blinked furiously, aware that there was something like panic lodged in her chest. Her gown was a gentle turquoise and had lace trim at the sleeves and the neck. To her, it felt as though she was revealing a little too much of her decolletage and the color was much too vivid for someone such as her. And yet, her aunt was insistent.

"I do not want to argue, Aunt," she said, as the modiste smiled and nodded in evident great appreciation of the gown upon Anne's frame, "but I am not sure that this will be the right gown for someone such as I to wear."

Lady Mayhew's expression softened and she reached out to squeeze Anne's hand. "My dear girl, you are still very much afraid, are you not?"

Anne wanted to shake her head no, wanted to say that she was more than a little contented but try as she might, she could not bring herself to lie to her aunt. "I confess that I am continually afraid of what my father would think."

"Though he is not here," Lady Mayhew reminded her. "And he shall not set foot in London this Season, as well you know."

"He might," Anne protested, weakly. "He might decide to attend London so that he can watch me fail, just as I have done these previous years."

Lady Mayhew shrugged. "Then if he does, he shall come to see your success, do you not think?"

Anne blinked, still struggling to find the same confidence within herself as was within her aunt. "I do not know. I am almost afraid to hope!"

"Another consequence of spending so much time with your father, I think." Lady Mayhew sighed heavily. "My dear girl, I am sorry that so much has been set upon your shoulders. It is the very reason your mother has removed herself to Scotland, though I know that it broke her heart to leave the three of you with your father."

Anne swallowed hard, questions beginning to arise in her mind. She had not spoken of her mother to anyone, not for a long time, for fear of what her father would do should he discover it. But she could trust her aunt, could she not? "Did she always think to leave us?"

"Oh, no!" Lady Mayhew's eyes flared wide. "My dear, she did not expect for a moment to have left you all for so long. Do recall that I have visited her and spoken with her at length on this matter."

Nodding slowly, Anne considered for a few moments. "You mentioned to me in one of your letters that you visited Scotland."

"I did. I spent the first three months of the year with both of my sisters." Lady Mayhew smiled rather sadly, her gaze going away from Anne. "I do think that your mother is a good deal more herself than she has been in some years. I spoke to her about her absence, about the length of time she has been away and the torment it brought her gave me such pain, I regretted ever speaking to her of it!"

"But why could she not return?"

Lady Mayhew closed her eyes briefly. "Your father is the cause of her pain, Anne." Opening her eyes, she looked back at her. "I will speak plainly, for you will understand it and I believe it will help you in your present struggle: your father threatened your mother's very life and it is for that reason that she ran to Scotland."

A tremor shook Anne's frame, her breathing becoming quick and shallow as she looked back into her aunt's solemn face, seeing the truth hidden in her expression.

"I would not have told you for any other reason than understanding," Lady Mayhew continued, quietly. "If she returned home, she was uncertain as to whether she would remain alive for any length of time. Your father's fury, his anger, has always been hot and uncertain and, sadly, directed towards her. You cannot imagine her torment, given how much she loved her daughters but how much she feared for her own life."

Anne swallowed hard, tears pricking her eyes. "Thank you for telling me." Her voice was weak and thin. "I do appreciate the truth, Aunt. I have always missed my mother and could never truly understand why she left for Scotland… though I did wonder if it might be something to do with father."

Lady Mayhew blinked rapidly, clearing away tears. "She loves you desperately, as do I. In truth, I should have come to your aid long before now. I merely thought that since your sisters had found success, you would too but in your own time. I did not realise that your father thought you devoid of purpose just because you had reached a certain age."

Anne laughed rather ruefully. "I have always been encouraged towards failure."

"But not any longer." Lady Mayhew tilted her head, regarding her. "You truly do look like your mother."

A knot formed in Anne's throat and she looked away, spreading her hands out either side as she took in the gown once more. "If you believe that this will suit me, Aunt, then I will be glad to wear it." She heard the slight tremor in her voice, caught the faint whisper of worry in her words but lifted her chin and gave her reflection a nod of determination. "I shall wear whatever you think best."

"Wonderful!" Lady Mayhew beamed at her, the tears in her eyes now quickly forgotten. "Then let me next encourage you to try on this gown. Yes, it is not cream or white as your father would expect, but a soft blue. I think it will suit you very well."

Anne turned to look at the gown the modiste had brought out and though the color and the cut worried her – as the gown she currently wore had done – she found in herself a tiny wedge of confidence and thus, gave it a nod. "I shall try it on, certainly."

"Excellent." Lady Mayhew smiled at her again, her eyes alight with happiness. "You shall find yourself anew this Season, my dear Anne. It will truly be the happiest Season you have ever experienced!"

***

It was not until some hours had passed that Anne was finally able to step out of the modiste's shop alongside her aunt, finding herself suddenly rather tired though all she had done had been to stand and try on various gowns and other adornments. She was pleased, however, that she had managed to do all that her aunt had asked of her and though her confidence was still lacking, though she found herself questioning almost everything that her aunt had encouraged her to try on, Anne had fought against such worries and had won.

"Now, your first ball is this evening," her aunt reminded her as they walked along the street, back towards the waiting carriage which was a short distance away. "There is much that we need to discuss and practice before then."

Anne nodded. "I confess, Aunt, that whenever a gentleman tries to speak with me, I find myself so caught up with fright that I can barely speak a word back to him." Her face grew hot as her aunt looked at her sharply, her lips pressing tight together for a moment. "I am embarrassed to say so but that is my great struggle."

"It is something that can be overcome, however." Lady Mayhew again spoke with a confidence and a determination that Anne wished would spread through her also, hating that her stomach was twisting and turning in all such directions. "You will need practice, as I have said, and you will also need to have only brief moments of conversation rather than thinking you must speak at length to any given gentleman."

Anne looked at her in surprise. "You do not think that I must find a good many things to talk about with a gentleman?" she asked, a little astonished. "My father has always instructed me to have at least five questions in mind which I am to ask any gentleman who seeks to speak with me. Five questions which will show an interest and prove that I am able to make excellent conversation."

Lady Mayhew laughed merrily and shook her head. "Goodness, no! You need not put such a weight upon yourself! When I met Lord Mayhew for the first time, introductions were made and, thereafter, he asked me to dance. Do you know what our conversation was like that evening?"

"No, I do not."

"It was nothing at all!" Lady Mayhew replied, her expression still one of mirth. "He did not speak to me during our dance and I did not speak to him. Once it was at an end, he returned me to my sister and that was that. The next ball, he asked me to dance again but it was only through a distant acquaintance that our conversations finally began to grow. You need not worry so much, my dear girl. In fact…" Turning, she took both of Anne's hands in her own, looking Anne square in the eye. "I should like you, from this moment, to forget everything your father has told you. I should like you to put it all aside, to never think of it again. Instead, I should ask you to pretend that this is your first Season – though it is your first Season with me , I suppose – and that you do not know a single thing about what to do or how to act. I shall instruct you in everything and you need not think on what your father would do or what he would think of your actions ever again."

Anne swallowed hard, nodding slowly as her aunt searched her expression, perhaps looking for worry in Anne's expression.

"You can do that?"

"I – I think I can." Taking in a deep breath, Anne set her shoulders and nodded. "I know I can."

"That's exactly what I wanted to hear. I – "

"What do you think you're doing?"

Anne turned her head just in time to see a gentleman lurching out of a carriage, his shouted exclamation what had interrupted her aunt. Her eyes widened as the gentleman staggered forward, his feet tripping over themselves as another gentleman laughed raucously from the carriage behind him. Had he been pushed out of the carriage for some reason?

"It is a little early for such nonsense." Lady Mayhew's eyes narrowed slightly, her tongue clicking in disapproval. "Goodness, these sorts of gentlemen are certainly not the sort I shall be introducing you to this evening!"

Anne found herself studying both gentlemen, first the one in the carriage and the other who was, by now, attempting to climb back inside though he could not seem to get one foot onto the step so addled were his wits. The fellow in the carriage was laughing uproariously, his head thrown back, his shock of dark hair falling carelessly over his forehead when he looked back at his friend. The other gentleman was fair-haired and was slim and wiry, though he had not realized until now that he had lost his hat in the street. Releasing his grip from the carriage, he turned around and made to reach for it, only to fall over his feet again and crumple to the street.

"We should go away," Lady Mayhew said quickly, threading her arm through Anne's and beginning to hurry her away from both gentlemen. "Such behaviour is a disgrace and had I known their names, I would have gone to them and offered them such a scolding, it would have rung through all of London!"

Anne hid a smile, knowing full well that Lady Mayhew would have done such a thing without hesitation – and that the two gentlemen might have come to their senses because of it! All the same, however, she turned her head and glanced back at them, a little relieved to see that the fair-haired gentleman was now climbing back into the carriage and was no longer crumpled on the ground.

"Disgraceful," Lady Mayhew said again, as Anne turned her head back again. "Now, let us begin to think of what this evening will bring rather than considering these poor excuses for gentlemen! There is much to be achieved and much to learn… and what better time to start than this very moment!"

Anne smiled at her aunt, glad to hear the enthusiasm back in her voice. "I am willing to learn whatever you wish to teach me, Aunt," she said, trying to ignore the worry which threatened to pinch at her mind. "Including which sort of gentlemen to avoid!"

Lady Mayhew let out a tinkling laugh as they reached their own carriage. "Gentlemen who behave like that ought to be entirely ignored," she stated, firmly. "But have no fear, there will be many an example of excellent gentlemen this evening. Of that, I am quite sure."