53. Natalia

53

NATALIA

Andrey is like a physical shield against all my worst thoughts and all my scariest nightmares. I've gotten used to his weight and warmth beside me. Come to depend on it, really.

So when I reach for his side of the bed and find cold sheets, my heart drops. My drowsiness fades as I bolt up, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness.

The twins' cribs are a few feet away in a pool of moonlight slanting through a crack in the blinds. There are patches of shadow here, there—and then one that moves.

"Andrey," I whisper.

He raises his head. " Lastochka . Did I wake you?"

I slip out of bed and pad across the carpet. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, leaning over the chair he's slouched in. "No, I was just missing you." He presses a kiss to my wrist but there's something about the distracted flutter of his lips that gets to me.

"Why aren't you in bed? It's late."

"I just got home." His voice is tired, somber.

I grip his shoulders a little tighter. "Is it done, then?"

Andrey's head drops lower. "I disowned him in front of the entire Bratva."

"Are you okay?"

"It had to be done."

I walk around him so I can see his face. "That's not what I asked."

He takes a deep breath. "It was harder than I expected it to be. Despite everything…"

"He's still your brother."

"Not anymore." His gaze slides to mine. Shadows have carved out hollows in his face. He looks haunted. "Natalia, there's something I have to tell you."

The tone of his voice has me taking a step back. "What?"

"Disowning Viktor has… consequences. The Bratva—my allies—they wanted stability. They needed it after what they saw."

I frown. "Things are more stable without Viktor. You gave them that."

He shakes his head. "It's not enough. They needed… They wanted… I had to tell them about Grigory."

I swivel towards the crib, half-expecting to see Grigory's side of it empty. "You didn't."

"I didn't have any other choice."

"You always have a choice," I snap. "And you chose your Bratva over our family!"

Something flickers in his eyes. " Lastochka ?—"

"Don't!" I rear back. "Don't touch me."

He freezes with his hand halfway towards me. Then it drops.

"You promised me you would keep them out of this until they were older. Look at them." I jab a finger towards the crib. "They're babies, Andrey! And now, they've got targets on their backs."

"I will keep them safe?—"

"Like you kept Annie safe? Like you kept Mila safe?"

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. His face twists, but I'm too preoccupied with my own complicated emotions to regret it.

"You say you'll keep them safe, but you can't control everything. And you certainly can't control everyone!"

I'm talking too loud and Grigory fusses from his crib. I rush over, patting his back until he settles into sleep again. As soon as he's calm, I gesture for Andrey to follow me and storm into the nursery.

"I didn't make the decisions that led us here," Andrey rumbles, closing the door behind him. "I just did the best I could with the hand I was dealt."

"You promised me."

"I didn't break my promise to you, Natalia. I told you I would keep our children safe. I didn't promise that I would keep them out of the Bratva. That is not something I could promise you."

I play the moment back. Cool dread curls around my spine when I realize he's right. Andrey worded his vow to me carefully.

He runs a hand through his hair as he steps towards me. I back away and he freezes again, his eyes clouding over. "Baby?—"

"After everything that we've been through… how could you expose our children to this world?"

"The men only know about Grigory. They don't know about Sarra."

"And you think that makes it better?" I don't recognize my own voice right now. "How lovely—only one of my children is in danger. What a relief. If one of them dies, at least I'll have a backup." The idea of it pierces my chest. My heart physically aches.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Maybe I don't know you as well as I thought I did."

This time, when I back away from him, he follows. He drags me into his arms even when I struggle. "I hope one day you'll understand that everything I do is for this family."

I look up at his hypnotic silver eyes and my fight wavers. It would be so damn easy to sink into his chest and let him comfort me. But where would that leave me? Where would that leave my children?

I shove against his chest, and he finally lets me go.

"You made a choice for our family without thinking about my feelings or our children's safety. And it can't be undone."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"And yet you did." I turn away from him. The silence between us is charged. If he reaches for me again, I just might crumble. "I need space, okay? I need time to wrap my head around this."

"I can give you space," he agrees. "But just so we're clear, I'm not letting you go."

Gritting my teeth, I wipe away my tears and turn to face him. "I'm not leaving you, Andrey. I made a promise to you when I accepted this ring—and unlike you, I keep my promises."