36. Andrey

36

ANDREY

I'm on my way upstairs to find Natalia when I spot Misha in the backyard. He's wandering aimlessly, kicking at the grass with every step, so busy staring down at his feet that he doesn't notice me until I'm only a few yards away.

He jolts in surprise. "Andrey! I didn't see you there."

"You looked deep in thought."

"I just… needed a walk." His shoulders straighten and he pulls himself up to his fullest height, but his eyes shift over my shoulder, looking at the house instead. "If you want me to go, I will."

"I told you yesterday how I feel about that."

"Yeah, but that was in front of?—"

"I didn't make my decision because of Natalia." I inch closer to him. "I meant what I said. You have a home here as long as you want it."

He holds himself rigidly, but he can't fight the tremors working through his body. Finally, he shoves his fists into his pockets and continues pacing. "What do you want from me?"

"Nothing but your safety. And your happiness, if that's at all possible."

He tilts his head to one side like a confused puppy trying to make sense of things. "You know, Nikolai always said you were a monster who broke up families."

"He must've been looking in a mirror."

Misha doesn't smile, but his face softens. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before now."

"I understand why you didn't. And we don't need to revisit this conversation again."

He shuffles from one foot to the other. Back and forth, back and forth, like he can't find solid ground. "Is it true that the man you captured said Nikolai wants me back?"

"That's what he said. Whether we can believe him or not is a different issue."

Misha nods and silence falls between us. He's lost in thoughts that I can only imagine.

"Misha, you should know that, when it comes down to it, I am going to kill him—your father."

"He was never a father to me," he spits with more venom than I thought possible. "He's the man responsible for selling my mother. That's all he'll ever be to me."

I'm not sure he even realizes it, but as he talks, his fingers stray toward the birthmark on his collarbone. The one that marks him as a Rostov.

"Andrey…" He clears his throat and tries again. "Do you think it would be possible to track down my mother?"

I've been wondering if we'd have a conversation like this one day. It came even sooner than I anticipated, though. I rest a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I can't promise you we'll find anything, but I can promise you that we'll search for her. But first, we need to deal with Nikolai and Slavik."

"I want to help."

I've been expecting this, too. Shura's idea would mean Natalia would never speak to me again, but damn if it wasn't a good one. It would be so easy to train him up and send him in. Such a neat solution. Nikolai would have no reason to suspect the boy had turned to my side during captivity. Misha could be perfectly placed to bring about the premature end of the Rostov empire.

Except…

I promised Natalia.

"You can help by telling me whatever it is you remember about Nikolai and his operation."

Misha's forehead scrunches. "You know that's not what I meant. I mean, of course I'll tell you whatever I know. But that's not how I want to help."

"You know I can't let you go back there."

Misha's chin falls to his chest and his breathing quiets to a slow, raspy rhythm. "I don't want to hurt her, either. I don't want to do anything that would cause her pain or stress. But…" He raises his face to look at me again, and as he does, I'm struck by how much of a man he seems to be. Proud and self-assured and resolute. "She needs to accept that I have a choice in this, too."

"We all have choices," I agree. "But this is not yours to make."

"What if we didn't tell her?"

"She's pregnant, not stupid."

"Tell her I ran away."

I laugh. "She'd launch a full-scale manhunt for you. She'd search to the ends of the earth until she got you back."

Misha knows that as well as I do. He crumples to a seat on the grass, head slung low between his knees. "It's not fair. None of this is fair."

No, it's not. It's not fair at all. Between Shura protecting Katya and Natalia protecting Misha, I'm left with nothing except a full-scale Bratva war that will leave me vulnerable on all sides.

Route Seven was supposed to be a contingency plan.

Now, it looks like our only way out.