66. Natalia

66

NATALIA

"Nat!"

I'm lying on the bed, ready for the ultrasound, when Kat and Mila burst into the room. Dr. Abdulov is unceremoniously shoved aside to make room for both women. To his credit, he does his best not to look too upset about it.

I accept Mila's hug, but my eyes are on Kat. She looks good considering that she was held hostage for… actually, I don't even know how long.

But I don't see any obvious signs of torture or abuse. Then again, I know better than anyone that the worst scars can't always be seen.

"Are you okay?" we ask in unison.

"You first," I insist, refusing to let go of her hand.

She nods and tries to talk, but her voice breaks. She swallows and tries again. "I'm fine. No one hurt me, but I was… scared."

"Did they talk to you? Did you see anyone you recognize?"

"If you mean Viktor, then no. And no one spoke to me. Even when I screamed and demanded answers, they just ignored me." She drops down heavily on the edge of my exam table. "I mean, I knew it had something to do with you, but no one would explain what it was."

I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but I feel the weight of those words. They settle on my chest and get heavier with each passing second.

"I'm so sorry, Kat?—"

"Don't!" she snaps before I can even finish. "This is not on you. I'm just glad you're okay."

"And the baby," Mila adds. "Is the baby okay, too?"

"That's what we need to determine," Dr. Abdulov interjects with slight impatience. "All we need to do is check for the heartbeat and then you'll be free to continue your conversation."

Mila and Katya back away and let the doctor take the lead. He lifts my shirt and presses a heartbeat monitor against my stomach, poking and prodding until, finally, the room fills with the sound of the baby's heartbeat.

I could feel the little kicks on the drive over, but she'd gone uncharacteristically still since we got back to the manor. Until I hear it, I don't realize how worried I'd been that I wouldn't.

"She's okay," I splutter, feeling the tears rush down my cheeks. "She's okay."

Mila claps a hand over her chest and Katya grabs my hand.

The only problem is Dr. Abdulov is frowning, his forehead creasing the longer the heartbeat continues. That is definitely not the expression you want your doctor to have when he's staring at your unborn baby.

"Doctor? Is something wrong?"

Without changing his expression, he moves the wand around my belly, searching for something.

That's when I hear it, too.

The baby's heartbeat sounds strange. Like there's an echo.

Finally, Dr. Abdulov's face clears. As he sets the wand down, he smiles. "Everything is fine, Ms. Boone. But it seems you're having twins."

Katya and Mila explode in gasps and tears. Dr. Abdulov explains the positioning of the babies and how he found both heartbeats, but I can't hear a thing. The thunder of my pulse in my ears is drowning out everything else.

Twins.

Two babies. Twice as much to love.

So why is my chest filling with dread?

"Thank you, Doctor. Um, can I have a moment?" As he starts to rise, it takes all the energy I have to lunge forward to grab his wrist. "And can you not mention this to Andrey? I'd like to… I want to tell him myself."

He nods and leaves us alone.

The second the door is closed, I drop my head into my hands. My friends shift closer, and I wonder in a dull panic if they can hear my thoughts. If they know what I'm considering.

"Natty… I know that having twins is a lot, but you can handle this," Katya assures me. "I know you can."

"And we'll help you, you know," Mila adds.

"Exactly! We'll be on hand for babysitting duties whenever you need," Kat chimes in.

A crackle of dark laughter bursts through my lips as my hands drop. "If either one of you is even alive to babysit these twins."

Mila gasps, but Kat is already shaking her head. "I knew you would do this," she says. "I knew you'd find a way to blame yourself for what happened." Her jaw is squared now, her eyebrows pinched together. "Don't do this, Nat."

"They targeted all of you because they wanted to get to me ," I rasp. "Even if I'm safe, the people I love won't be. That's what they told Aunt Annie. If you think the message wasn't supposed to get to me, then you're delusional."

Swinging my legs off the bed, I spring up, feeling lightheaded but pushing through it. I'm done shutting down when I should be fighting back.

Even if fighting back means…

Leaving.

"What's going on with you?" Katya asks, planting herself in front of the door.

I avoid her eyes. "It doesn't concern either one of you."

"She's thinking of leaving?" Mila guesses.

"No." Kat shakes her head. "Even Nat wouldn't be that much of a martyr to—" But her eyes slide to my guilty face, and she stops short, the words dying on her tongue. "Jesus Christ, Nat. You are. You're thinking about it. You can't leave . Do you know how much danger you'll be in if you do?"

"None if I disappear. No one will be able to track me down. I can raise my children somewhere far away, somewhere they'll be safe. Away from the politics and the guns and the never-ending violence."

Away from Andrey.

My heart cracks, but I shut that thought out for now. Because the more I talk, the more I realize: I've made my decision.

I just have to make peace with it.

"Andrey will protect you!" Mila cries out.

"He can't protect me from everything. From everyone. Tonight has proven that. I mean, we're surrounded by enemies—Slavik, Viktor, Nikolai, God only knows who else. They're all out for blood, and I'm not prepared to sacrifice my children."

"But… Andrey," Mila tries again.

"It doesn't matter how I feel about him. It doesn't matter how he feels about me." I place both hands on my stomach. "This is about protecting my babies."

Mila and Katya glance at one another. They both look lost for words.

"Listen, I'm asking for nothing but your silence," I tell them. "You can disagree with me all you want. You can judge me. You can even hate me. Just don't rat me out to Andrey. Please. "

"Are you really going to do this?" Mila whispers.

"It might take some planning. And some time. But I know I have to try."

Then Katya inches forward, her bottom lip trembling. "I'm the one who put this idea in your head, aren't I? When I first found out you were pregnant, I said I'd leave with you. But I didn't know Andrey. I didn't know… I didn't have…"

"Shura," I finish for her, taking her hand.

She'd been willing to uproot her entire life and follow me out of the state to raise the baby when she first found out I was pregnant. Now, though, the circumstances have changed.

Everything has changed.

"You have Shura now. I know you can't come with me. I never expected you to."

She gives me a watery smile. "I wish I didn't… but?—"

"You love him."

She nods. Then a disbelieving laugh bursts through her lips and she swipes away her tears. "God, that's embarrassing. What's happening to me?"

"He's a good man, Kat. I'm happy for you. I'm happy for both of you." I look at Mila over Kat's shoulder. "Leonty and Shura are lucky."

Mila's face crumples. "This feels like a goodbye. And it's not! It can't be."

"It's not goodbye." I think of all the preparations I need to make. I can't just waltz through the front door. Andrey would never let me go. I have to bide my time, wait for an opportunity to present itself. "Not yet, anyway."

"Hey!" Mila offers weakly. "Maybe in the meantime, Andrey will finish off Slavik and Nikolai and then you won't have to leave at all."

Katya nods along, but my hope died when I was looking into Nikolai's eyes, the bomb counting down to our deaths.

In that moment, I knew I was going to die and take Andrey and our babies with me.

That's where love was going to land us.

Still, I nod. "Yeah. Maybe."

"Everything is going to be fine. You aren't going anywhere," Katya says with forced cheer.

"But please don't say a word to?—"

"We won't breathe a word of this to Andrey," Mila swears, cutting me off at the pass. "I promised no more spying."

I give her a thin smile.

"To anyone ," Katya adds. "That includes Shura and Leonty."

I take their hands, holding them close for what might be the very last time. Neither of them looks happy, but they squeeze right back.

We all have hard choices to make.

I can only hope they're the right ones.