18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

TOM FORD

Jamie

S aturday afternoon, Jamie was in the hearth room, while Mika, Cadence, Tom, Dru, Allegra, Valentina and Nico (Archie was shooting a game, Darryn was on call) were sitting around the dining table, still chatting, and giving it time before they had dessert after consuming Alyona’s gut-busting lunch.

He left them after he got a call from Judge, everyone yelled out hello (and demanded more baby pictures), and he moved to the hearth room for more privacy.

Nora had exquisite taste, every inch of her apartment was stunning, which made him look forward to what she and his daughter were going to do to the brownstone, but this was his favorite room in the house. It was the only one that had any masculinity to it, if you counted black velvet couches with crystal and gold lighting features as masculine.

But he liked the one dark feature wall, and the couches in there were insanely comfortable.

He settled in one and asked his son, “Everything going well?”

“JT is growing like a weed, mostly out,” Judge told him. “He’s getting a buddha belly. It’s cute as fuck.”

Jamie chuckled even as he reminded himself to look for real estate in Prescott. The lives they lived and where they lived them, at that juncture, it was out of his control how much he’d miss of his grandson in this time.

But Jamie was determined not to let that go on too long.

“Chloe’s good,” Judge continued. “She’s getting her energy back, even though we’ve found that good-night’s-sleep-is-a-memory thing for parents is very real, and it’s tougher for her because she’s breastfeeding.”

“You’re with her on that, though. Right?” Jamie prompted.

He heard the smile in his son’s voice, a reaction to Jamie’s quiet order, when Judge replied, “Yeah, Dad. She tells me I don’t have to get up and hang with them. I tell her, if she’d just pump so I could feed him and she could sleep, she wouldn’t have to get up. But she feels like hogging all that action, and when Chloe is really into something, I’ve learned the best thing to do is just let her do it.”

Jamie chuckled again.

Judge kept speaking. “Though, she says she’s going to give me a shot…eventually.”

“That’s good, buddy. Feeding your child is a bonding experience.”

“I totally get that. In fact, sharing that is how I got her to give in and let me feed my boy… eventually .”

Jamie shared more auditory amusement.

“She goes down to her shop in town a few hours a day while Genny watches JT,” Judge told him. “Or she drops him at my office, and then I have to fight everyone off because they want a piece of him. Alex has fallen in love. Rix has fallen in love with her falling in love. He told me he’s gonna knock her up on their honeymoon.”

“I hope he does,” Jamie said, looking forward to the trip to go out for their wedding, one that was happening that coming autumn, and he was looking forward to it for a bevy of reasons.

On that thought, Jamie picked up his earlier thought and made a mental note to set up some house viewings while they were out there.

“I do too,” Judge said into Jamie’s thoughts. “He also shared, when he lost his legs, he gave up on the idea of having kids. Didn’t think he could protect them if something really bad happened. It’s fucking awesome he doesn’t feel that way anymore.”

It absolutely was.

Predictably, it had been a rough road Rix had to travel after he lost both legs in an accident when he was a firefighter, first the physical journey, then the emotional one.

But Rix was a tough nut, and he fought to the other side. Now, it was all about getting on with life, love, and making babies.

“You hear from Chet again?” Judge asked.

“Not a word. No whisper out there he’s causing any trouble. Doesn’t mean we won’t be blindsided by it.”

“Do you have any idea what his deal is now?” Judge asked. “I mean, Dru’s of age. Why doesn’t he just piss off?”

At his son’s question, Jamie made a decision.

And it was a big decision.

He then set about initiating that decision by explaining all that had been happening.

Everything.

Roland. Paloma. Chet.

AJ.

And finally, he said, “I haven’t spoken to your sister about this, but I need…” he trailed off.

Was he going to do this?

“What, Dad? You need what?” Judge prompted when Jamie left it too long. Then he suggested, “A posse to go to Texas and kick Granddad’s ass?”

Jamie wanted to smile at that.

He just couldn’t.

“No, because, Judge.” Fuck . “Because AJ Oakley is not your granddad.”

Judge was silent.

Jamie was in it now, so he had to give it all.

“I found your grandmother’s journals. She had an affair. I’m the product of that.”

“Holy fuck,” Judge pushed out.

“I know it’s a lot to lay on you over the phone?—”

“It’d be a lot to lay on me in person,” Judge said. “You’ve known about this for a while?”

“It took some time for me to get over losing your grandma before I could read her journals. It then took more to convince myself I had a right to her privacy. I missed her and wanted to be closer to her. So I read them, and I’m glad I did, for more than this reason. But yes. I’ve known it for years. I didn’t tell you because, well, frankly, son, I wasn’t ready.”

“It’s yours to share when you want to, Dad. I’m just…is it bad that I’m really freaking happy Grandma cheated on Granddad?”

Miraculously, considering their subject, Jamie felt his lips twitch. “No. But it wasn’t like that. It was a love affair, buddy. They loved each other. Deeply. He wanted to take her away from him. Give her a good life. But she had three kids, and they both knew how AJ could be, particularly Mom. If she humiliated him like that, he’d bury her, and my birth father.”

“Christ, the tentacles of his bullshit stretch forever,” Judge groused.

They were about to come to an end.

“What he did to you, how he used Belinda,” Jamie began, “and learning what was in those journals was what prompted me to deal with him in a final way, Judge. Mom felt trapped. Well before the final years of her marriage, she felt trapped, and he purposefully made her feel that way. It was a relief to her when he replaced her. So, part of why I made that decision has always been the fact that I plan, once that ranch is in my hands, to give it to my real father…and your two uncles.”

“Holy shit, I have uncles too?”

“Yes.”

“Please tell me these ones aren’t fuckwads,” Judge begged.

Jamie felt a lightness in his chest at Judge’s reaction to all of this. He’d been avoiding it for a long time, not wanting to besmirch his mother’s memory, not wanting any drama, but definitely wanting AJ firmly over the barrel before he pulled the final plug.

But fuck, it was good to finally have it out there.

“I’ve looked into all of them, and they’re good, decent, hardworking men. They own a ranch they all work not far from Oakbilly. The sons are both married, one to his high school sweetheart. The younger one to a woman he met twenty years ago, and they’ve been together since. You also have cousins. Three boys and a girl. They’re younger even than Dru, but they seem like good kids.”

“Jesus, this is a lot,” Judge muttered.

Jamie’s stomach twisted. “Too much?” he asked.

“No, Dad. I think it’s awesome. I should have known you weren’t of his blood. You don’t look like him. And you don’t act like any of them. Have you reached out to these folks?”

“I’m going to do it after I get the ranch.”

“Can I ask why you’re waiting?”

Good question.

“Dad?” Judge pushed.

“I keep trying to think how I would feel if the product of a relationship with a woman from my past, even a woman I cared about deeply, approached me decades later.”

“I know how you’d feel,” Judge stated instantly. “You’d be shocked, but, as long as they didn’t show up to milk you for money, you’d love it.”

His son was correct.

However…

“Not every man would, Judge,” he cautioned. “And he’s been with his wife for forty-five years. She might not like it that much either.”

“I hear you,” Judge said quietly. “But if he loved Grandma…and Dad, you’re no slouch. You’ve made an amazing life for yourself, and you’re a great guy. I think this man will be super freaking happy to know you’re his. And if his wife loves him, she’ll only dig that he has more family to add to their own.”

Fuck, he hoped so.

Jamie moved them on. “So…first step. Telling you. I’ll tell Dru soon. Once we know Chet isn’t going to bother her. And then I’ll figure out when I’ll reach out to this man.”

“What’s his name?”

“Morgan Rawlins.”

“Holy fuck ,” Judge whispered.

That made Jamie smile, because he knew why Judge said that.

“Mom told Pop that she gave me my middle name after her side of the family, the Morgans,” Jamie told his son something he already knew. “Her journal refutes that. She named me after my father. Which means, I inadvertently gave you your middle name after my father.”

He could hear the smile in Judge’s, “Shit, AJ is gonna lose his mind.”

AJ was going to lose his mind.

There was a knock on the door, then Nico stuck his head in.

“Damn, sorry, I thought you might be done,” he said.

“No, don’t go,” Jamie called. “We’re finishing up.” He went back to Judge. “Sit with this. Process it. I’ll let you know when I talk to Dru. And then we’ll get together and figure out what’s next.”

“Okay, Dad. Thanks for telling me.”

“Thanks for handling it so well.”

“Not a problem, since I think it’s the shit. I can’t wait to tell Chloe. If you hear her shriek of glee all the way to New York, you know I’ve done the deed.”

And his son made him laugh.

Through it, he said, “Much love to you, Judge. Give Chloe and JT a kiss for me.”

“You got that back, and I will. Later, Dad.”

They hung up, and Jamie focused on Nico.

“You sure you were done talking to Judge?” Nico asked. “Honestly, I can come back.”

“We were done, Nico.”

And he’d been in the thick of it with Judge, but he knew the minute Nico showed late that morning that he needed to make sure there was time for this chat.

He knew this when Nico came through the front door wearing a brown Tom Ford button down and jeans, nice boots, and a brown military-style Tom Ford jacket.

Jamie sensed this was not an outfit approved by Felice.

It wasn’t like Nico had been in flipflops and a T-shirt that last time he came home. But the short-sleeved button down and faded jeans he’d worn that time were both probably purchased at the Gap.

Nico was reclaiming himself, and undoubtedly, Felice wasn’t a fan.

He watched Nico move to the sofa across from him and sit down.

“I’m going to make this easy on you and let you know that Darryn is a great guy, but he tells his wife everything,” Jamie said quietly.

Nico looked to the fireplace. “Right.”

“I’ve been divorced,” Jamie reminded him, getting his attention back. “And lost a wife to cancer.” He let his lips tip up ruefully. “I’ve got all the shitty experiences under my belt.”

“I love her,” Nico blurted.

Jamie nodded.

There was pain in Nico’s face, and his voice, when he asked, “Is sometimes love not enough?”

Jamie thought of Belinda.

“I hate to tell you this, but yes. Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

Nico’s face flushed with emotion, but he asked, “Are you cool with talking about this?”

“I’m very cool with it,” Jamie assured.

“This is a lot, we don’t know each other very well, but I don’t want you to think I’ve got some kind of screw loose.”

Jamie might speak plain and do it as a habit, but he wasn’t going to remind Nico that he’d witnessed how he was with his father, so he knew, when Nico needed someone to turn to of maturity who’d been there, his father was not going to be that.

Instead, he said, “I can’t say I haven’t fallen into this trap in my lifetime, more than once. Too many times to feel comfortable. And that’s because I should have been smart enough to figure it out long before it became uncomfortable. That’s to say, I understand that somewhere in our evolutionary history, men decided that talking and expressing their emotions is a weakness. And they made that decision because women do it, so they segregated it into feminine and masculine, with anything they erroneously deemed as weak being feminine. Women can feel and share. But even though men feel just as much, they cannot. And frankly, that’s just, plain, fucking stupid. Like women, we feel hurt, joy, sorrow, elation, betrayal. Burying emotion and becoming an asshole no one wants to deal with doesn’t seem like a wise answer to life’s many issues. Getting shit out with someone you can trust, working your way through it, and hopefully finding some answers is a better way to go about it. Don’t you agree?”

Nico was staring at him, but he used his mouth to say, “You really don’t hold back.”

“Like I said, not when shit is important. And you’re important, Nico.”

If Castellini had been anywhere near him in that moment, Jamie might have been moved to cut him gut to gullet at the look on Nico’s face when Jamie said that. Because it was clear Castellini had not made a point of being absolutely certain his son knew he was important.

Fortunately, that moron was nowhere near.

And Jamie had to pay attention, because Nico was talking.

“Okay then, straight up, it’s like she thinks she married a different guy. The longer I’m with her, it’s like she hates everything about me.”

Jamie nodded again.

“She has a real problem about class,” Nico informed him.

“I’m sorry to say, that wasn’t lost on me.”

Nico flinched. “Did she say something to you to make you uncomfortable?”

“Not personally. But I wasn’t a fan of the digs and looks she gave Nora.”

He watched Nico’s jaw bulge, sharing he wasn’t big on that either, before he pointed out, “I mean, I can not be rich. It’s doable, obviously. I can give away my trust fund. I can ask Mom and Dad to disinherit me. But that’s fucking lunacy.”

“It is,” Jamie agreed.

“She cares about everything. At first, I thought that was incredibly cool. She reads The Times religiously. She knows how senators and congresspeople vote. But she spends a lot of time up in her phone, watching these TikToks that serve no purpose but to piss her off. I’ve told her she’s feeding into the algorithms, and seeing stuff that only sounds in her personalized echo chamber, without getting any alternate perspectives, but she doesn’t listen. I’ve asked her to stop, or at least cut back her screen time, and, I don’t know, maybe spend some time with me. She says she will, then she doesn’t, and our lives are permeated by what she consumes. One day, we can’t eat at Chick-fil-A. She reads something, the next day, we can. And that’s with everything, Jamie. Everything .”

Jamie could imagine that would be very frustrating.

Nico continued, “And, a month ago, she said she wanted to leave the city. Move to Vermont. Use my trust fund to buy some cabin or something. Plant a big garden. Slaughter our own pigs and chickens. I mean, slaughter our own meat, for chrissakes.”

Jamie grew up on a ranch. The circle of life was not lost on him.

That said, he liked his steak, but he’d never slaughtered an animal and he had no desire to do so.

“This Vermont full-time idea is out the blue,” Nico told him. “She never hinted at wanting to leave the city. She told me she loves it here. She can go to protests. She can go to poetry readings. All that shit. Now, she wants to raise pigs and figure out how to make our own Oreos organically and go off the grid. It’s freaky.”

Jamie leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. “No one stays the same. We all grow. Mature. Change. And sometimes, if you’re in a couple, when you do that, you grow apart.”

Nico nodded, right before he shook his head.

“I think she’s always been like this. I think I was like…one of her causes. This poor little rich boy she can show the way. But, serious to Christ, there’s only so many times a man can listen to a woman shouting at him because he forgot to clean out a Ziploc when he’s just done.”

Jamie sat back, saying, “I can imagine.”

“I feel like a fucking failure,” Nico mumbled.

“You aren’t. It happens. It would be a fail if you knew it was over, if you ignored the red flags, and you gave more of your life to it.”

“I kinda married Mom, except the not-funny, totally not-self-aware, naggy, judgy flipside of Mom.”

At that, Jamie smiled a soft smile.

Because he’d married his mother too.

In Rosalind.

Loving, generous, kind.

His last woman was all his pick.

Hilarious. Loyal. Devoted. Outspoken. Stylish. Gorgeous.

And a fantastic lay.

“Why are you smiling?” Nico asked.

“Because I had a great mom, like you do,” Jamie explained. “My second wife was a lot like her. She made me very happy. But your mom is all my choice. I came from means, but I made my own way in this world, and your mom is the woman I’ve been working to earn all my life. And I finally won her.”

Jamie leaned forward again and gave him the wisdom.

“Nico, what I’m saying is, we all make mistakes, but the only good ones are the ones we make when we fall in love. I fell in love with a woman that was going to die young, and in doing so, cause me immeasurable pain. But while I had her, I was enormously happy. You fell in love, and you were happy, and you got married. The key is, once you realize it’s a mistake, don’t make it a failure by not recognizing it for what it is. If you’re feeling there’s no common ground between you and Felice, then it isn’t only to save yourself, it’s to save her, that you cut her loose so you both can find what you need. If you love her,”—he sat back again—“then, I know it sounds like bullshit, but it can be an act of love to let go.”

Nico’s voice was thick with emotion when he said, “This is gonna suck. We haven’t even been married for two years.”

“Do you have a prenup?”

Nico nodded. “Totally. Dad flipped his shit when I proposed to her without discussing that.” A fond, sad smile hit his lips. “She didn’t even read it when she signed it. She’s totally not about money.”

“That can change when hearts are broken,” Jamie warned.

Nico shook his head. “When I go home tomorrow, if she asks me for a divorce before I’m through the door, I won’t be surprised. We both know it.” His voice dropped to a whisper when he repeated, “We both know it.”

“I hate that you—” Jamie began, but there was a sharp rap on the door.

He looked that way to see Tom come in, and he was leading a charge.

Everyone was coming in.

But Jamie homed in on Nora.

She looked distraught.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

Nora came right to him and sat beside him as Tom asked, “Where’s the remote for this TV?”

“I’ll get it,” Nico said, reaching to a pearl-velvet box on one of the coffee tables and opening it.

When he grabbed the remote, he tossed it to Tom and Tom aimed it at the television over the fireplace.

Jamie looked to Nora.

“Again, what’s going on?” he demanded.

“Elsa called. I’m so sorry, darling,” was all she said before she jutted her chin toward the television.

Jamie looked that way.

Tom had found a news channel.

And on the screen, he could see his childhood home engulfed in flames.

Not telling his body to do so, Jamie took his feet.

Nora came up beside him.

Tom turned up the volume.

“…at the stables, where there are known to be thoroughbred horses. The fire then jumped to the main house, along with several other outbuildings, something that’s confusing at this time, considering the distance between them and it hasn’t been a windy day. More fire crews are coming in, but as you can see,”—the reporter on screen turned and moved to the edge of the frame to give the viewer the full scene of the entirety of Oakbilly Gulch consumed by flames, the reporter then turned back to the camera—“it doesn’t seem like they’ve been successful at containing what, no other way to describe it, is an inferno, Evan.”

The screen went to someone sitting in the studio. “Paula, any word on AJ Oakley?”

Back to the reporter, who shook her head. “We’ve been told Mr. Oakley’s son, Jeff, and the senior Oakley’s girlfriend, former supermodel Paloma Friedrichsen, were at the house when the fire started, but we haven’t seen either of them. And no word on AJ Oakley.”

Evan the newscaster came back on screen. “I’m sure you’ll stay on top of it, Paula,” he said. “We’ll circle back to you when…”

Tom turned down the volume and looked to Jamie.

“Arson?” Tom asked.

Tom, one of his closest friends, was not in the dark about all that was going on.

“Absolutely,” Jamie answered.

The fingers of both of Nora’s hands wrapped around his biceps.

Dru came to his other side, and she grabbed his hand.

“AJ would burn down his house with both his son and his girlfriend inside?” Mika asked, and her voice was pitched far higher than normal.

His first thought was, if he was the beneficiary of life insurance on either of them, Jamie wouldn’t put it past him.

But he said, “I don’t know about that.” He looked back to the TV to see Evan prattling mutely on about something. “The reporter might have been given wrong information.”

Allegra plopped down beside her brother, with Valentina doing it on the other side, Allegra saying, “I’m so sorry, Jamie. Watching your childhood home burn like that has to stink.”

Actually, he had no fucks to give. The ostentatious monstrosity of Oakbilly could burn right to the ground for all he cared.

It was just that his real dad and brothers would have no home to live in and as such, would have to rebuild if they decided to take over Oakbilly and live there.

“What’s this about arson?” Valentina asked.

“I’ll explain later,” Nora said quickly.

Jamie sat back down, and since they were attached to him, both of his girls came down with him.

“Do you think that Charles and his group pulled out of the deal, and this was an act of desperation?” Nora asked quietly.

“I don’t know what to think,” Jamie muttered.

“What I think is, it’s time for dessert,” Mika decreed. “I’ll go talk to Alyona. We’ll serve it in here. Cozy and comfortable.”

Jamie watched as Mika gave Tom’s hand a squeeze and strode out.

“I’m gonna help Mom,” Cadence said, shooting a sad look Jamie’s way, then she ducked out.

“You okay, Dad?” Dru asked.

He turned to her. “I’m fine, darlin’. Just…stunned. But I had no ties to that place, and not many good memories.”

She glanced beyond him to Nora before she came back to him and said, “Okay.”

He squeezed her hand.

Then he looked to Nico and requested, “Can we talk in the hall for a second?”

All the women exchanged glances, but Nico got up quickly, saying, “Sure.”

Jamie followed him to the hall, and when they were down it a ways, they stopped.

“We got interrupted. Are you good?” Jamie asked.

Nico blinked at him before he said, “I’m sorry, did we just watch your childhood home burning on the TV, they don’t know where your dad and brother are, and you’re worried about me?”

“I’m not close with my family,” Jamie explained.

Nico started laughing softly. “No, man. You’re just… you .” He cuffed Jamie on the arm and went on, “I’m sick to my stomach my marriage is over. What comes next is gonna suck. But right now, I mean, Ma is pretty damned rad, so I understand how she earned you in this life, and I’m glad she did.”

That felt really damned good.

Jamie nodded and clapped him on the back.

They returned to the hearth room.

Nora sought his gaze, and he did his best to communicate It’s going to be okay with it.

He must have succeeded, because her face softened, her brown eyes warmed, and he returned to sit between her and Dru.

Mika and Cadence came in with trays of individual strawberry trifles, conversation sprang up, and although he weathered some concerned looks, and Nora nor Dru left his side, it was all good.

But Jamie couldn’t keep his eyes from straying to the TV every so often to see if more news of the fire had come on.

This being more news about his father who had never been his father, or his dad. His brother, who fortunately was only half-blood to him, but he didn’t want him dead. More news about a misguided woman who took a certain path in life and wanted others to pay for it.

No more news came on.

So he waited until everyone had left, outside Nico and Dru, before he went to the study to make his calls.

Jeff didn’t pick up.

And neither did AJ.

The ranch house and all the outbuildings were burning to the ground. They might be busy.

No answer could mean anything.

And neither of them would think to call Jamie and tell him they were okay.

So he had to wait.

And to his surprise, the wait was excruciating.

It was after dinner.

Dru was gone.

Jamie and Nico were in the hearth room watching a baseball game, something which Nora had no interest in, so she said she was going to give herself a facial.

But just then, Nora came in.

Jamie looked to her.

He was flat out on one couch, Nico the same on the other, and she came to Jamie and sat by his hip.

Jamie didn’t like the look on her face one bit.

“Elsa phoned.” She drew in breath. “Darling, Jeff was in the fire. Paloma and AJ were in Dallas.”

He felt his chest get tight. “He was in the fire? He died?”

Nico slipped out as Nora grabbed Jamie’s hand and held tight.

He sat up.

“He died,” she whispered. “And…Jamie…”

“What?” he asked tersely, not sure what he was feeling, he just knew it wasn’t good.

“They haven’t been able to inspect it officially, but Elsa says there are rumors flying that, preliminary evidence suggests he wasn’t simply caught in the fire. He was caught while setting it.”

Jesus.

Fucking.

Christ .