6

Serik

My mate's brow drops to a severe frown as I talk of kits. She doesn't think I can plant a kit in her belly. It's my fault for not pursuing her in the furs. Part of me wishes to rut her just to prove I have what it takes…but my heart isn't ready. The rejection of my pleasure mates still rings in my ears. They promised to love me for the duration of a season but defaulted on day one. Their kicking feet, swinging fists, and bloody claws haunt my nightmares. I didn't want to be a predator, but I wanted what they consented to give me. As soon as they fought back, I stopped… Was I supposed to overpower them?

Am I supposed to push myself on Kaitlyn? If she fought me, it would break my heart.

My dumbass wants love.

"All this talk of kits is too soon." My heart cracks when a small smile replaces her frown. She doesn't want my young, and it doesn't make sense. My soulmate should want to give me a family, right? Once again, I'm not enough—not even with dushevnayasvyaz binding our souls "I haven't proven I can be a mate, let alone a father."

"How will you do that? I've seen your marriage rod and baby-making tackle. There's no doubt what you are packing—and it won't fit inside me. You will split me in half."

I can't help the smile stretching my cheeks. Despite her fear, her hungry gaze lit my body on fire with desire. I'm delighted she wasn't looking for weaknesses but measuring my cock as a potential mate. Maybe our dushevnayasvyaz isn't broken after all—just smoldering dung chips instead of flint stone sparks. I puff with pride at her assessment. I'm too big for her. That's why my gift is a human mate. She doesn't need to know other females called my rut weak.

She will judge for herself at her first mating chase…

"You will be ready to accept me before I claim you. I won't hurt you. I promise—"

"Whatever Serik." She pinches another bite of salad to feed herself. Pride explodes in my heart as I watch her eat what I foraged. She chooses my foraged greens over starving. Maybe overtime she will choose me too.

"You need more evidence before you trust me as a thoughtful mate. What can I give you to make you happy?"

"Let me go home!" It flies out of her mouth with a few bits of green. She wipes them from my fur as I growl. Her cheeks flush a delicate pink as her hand pats my chest over my heart. When the pads of her fingers whisper over my nipple, I bit my lip.

"What about shoes? I want something warm to cover my feet. I'm not furry like you," she says in a sweet voice that sounds like someone else. Suspicion raises the fur on the back of my neck.

"My feet aren't furry." I lift my foot so she can see the bottom of it.

"Your soles are thick. They withstand the snow—"

"Your soul is thick too, my chernyrozd. I won't have my mate insulting her love when she is perfect in my eyes."

Her breath hitches. Her pupils dilate. Something in my words penetrated the icy barrier she built around her heart. It's my turn to have the breath stolen from my lungs when she smiles brighter than the sun. A crystal sparkle on her nostril steals my attention as her nose crinkles. She adorns her nose and eyebrow with bits of metal. My mate likes crystals and jewelry! I could drape her in beaded chains and flower garlands…and nothing else. My shaft hardens at the image of my smiling mate sprawled across my furs, wearing my finery across her curves.

"You're a goof," she says with a giggle. My shaft hardens further as she laughs. My hips shift to point away from her perch on my lap to avoid scaring her. "I meant s-o-l-e like the sole on the bottom of your foot, not s-o-u-l like the spiritual bit in your mind. Eek! Don't touch it! I hate my feet touched. They are super ticklish."

When we are intimate, information like this will be invaluable. Sergei rubs Sydney's feet during clan meetings. Assuming all human mates are the same will set me up for failure. If I'm fortunate enough to claim Kaitlyn's body as mine, massaging her feet will upset her and compromise her trust. I'm a failure at keeping a female, but not dumb enough to abuse the trust she gives me.

"If your feet are sensitive, then I must cover them with the softest rabbit fur boots, as is the duty of your male. I will also forage for more crystals this summer to add to the decorations on your face," I say, flicking her nose.

"Thank you for the commitment to the gifts. But if you ever flick my nose again, I'll bite your thumb off. Got it?"

"Yes, my fierce chernyrozd," I reply with a laugh. My palms tighten on her hips when she laughs, too. Her voice rings throughout the cavern, surrounding me in my bird's song. "What else can I provide, my mate? Once the summer season brings the fruits of the forest, I promise the most exciting salads."

"Yeah, about that," she mumbles as her eyes drop to her lap. "I'm not a vegetarian. I eat cooked meat in the shape of steaks and breaded nuggets. I'm scared of blood and the eyes of dead animals."

"Why didn't you ask me to butcher the kills I brought you? Is that why you starved yourself when I brought you here?" My mind spins as it corrects my assumptions. She wasn't choosing death over a life with me! She didn't hate me or my choice of offerings. She hates to butcher!

"I thought you left them to scare me, not feed me."

Wait, she hates to butcher…

Images of Patricika butchering moose in my home haunt me. She hunted, fished, butchered, cooked, and tanned hides…but she's Chuchunya. Visions of Sydney hacking Sergei's kills apart dance through my head, and Sydney's as human as Kaitlyn. This fear is not common to all human mates. My mate has a special, delicate condition like her namesake songbird. Her song is fierce when she is soft—inside and out. My need to protect and provide for her roars in my heart. I fall a little further in love with her confession.

"I will butcher the rabbits for your shoes in our pantry, so you won't see their dead bodies or blood," I promise.

"Thank you," she says sweetly, but her smile doesn't reach her eyes. Her finger taps her chin as she thinks out loud. "If you have a stove or campfire with dishes, I will cook the meat. We can't build a fire inside, though, there's no ventilation. You will have to let me outside."

I don't know what ventilation is, but it must have to do with smoke. My mate is smart enough to know not to make a fire under the permafrost. Memories of Manya filling my home with suffocating smoke cloud my thoughts. Kaitlyn, although not from this land, is more Chuchunya than she realizes.

"I don't want to trap you underground, but I can't lose you." My voice cracks with my admission. Do I admit I preyed upon her fears by tricking her into believing she couldn't fit through my door? I drop my chin to my chest because I can't look at her reaction to my weakness. I can't lose her. She is my weakness. I want to love her, but I don't know how. Males like me don't win females unless there is a trick. My teeth, my average size, and my lack of special talent to offer the clan work against me. "I want us to join the clan as a breeding pair. We will have a place in the clan like the other human/Chuchunya couples."

"A place? What does that mean? Another hole underground?"

"No, Sergei is the biggest Chuchunya, and his mate, Sydney, is the fiercest protector of our group. They also amass the most supplies during the niibin season. Artyom and his human mate, Vera, wander the land, discovering resources and dangers before we migrate. Timor is our leader. He has two daughters of mating age with his human mate, Polina. Adam brings knowledge of the human world while Patricika is the best huntress. Who knows how much they contribute together?" I stop before my bitterness coats my words.

"I hate how I'm tied to your worth. What if I'm bad at everything?"

"Impossible," I declare with a shake of my head. "Every dushevnayasvyaz brings hope, kits, happiness, and more survivability to the clan. It is the purpose of the soul bond." Don't humans believe in dushevnayasvyaz?

"I mean it," she mutters through clenched teeth. Her temper ignites. "I'm not a survivalist. I've never wanted to live off the grid. I don't camp or rough it—not even a visit to the park. I like prepackaged food without eyes. The only vegetarianism I practice is vegging in front of the television."

"You don't have to be an expert at outdoor tasks. Denis made jewelry and art. Nobody fills his void. Do you make beaded things or draw on leather? I'm sorry I don't know what these things are called, but I can learn from you. Maybe our purpose will be filling the clan's numbers—"

"I'm not popping out your kits!" She jumps off my lap as she yells. I'm stabbed every time the echo of her declaration bounces off the cavern walls.

"Why? Because you fear they will be ugly? Weak? What is it about me you find so repulsive, Kaitlyn?" I jump to my feet as the scabs of my old wounds break open. Manya and Kaitlyn called my teeth ugly. Patricika called me worse. All three females don't want my knot. Kaitlyn, the one destined to love me, is afraid of my cock. What have I done to deserve such heartbreak?

"Because I don't like children! I have an IUD to keep me child-free, Serik. I'll never be a clan ‘breeder' because I don't want to be—ever—with anyone. It has nothing to do with you—except you want me to be something I'm not."

"What's an IUD?" The anger drains from her face as she turns white with fright. She hadn't meant to confess to this device. I hope she recognizes that I hang on her every word. Chuchunya dissect every word said by the human females to learn about their magical world and how to lure them from it—unless they are stupid. I'm clever, dammit!

"It's a wire inside my body that keeps an egg from implanting—"

"Humans lay eggs?" My lips peel back in shock. No wonder Sydney talks of the pain of birth. What size egg could she make with the kit of the largest Chuchunya in the clan?

"No, humans don't lay eggs like birds. Wipe that picture from your mind. All mammal females have a squishy egg that grows into a baby—a kit—inside them while attached to her. The egg is like a water sack and pops when the baby is born. Geez, there's no hard-shelled egg." She shakes her head at my stupidity, but at least she isn't yelling anymore. Maybe if she continues to explain human things to me, she will settle on my lap again.

"The wire detaches the egg before the kit can grow?" I'm disappointed when she nods. I guessed the device's purpose instead of allowing her to explain more. Why didn't I keep my mouth shut? An IUD is too unbelievable for words. My mate allowed a device inside her. She must hate motherhood…but I can't say I'm attached to fatherhood either.

"Don't even think about digging it out of me," she snaps, with finger waving between us. There's her fear. Her feral male will hurt her to force a pregnancy. Which is worse—her sexual rejection because she thinks I'm unworthy or her fear because she thinks I will hurt her? How do mated males navigate this? "I need a human doctor to remove it in a special procedure. If you try to remove the IUD, I'll bleed to death. A Slow. Painful. Frightening. Death!"

My mate's tirade blows the cobwebs off my thoughts on parenthood. Every interaction with the clan since our parents died contained a lecture on increasing our numbers. Our rituals, meetings, and celebrations revolve around mating. Do I want to raise kits or was I convinced I want kits? All my struggles to conceive them could be because deep in my soul, I don't want them. If I'm honest with myself, the decision is Kaitlyn's and I'm pleased either way.

"I won't," I swear with my hand over my heart. A brilliant idea sparks in my mind. Kaitlyn is reluctant to mate because she doesn't want kits, doesn't understand the needs of the clan, and is scared of my cock. Would another couple who can show her the human/Chuchunya dushevnayasvyaz is more than a breeding contract put her fears to rest? What if she meets a human female who's desperate to carry her mate's kits because the love they share is too big for two? Meeting Vera and Artyom could solve two of the three problems that prevent me from claiming my mate before the mating chase.

"What? Why are you smiling like a serial killer? You aren't planning on kidnapping a human doctor, are you? Because that's wrong, Serik. You do know kidnapping's morally wrong, right?"

"I know exactly what my mate needs," I say, tucking my teeth to reduce my smile. "You need a human female friend. Artyom and Vera will be migrating this way because they travel in front of the clan. They wander. I'll go to their central home tomorrow and ask Artyom to bring his Vera to meet you."

"Another human?" Her eyes widen as a smile blooms on her lips. Finally, something makes my mate happy. She bounces on her delicate feet and claps her hands. "Oh Serik, meeting Vera, a woman like me, would be the best thing you could provide for me."

"To bed with you. We've talked the day away," I announce, standing to give her room to crawl under my furs. "I want you to bathe while I fetch them. Artyom and I will hunt rabbits for your new shoes while you talk with Vera. She can tell you about being a Chuchunya mate. She will show you how humans can fit through rock crevices, so hopefully, all of us can eat the rabbits around my fire. I promise to butcher them with Artyom on the surface."

"I do usually bathe without being asked, Serik. I was too scared to enter the bathing pool room. I thought I would get stuck in the crevice," she says with a shy smile. My heart melts as my happy mate slides into my bed. Someday she will be excited to slide into bed with me…I hope.

"Tomorrow, we tackle your fear of the entry crevice."

"Then I can come and go as I please." She bites her lip as if the admission slipped out.

"You aren't a prisoner. You're my mate." I snap. I stomp to the opening between my bedroom and the bathing pool room. If I stay another minute, I'm going to blow up at her and say things I regret. She's been open, talkative, and sweet, undeserving of my tirades. I don't wish to ruin my first good day with my mate by yelling my claim at her.

"Thank you," she murmurs, tears welling in her eyes. "If you promise just to sleep, you can sleep beside me. It is your bed. I hate you sleeping on the rocky floor while I enjoy your bed."

Oh, my sweet dushevnayasvyaz. She thinks I can lie beside her and keep my hands off her curves and my cock out of her cunt. Maybe she doesn't know she's my weakness after all. I haven't shared a bed since Patricika beat me for trying to rut her. It's been over a full sun cycle. Kaitlyn would be too much temptation for a beast like me. I'd throw away the trust we've built.

"I'll sleep on the floor outside. You will be safe, I promise. If a threat entered the dyla weturanya, I'd defend you."

"I know, but doesn't sleeping on rocks hurt your back?"

It hurts like hell, but because sitting upright pinches my aching, over-filled knot.

"My back is stronger than my heart, Kaitlyn. I slept beside females who didn't love me or wish to contribute their half of our partnership. I promised myself I wouldn't hurt myself like that again. I'm content to wait until you invite me into the furs as your mate, with all the benefits of a mate."

"What if that never happens?" Her glassy eyes round as her eyebrows pinch together.

"It will, and I have the strength to wait as long as our bond takes to form," I say as I stroke her cheek. "Because dushevnayasvyaz paired us together and dushevnayasvyaz is never wrong."

I kiss her forehead, indulging in the softness of her skin against my lips. Before she can say another word or pierce me with her pity-laced stare, I leave the room. My heart cries as I exit my bedroom, the bathing pool, and my main room to sleep where her scent can't torture me.