18

Kaitlyn

I could get used to waking up to Serik in my bed. His large frame is like a heated blanket covered in the softest fur. His fur is the only part of him that's soft, though. Most people look younger and sweeter when they're fast asleep, but not Serik. His features are severe and angular. His eyes scrunch and his mouth sets in a firm line as he dreams. If he didn't have slow, rhythmic breathing, I would wonder if he's playing possum.

When the sun rose, he didn't stir. I crawled out of bed to snag my laptop and start unraveling my life, but the comfort of his embrace called me back. He's sprawled over three-quarters of the space, on top of the blankets, with an arm anchored around my waist. He uses my lap as a pillow, so my laptop balances precariously over my thighs. I run my fingers through the short hair on top of his head as I scroll through my emails.

I have one more to write…but the most important one.

"Dear University Controller or Whomever it May Concern," I type. When Patricika gave us the reindeer to ride to civilization, she asked me to release Adam from his job in return. As his department head, I have access to his electronic log-in. Writing his resignation letter is the least I can do after she helped me…and accepted me as part of the clan. While I suspect Serik hasn't forgiven her for the way they broke up, I'm confident I can help mend their friendship.

Starting with reducing the number of people looking for Adam.

My fingers race over the keyboard as I express gratitude for the experiences the university gave the young researcher, for the patience they gave the adventurous professor, and for the opportunities given to the dynamic orator. Never do I mention remorse, future collaboration, or his next endeavors. With this email, I hope he can disappear from the world who can't help but use him for their own financial gain.

"How many star finder boxes do you have?" Serik's sleepy voice sounds like he ate gravel for dinner. "Don't flash its light in my face. I'm not awake enough to face lights brighter than the sun."

"I thought I was the mate who woke up grumpy," I retort with a giggle. He rolls over and buries his head under my pillows. Thank goodness I had two under my bed to retrieve during the night because he stole everything as we slept.

"Dushevnayasvyaz ensures mates have matching temperaments. If one is grouchy in the mornings, then both are grouchy," he grouses from beneath the pillows. "I knew you were mine when I couldn't drag you from the furs for morning tea."

"Do you want a mug of tea? Because I don't have that nasty crap. I can make coffee—"

"What's coffee? Wait, does coffee require you to get out of bed? Because if it does, it can wait."

"Coffee is a hot drink that requires me to cross the room to set the maker. I don't have to leave the room and hunt a coffee beast," I say with another giggle.

"Not now," he moans, throwing his leg over mine. "You can finish your clicking on the star finder box."

"I'm writing an important email on my laptop," I tell him. His eyes peek from under the pillows to see where I'm pointing to my laptop screen. "When I send this email, the university will stop looking for Adam. He promised to teach their younger members, but broke his promise. It was my job to find him and bring him to the university to fulfill it."

"You have the power to release him as a lesser clan leader?"

"This is a resignation letter, a fancy human term for stating that you will not fulfill your promise because you are leaving your clan." Adam could have done this years ago to be with Patricika. She asked me to do it for him before I left."

"You fulfill your promise to her, knowing her mate isn't trustworthy. Doesn't that risk your position?"

I lower my laptop to the floor before untangling myself from Serik and the covers. The bedding rustles as he sits up to watch me cross the room. His stare bores holes into my back as I go through the mechanics of making coffee. My white chocolate syrup is the sweetest, so it will be perfect with oat milk whitener. Sometimes coffee is too bitter the first time someone tries it.

Thinking about his sweet tooth is easier than forming the words to tell him I already sent my resignation letter. How do I tell him I laid awake all night, holding him as tightly as I could? I couldn't remember why I came back or why I didn't order supplies to a PO box like Vera does. Yes, Sydney is obsessed with toothpaste because she can't stand Chuchunya breath, but Vera's mom ships it to her.

How do I tell him his love for me is so intense, it scares me away? My material needs—hair dye, carbohydrates, and television—were an excuse to run. How do I tell him I don't believe he could love me with such unwavering focus?

"Why did you risk your position for Adam, mate?" The deepening of his voice matches the suspicion in his stare.

"Because I quit my position while you were asleep," I whisper to the bottle of syrup.

"Why? Why would you run to a life just to quit it when you arrive? I didn't say—"

"You didn't have to," I interrupt, setting the bottle on the counter. I cross back to the bedside to take his face in my hands. "I wanted to quit to move in with you. I sat awake in your arms all night, planning how we will—"

"We?"

"I want the partnership you're offering, but I'm scared. Please, be patient with me. I don't have the skills or stamina to be a warrior woman. Accommodations from the human world—like the flashlights you hang in your home—will help me adjust…but mostly, I need your help."

"Oh, my chernyrozd, that's why I'm alive," he says, nuzzling his lips against my palm.

I pepper his face with tiny kisses as the coffeemaker sputters and drips. The room fills with the sweet scent of Serik's dushevnayasvyaz pheromones and bitter coffee. His strong arms wrap around my hips and pull me closer. I embrace him without sexual tension, but with love and sweet acceptance for the first time since we met. All his strengths and weaknesses—his fragile ego, disregard for boundaries, and blazing temper—are parts of my imperfect mate.

The imperfect mate who is my perfect match.

"I'm sorry I valued unimportant stuff more than the relationship you offered me."

"What you need to be comfortable is not unimportant."

"But it messed up what bloomed between us. I'm messed up because I can't prioritize what I want. Like my hair. You call me your blackbird, but my hair isn't naturally black. I dye my hair this color because my actual color reminds me of a mouse. I didn't want to be a mouse…so I took my hair roots as losing my power."

"I could show you how to conquer the mouse and be a huntress."

"I know," I say with a puff of exasperation. "I'll never forget their eyes staring from their lifeless carcasses. There's no huntress in me like Patricika or Sydney. But maybe I must find my toughness instead of hiding behind a curtain of black hair."

"You claim you aren't a huntress, but I am surrounded by mushrooms you have tamed on your own. You could poison me with one of these and deliver a mighty Chuchunya to his death."

Mighty Chuchunya? Good to know my running away didn't bruise Serik's ego.

"Mushroom hunter?"

"Yes, you will be special to the clan because of your knowledge and power over mushrooms. You can kill those without eyes…and be a huntress in my eyes…"

I show him how much his remarks mean to me with a soul-searing kiss.

"Now to show you the breakfast of huntresses and champions," I tease. With a kiss on the top of his head, I return to the kitchen. Balancing two heavily flavored cups of coffee on last night's pizza box, I feed my mate. "Cold pizza and hot coffee can fuel the toughest warrior."

"You eat pizza cold, but won't eat raw meat from my kills?"

"The magic of the refrigerator," I say, handing him his mug. I drop the box onto the bed between us before settling against my pillows. "Remember the pizza was cooked last night but stored while we slept in a way to keep it fresh—well, relatively fresh."

"No wonder you hated my offerings those first days," he says, ripping off a bite of the tough pizza. I should have wrapped it last night, but we're lucky I threw the box into the fridge between christening every surface in this place. "Pizza is magic. This tastes so different from yesterday, but pleasing in a novel way."

"See? You can talk about pizza with Vera and Sydney. In fact, I have some frozen pizzas to take with us. I always keep a few for emergencies." I set my mug on my bedside table and balance my half-eaten slice on top of it. Opening my freezer, I throw my head back with a groan. "Sydney warned me Vera was a mooch, but I never expected them to steal my frozen pizzas! I'll add frozen pizzas to our list. Wait, let me check my pantry to see what else they took."

"List?"

"Yes, while you slept, I made a list of what I wanted to take with me, what I should have delivered monthly to a PO box, and how long I can afford deliveries…by investing my money. Nerdy, I know, but I processed my transition to Chuchunya mate in spreadsheets."

Despite not knowing letters or numbers, Serik's eyes widen with wonder as I flip through the tabs of the spreadsheet I made to organize my thoughts. I show him my budgeting calculations and grocery lists, but keep the pros and cons list for leaving the human world to myself. He doesn't need his ego inflated any more than it is…or the pain of my criticism.

"What do you need from me?" He asks, finishing his half of the leftover pizza. I take his empty mug to join mine on the bedside table.

"First, don't attack my brother when he brings us another vehicle. He sells them, so I can buy an Arctic Cat designed for the tundra. He can't see you. As much as I love him, I don't know how he will react to Chuchunya and he's awful at keeping secrets—so please just hide in the bathroom when he comes," I say, twisting the bedspread between my fingers with anxiety. "Then I'll need you to hide in the vehicle as I drive us…home."

"I can do that," he promises, taking my nervous hand and lacing our fingers together.

"What do you need from me?" I ask, with vulnerability ringing in my voice. I wait for a snarky, cocky comment like ‘don't run' or ‘let me show you how great I am.' Something from Serik's ego would break the tension and put me at ease.

"Nothing," he says with a kiss to my hand. "Just being in your presence is enough. I believe in dushevnayasvyaz. You showed me what dushevnayasvyaz is. That's all someone can ask for in life."

"That sounds too perfect," I whisper as I swallow my tears. "Let's aim for happiness instead of perfection. Let the other couples have perfect while we have our messy, confrontational, fiery happiness."

"Starting with the mating chase? I mean…Kaitlyn, will you do me the honor of running for me in the niibin mating chase?" His toothy smile is strained with anxiety.

"I hate sports," I say, giving him a Serik-esc smirk. "But I guess I'm a natural at running from you. You better catch me."

"You know I will stop at nothing until you are under me," he quips with a matching smirk.

"I'm counting on it," I whisper, lying backward so he can cover me with his body.

"If there's one thing you can count on, it's that I'll get my way because I won't play fair. Not when the prize is you."

"The prize is us," I whisper as I close the distance and kiss my mate.