10. Grace

- Lost—LinkinPark-

The lyrics of the recently released Linkin Park song replays in my head on an endless loop. Getting sick not once but twice from the smell of coffee it can only mean one thing.

I’m pregnant.

How could I be so lost in the experience to not think of the repercussions?

What if they are like Hunter and only want a son?

What will I do if I have a girl again?

There’s five of them and only me. I’m fucked, and not in a good sense.

The crunch of the stones under the tires jolts me out of my inner monologue and I look around slowly when I sit up. Thankfully, no one is waiting on the porch for us. I don’t know what would be worse, them on the porch or gathered in the house. Opening the door, I slip out and reach back, grabbing my bucket of chicken.

Conrad and Barrett watch me warily as I move towards the house. I can’t help the growl that escapes my lips. I’m scared. Scared of what will happen if history repeats its self. Just as I reach for the doorknob, it flies open and Ethan pulls me against him.

The instant wave of calm that comes over me melts away all the stress from my body. I snuggle into his embrace and sigh, feeling safe and happy finally. “Are you alright Darlin? Barrett said you got sick again.” Ethan nuzzles the top of my head as he walks me into the house.

Slowly I pull back slightly to look up into Ethan’s eyes. “I think I might be pregnant.” Wincing, I hide my face against his chest.

Three more hands land on my back, rubbing it. “What do you want us to do, baby girl?” Griffin kisses my temple and I feel my daughter’s hand patting me on the top of the head.

“I don’t know.” I scream and pull away from everyone. “We have to get ready for Nicolai to get here. He’ll be here tomorrow.” My attempt at deflection seems to work. Griffin, Ethan, and Barrett finish moving the food and evil coffee into the kitchen.

Conrad is still standing there, leaning on the wall across from me. “Let’s go for a walk.” He closes the distance between us and takes my hand, not giving me time to answer. He walks me past the others and out the back door into the garden.

Since I’ve moved here, Barrett and I have added some of my favorite flowers to the garden beds. The blood red lilies and irises are in bloom, as well as the creeping myrtle. The stark contrast of color makes both stand out in their shared bed. Conrad guides me to the bench under the weeping willow tree that his grandfather had planted on the property over eighty years ago.

“Talk to me Grace. I know you’re scared. I know the fear of the past repeating itself is at the forefront of your thoughts.” Conrad holds both of my hands and smiles softly, waiting for me to talk.

“What if I don’t have a son? Will you hate me for it?” I feel my bottom lip quiver as all the strength in my voice fades. I sound weak and frail. The tightness in my chest makes it almost hard to breathe as fear of rejection overtakes me.

“Then you don’t have a son.” He shrugs his shoulders and smiles. “We’re your mates. We don’t need a specific gender to be happy. The dipshit ex. He wasn’t a mate. A rogue needs a son to form an alpha pack to stay sane. Hell, if your daughter is an alpha female, she would have been just as good as a son if the idiot waited.” Conrad shakes his head and laughs as he pulls out his phone. He fiddles with it for several moments before showing me a picture that Griffin sent him. Ashina is asleep on his chest with her hand on his face threaded through what little facial hair he has.

The cyclone of emotions in my chest slowly calms down. I look up and see Griffin holding Ethan back from getting to the door. I wave at my guys to get them to come out and join us. Ethan doesn’t hesitate and runs across the yard to sit next to me. Griffin, Barrett and apparently my Grams and their mother come out with Ashina’s pup hot on their heels.

Ruby has a small brown bag in her hand and I’m pretty sure I know what’s in there. “I’m sorry for the emotional rollercoaster, guys.” All at once, the guys tell me not to worry about it in their own way. “I think I’m pregnant, and the thought scares me. Hell, it still scares me.” I try to make eye contact with each of the guys and then Grams and Ruby.

“We’ve known for a while, child.” Ruby says as she reaches out and offers me the bag.

“How?” Now I’m really puzzled.

Ethan bumps my shoulder, then buries his nose between my neck and shoulder and breathes in deeply. “Your scent changed. It’s warmer and more comforting than before.” He nuzzles my throat then sits up, looking at me, smiling.

My eyes drop down to the bag in my hand, then over to Ruby. “Do I even need to do this?” I wave the bag a little.

“Only if you want confirmation, little one. It may make it more real for you to see it firsthand.” Ruby extends a hand out to me and I take it. She and my grandmother each put an arm around me, ushering me towards the house. The guys follow silently behind. Well, mostly silently. Barrett and Conrad are having a hard time catching Ashina’s pup.

Crinkling the bag in my hand, I step into the downstairs bathroom that’s close to the kitchen. I close the door behind me and pull the test out of the bag and sit the dreaded box on the sink counter. Double checking the directions on the box, I decide to use one of the paper cups in the dispenser to pee into. It takes several moments to pee enough into the cup. I rip through the packaging and take the test out and pop the tip off and dip it into the urine. I count to ten, then put the cap back on and place it in the box and close it.

I take several minutes to myself after I clean up the bathroom and then exit with the box in hand. Staring at the box, I know exactly who I’m going to hand it to. My plan is to give it to the person who doesn’t feel like they deserve to know. The one that feels they have failed the most. I stop in front of Griffin and then lead him to the couch and sit him down and hand him the box and climb into his lap.

“Are you sure, baby girl?” Griffin’s soft tone catches me off guard.

“I’m sure you look.” I press my face against his neck and cover my eyes.

Listening to the noises around me, I can hear the moment he fiddles with the cardboard box. His arms tighten around me as he works with the packaging. The sharp inhale tells me all I need to know. It’s positive.

“Baby girl.” He whispers near my ear as he rubs his cheek against mine.

“It’s positive, isn’t it?” I don’t bother pulling my face from against his neck. Tears well up and roll down my face. Fear engulfs me and I tremble in his arms as sobs wrack my body. My wolf understands my fear. She knows what I had gone through in the past because she saw my memories.

This time will be different …she laments. She knows actions speak louder than words and until I see how the guys are, that fear will be there.

“Gracie?” Barrett calls for me and I lift my head to turn to look at him. “I am putting myself in charge of being your emotional support omega. You’re upset hug me. Your emotions are all over the place. Talk to me. You just need to lie down and be held. I’m your man. However you need me, I will do whatever you need me to do.” Without thinking about it, I reach out and pull Barrett to me, sandwiching myself between him and Griffin. The combination of the two soothes something in me, and I start to relax.

“Alright kids, today is a happy day. We have a pup on the way and a new mate coming home tomorrow. Boys, let’s get that room set up by the front door and make sure momma is fed and happy.” Ruby barks out orders and Ethan and Conrad take off to set the room up. I mouth thank you to Ruby and she smiles before moving to set the food up.

Barrett moves away and goes to help Ruby set the kitchen up for lunch. Griffin scoops me up and starts walking away down the hall. “Where are we going?” I look around and he’s heading to his room.

“Where do you think, baby girl? You need to relax and I know just the thing for that.” Griffin turns sideways as we enter his room and he kicks his door shut, then locks it. “Strip then, lay on your stomach.” There’s a tinge of alpha bark to his tone that makes my wolf sit up and take notice. He walks into his bathroom and closes the door behind him. Curiosity is getting the better of me and I strip and crawl up onto his bed, laying on my stomach.

After what feels like forever, Griffin emerges with a small decorative bucket that has bottles in it. “What’s your favorite scent in the entire world?” He glances down at the bottles, then up at me expectantly.

“Lately chicken. But I know that is not in there.”

“No, it’s definitely not.”

“What about rose? Or eucalyptus?”

He digs around in the bottles, looking at each. “I have both. Eucalyptus will have the more calming effect, so we’ll go with that.” He pulls the bottle out and he sits it in what looks like one of Ashina’s bottle warmers. “I’ll put it back later. It’s serving a different purpose.”

“I was gonna say I didn’t think it had become a fixture in your room.” Smiling, I lay my head down and close my eyes, trusting the process.

“When I have Ashina, I bring it in here with a little cooler, with drinks for both of us. We lay down watching movies together.” I hear the top pop from the oil bottle, then the wet sound of him rubbing his hands together.

“You’re a good mate and a better father, Griff. Thank you.” I know he would kill to keep my daughter and me safe. With everything I’ve seen lately, I fully believe he loves being a girl dad.

“As funny as it is going to sound. Growing up with brothers…” He motions in the general direction everyone is in. “I always wanted a sister. So having a daughter or two is the next best thing.” His oiled warm hands land on my shoulders and the pressure he’s applying is making my muscles feel like they are melting.

I can’t help but moan with how good his massaging my muscles is feeling. “Griff?”

“Yes?”

“Can I get a different kind of massage?” I ask as his hands grip the meat of my ass as he palms my cheeks.

“What kind would you like?” There’s a slight chuckle to his tone. I know he can scent my need. Feeling his hands roaming all over my body has turned me on.

“I think you already know Griff.” I wiggle my ass and lift it off the bed slightly.

“Oh, I know. I just want to hear you say it.” He leans down and nips my shoulder, teasing me.

“Griff, I want you…” That’s all it took. I feel the bed shift as he moves to stand next to me and strip. Rolling onto my side, I watch the show as it goes on.

“Do you want anyone else in here with us? Or can I be greedy and have you by myself?” Griffin’s question catches me off guard. Usually he’s the one that wants Ethan here more for me than anything else.

“Be greedy.” No sooner are the words out of my mouth does Griffin dive onto the bed and wraps me up in his arms. He pins me to the bed with his hips nestled between my legs, the tip of his cock resting so close to my entrance. The heat alone makes my core pulse with anticipation.

“I want to try something with you.” His lips brush against mine as he speaks. His hot breath washes over me and something about the look in his eyes is as apprehensive as I feel.

“I trust you…” The words fall softly from my lips and he slowly pushes his length into me. This is new, gentle, different from all the other times with Griffin.

What changed?