17. Eliza

I felt him pulling away little by little, and it saddened me with every passing day. On the surface we were just as happy as we had ever been. But sometimes I caught him looking at me and knew he wondered who I was and where I came from, although he had stopped asking about it.

My heart bled because I just couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear and I noticed his veiled glances at my brothers. He suspected they weren’t mere swans, but he didn’t know what to make of them.

With each day my love for him grew because he was such a good man. All his doubts about me and the swans were only because he would take the responsibility as a father seriously. As such, he was very much right to wonder about the swans and me.

He also wasn’t happy that I would neither take on a fake name nor marry him yet. But how could I? I would never want to start our life under a name that wasn’t mine. I was Eliza and I wanted it to be Eliza and Edward, was that so bad?

Worst of all, I had nobody to talk to about it. All decisions were up to me. Yearning for my mother grew just as my belly did. How I wished she was still alive and here with me now. Not only to talk about babies, but about Edward too.

Was the right thing to give in to his wishes and make him happy? Or to wait until we could truly start our new lives together?

I just didn’t know anymore.

Most of the time I was just tired. The doctor assured me it was from the pregnancy and would abate, but it never did.

Edward was becoming more guilt-ridden by the minute too, because he realized he would have to leave me and the babies alone at night. He wouldn’t be able to help.

He suggested hiring a nanny or two, just to help get through the nights, but I declined. More people in the house would just heighten the danger of somebody exposing his dragon side and I knew how important it was to him to keep that secret from his father.

The further the pregnancy progressed, the more tired I became. Working on the nettle mantles was getting more difficult by the day, and it was only exacerbated by Edward not wanting to fly with me at night because of the pregnancy. He offered to take me during the day, but according to the curse, they had to be collected at night.

One day he surprised me by bringing me a full sack of them and I started crying, unable to explain to him why or that I was forbidden from taking his help. I felt more helpless than ever—unable to express myself to him, unable to confide. I couldn’t say I love you, and I wanted to so badly it hurt. Unable to simply tell him my name.

Most of all I feared that I was becoming a burden to him. I had no doubt that he loved me, but that love was turning into a shackle. Just as much of a shackle as his dragon curse. I hated myself for it, but most of all I feared that one day my self-loathing would catch up to him and he would loathe me too.

I cried a lot. Thinking the source of it was me needing the damn nettles, Edward relented and flew me again to another graveyard, hovering close by at all times, fixing his uncomprehending gaze on me—intensifying my guilt.

I spent more time sleeping during the day and collecting nettles at night until even I had to admit that it was becoming too difficult to bend and pick them up. I didn’t know what we would do once the babies were born, we couldn’t leave them alone, not even in a house full of servants.

The option of a nanny seemed like the only solution and I gave in to Edward’s prompting and we began the process of interviewing the few that were willing to move out to the middle of nowhere.

Fortunately we got lucky on the fourth try. Lucy was my age and had just finished her master’s in child education and infant behavior. Instead of looking for a job in her field, she wanted to take a year as a nanny to gain more experience and twins were just up her alley.

Edward explained that we would mostly need her at night. Our explanation to her was that I had weak health and needed a full eight to ten hours of sleep at night and he had to work on international calls all hours of the night.

Lucy was all too happy to move right in with us and make herself at home. She explored the mansion and surrounding area with gusto and gushed over being so close to Fable Forest and Screaming Woods.

“I’ve always wanted to meet a goblin or a gargoyle,” she told me when we worked on the nursery.

My inability to speak didn’t faze her whatsoever, she did the talking for the both of us.

“Have you ever been to either of those areas? Oh, you must have, living so close and all.” She stacked infant diapers in the changing table, while I maneuvered my oversized body into the rocking chair to relieve my swollen feet.

“Here, hold on.” She pulled the footrest out, stacking two of the empty diaper boxes on top. “You need to elevate your feet. There, that should help. Remind me later to get you some cucumbers, we’ll add them to your water, that will help too. Oh!” She turned to me with a startled expression. “How silly of me, it’ll be hard for you to remind me.”

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, letting her constant chatter soothe me and lull me into what I thought would be a small nap.

By the time I woke, stiff and groggier than before, Edward entered the room, looking haggard.

“There you are.” His face lost its severeness and he helped me out of the chair. “Why didn’t you go to bed to take a nap?” he chided. “I was looking all over for you.”

Why didn’t Lucy wake me?I wondered a bit peeved that she had allowed me to sleep for hours in the chair. My back was screaming at me and my feet felt like lead after they had been elevated for so long.

“Dinner is ready. I invited Lucy to join us, I thought it was silly that she eats all by herself in her room,” Edward informed me and the first stirring of resentment washed through me.

Dinner was Edward’s and my time to catch up when he was at work all day, like today. We only had a couple of hours at best before he had to sneak out to change into his dragon form. And why hadn’t Lucy woken me?

Then I scolded myself for being bratty. She must have figured I was exhausted and comfortable, or decided it was better for me to take a nap rather than rouse me. Edward was being nice and considerate inviting her to eat dinner with us. He was right, it was silly for him and me to eat in that large dining room while Lucy was all alone, since some servant etiquette I wasn’t privy to said that she couldn’t mingle with the other servants.

Lucy appeared in a small black cocktail dress that showed off surprisingly well-formed curves. Curves she had been hiding until now under oversized clothes.

“Oh, am I overdressed? I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—”

“Don’t be silly,” Edward interrupted. “You look lovely. Come, sit.”

Like the gentleman he was, he pulled a chair out for her and daintily she sat down, while I plopped my whale-sized body down before he had a chance to do the same for me—standing was becoming increasingly difficult for me. I was seven months pregnant and according to Doctor Weiler, the babies were progressing impressively well for being twins, and boys at that. She warned about something called Wimpy White Boy Syndrome, which put our sons in a higher risk bracket should they be born prematurely. So as much as I wished they were born already, I was grateful for every day they stayed inside me.

“I hope you had a good day.” Lucy looked at Edward. A simple question, a normal question, one I should have been asking every day.

“I did actually. I drove out to the little creek we discovered a while ago, remember, sweetheart?” Edward turned to me, smiling when I nodded.

Yes, I remembered. We had a picnic there and made love under the warm rays of the sun.

“It’s a lovely little area,” he explained to Lucy. “It would be great for a park with a large play area for the kids.”

“Oh, what a wonderful idea.” Lucy clapped excitedly. “I can help. I took a couple of classes on developmental playground equipment. I can make sure they’re safe and up to all the standards.”

“You did?” Edward beamed at her. “That’s fabulous. I’ll pay you of course.”

She waved him off. “It’ll look great on my resume, you’ll be doing me a favor.”

Was it my imagination or was she flirting with him? That couldn’t be, could it?

It seemed like I wasn’t the only one having that thought, because Philip pecked at her leg, making her yelp.

“What?” Edward rose. “Sweetheart, your swans are misbehaving. Shoo, shoo. Are you alright? I’m so sorry. Let me see.”

He fell to his knees next to Lucy to look at her leg and my stomach tightened. I glared at Philip who trumpeted. He lifted a wing and so did George. Did my swan brothers just high-five each other?

I tried to get out of my chair, but couldn’t muster the strength. Instead, I kept glaring at my brothers and made a shooing motion with my hands which they pointedly ignored.

“I’m alright, really.” Lucy shook her leg to prove her point and Edward rose, sending a nasty look at my brothers.

“If they can’t behave with our guests they’ll have to eat somewhere else,” he said, piercing my heart.

“Oh, no, please don’t do that on my account,” Lucy interfered. “They’re adorable and they love your wife.”

To make things easier, we had lied to her and told her we were married. I didn’t like lying, but I didn’t want her many questions either.

“If you’re sure you’re okay.” Edward moved back to his seat and picked his fork up.

“Absolutely. Now, tell me again about this creek…”