Chapter 25

T aking a deep breath to steel herself for the upcoming confrontation with her father, Elizabeth answered his summons to the study. Hill had informed her an express had been received from the Gardiners.

Bennet, sitting and stewing in his study, was of a mind to deny the invitation for Lizzy to go to Gracechurch Street, but he was still having an internal debate. Things had not warmed between him, and the daughter who was supposed to provide companionship to him when he needed it. He thought about how dissatisfying the last few days had been.

On Saturday after he had witnessed how Lizzy behaved while she was involved in the game of chess against the man he was sure she hated, but now seemed to tolerate his company with equanimity, Jane's fiancé had come to see him and presented a draft of the settlement. Bennet had given it a cursory glance and then pronounced it ‘ adequate ' and dismissed his son-in-law-to-be. He would stir himself to sign the finalised settlement when Bingley delivered it. The truth was he had not paid attention to the numbers, but he assumed all would be well. When Bingley had told him the date in December he and Jane had chosen to marry, Bennet simply told him to speak to his wife. Bingley then had asked if he had permission to have the banns read, beginning on Sunday, which Bennet had provided, hoping he would be rid of the annoyance. He had invited Lizzy to come spend time with him that evening, after the guests left subsequent to dinner. She had demurred, making the excuse she was needed by Jane in her role as her sister's maid of honour.

At church on Sunday, where the first banns for Jane and her fiancé were called, rather than his wife and youngest two daughters providing entertainment with their bad behaviour, all three had continued to act like proper ladies as they had at the house. Bennet could not understand what caused the change, as he had written off Lydia's supposed almost ruination as hyperbole.

Those resident at Netherfield Park had attended the Longbourn Village church rather than St. Alfred's in Meryton which was closer to them. Then, the biggest surprise had been the sermon. Rather than given by the vicar Mr Pierce, it had been delivered by the Viscount. As much as he did not want to admit it after the three men had spoken to him in his own study as they had, Bennet could not deny the fact Lord Hilldale delivered a good and engaging sermon.

It was another occasion where Bennet noted the animosity he had helped Lizzy foster against Mr Darcy was absent. An invitation to spend the afternoon at Netherfield Park had been received by his daughters, and had been accepted. Even the two he called the silliest girls in the realm had been included. Hence, after the midday meal his daughters travelled to Netherfield Park. He contemplated denying them the use of the Bennet carriage to see their reactions. He was sure the behaviour he expected would reassert itself if he had done so. However, this pleasure too was taken away from him as one of the infernal three men sent a large, comfortable coach to collect his daughters.

All five had been in exceptionally good moods when they returned telling of how Charlotte and Maria Lucas had been included as well. When he had asked Lizzy if she would like to play chess after dinner, she had refused him, albeit politely, saying she had a headache and would remain in the drawing room, an activity which would not tax her head too much.

He knew he could order her to join him in the study, but Bennet was well aware how Lizzy would react if he or any other attempted to force her to do something against her will. Monday morning had not shown an improvement. When he asked Hill where Miss Lizzy was, the butler told him she had walked into Meryton with her sisters. He had banked on the youngest two blathering about the officers at the midday meal. Not a word had been said. When he had tried to raise the subject, Kitty and Lydia had responded with one word answers, or Jane, Lizzy, or Mary replied in their stead.

It was then he noted Lydia, who always dressed to display her assets to the officers, was dressed as he would expect a young lady of fifteen who was not out to dress. After the meal, he had summoned his wife, who very calmly informed him that due to Lydia's almost ruin, and as he had given her permission to decide what age their daughters were to be out, she had put the two youngest back in. Bennet had still been contemplating the strange events and behaviours in his home when Hill had entered the study with an express from Gardiner.

Even though he would normally allow a letter to wait for days, or in some cases weeks, before he opened it, due to its rarity, an express from Gardiner was not something to be ignored. It had been an invitation for Lizzy to come visit in order to assist Maddie, as she was unexpectedly increasing again.

That led Bennet back to his quandary about whether to deny his permission for Lizzy to travel to London. He would make his decision based on her desire to go. If he denied her and it was something she wanted to do, she would be well and truly missish, and it would gain him nothing. There was a knock on his door. "Come in Elizabeth," Bennet called out.

"Papa you asked to see me?" Elizabeth stated evenly as soon as she was seated in one of the chairs before her father's large oak desk. She knew why she had been summoned, but she could not allow her father to detect that .

"I did. I received this," he lifted the missive and passed it to his daughter, "from Gardiner. Read it and then I will decide how to proceed."

Elizabeth picked up the page remembering she had to seem surprised when she read the letter.

16 November 1812

23 Gracechurch Street, London

Bennet,

We have been blessed with Maddie increasing again, when, after May was born in June 1807, we did not think God would gift us with another child. Much to our wonder, Maddie recently felt the quickening, but her sickness in the mornings has been much more severe than in the past.

"I am so happy for Aunt Maddie and Uncle Edward! It seems their prayers for another child have been answered," Elizabeth exclaimed excitedly. Seeing her father would not comment, her eyes dropped to the page once again.

Brother, may I impose on you and ask that Lizzy be allowed to come hither to assist with her cousins? You know how they love her stories. As far as Jane's wedding goes, at the very least I will escort Lizzy to attend the nuptials. My prayer is Maddie too will be well enough to join us.

In anticipation of a positive response, I thank you for agreeing to send her.

Gardiner

"You will permit me to go, will you not Papa?" Elizabeth asked with marked enthusiasm.

Although Bennet had hoped Lizzy would be open to sending Mary in her stead, it was not to be so. He pinched the bridge of his nose and then decided this would be a good thing. She would surely miss the time she spent with him, and being away would give Lizzy space to get over her pique at his doing nothing about that Wickham fellow.

"You may go to visit the Gardiners. When would you like to depart?" Bennet enquired hoping she would say a sennight or more.

"If we send an express today, then I can depart on the morrow in the morning. If the horses are needed on the farm, I am sure my brother-to-be will not mind loaning me his chaise and four," Elizabeth averred innocently.

"I will write the express later," Bennet stated. "You will be sent in my carriage, and Hill will be your escort."

"Thank you, Papa. If you will sign a page so my uncle knows you have given your permission, I will write the note so you are not bothered," Elizabeth suggested.

Bennet was pleased Lizzy was being so thoughtful and wanted him to return to his book without further delay. He signed at the bottom of a page and handed it to his daughter once he had sanded it. He missed the irony of having done the same thing some days before, which had allowed his daughter to have the Lieutenants arrested.

Elizabeth went to the escritoire in the drawing room and wrote the missive to the Gardiners telling them she had permission, as evidenced by her father's signature, and when to expect her on the morrow. After requesting Hill send a groom to Meryton to engage an express rider, she asked her mother's permission to go pack her trunks.

"Pack Lizzy?" Fanny enquired.

"Aunt Maddie is increasing, and Uncle Edward requested I visit to help with the children while my aunt is indisposed. Mama, I need time to think and to discover who I truly am. I think it is best done if I am away from Longbourn. There is so much I need to beg your pardon for…" Elizabeth stopped speaking when her mother gently placed a finger on her lips.

"I have far more for which to atone, Lizzy," Fanny insisted. "I am the mother who should have known better, and you are the daughter. It was my task to protect you—both you and Mary—not disparage you. When you are ready we will talk about everything. I will write to my sister to give her my best wishes as she increases. You will convey letters to my brother and sister, will you not?"

"Of course I shall, Mama. I am sure Jane and Mary will desire to send letters as well," Elizabeth replied. "When Jane comes to London to shop for her trousseau, I will be with her as her maid of honour. I would not miss her wedding for all of the gold in the world."

"I would expect nothing less from you. Go now; you have much to prepare. If you need Sarah to assist you, ring for her," Fanny stated with a smile.

"Thank you, Mama." Elizabeth gave her mother a hug, something she had hardly ever done before, and then made her way to her bedchamber after first requesting Sarah, the maid shared by all five Bennet sisters, was summoned.

The packing had just begun when Jane entered their shared bedchamber. "Did I hear correctly when Mama told me you are for London?" Jane enquired.

"Sarah, would you mind allowing Miss Bennet and me to speak. It will not be long, and please close the door when you exit," Elizabeth requested. The maid bobbed a curtsy and did as she had been asked.

"You know I marry in less than a month, do you not?" Jane verified.

"Of course I do, silly goose. I will see you in London when you come to shop for your trousseau. I will not miss your wedding, as I will travel back to Longbourn with whichever Gardiners attend," Elizabeth assured her sister.

"Wait. Why would only some of the Gardiners join us?"

"Because Aunt Maddie is increasing. I am not sure if what Uncle Edward said about her sickness in the morning was accurate or a way to help our father agree to allow me to go."

"It pleases me that you will be at the wedding with the Gardiners, but why do you feel the need to travel right now?"

Elizabeth told Jane her reasons. "You know Papa will not allow me the time and space I will need to discover who I am, and to puzzle over all of the errors I have made, do you not?"

Jane cogitated for some moments. "Given how you have always been guided by Papa, I can see why you feel the need to begin your self-discovery away from Longbourn. I cannot be selfish. As much as I would prefer you to be here until I marry, I know it cannot be. I will see you in a little more than a sennight when we come to London. Will you take your leave of those at Netherfield Park? You would not want Mr Darcy to think you are escaping his presence again, would you?"

"You have the right of it, Janey. I will work with Sarah for the next hour and then you, Mary, and I can go visit."

After agreeing, Jane summoned Sarah back into the chamber and made her way down to the parlour where the middle Bennet sister was practising on the pianoforte.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

"Welcome Jane, Lizzy, and Mary," Mrs Hurst said warmly when Nichols announced her friends. "To what do we owe the honour of this call?"

"I came to take my leave of our friends," Elizabeth stated. She was looking directly at Mr Darcy so he would have no doubt he was included among her friends. "I am for London on the morrow, but I will, of course, be attending Jane's and Charles's wedding." She looked around and saw one resident was missing. "Where is the Colonel? He is well, is he not?"

"Richard is visiting Lucas Lodge," Lady Rebecca beamed. "He finds himself drawn to that home."

Although she had seen the spark between Charlotte and the Colonel, Elizabeth did not know if a second son would be able to attach himself to a lady with a small dowry, even if, as in this case, it was an excellent lady. She could not but be pleased when she saw Lord Hilldale and Mary in close conversation already.

Darcy had not missed the way Miss Elizabeth had held his eye when she had spoken of her friends, but he nevertheless wanted to make sure she did not feel she needed to escape her neighbourhood due to him. If that were the case, it should be he who left until it was his time to stand up with Bingley.

"Miss Elizabeth, would you join Mrs Annesley and myself in the parlour opposite?" Darcy requested.

"I see no reason why not, Mr Darcy," Elizabeth averred.

It bolstered his confidence that she accepted his request without delay. They entered the same parlour they had when she had requested the conversation with him to speak of Wickham, who was in Hertford waiting for his trial. As she had the previous time, Mrs Annesley sat as far from them as possible.

"Miss Elizabeth, please tell me your desire to make for London is not to escape my company given how often we have been, and will be, with those living at Longbourn," Darcy wondered.

"No, Mr Darcy, this is not due to you. The frequency we are in company together, or with any others, is not the reason at all. It is all about my own needs…" Elizabeth explained a concise version of why she felt she must go to London. "My hope is my soul searching will provide me with the answers I need to move forward. I am aware that I must confront my father at some point, and as much as I am not looking forward to that, it must be done."

"I wish I had done that with my father," Darcy admitted. "I thought I was protecting him by not telling him about Wickham's proclivities. I was wrong. At least, your father is still in the mortal world, for you to have the conversation you must."

Again, Elizabeth burnt with shame over her behaviour towards this man. When he had insulted her, he had said the wrong thing, but he had been spurred by pain. He felt so much guilt over his perceived errors, while she had been motivated by selfishness, and not wanting to admit she was wrong. Yes, her father had encouraged her to behave as she had, but she was twenty, not some little girl. In less than four months she would reach her majority, yet until recently she had behaved as a spoilt child.

"I apologised for my unacceptable behaviour once before, but I feel I need to do so again and again until I am sure I have discovered my true self," Elizabeth stated contritely.

"My proposal," Darcy could not but smile as she arched an eyebrow at his use of that particular word, "is, as I was as much at fault as you, we not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to our past behaviour one to the other. The conduct of neither, if strictly examined, will be irreproachable; but since then, we have both, I hope, improved in understanding. It is our joint determination to move past our beginning."

"I will try to do as you proposed , but even though I believe one should only remember the past as that remembrance gives pleasure," Elizabeth responded, "the second part is one must learn from the past so as not to repeat the errors committed before. In my case, until I am able to clearly understand my own character, to divine why I did and said what I did, I will not truly learn from the past. That is the task which lies before me."

"Thank you for being so candid with me, Miss Elizabeth." Darcy took her hand and bowed over it. It took all of his much vaunted self-control not to kiss her ungloved hand. "I hope when we see one another again we can move forward as friends. "

"I would like that. Yes, I think I will enjoy being your friend rather than running from you like a young girl who is afraid of her own shadow," Elizabeth smiled.

Both felt good about their path forward. For Elizabeth it showed he had truly forgiven her, and for Darcy, it taught him to hope for a future with Miss Elizabeth in a way he had never allowed himself to hope before.